Chapter 29
29
O h my God.
I can’t stop smirking while I sip my gin and tonic and watch Jake prep dinner.
This is real.
I’m not dreaming.
A sexy firefighter is making me dinner after making me come.
I giggle, then take another sip.
“What’s so funny?” he asks while chopping carrots.
“Our whole meet-cute.”
“Meet-cute?” He raises an eyebrow, setting the knife down for a moment.
“Our boy meets girl story.”
He nods, looking thoughtful.
“It’s not every day a sexy woman puts out a fire and then gives me shit about it.”
I smile.
“So, why did that turn you on?”
“Because I like strong-willed women, and I really like when I make them comfortable enough to be in their feminine energy.”
I tilt my head.
“Feminine energy?”
“I find the practice of Tantra to be fascinating. I agree with the concept that if I provide stability and structure, then my partner can relax and be fully themselves.”
I narrow my eyes playfully.
“You keep surprising me.”
He chuckles, stepping to the fridge.
“Why’s that?”
“It’s just … I don’t know. It’s cool, I guess, that you’ve put so much thought into this stuff.”
“You can thank a couple of my exes,” he easily says, now seasoning the chicken.
“I didn’t seek it out, per se. They were into it, and now I’m really into it.” He looks almost bashful after saying that, looking down at the slow cooker for a few seconds.
“I don’t think we have time for this idea anymore unless you want to have a late dinner.”
“Bake it instead?”
He nods and turns to his oven, preheating it and moving the meal to a sheet pan.
Washing his hands, he says, “My goal is to always make you feel safe and honored.”
“So far so good.” I smile, falling for him more and take a sip of my drink.
“You could say this is a flaw of mine,” he says, sliding the pan into the oven.
“I don’t wait for the oven to preheat until I put things in.”
“That’s a quirk. Not a flaw.”
He laughs softly while setting a timer.
Jake sinks onto the couch beside me and pulls me close.
His arm wraps around my shoulders, and I nestle against him, resting my head on his chest.
He takes the drink from my hand and sets it on the coffee table.
His fingers tangle in my hair, absently playing with the strands.
“The last two girls I dated were not into the idea of marriage …” he trails off, and I look up at him.
“It’s something I would like … in the future.”
“What are you saying?” I ask, barely believing the fact that we are talking about this right now.
He exhales, looking hesitant before finally saying, “If you’re dead set on never getting married again, I’ll have to start mourning this connection.”
I reflexively swat his chest.
“Okay, drama queen.”
He laughs.
“I’m serious, though.”
I bite my lip.
“I’m not dead set, but I’m also not in any rush.” I study his face.
“It sounds like you might have some kind of timeline in your head.”
“I thought my life would be fully together by thirty-five.” He sighs.
“But I’m a couple of months away from that birthday, and I still don’t have a family.”
I soften, my mind wandering to when I decided I needed to get divorced.
“Sometimes you have to rewrite the plan.” He nods, agreeing.
“Why is marriage so important to you?”
“It’s serious. It’s a commitment stronger than words.”
“But the patriarchy of it all …”
The ownership, like I’m a piece of property.
Changing my name again.
It was painful enough when I got married, and more painful when I changed it back.
All the work I have to do that he wouldn’t have to.
He chuckles.
“I don’t think the patriarchy believes God is a woman, and I do.”
“I’m a puddle.” I giggle, falling for Jake more and more.
“I don’t think the patriarchy wants me to be best friends with my wife either. But I want to be best friends. I want to enjoy spending time with my wife more than anyone else.”
He’s a dream.
“How does monogamy play into all of this?” I ask because I don’t know if Tantra is pro or anti monogamy.
Intellectually, I’m against it and have tried being open, but I’m still deciding where I stand on the topic.
“Why are you always looking for some kind of gotcha or flaw with me?”
“It’s not that. My ex. He cheated on me a lot. And when we opened our marriage, he always had a girlfriend. I … I don’t know if I want to share.”
“The last girl I dated was bi and poly. It gave me a lot to think about in that way. And I think I want something more traditional.”
“Oh?” I giggle, surprised to hear about his last girlfriend.
“Our relationship was more fun than anything. But she’ll never be my best friend.”
“Fun?”
“The fun you’re assuming.” He smirks.
“Jake,” I whisper, curious.
“But outside of that. The day-to-day monotony wasn’t as easy as it is with you.”
“Monotony?” I laugh.
“Watching TV, aimlessly driving down country roads … I’m loving everyday moments with you.”
I sit with that for a second, fighting back a smile.
Real life.
The moments in between.
“I wouldn’t say my ex and I were best friends.” I snuggle into Jake, feeling comfortable in his arms.
“We had a passionate connection but lacked the moments in between.” My mind drifts back to Jake’s last relationship, and my lips twitch with amusement, wanting to know more.
“What?”
“So, you’ve been with multiple girls at the same time?”
He kisses the top of my head.
And the silence is telling me everything I assumed.
“What do you think about winter?” he asks, after a growing pause.
“You’re going to talk about the weather now?” I laugh, squirming out of his embrace, needing to see his face.
He’s blushing.
“Yes. I don’t kiss and tell, so let’s return to life’s more monotonous matters.”
What a gentleman.
I shouldn’t be smiling this much.
“Winter. Like … the season?”
“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about traveling more in the winter to make it less terrible.”
I breathe into a small laugh as we shift into this mundane topic.
“The winter is fine, but the icy roads and snow days are annoying.”
He squeezes me tight, bringing me back into his chest.
I love these bear hugs.
“If we went on a winter vacation, would you rather go skiing or somewhere warm?”
Vacation.
When was the last time I went on vacation?
Two years ago.
My divorce party, or rather the celebration of me getting a divorce, because it took forever to finalize.
“I like skiing,” I share.
“I haven’t done that in forever.”
“Late January, when it’s been gray for weeks, we’ll go skiing.”
“That’s cute but?—”
“But?” He squeezes me on the couch.
“Why are you defensive?”
“I can’t just pick up and go. I have to think about Gabby.”
“Of course we’ll bring Gabby.”
My heart nearly skips a beat, and he pushes me back.
I flop down onto the couch, and he’s hovering above me.
“She’ll be at ski school all day. We’ll hit the hot tub after a morning on the slopes.” His gaze darkens before kissing my neck.
“We’ll have our time, then pick her up and have dinner together.”
I shake my head, trying to bite back a smile.
“You make it sound so easy.”
His lips tease my collarbone.
“It could be.” The assuredness on his face.
He’s serious.
“In January, she’ll be five. It seems young for ski school.”
“I’ve seen kids younger out there.”
He wants to do this, really do this.
“We’ll see.”
Jake grumbles, then his lips crash into mine.
“Right now. I want to see how many times I can make you come before dinner’s ready.”