Chapter 32
32
C laire releases me from the hug, and my gut is telling me she is going to leave.
But then she exhales softly, as if making peace with something, and says, “I’ll stay.”
A smile begins to grow on her lips, but mine spreads even faster.
Relief floods me.
I don’t want her to run.
Not now.
Not ever.
As much as I’d like to dive into the deeper conversations we scratched the surface of, she’s fragile right now.
I need to tread carefully—keep the mood light while making sure she knows I’m not going anywhere.
“Monotonous dinner conversation?” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
“I have a few questions I’d like answered,” she counters with a sparkle in her eyes.
“Like?”
“You’re a pleasure Dom?” She giggles as she says it.
I shrug.
“I guess so. I didn’t know there was a phrase for it until recently, but yeah.” The smirk that follows is too damn cute.
I want to kiss it.
“Is there a follow-up question, Sparky?”
She leans over to grab her cocktail from the coffee table, taking a long sip.
Her eyes flicker with curiosity.
“I don’t think my follow-up questions would be monotonous, but I’m happy you like to educate yourself.”
I wink, then stand, stepping toward the kitchen.
Silence lingers between us as I pull the chicken and vegetables from the oven.
I glance back at her.
Her underwear is back on.
Her fingers are under the band, adjusting it against her hips.
She’s so fucking sexy.
“A pleasure Dom is a first for me,” she says, ending my heated stare with her hips.
“We could’ve eaten naked,” I tease, watching her as she finishes dressing.
“Another time. When I haven’t been crying.”
Claire steps toward me.
Her arms slip around my waist from behind.
She hugs me, pressing herself into my back.
That small act of affection hits me deep.
“Thank you for dealing with me,” she whispers.
I drop my hand, covering hers, and squeeze.
“You’re worth it.” That’s not a line either.
She is worth everything and deserves everything too.
She exhales a laugh.
“Famous last words.” She gives me a squeeze before pulling away.
“Sorry … I guess I should talk to you about all of the reasons why I am the way I am.”
I turn to face her, but she leans against the counter, keeping a small distance between us.
I want to tell her she doesn’t owe me an explanation.
That I’ll take her as she is, no conditions.
But I also want to know more about what she was crying about.
“My mom and I haven’t talked in years, and I never plan on speaking with her again.”
“You said she was toxic. How so?”
She shakes her head a little.
“The parallels between my mom and my ex—and all my exes—are there. I’ve done some therapy about it. Probably not enough, but I would categorize them all as narcissistic abuse.”
“Give me an example.” I don’t want to assume, and I’m grateful she is letting me in.
Claire huffs, then reaches for her plate.
“This will be our super sexy dinner conversation.” Plates in hand, we sit at the dining room table.
“My mom, my ex—everyone always had something to say about what I was eating, how much I was eating. I think they wanted me to play a part. The beautiful daughter. The hot wife. Instead of caring about whether I was actually healthy or happy.”
My jaw tightens, not liking these assholes.
“Is it triggering when I talk about your body?”
“No.” She smiles softly.
“You talk about it with care. And I know you’re not after some specific version of me. I mean, I’ve been in a ponytail or messy bun and baggy clothes nearly the entire time we’ve been hanging out. My ex would’ve told me to put something cuter on or whatever.”
I immediately want to tell her how fucking gorgeous she is at all times.
Even now as she chews her food.
“Can I ask why you cut your mom out?”
She nods, mindlessly spinning her fork.
“It was just too much. The constant guilt-tripping, criticism, emotional manipulation … she was exhausting. When my ex and I started trying for a baby, I thought a lot about the kind of mom I wanted to be. I realized I didn’t want to force my child to have a relationship with someone toxic, and that was a big breakthrough. I set boundaries. She didn’t respect them. And now, I’m done.”
The strength it takes to do that—to walk away from someone who’s supposed to love you unconditionally—I can’t imagine it.
“You’re so strong.”
She gives a half-hearted shrug.
“Ehh.”
“You are. Did you do something similar with your ex?”
She huffs a laugh.
“Yeah. I was basically a married single mom. Living in a nice, little terrarium. My ex played with us when he wanted to, and when he didn’t, he wasn’t there. I set rules for how parenting needed to go, and he tried to gaslight me into thinking my expectations were unrealistic.” Her fingers tighten around her glass.
“I wish I had left sooner.”
I want to hold her so badly.
“Can I give you a hug?”
She exhales, a small smile playing at her lips.
“After dinner.”
“You mentioned opening your marriage?”
“If you ever want a fast-track to divorce, open your failing relationship.” She cynically chuckles.
“It only spotlights the existing problems.”
“Did you ever explore?”
“A stay-at-home mom with a baby? With what time?”
I shrug.
“Before Gabby, I had a couple of one-night stands when he was on dates with his girlfriends or whatever. When I was a mom, I never did. Though I did have this flirty thing going with the barista in my building.”
I raise an eyebrow.
“Did you ever get his number?”
“No. Even though my ex had a girlfriend at the time, I knew he’d feel all sorts of ways if he saw another man texting me. He was more of a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ kind of guy.”
“You’re not meaning it like how it means in the military, right?”
“No. He’s straight.” She shakes her head, pausing.
“I need to stop using that phrase.”
I nod, agreeing.
Glancing at her, searching her face, I refocus the conversation.
“What can I do to make you feel less scared … about us?”
“I think I just need time.” She sighs, setting her glass down.
“You’re annoyingly perfect.”
“I’m not perfect.” I can be rigid.
I shut down sometimes and am overprotective.
“I’ve been looking for the flaws ...”
“Well, you don’t want to do a home project with me, like assembling furniture. I can be intense to work with in that way.”
“I wouldn’t read the instructions anyway.”
I laugh, looking at her empty plate.
“Can I hug you now?”
“Yes.”
The moment she steps into my arms, I wrap her up, holding her tight.
And I know I’ll never stop wanting to hold her like this.
And I want to keep showing her there is nothing to be scared of with me.
I don’t know when we fell asleep, but I know being wrapped up on the couch together is my new favorite hobby.
I carried her into bed, and she didn’t even stir.
Looking at the clock, it’s seven in the morning now.
It’s probably creepy that I’ve been staring at her for the last hour, thinking about how much I like her.
Considering what our relationship could be.
“Morning,” I softly say.
She hums like she’s not ready to get up for the day.
“How do you take your coffee?”
“No latte?” she smiles, her eyes still closed.
“I don’t want to leave the house just yet.” I pull her into me, nuzzling into her.
Last night our bond grew even more.
Dinner, conversation, more episodes of the stupid dating show, and endless cuddling.
She rolls to her side, propping her head in her hand.
“I don’t want to get out of bed.”
“We have eight hours left of vacation.”
She smirks, then her fingers slip into the waistband of my sweatpants.
“Am I ending this vacation without seeing your dick?”
I bite my lip, considering if I should tell her about the gift I got her yesterday.
Something I picked up before the grocery store.
I roll to face her.
“You’ve done so well with all your missions. Would you like another one?”
“If it involves your dick.”
“If you complete the mission, it does.”
She licks her lips.
“What’s the mission?”
“The thing about missions is … you don’t always know what you’re getting into.”
Claire glares.
“Can I have a hint?”
“It involves a toy.”
Her head tilts.
“A butt plug?”
I laugh deeply.
“No.”
“Ah—”
“Stop guessing. Say you choose to accept the mission.”
I want her to.
It will be hot to both be building up the tension and desire all day until it’s time for more.
I love to play like this and hope she wants it …
but maybe after last night’s intensity, she won’t be game.
She bites her lip, staring deeply into my eyes.
“Okay. I accept.”
I smile, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead.
“Let me get coffee going and grab the materials.” I slide out of bed.
“You need to be showered and dressed before I brief you on the mission.”