CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Palisade
Iwoke to sunlight streaming through my bedroom window, and the memory of last night crashed over me like a tidal wave.
Master E.
I'd surrendered to a complete stranger.
My body still hummed with the aftershocks. The ghost of silk restraints on my wrists, the commanding edge in his voice that had made me say Yes, Sir, without hesitation, the way he'd somehow known exactly what I needed before I did.
And then I'd run. Left him in that room while he was in the bathroom, fled like a coward before he could see the mess I'd become.
What I'd done at Sassy's wasn't just running from an awkward conversation. I'd violated basic protocol. Every article I'd read, every resource I'd consulted about D/s dynamics had emphasized one thing.
Aftercare wasn't optional.
A Dom provides it, a sub receives it, and both parties are responsible for completing the scene safely.
I'd bailed. Left him to wonder if he'd hurt me, if he'd pushed too hard, if something had gone wrong during the scene. That wasn't just rude; it was dangerous. For me, because I hadn't processed what we'd done. For him, because I'd left him to second-guess everything without any closure.
The guilt sat heavy in my chest, mixing with the lingering heat of the memory.
My phone showed three missed calls from Holly and a text.
Holly:
Coffee? ASAP?
She knew something had happened. Holly's radar for my disasters was finely tuned.
I dragged myself out of bed, showered away the physical evidence of last night.
His hands on my skin, his breath against my neck, the weight of his command settling over me like safety.
Which was insane. He was a stranger. I didn't even know his real name.
I called Holly back.
"Matcha latte in thirty minutes?" She answered without preamble. "You sound like you need it."
"How would you know what I sound like? I haven't said anything yet."
"Because you called back instead of texting, which means you need to talk. And the only thing that makes you need to talk instead of text is…" She paused. "Wait. This isn't about Easton?"
"Thirty minutes. The usual place."
Thirty minutes later, Holly took one look at my face when I arrived and ordered me a large latte instead of the small I usually got. We found a quiet corner booth away from the morning crowd.
"So," she said once we were settled. "Want to tell me why you look like you haven't slept, or should I guess?"
"I did something stupid." I wrapped both hands around the warm mug, its heat grounding me. "Really, really stupid."
Holly waited, her expression patient.
"I went to Sassy's last night."
Her eyebrows shot up. "Oh?"
"I booked a session. Anonymous. Masked. I just… I needed not to think for a while." My voice dropped. "And it was intense, Holls. Like, terrifyingly intense."
"Intense how?"
I couldn't meet her eyes. "He knew exactly what I needed. How to touch me, when to push, when to ease back. It was like he could read my mind." My throat tightened. "And I've never felt safer in my entire life, which is completely insane because I didn't even know him."
"But?" Holly prompted gently.
"But then afterward, I panicked and ran. I left him there and just… ran."
Holly was quiet for a long moment. "Why did you run?"
"Because it felt too good." The confession burst out of me.
"I was supposed to work out my frustration with Easton, and instead I found this stranger who made me feel things I've never—" I stopped, pressing my palms to my eyes.
"What if I'm broken, Holls? What if the only way I can let go is with someone I'll never see again? "
"You're not broken." Holly reached across the table to squeeze my hand. "You fear being vulnerable. There's a difference."
"Maybe." I took a shaky breath. "But I can't stop thinking about him. His voice. The way he…" I bit my lip. "God, I'm pathetic."
"You're human." Holly's smile was sympathetic. "For what it's worth? Maybe finding someone who makes you feel safe enough to surrender is exactly what you needed. Even if he was a stranger."
My phone buzzed. A text from Easton: We still on for Casey's hockey practice later? I can pick her up from your parents' if that's easier.
The contrast made my chest ache. Here was Easton being steady and reliable, and I was obsessing over an anonymous Dom I'd never see again.
Yes, I typed back. 3pm.
"Speaking of Easton," Holly observed, because of course she'd seen his name on my screen. "Have you figured out what you're going to do about him?"
"There's nothing to figure out. He's Casey's uncle. That's all it can be."
"Is it?" Holly's knowing look made me squirm. "Because from where I'm sitting, you're terrified of wanting him. And maybe last night was your subconscious trying to prove you could feel something for someone."
"Or maybe it was just sex with a stranger, and I need to stop overanalyzing it."
"Maybe." Holly didn't sound convinced. "But Sadie? Running away isn't going to make this easier. You know that, right?"
I knew that. But knowing and doing were two very different things.
And the worst part? When I closed my eyes, Master E's voice echoed in my head in that commanding tone that made my knees weak.
"You're trembling. Nervous or excited?"
"Both."
And for those few hours, I'd felt utterly, completely alive.
Even if I'd never know his name.
Easton
I was on my third cup of coffee when Beck found me in the film room, supposedly reviewing last night's game footage but actually staring at the same clip on repeat.
"You look like hell," he observed, dropping into the chair beside me.
"Rough night."
"The game wasn't that bad. We won."
I didn't respond, my mind still caught on Ava. The way she'd trembled when I'd bound her wrists. How she'd said "Yes, Sir" with such trust it had nearly undone me. The softness of her skin, the catch in her breath, the way she'd surrendered so completely.
And then she'd run.
I'd come out of the bathroom to find the room empty, her clothes gone, nothing left but the faint scent of her perfume and the memory of her gasping my fake name.
"This about the vet?" Beck asked, because apparently, my personal life was transparent to my teammates.
"What?" I blinked at him. "No. Why would you think that?"
"Because you've been checking your phone every thirty seconds, and you have that look. The 'I did something, and now I'm waiting to see if it's going to blow up in my face' look."
I wasn't checking for Ava. Meredith had been clear about Sassy's privacy rules. No contact information was exchanged. Complete anonymity. Which was exactly what I'd needed last night when I'd accepted the session.
Except for now, all I could think about was finding her again.
"It's nothing," I said.
"Right." Beck's tone said he didn't believe me. "So, what happened? Another almost-kiss with Sadie that got interrupted?"
"This has nothing to do with Sadie." The lie tasted bitter. Because the worst part? The entire time I'd been with Ava, I'd imagined it was Sadie beneath me. Sadie saying, "Yes, Sir." Sadie trusting me enough to surrender.
It was fucked up.
Before Beck could press further, my phone buzzed. It was Sadie confirming Casey's practice at three.
So normal. So mundane. While I was losing my mind over an anonymous woman I'd never see again.
"You sure you're okay?" Beck asked, his expression concerned.
I needed to tell someone. The secret was eating me alive.
"I went to Sassy's last night," I snapped.
Beck's eyebrows shot up. "The BDSM club? You?"
"Don't look so shocked. I've been before." Just never since moving to Amber Falls. Never since meeting Sadie and realizing I wanted more than casual scenes.
"And?"
"And it was intense. Anonymous session. Complete privacy protocols." I ran a hand through my hair. "But something about her felt… right. Like I knew her somehow, even though I couldn't see her face clearly. Couldn't know anything about her."
"Her?" Beck leaned forward, intrigued.
"She booked the session. First-timer. I was supposed to guide her through sensory play, trust-building.
" My throat tightened. "And she was incredible, Beck.
The way she responded, how she trusted me.
It was—" I stopped, unable to articulate it.
"And then she ran. Just disappeared while I was in the bathroom. "
Beck let out a low whistle. "That's rough, man."
"The worst part? I can't stop thinking about her. Which is insane because I don't even know her name. Her real one, anyway." I laughed bitterly. "Meanwhile, I'm supposed to be figuring out my feelings for Sadie, and instead I'm obsessing over a masked stranger."
"Maybe it's connected," Beck suggested.
"What do you mean?"
"Maybe you're finally ready to be vulnerable with someone, and your subconscious picked a safe way to practice. Anonymous, no consequences, no risk of screwing up Casey's life if it goes wrong."
I stared at him. "When did you become a therapist?"
"I have four sisters. You learn things." Beck clapped my shoulder. "But seriously, man. Don't torture yourself over this. Maybe it was just what you needed. Even if it was with a stranger."
My phone buzzed. Dr. Reyes wanted to confirm our emergency session tomorrow morning. I'd called him at midnight last night, standing in Sassy's parking lot, trying to process what had happened.
"I'm seeing Sadie at Casey's practice later," I said, changing the subject. "Need to keep things normal."
"Good luck with that." Beck's knowing look made me grimace. "Just remember, whatever happened last night, it doesn't change what you want. It just made you realize how much you're capable of feeling."
If only it were that simple.
Later, watching Casey skate circles around the other kids at practice, Sadie arrived. She spotted me immediately but hesitated at the boards, clearly debating whether to join me or maintain her distance.
I made the choice for her, skating over casually. "Hey."
"Hey." She wouldn't meet my eyes, and she looked exhausted. "Good practice?"
"Casey's doing great. Coach wants her to try out for the advanced group."
"That's wonderful." A pause, thick with unspoken tension. "Listen, about—"
"About what?" I kept my tone neutral, even though my pulse jumped.
"Nothing. Never mind." She wrapped her arms around herself, and I caught a faint whiff of her perfume.
The same scent that had clung to Ava's skin.
But that was impossible. Lots of women wore similar perfumes. My mind was playing tricks, trying to connect dots that didn't exist.
"You okay?" I asked gently. "You look like you didn't sleep."
Something vulnerable flickered in her eyes before she looked away. "Just tired. Long night."
"Yeah." My voice came out rougher than intended. "Me too."
For a moment, we just stood there, neither knowing what to say. She looked away first.
Before I could figure out what to say, Casey skated over, her face flushed with exertion and joy. "Uncle Easton! Did you see my backward crossovers? Mom, did you see?"
And just like that, we were back to being the adults in Casey's life, putting on smiles while our own complications simmered beneath the surface.
But something had shifted. I'd felt it the moment I'd caught Sadie's scent.
It couldn't be.
Could it?