Chapter 13 Andar
We did not speak during most of our ride to Civa Exima. I should have left the queen as soon as she’d freed me, before my wretched emotions—emotions that should have shriveled and died after the centuries I’d spent ignoring them—ruined everything.
But she’d given me a room while I was still a slave to the lamp.
And when I was lightheaded, she made me tea.
And then I agreed to her bargain. And I thought giving her some of my peaches would balance my debt, but instead she was ridiculously adorable when she enjoyed the fruit so much that she named her horse after it.
And then—when I wrapped us in magic—she felt too good in my arms. Too much like the kiss of sun on a summer day, despite her body being degrees cooler than mine.
If I left her now, before we reached the city, I could cut off the dangerous attachment that was growing between us. I would always wonder if she found her humans and destroyed them, but I would be free.
She’d released me from the lamp, but I would be tied to her if I let my emotions continue to grow as they were trying.
I clenched a fist. I was weak. Too weak to walk away right now. And if she realized that, I would never be free. I could not let her know how attractive she was becoming to me. She would certainly exploit that weakness.
“Andar?” She stopped her horse at the top of the hill we’d just crested and waved at the city gates in front of us.
“Yes?” I should have used her title, but I couldn’t have her thinking I was offering her respect that would endear me to her.
“I don’t want the people here to know who I am. I want to collect information about Prince Bylur, but if the people here are as intimidated by me as the farmer was, nobody will say anything.”
That made sense. “So cast a different glamour.”
“I—” She clenched her jaw. Such a small movement. She must have chosen it to hide her nerves—a clenched fist would have been obvious to anyone, but I noticed the tightening in her face. I wanted to smooth it out, make it relax so she could finish talking.
She swallowed and continued. “I want to use a disguise deeper than a glamour. I want a story they’ll rally around, one that will encourage them to talk.”
I raised a brow.
“I’d like us to pretend to be refugees, a couple that just escaped the Snow Queen.”
“That will get you more sympathy than if you appear as yourself.” The words came out before I thought about them. I should not be encouraging her to consider me as an asset as she gathered information.
But her eyes brightened and her lips curved into the first hint of a true smile I’d ever seen on her. It wasn’t huge, but it was real. “Then you’ll help me?” Hope, instead of her typical frosty glare, filled her face.
Did she not realize the power she’d given me? Shown a weakness that I could exploit?
I opened my mouth to tell her that our collaboration was over. Whatever truce had bound us together had expired.
“I—” The words did not come. I might have been a monster for centuries, but I could not crush her hope. Not after she’d done more for me than any other fae since I’d left my grandmother’s farm. “What would you have me do?”
* * *
A tall fae so muscled he could have doubled as a troll guarded the gate with a battle axe strapped to his back, a long sword at his side, and more daggers and knives than I could hold at once in sheaths around his body.
The guard shifted to stand in front of the gate. “Civa Exima is closed to visitors, by order of Lord Taedo. You’ll have to go back.”
The queen, wearing a glamour that made her leather clothes look like a peasant’s dress, sniffed dramatically. “Please, we’ve been riding for days.” She hiccupped. Literally hiccupped. She was lucky I had experience in schooling my face because my eyes were threatening to roll out of my head.
She wiped at her eyes. “The Snow Queen is back. She was on the slopes of the Kahunamon Mountains yesterday, and we’ve just escaped from there. Please, we’ve pushed so hard to get here—” She broke off in soft sobs.
I was impressed at the duplicity in her words. How could she have missed the lack of commitment in mine?
The guard shifted his gaze to me.
Repressing a sigh, I met his eyes. “Will you ask Lord Taedo for a special exception? We are only hoping to spend the night before continuing south.”
The guard’s experienced eye scanned me, the horses, and the queen again. His look grew skeptical. He didn’t believe us.
The queen saw it too. “Please,” she cried again, before he could say anything else. “Would it hurt to ask?”
He settled a hand on his sword. “Why do you reek of illusion magic?”
She blinked at him slowly. “I think it would be obvious. I’m—” She turned her head away from his gaze and sniffed.
Clever. I wouldn’t have thought her capable of acting humbled.
“I’m embarrassed of my appearance after the last two days.
I haven’t…” Her voice shrank. “Changed or cleaned properly for ages.”
The guard’s face softened the tiniest bit, but his hand remained ready on his swordhilt.
I leaned forward to press his uncertainty. “Must you make her so uncomfortable? We’ve gone through a lot since the Snow Queen broke out of her prison.”
The soldier’s voice tightened. “And where did refugees get two mounts in such good condition?”
I shook my head, as if disappointed in him.
“We bargained for them from some traveling musicians.” I spread my hands to my side, submitting to any further inspection.
“How are we to convince you to let us in? Has fae hospitality frozen in Kalshana? Is there truly no room in Civa Exima for two people to rest for one night?”
The guard glared at me but pressed his fingers to his mouth and released two short, shrill whistles.
The queen cleverly kept her head down, but I watched the soldier.
He stared at the gate until a quick double knock shook its latch and a slower, heavy thump of bolts and bars followed.
After another double knock, the soldier pulled the door open a crack and spoke softly with someone inside.
When they finished talking, they closed the gate again and a series of bolts and bars locked it from the inside.
The soldier waved at the frozen side of the road, toward benches that faced the city.
“It’ll be a while before he has time to run all the way to Lord Taedo, assuming Lord Taedo is even available for the lad to speak with.
You might as well get off the horses and rest.”
I nudged Sabir toward the bench, dismounted, and offered the queen a hand. I knew she could hop on and off with ease, but her disguise was a stressed and traumatized fae—one a caring husband would certainly help off her horse.
She leaned into me, playing the role so convincingly that I could believe she needed the help. I set a hand on the frozen stone bench and thawed the ice, leaving a slightly warmer surface to sit on.
She sat next to me and leaned her head on my shoulder.
I glanced at the guard and saw him openly watching us, so I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and helped her settle against my side more comfortably.
Not because she felt good to hold.
Not because I wanted to hold her longer.
No. It was all to convince the guard.
Because I’d agreed to her charade.
Because I would leave her soon.
Because she was only meant to be a means to an end.
I sighed and buried my face in her hair so my expressions would not give us away to the soldier. I couldn’t control them anymore, not any better than I could control my pounding heart.
I should not have agreed to this charade.