Chapter 7
Harris:
Miss me yet?
Lucy:
I would have to know who this is first before I can answer that question.
Harris:
You know who this is, don’t be coy.
Lucy:
Give me one hint . . .
Harris:
Hot but Wet
Lucy:
Wow. You are so full of yourself.
Harris:
I’m full of myself for telling you I’m wet?
Lucy:
No, because you called yourself hot.
Harris:
I’m only hot because I’m in the sauna.
Lucy:
Oh. Whoops.
Harris:
But I’m also hot.
Lucy:
LOL
Harris:
Did that make you laugh?
Lucy:
Wow, you really think you’re irresistible, don’t you?
Harris:
Do you agree?
Lucy:
I’ll let you believe whatever helps you sleep at night.
Harris:
Oh, I sleep fine.
Lucy:
I am not taking that bait.
Harris:
What bait?
Lucy:
The bait where you say you’re in bed. Then I ask “What are you wearing?” Then you say “nothing.” Then you try to lure me into a sex exchange.
Harris:
Actually, Little Miss Know It All, I’m now post-sauna and wearing the flannel pajama bottoms with Santa faces that my mom gave me for Christmas last year. Oh. With a hoodie that says “Terry Crews for President”
Lucy:
I have no idea what to say to that.
Harris:
Sounds like you don’t think Terry should be President . . .
Lucy:
LOL stop it.
Harris:
You’re laughing. I take that as a win.
Lucy:
Fine. I’ll let you have this round.
Harris:
Finally, some honesty.
Lucy:
Don’t let it go to your head.
Harris:
Too late.
Harris:
So. What are you wearing?
Lucy:
Dang It! What did I say about that question? It leads to no good!
Harris:
Relax. All I meant was, are you in comfy pajamas or are you one of those people who sleeps naked like a psychopath?
Lucy:
Definitely not naked. Sweatpants and a college sweatshirt, but at some point I’ll put on shorts.
Harris:
What I’m hearing is that you probably sleep with a ceiling fan on?
Lucy:
I can confirm.
Lucy:
Also, why are you in bed so early???
Harris:
I have a yoga class at the ass crack of dawn. And as a rule, I generally wake up early. 4:30 when I’m not on vacation.
Lucy:
I draw the line at any o’clock before 5
Harris:
Cold plunge, cup of coffee. Sometimes I run. What about you?
Lucy:
Wake up at 5:30ish, depending. I started yoga at dawn for your friends, but word got out. Typically my first classes aren’t until 8.
Harris:
How many classes a day do you have?
Lucy:
Four or five, depending on the day. I mix in private sessions too.
Harris:
Private sessions, huh?
Lucy:
Don’t even Think about it. The answer is no.
Harris:
LOL, wow. Not even at a premium, eh?
Lucy:
You couldn’t afford me.
Harris:
Oh, so now I’m broke?
Lucy:
No, they’re really expensive rates.
Harris:
You sure they’re not excuses to avoid spending more time with me?
Lucy:
Or Maybe I’m playing hard to get.
Harris:
Oh, so you admit it—you want me to chase you.
Lucy:
I didn’t say that.
Harris:
You kind of did . . .
Lucy:
Maybe I’m curious.
Harris:
Curious about what?
Lucy:
About what you’d even plan if I did let you take me out.
Harris:
Oh, that’s easy. I’d take you hiking.
Lucy:
Hiking?
Harris:
Or not.
Lucy:
I mean, it’s not my first choice . . . even though we’re both “athletic.”
Harris:
Uh. Why is “athletic” in quotes?
Lucy:
I’m saying, that because someone Looks like they’re good at sports, doesn’t mean that they are. You know? Some guys go to the gym and are in shape. That doesn’t necessarily mean they can play soccer or have stamina.
Harris:
Ummmm are you telling me I’m not athletic?
Lucy:
I don’t want you dying on a hike. Yes, you have muscles, but does that mean you can walk for 2 hours without giving yourself a heart attack? I don’t know.
Harris:
Wow. You really know how to bruise a guy’s ego.
Lucy:
It’s not my fault you’re sensitive.
Harris:
Sensitive? I’m trying to figure out why you think I’d die on a hike!!
Lucy:
I didn’t say die. I said you might have a heart attack. Big difference.
Harris:
Oh, that’s So much better.
Lucy:
Looks can be deceiving. I don’t know your endurance level.
Harris:
My endurance level?
Lucy:
You know, how long you can last.
Lucy:
On a hike. I meant on a Hike!
Harris:
Sure you did.
Lucy:
Don’t make this weird.
Harris:
Too late. It’s already weird. And you sure are cute when you’re flustered.
Lucy:
How do you know I’m flustered.
Harris:
I’m not talking about right now—I’m talking about the times I’ve seen you in person. It’s cute that I get you all riled up.
Lucy:
For the record, I’m not That worried about your endurance.
Harris:
Oh? Should I take that as a vote of confidence?
Lucy:
Let’s say I’d be willing to test it. Strictly for science.
Harris:
Science, huh? But seriously, Lucy, tell me something. Why do you think we butt heads every time we talk?
Lucy:
Hmm, let’s see . . . maybe it’s because you like pushing my buttons.
Harris:
Guilty. But you push back as hard. I like that about you.
Lucy:
I guess I’m not used to someone keeping up with me. Most people get frustrated and give up.
Harris:
By people, do you mean men??
Lucy:
Perhaps. And since we’re being honest—are you single??? For all I know, you have a wife hidden away somewhere.
Harris:
Wow. Going straight for the deep stuff, huh?
Lucy:
Just making conversation.
Harris:
I am single. No wife, no girlfriend, no secret family hidden away. You can breathe easy.
Lucy:
Good to know. For the record, I’m also single. No hidden husbands or boyfriends.
Harris:
I would hope not. That might complicate things.
Lucy:
So, why is someone like you single?
Harris:
It’s complicated.
Lucy:
Complicated how?
Harris:
I don’t have the best track record with relationships.
Lucy:
Care to elaborate?
Harris:
Let’s see . . . my last relationship ended because she thought I was too focused on my job and not enough on her. Before that, it was my college girlfriend, who was pissed when I moved to another state for work and moved in with some buddies instead of her. I can’t win.
Lucy:
That sounds rough.
Harris:
It’s not all bad. It means I haven’t found the right person yet. What about you?
Lucy:
Yes, I’m so single it’s a joke at this point.
Harris:
When was your last relationship?
Lucy:
Gosh, months ago. I’ve been focusing on myself, which is what we should all be doing, yeah? After my last relationship, I needed some time to figure out what I wanted.
Harris:
What happened?
Lucy:
He was . . . ugh, how do I put this? Super zen. He left for a week without telling me! He was soul searching and ultimately it got to be too much. The uncertainty.
Harris:
Wow. That sounds . . . chaotic.
Lucy:
It was. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t a bad person. He was too free-spirited for me.
Harris:
And you need stability.
Lucy:
Exactly. Stability, communication. You know, the basics. I realized it’s not about finding the perfect person, it’s about finding someone who matches your energy. It’s hard, isn’t it? Balancing what you want with what someone else needs.
Harris:
Right. Like how do you find someone who fits into your life without feeling like you’re giving up a part of yourself?
Lucy:
Also, it’s about finding someone who complements you. Someone who doesn’t just fit into your life but makes it Better.
Harris:
You sound like you’ve thought about this a lot.
Lucy:
I suppose I have. All I want is a man who challenges me, makes me laugh, and doesn’t run off to “find himself” without warning.
Harris:
Well, I can promise I’m not running off anywhere.
Lucy:
I mean, you will by the time you leave. Where do you live, anyway?
Harris:
Arizona. Originally from Pennsylvania.
Lucy:
Arizona? That’s far.
Harris:
Not really. That’s what flights are for.
Lucy:
So now you’re telling me you’d fly all the way to Washington to see me?
Harris:
Maybe. If you’re worth it.
Lucy:
Bold of you to assume I’d let you.
Harris:
Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t make it worth your while.
Lucy:
So, Pennsylvania to Arizona. Big change.
Harris:
It was. Grew up in the cold, now I live in the heat. You get used to it. What about you? Always been local?
Lucy:
Pretty much. Born and raised here. I’ve thought about leaving, but it’s hard to imagine living anywhere else. There’s something about the mountains, the forests, the rain. Never had a reason to move.
Lucy:
What’s something I’d see if I ever visited Arizona?
Harris:
The desert mountains. There’s nothing like them when the sun sets and rises behind them and you see the outline of cactuses. And the stars at night? Unbelievable.
Harris:
Not as pretty as you though, obviously.
Lucy:
Laying it on thick, are we?
Harris:
Not at all.
Lucy:
Okay Mr. Honesty, what’s something you’re attracted to?
Harris:
Physically?
Lucy:
Yes, physically.
Harris:
A great smile. Eyes that make you forget what you were saying. And I’ve got a thing for nice legs.
Lucy:
Nice legs? Really?
Harris:
Legs. Boobs. Ass. Don’t know, hard to choose. Brown hair, freckles.
Lucy:
Ha ha, now you’re describing me.
Harris:
Guilty.
Harris:
So what about you? Your turn.
Lucy:
Strong arms. The kind that look like they could pick me up without breaking a sweat.
Harris:
Oh, so you mean My arms. I’ll scribble that in my diary.
Lucy:
I also love a nice ass, so we have that in common.
Harris:
Remind me to do more squats.
Lucy:
I don’t think you need to. Your ass is fine.
Harris:
Aww, you say the sweetest things when you’re not being prickly!
Lucy:
LOL That’s how I flirt. What else are you attracted to?
Harris:
Confidence, the kind that sneaks up on you. Like, at first, you don’t notice it then suddenly it’s all you can think about. A woman who’s sure of herself. Not insecure. Can’t date someone who doesn’t trust me, either.
Harris:
A great laugh. The kind that’s loud and a little out of control. You know, the kind that makes other people start laughing too.
Lucy:
That’s ODDLY specific.
Harris:
It’s true. What about you? What’s something oddly specific that you’re into?
Lucy:
A good voice. Not necessarily deep, but maybe? The kind of voice that could give you an orgasm hearing it over the phone.
Harris:
Jeez, you keep describing Me.
Lucy:
You do have a deep voice, I will give you that. It’s not terrible.
Harris:
I’ll take it. What else?
Lucy:
Strong hands.
Harris:
Oh? And what would you want those strong hands to do?
Lucy:
I meant for practical things, like carrying groceries or opening jars.
Harris:
Ugh, The most boring use for hands.
Lucy:
LOL. I can’t stop picturing you in Santa pajamas and a Terry Crews hoodie.
Harris:
Well. If you want to come over for a first-hand look, I’ll go unlock the door.
Lucy:
Why don’t you send me a selfie, instead?
Harris:
Incoming. Try not to fall in love with me.
Lucy:
Oh my God. You weren’t kidding about the pajamas.
Harris:
Told you. Both festive And functional.
Lucy:
Functional? How?
Harris:
They’re warm. And they make a statement.
Lucy:
The statement being “I’m ridiculous”
Harris:
No, the statement being “I know how to rock Christmas spirit year-round” so get on my level.
Lucy:
I take it that’s your favorite holiday?
Harris:
Yeah, hands down.
Lucy:
What do you like about it?
Harris:
Uh, Everything! Lights, trees, lights, being home, seeing my family. I have twin sisters and between them have seven nieces and nephews. It’s fuckin awesome. You?
Lucy:
Well, I’m an only child, so no nieces and nephews, though I do love the holiday. Ice skating on the lake, bonfires on the lake, tree lighting ceremony . . . My parents leave the day after Christmas for a cruise. It sucks being alone but I’ve gotten used to it.
Harris:
I’ve done cruises over the holidays. Not Christmas, but New Year’s. Total blast.
Lucy:
Yeah, my parents love it.
Harris:
But not you?
Lucy:
No, no, I do. I’d rather be home, though, where it’s cold and snowy. I love sitting on the couch and watching cheesy movies. But that’s me every night of the year, ha ha.
Harris:
This cabin I’m in has an old VCR. I’ll probably put a tape in tomorrow night. You’re welcome to join me.
Lucy:
What would the dress code for this be?
Harris:
Clothes optional.
Harris:
Kidding! Pajamas, obviously . . .
Lucy:
Would you be feeding me?
Harris:
I’d be nibbling on your toes. Does that count?
Lucy:
No!
Harris:
Darn. I was excited for a second . . .
Lucy:
Fine. What time?
Harris:
Are you serious?
Lucy:
Don’t make me change my mind.
Harris:
No, no! I’m pleasantly surprised.
Lucy:
I figured someone has to see these pajamas in person. Plus, I need to make sure you’re not lying about the VCR.
Harris:
Oh, it’s very real.
Lucy:
Be advised: If I see one spider, I’m leaving.
Harris:
Noted. I’ll make it spider-free. Anything else I should prepare?
Lucy:
Popcorn. Pizza. Hot chocolate.
Harris:
Anything for my first official pajama party guest.
Lucy:
This is a party now?
Harris:
You can wear a bag if you want to.