Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Ari
NOVEMBER
I blink sweat out of my eyes and smile at the ceiling. I’ve lived a long time and had a lot of sex, but somehow I don’t remember it ever being as good as it is with Felix. He brings no-holds-barred, no-bullshit energy to everything he does, including sex, and I’m not complaining about it.
If I didn’t already know how deeply he feels things, how passionate he is about the things and people he loves, it would be so easy to think he’s just an aggressive, high-energy athlete. But he’s so much more, and every second I spend with him is balm for my soul.
“How’re the plans going for the next promotional event?” he asks, completely out of the blue, and I need a second to switch mental tracks.
“Done,” I admit. “Thank you so much for your help at the first one. The kids loved you.”
The sheets rustle as he moves, and then he’s smiling down at me, propped on one elbow. “Kids usually do. They recognize that I too am full of energy and unable to emotionally regulate properly.”
I snort and give his shoulder a gentle shove.
“That might have been true before, but not now. And it wasn’t your fault anyway.
” I’ve become weirdly protective of him—not so much physically, because I know exactly what kind of damage he’s capable of inflicting—especially when he puts himself down.
He’s been fighting his own inner monsters for so long that he occasionally forgets he’s in the process of vanquishing them.
His gaze softens, and he lies back down. “Whatever the reason they liked me, the event went well. Little kids are so adorable when they’re learning to skate.”
“Not as adorable as me, though.” I’m not sure what compels me to say it. It’s not the kind of joke I’d usually make, and I definitely don’t want Felix comparing me to small children.
His laugh is accompanied by an elbow to my ribs. “Nobody could ever be as adorable as you learning to skate. The sight of you slamming into the boards all spread out like a pancake will live in my brain forever.”
I wince through my laugh. I can admit the moment was funny—me shrieking, “I’m going too fast, I can’t stop, noooooooooo!
” right before I hit the boards would probably have gotten us an immense number of social media views if (a) we’d recorded it, and (b) it wouldn’t be unprofessional for a member of the king’s security team to post something like that—but it also hurt.
My magic means I heal fast and can temporarily deaden nerves to ease pain, but it still wasn’t the best moment of my life.
That might be this one. Lying in bed after sex, talking and laughing about the important things in our lives with a man whose company makes me wish for more.
Shoving that thought into a locked box, I force my attention back to what matters.
“Well, Erik said several parents asked about the day camp for older kids, and some wanted information about game tickets. So the plan is working.” A glow of satisfaction warms me from within.
I may not have been enthusiastic about this program, and I’m still looking forward to the day I can go back to my actual job, but success is always fun to be part of, and having spent time around Felix, the team, and the people in the office, I want to be part of it as my people discover how cool they are.
As though he can tell what I’m thinking, Felix rolls on top of me and props his chin on my chest. It creates an awkward angle for me to look at him, but I like having him this close, so I’ll tolerate the crick in my neck.
“Are you counting the days until you don’t have to work at the Warhammers every Monday?”
I purse my lips, considering how I want to respond, and he gives me a little nudge with his chin.
“Hey, answer honestly. I’m a big boy. You won’t hurt my feelings if you say you want to spend even less time around me and my sport.
” He’s snickering as he finishes, so I seize the moment and tickle him, setting off a tickle war.
By the time we’ve stopped squirming, squealing, and desperately trying to get both closer and away from each other, the bedding is half off the bed in a tangled mess, and we’re both flushed and panting again. Naked tickle wars are stimulating.
Felix flops back on the mattress dramatically. “And all I did was ask about your future plans.” He looks up at me, his eyes warm and unguarded, and some of my defenses crumble. Would it really be so bad to confide in him a little?
I lean down to kiss him, then curl myself into his side and bury my face in his neck. His arms come around my shoulders, holding me to him.
“I’m not counting the days,” I murmur. “Mostly because we have no idea when someone will be available to replace me, so there’s no number for me to count down from.” He makes a grumbling sound, and I would bet anything that he’s rolling his eyes.
“Surprisingly, I’ve enjoyed my time at the Warhammers. That doesn’t mean I’m not looking forward to going back to working full time at the DEA, but I’m not upset about the delay.” I nip at his collarbone. “Your sport is a lot of fun—to watch, I mean. I have no fucking idea how you play it.”
His laugh is a gentle heh heh heh as his hand sweeps down my back, and my lips respond by curving into a smile. “I bet I could teach you, if I had enough time.”
“Lucky for you, you’re young still. And time is something we elves have a lot of.”
His hand slides up into my hair and clenches, and he uses it to raise my head so he can see my face.
“Ow,” I protest mildly.
“Do you mean it?”
Sighing, I sit up, and he releases my hair, also sitting up.
“I don’t know what I mean,” I admit. “I want to. I want to be a factor in your life and have you be one in mine.” I don’t tell him that he already is—the only thing outside of my work and vocation that matters.
“But I’m fucked up, Fe. I’m not… I don’t…
My life isn’t really mine. I can’t make promises. ”
His brow furrows in confusion, but he doesn’t ask. I don’t know whether I’m relieved or not.
“Okay,” he says, and I wait for the rest, but that seems to be it.
“Okay?”
He shrugs. “You said you can’t make promises. What am I supposed to do, hold a claw to your throat and make you? They wouldn’t be worth the breath spoken with. You know my history with broken promises. I’d rather it be this way, with both of us being honest, than to go through that again.”
I hate that I can’t immediately make every promise he deserves, including one to make sure his asshat of an ex gets randomly selected for a thorough tax audit of some kind. Instead, I nod.
“I’m into you,” I say, a touch more intensely than I’d intended. “If I could pick anyone to make promises to, it’s you. I don’t… It’s selfish, but I don’t want to lose you from my life.”
“Heh.” He leans in to kiss me. “How’s it selfish?
I’m okay with what we’ve got now. We’re friends, right?
Good friends, I like to think. We fuck. We take care of each other.
None of that is bad, and none of it means we need to make some kind of commitment.
If I ever feel like I want to be in a relationship, I’ll let you know, and we back off. Yeah?”
That all sounds very logical and reasonable, but for some reason, alarm bells are clanging in the back of my mind.
Still… “Yeah.”
“Great. In the meantime, let’s enjoy this while we can. Are you coming to Sunday dinner at my parents’ place tomorrow?”
The change of subject has me floundering. “What?”
“I go every Sunday that I can,” he explains. “It’s just casual, but my sibs and their families are usually there. We eat and catch up on each other’s lives.”
I swallow hard. There’s a reason why Felix is the person he is, and I’m willing to bet his family is a big part of it. “Sounds nice.”
“It is. Are you coming? My parents want to meet you.”
My whole body jolts. “They—”
“Relax. I talked about my friend, Ari, an elf who’s been assigned to help with the PR thing, and they’d like to meet you. Mom’s met a couple of elves before, but only briefly, and Dad never has. I think they want to pick your brain about elf physiology.”
Oh, in that case… “What?” I stare at him in befuddlement, and his eyes narrow.
“Did I ever tell you that half my family are doctors of some kind?”
Ohhhh. I shake my head. “No, it never came up.”
He makes a self-deprecating noise. “I’m the family black sheep—not to mention the one with the least smarts.” He holds up a hand as my back shoots straight. “Chill. Nobody says that except me, and I know it’s not exactly true.”
I study his face for any sign that he might be protecting his family. “They don’t make you feel bad for being a professional athlete?” What am I even saying? There are families whose dearest dream is for their children to achieve the level of success that Felix has.
“Never,” he promises me. “They might not always get what I do, but they’re proud of me and they’ve encouraged me every step along the way.”
Good. That’s exactly what he deserves.
“What about your family?”
It hits like a blow, and my jaw drops open as I suck in air. I wasn’t prepared for him to ask that.
“The anomalies killed my family,” I manage. It’s the first lie I’ve told him, and I hate it.
His hand lands on my forearm, then slides down so his fingers can tangle with mine.
“I’m sorry. I figured they probably were, since you don’t talk about them.
Is it… too painful? You don’t want to try to remember the good times?
” He winces. “Fuck, did I just shove my foot in my mouth? I don’t even know how old you were when you lost them, or if…
I don’t know much about what things were like for you all toward the end.
You don’t have to talk about it, but if you want me to head off my parents before they can ask, I kind of need a hint now. ”
It takes me a moment to untangle my thoughts enough to realize that he’s talking about the quality of life in a dying dimension and not specifically about how things were with my family.
“It would help if you could tell them I don’t want to talk about how things were before the end,” I say quietly.
“I might, when I know them better.” In general terms, anyway.
There are some things I’ll avoid forever.
“I’m happy to talk about elves in general, though, including physiology.
And dragons,” I add. “Did you know that they’re not actually shifters? Not like you are.”
The distraction works even better than I expected it to. “But they have two forms!”
“They have no forms and every form,” I correct. “Dragons are beings of etheric energy.”
Felix shakes his head. “I’m not even going to ask, because I know Dad will, and he’ll have better questions than me.”
That’s when it hits home that somewhere in our conversation, I tacitly agreed to go to family dinner with him.
And I’m not even mad about it.