Chapter 23
Kelsie
After much thoughtful consideration, and a few vodka and Red Bulls, I practice what I’m going to say to Keaton and finally get up the courage to call him.
Since it’s completely out of the blue, and I have no idea what he’s doing right now or where he is, I send him a text.
Me: Hey, Keat…you got a second?
It takes less than 3 seconds and I see the ellipses show up. Then they disappear. Then they reappear. I stare at the blinking dots and wonder what the heck is up with him? Is he writing a thesis back in reply? Or uncertain what to say.
Finally, a text comes back with his response.
Keaton: Ofc. Is everything okay?
I can’t help but chuckle to myself over his question. Is it okay? Am I doing the right thing by reaching out and making amends? It feels like I’m finally figuring out my shit and actually adulting for once in my life.
Me: Can I call you?
Keaton: Oh, shit. Do I need to send bail money? Is this your one call?
I laugh at my brother’s reply. He’s always been funny. Serious about life, but has a sense of humor that kept me laughing all through our childhood.
I get out of the text app locating his number and hit the dial icon.
It rings once and he answers, his deep baritone voice sounding more and more like our dad’s. It has a husky quality to it, but is also warm and sincere.
“Kels? Is this really you?”
“Yes, you idiot. It’s me.”
There’s a pause and I hear him inhale a deep breath before letting it out.
“Well, for a minute there, I wasn’t sure. I thought maybe aliens kidnapped you and were holding you for ransom. Otherwise, why would you call?”
He’s doing what he’s always done in stressful situations and that’s to lighten the mood. I appreciate that about him. I kind of forgot what a good guy he is. A brother who protected me and watched out for me all those years when our parents weren’t around or involved in our lives.
He has a point. I haven’t called him in several years, even though he’s tried many times to reach out to me. I swallow down the sorrow of knowing how stubborn I’ve been and the weight it’s put on my heart.
“Keat, I’m calling because…well, I wanted to talk to you about…” I stop, noticing my hand shakes.
Fuck. This is much harder than I thought it would be.
I walk to my bedroom window and stare out at the newly blooming trees and plants. The snow is slowly starting to melt and spring buds have begun to pop out all around town and on campus. It gives me hope and reminds me that no matter how bleak life can be, things can regrow. People and feelings can change just like the barren winter trees that reclaim their beauty in the springtime.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say in a gush of air. “I’m sorry for shutting you out of my life. For being so childish and stubborn over how I handled my anger. I see now you didn’t do it to hurt me, but to help me.”
Keaton sighs. “Shit, Kelsie. Do you know how bad I’ve felt all this time knowing I broke your trust in me? It killed me that it ruined our relationship.”
“I know,” I whisper, feeling tears suddenly well up in my eyes. “I’m sorry I was such a bratty, stubborn sister. I guess you could chalk it up to being young and stupid, not understanding the world the way you do.”
“Yeah, sometimes I wish I didn’t.” He scoffs sharply. I can almost see him run a hand through his perfectly-kept blond hair. I used to tease him because he never had a strand out of place. “The world is fucking hard, Kels. Trust me.”
His response piques my curiosity. It’s not something I’d ever expect to hear from my normally optimistic brother.
I take a seat at my desk and set the phone in my desk cradle, placing it on speaker. Then I grab my make-up bag, pulling out some concealer and tools.
“Everything okay with work?”
Although we haven’t spoken, I know Keaton graduated and immediately took a very prominent position in my parents’ company as Assistant VP of Operations. A role not many people just out of college would ever get.
I can hear Keaton as he sucks his teeth, a habit he’s always had, indicating his stress.
“Between you and me, working with your parents is not an easy task,” he says honestly.
I bite my lip to keep from saying I told you so and keep quiet.
“I’ve been trying to help them move into a new online ordering platform and they refuse to listen. They say it costs too much money, even though I’ve shown them the return on investment it will give us.”
“They’ve never listened to us. Why would it change now?” I state with a short laugh.
“True. I guess I had these grand delusions that since they wanted me to join the business so badly, they’d actually allow me to offer up suggestions for improvements.”
I add some rosy tint to my cheeks and lips, brushing the color with a few strokes of my fingertip, contemplating the idea of me working for my parents someday. If my brother, who is very diplomatic, has trouble with them, how in the world would I get along with my wiseass mouth?
Keaton laughs softly. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be complaining to you about this. That’s not why you called. But I’m really glad you did, Kelsie, and I’d love to see you soon. Maybe we can go somewhere this summer after your semester ends? Do you have plans yet?”
A strange feeling flutters and then knots inside my belly. I drop my hand to my stomach and hold it there, trying to make sense of the anxiety that grows when I think about not being with Hayes this summer. We haven’t talked about what we’re doing or if he’ll be going home to Colorado. I’m sure he will since he wants to see his family.
My voice comes out in a croak. “I don’t know yet. I’d love to go back to Paris for a month to see DD. Otherwise, I have no plans. But maybe you can come visit over spring break in a few weeks if you have time? We usually go to a friend’s cabin for skiing.”
“That sounds fun. Let me look at my schedule and I’ll let you know.”
“Cool. I’d really like to see you too, Keat.”
“Love ya, sis. Later, alligator.”
“After awhile, crocodile.”
We end the call and I stare up into the mirror and realize I’m smiling. And the first person I want to tell about the end of my estrangement with my brother is Hayes.
Dabbing a bit more color to my lips, I give them a satisfying smack before I rush out my bedroom and take the stairs two at a time. I can’t wait to tell Hayes about my call with Keaton. And to finally bare my soul to Hayes and tell him that I’m in love with him and want to make plans to continue what we have together.
I want to be with him this summer. I’m not sure what that involves, but I’m willing to do or go wherever he wants.
Hayes’s door is slightly ajar and I give it a knock and walk in.
“Hey, lover,” I start to say and then get a good look around his room. It’s a mess. Like a tornado destroyed it. There are clothes and books strewn everywhere and Hayes is standing at his bed with his back to me. He appears to be packing a bag.
“What are you doing?”
The moment he swings his head over his shoulder and I see the dark expression in his eyes, I know it’s not good. I begin to walk toward him.
“I’m leaving.”
My steps falter. “Leaving? Where are you going?”
Hayes continues to throw things in a bag, ignoring me when I come up to stand beside him. “Colorado.”
“What? When?”
He snorts like this is obvious and I’m just slow. “Now.”
I take a small step backward and survey the surroundings, trying to figure out what’s happening right now.
Everything was fine with Hayes earlier this morning when he left my bed and went to his workout and practice. We’d planned on getting together tonight to finalize our project that we need to present in class next week. To say this has taken me completely off-guard is an understatement.
“Why? And how are you going to get there?”
Hayes’s words are clipped and sharp. He swings around to me and his eyes blaze with an emotion I’ve never seen him express before.
“Jesus Christ, Kelsie. Is this the Spanish Inquisition? Do I need to tell you everything that I do?”
His words are cold and harsh and slash my gut like a machete.
I swallow down the tears that prick behind my eyes. “Well, no, but obviously something’s going on. I’ll help if you let me.”
I use this opportunity to slowly move behind him and place my hands on his shoulders that tense under my grip.
Hayes stops his frantic packing and then spins around on me, shrugging my hands from his body. His brows narrow and his nostrils flare.
“Oh, really? You can help get my brother out of the psych facility that I put him in?”
More questions pop inside my head, swirling like a school of fish in the ocean, moving fluidly from one direction to another. Why? When? How?
Instead of asking, I tackle Hayes in a bear hug and hold him close.
“I’m sorry, baby. Whatever happened, it’s not your fault.”
For a moment, Hayes remains still in my embrace, his arms hanging limply at his sides. As if he’s holding on by a single thread and he wants to let it go. I nestle my face into the crook of his neck and breathe in his scent that is all too familiar to me now.
And then he jerks away. “You’re wrong, Kels. It is my fault. And I have to go home to fix it for my brother right this minute. He can’t wait any longer.”
He snatches up his bag from the bed, ready to walk out the door as he throws it over his shoulder.
Hoping to keep him from making an impetuous mistake, I grab his wrist, holding him in place.
My voice is soft, almost a whisper. “Whatever you did for Holden, I know you did out of love, Hayes. I understand that now.”
He doesn’t look at me, but I step in closer, holding on to his hand, slipping my fingers through his. “I talked to Keaton today and I finally forgave him. I know Holden will forgive you too.”
“He will never forgive me, Kels. And our situations are nowhere near the same.”
He extracts his hand from mine but doesn’t leave. When he finally turns to glance down at me, a strand of his dark hair covers his eyes and his cheek. I lift my hand to brush it away and he flinches.
“You not going to a prestigious art camp is nothing like my brother’s time in a psych ward.”
Now it’s my turn to flinch. I gasp at this revelation and my heart drops to my toes.
“I ratted him out and now look where he’s at,” he grumbles with a shake of his head, voice gruff with emotion. “I put him there. And I need to get him out.”
I try one last time to reason with him.
“Hayes, baby…have you considered that maybe this is for the best? That whatever you think you did to him was the turning point that will get him the help he needs?”
He makes another disgruntled noise. “You have no idea what you’re talking about because you don’t know him. So just stay out of my life and let me go. Okay?”
He stomps toward the stairs, stopping just at the top of the landing while I remain frozen in place in the middle of his room.
All I see from here is his profile. He doesn’t even look my way.
He doesn’t even care that he’s leaving me again.
“Goodbye, Kels.”
I blink past the tears and watch him disappear down the stairs.
At least—this time—he said goodbye in person.