Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
We only had a day of preparation before we would make our grand return to the palace for the Midwinter Ball. And I’d just woken up from a nightmare.
I couldn’t remember it. All I knew was that I’d woken up yelling, and that it must have starred Wilhelm. Or the kelpie. Or the trolls. Or all of them.
Sitting up, I relit the gaslamp on my bedside table. The bracelet glinted in its light. Apart from the enchantment that it held and the deal that it represented, it was a beautiful piece of jewelry, and it had saved my life. I still wasn’t quite sure how I felt about it.
When going back to sleep proved futile, I got up, donned my robe and slippers, and headed out of my room. Laura had mentioned that there was a library on this floor. Perhaps I could find something in there to pass the time and calm my nerves.
The sound of movement up ahead spooked me for a second, until I remembered that dozens of people worked here.
I raised my lamp and softly called, “Hello?”
What exited the shadows was not a faerie servant, but Roderick’s enormous red cat. Ingwer casually strolled towards me and sat in my path, watching me with big, yellow eyes expectantly.
“You wouldn’t happen to know where the library is?” I asked him, feeling a bit silly.
As if he understood me, Ingwer turned and walked ahead of me, fluffy tail raised.
Seeing as I had nothing better to do, I followed him down the hall, around a corner and up to a set of long doors with glass windows. Ingwer wiggled a little then launched himself at the handle, opening the door and letting himself in.
Giggling tiredly, I followed him in, lamp raised so it could shed as much light as possible on the spacious room. Books filled it from wall to wall, with the odd bookcase in the middle, encasing long wooden tables.
I began with those by the entrance, reading the spines of those within my reach, and found that they were alphabetized. Some had titles that intrigued me, others were ones that I recognized from Gertrude’s collection—
Gertrude. I wondered what she was up to with me suddenly gone. What could they be subjecting her to? I probably shouldn’t care, after all, she wouldn’t care if the roles were reversed. But I couldn’t help feeling responsible for anything that might happen to her.
Ingwer continued leading the way as I walked past entire sections, daunted by the wide selection and wondering if I should just blindly choose one.
I never got to pick what I read to Gertrude, so it was odd to be completely free to choose, and I was overwhelmed by the very concept of choice.
Perhaps I should pick something I’d read before.
I paused in front of a familiar title: Across the Faerie Sea by Willoughby Hart. The supposedly true accounts of an Arborean traveler called Basil Scarlett, who ventured into Faerie and had adventures that led to him falling in love with one of its princesses.
“That will definitely keep you up all night.”
I jumped, thankfully not dropping the lamp, and whirled around to find Roderick towering behind me.
In the light of our lamps, his silver hair was messy, and his eyes looked tired, as if he’d had a similar rude awakening. But he was still the most magnificent being I’d ever beheld. And the way he was smiling down at me, made my heart boom harder in my chest.
“You could have warned me you were there,” I wheezed.
“Next time I’ll announce myself at the door,” he said, pulling out the book for me.
It looked smaller in his long, elegant hands.
“If you’re looking for something to help you sleep, I recommend the non-fiction section.
There are some tomes on the study of plants and insects that will have you snoring like a herding dog in under five minutes. ”
I wrinkled my nose. “Why would anyone study insects?”
“For every existence there is an enthusiast.”
“And what are you enthusiastic about?”
He raised the book. “Escapist fantasies. I have even been tempted to write a few of my own.”
“Why haven’t you?”
He sighed. “I will, once my more pressing matters are accomplished. What about you?”
I stroked the spines of the books to my left, wondering what laid within them. “I had hoped to live out my escapist fantasy. But you already knew that.”
“Perhaps, once this is over, and you get the life you want, you can have time to write your story as one with a happy ending,” he suggested, though he sounded anything but enthusiastic about the idea.
Setting my lamp down on the nearest table, I took a step closer to him, searching his face. “Do you not wish for me to live happily ever after with the prince?”
“I think, after what we’ve all put you through, that you deserve to be happy.” His eyes bore deep into my own, his expression tinged with melancholy. “Even if it’s with him.”
“What if I no longer know what would make me happy?”
“Then I’ll help you find it,” he promised, unmistakably sincere.
“Why are you being so nice to me when I have failed my part of our initial deal?” I whispered, unsure if I was poking a bear or mining for gems. “You said the situation has changed, but you could have easily blamed it on me.”
“The easiest choices are hardly ever the best ones to make,” he said, putting the book back in its slot. “You did your best with what you were given, and we have already agreed to try something different. There’s no use holding it against you.”
“Even if it would make you feel better?”
Roderick shook his head. “That’s not what would make me feel better about the ending you’re choosing.”
Breath caught in my throat, I asked, “Then what would?”
He seemed reluctant to answer. I set my hand on his arm, searching his face for a tell of any sort.
I couldn’t hold back anymore. I had to know. “How do you feel?”
“For you? I feel the unexpected,” he admitted, sounding just as breathless as I was. “I should not have grown attached to you, let alone cared enough to develop feelings for you. But I have, and now I don’t know what to do about it.”
This was what I felt towards him, too, an intense attachment and romantic feelings I’d never experienced before, cultivated against better judgment, and yet, I wasn’t elated to learn that he returned my feelings since he didn’t sound happy about it.
“Are you thinking of keeping me here with you?” I asked tentatively.
“No,” he said solemnly. “I will do what we already agreed upon. I will do everything in my power so that you get what you wanted, and I will make sure he makes you happy.”
“How will you do that?”
A grin broke out at the mention. “With the warning that it would be in his best interest to do so.”
As sweet as his sense of honor was, it wasn’t what I had wanted to hear.
I wished he’d said he wanted to keep me here with him.
Feeling on the verge of tears, I swallowed hard and whispered “I may have been put through the wringer since I met you, but thank you for trying to make things right.”
He covered up his surprised laugh with a cough. “Thank me when we’re done, and you’re happy.”
I squeezed his arm before letting it go. “All right, I’ll hold you to it then.”
Roderick’s grin dimmed into a fond smile, his eyes growing tender. “You should try to get some sleep, we might have a long night tomorrow.”
“Then recommend me a dull tome by an oddball enthusiast.”
“I’ll do something better.” He reached over my head and pulled out a pale blue book. “This should be on the other side of the room, but my mother liked to keep it here.”
It was a copy of The Winter King, the story we’d discussed after he’d saved me from the trolls.
I took it from him, stroking the surface of the front cover. “If you’re going to start making amends by giving me what I want, you can start by reading this to me.”
“As you wish.” He headed to the door and bowed as he opened it for me. “Lead the way.”
Ingwer beat me out the door, making us both laugh.
I tried to retrace my steps, before settling for following the cat back to my bedroom. Once I got into bed, he pulled a chair up to sit by me, while Ingwer hopped onto the space beside me and curled up, purring loudly.
Roderick read me three chapters, in that deep, hypnotic voice of his, making me see everything he described as if it was happening before me.
At one point, my vision grew unfocused and I was pulled into a blessed slumber where I dreamed of tender, silver eyes, and a hand that led me through faerie, crystal castles and onto wooly mammoths, flying sleighs and a snowy moon. .
It was a shame it could only be a dream.