8. Lucy
Chapter eight
Lucy
The soft ping of my phone breaks the silence of the clinic’s front desk. I glance down, expecting something mundane — an email update, maybe a reminder for an appointment. But what I see makes my stomach twist.
It’s an email from my father’s lawyer, confirming the date of the engagement party. It’s set. It’s happening.
My heart sinks as I read the email again, the words blurring together. The date is set, the event planner has been hired, and I need to meet with them soon. The list of details I need to finalize is endless. And my father’s expectations hover over it all like a shadow, weighing me down.
If it weren’t for the fact that this is an arranged marriage — a marriage I never wanted, a marriage I have no say in — maybe I could have been excited.
Maybe I could have looked forward to the party, to the thought of a life together with someone who made me feel something.
But none of that applies to this situation.
I’m just a pawn in my father’s plan to save his business, and I’m not even sure what hurts more — the fact that I’m trapped in this or that I can’t even think of a way out.
My hands tremble as I scroll down, the shaking so subtle I almost don’t notice. The tightness in my chest makes it hard to breathe.
I quickly delete the email. I know that if I leave it in my inbox for even a moment longer, it will only feel like a reminder that I have no control over my life. No control over my choices.
I try to push the thoughts away as I focus on the front desk. The buzz of the clinic, the constant ringing of the phone, the soft chatter of staff members all help ground me, even if it’s only for a little while. But it doesn’t last long.
My thoughts drift, and I can’t help but think of Liam.
Why is it so easy to think about him? Why does the thought of him make everything else feel so... complicated?
I reach down and run my fingers through the fur of Nibbs, who’s taken to curling up in my lap while I’m at work.
He’s always been my comfort in moments like this, his soft purring and little nuzzles against my hands a gentle reminder that life doesn’t always have to be as complicated as I make it.
But today, even Nibbs doesn’t seem to help.
“Nibbs,” I whisper, scratching him behind the ears, “I don’t know what to do.”
He looks up at me with his big, round eyes, and for a second, it almost feels like he understands. He snuggles closer, his tiny paws reaching up to gently nudge my hand, as if telling me to stop thinking for a moment and just be.
I try to take his advice, focusing on the soft rhythm of his breathing, but just as I do, Stella walks up to the front desk, a knowing smile on her face.
She’s been watching me, I can tell. Watching the way I’ve been distracted lately, the way I seem to be miles away even when I’m right here, sitting in the clinic.
“You okay, Luce?” she asks, her voice light but carrying a weight of concern. “You’ve been looking a little off.”
I force a smile. “Yeah, just... tired, I guess.”
She raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. “Tired, huh? Well, I think you could use a break. Come on, let’s grab some coffee. It’ll do you some good.”
I don’t argue. I know I’ve been distant, and I can feel the weight of her gaze on me as she waits for me to stand up. I glance at the clock. I’ve been working nonstop, trying to keep my mind off the email, off everything that’s coming. A little break wouldn’t hurt.
I nod, standing up from my chair. “Okay, let’s go. But first let me put Nibbs in the cage with his brother.”
We leave the clinic and walk down the street to the local coffee shop. The air is crisp today, and the scent of coffee fills the small café as we step inside. It’s quiet in here, and the warm light from the windows makes everything feel a little less heavy.
We stand in line, and Stella, as usual, picks the moment to tease me.
“So, I saw you with Liam the other day,” she starts, her voice playful. “What’s going on between you two?”
I feel my stomach drop. I try to brush it off, but she’s already looking at me with that mischievous grin.
“What do you mean?” I ask, doing my best to sound casual, though I can feel my cheeks flush.
Stella shrugs, leaning casually against the counter. “Oh, I don’t know. You two seem... close. I saw the way he looked at you.”
I’m at a loss for words. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I try to laugh it off, but it comes out as a little more of a nervous chuckle than I intended.
“I’m not sure what you mean,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady.
Stella, however, isn’t fooled. “Oh, I think you do. Don’t play dumb with me. I’ve never seen Liam act that way around any woman before. And the way he talks to you? It’s different.”
I glance toward the window, and to my surprise, I spot him. Liam. He’s standing outside, talking to a local vendor. They’re laughing, and for a moment, it’s just him in his element, at ease with the world. And I’m... watching.
I can’t stop the smile that forms on my lips before I catch myself.
Stella notices immediately. She leans in, a teasing glint in her eyes. “I knew it! You’re totally into him.”
My cheeks flush even deeper now. “It’s not like that,” I say, but it’s barely a whisper.
Stella raises an eyebrow. “Then why are you blushing? Why are you looking at him like that?”
I turn my head quickly, trying to hide the smile I can’t seem to control. “I’m not looking at him like anything,” I say quickly, trying to cover my tracks.
“Uh-huh,” she says, clearly unconvinced. “if it's anything I’ve never seen him this interested in a woman. Not like this. He’s different with you.”
My stomach churns. I didn’t expect to hear this. I didn’t think anyone would notice. But hearing it from Stella... it makes everything feel so much more real. So much more impossible.
I turn away, pretending to look at the menu. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
Stella presses on, her voice softer now, but there’s still a teasing undertone. “Well, maybe if you like him so much, you should just go for it.”
The words hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel my chest tighten. I want to laugh, to brush it off, but I can’t. “It’s not that simple,” I say, my voice almost cracking.
“Why not?” she asks, her eyes gentle now. “If you like him, why not see where it goes?”
I feel my pulse quicken. “Because I can’t,” I whisper, my heart pounding. “I can’t because it’s not fair to him. It’s not fair to me. I’ve got…. I can’t let myself fall for him.”
Stella doesn’t press further, and for once, I’m grateful. She just gives me a long look, and I can see the understanding in her eyes, even though she doesn’t say anything else.
We sip our drinks in silence, and I watch Liam from across the street, wishing for something I can never have.
Later that evening, back in my apartment, I sit by the window, the weight of everything still pressing down on me. The engagement contract sits heavy in my mind, its words echoing in my chest. I pull my journal close, needing an outlet, needing to pour my thoughts onto the page.
I write the date at the top, then the title: “The Man I Could Love, If I Was Free.”
I pause for a moment, staring at the words. There’s so much I want to say. So much I wish I could feel. But I can’t. Not now.
I write:
If I had the chance, maybe I could love him.
Maybe I could build something with him. But I can’t.
The life that’s been planned for me doesn’t include him.
It doesn’t include me, either. It’s not my choice to make, and I know that.
But that doesn’t stop me from wanting something different.
I want him. But I can’t have him. Not when I have this engagement looming over me.
Not when I know I’ll break his heart before it even starts.
I close the journal and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes. The world outside is dark, quiet, and all I can hear is the pounding of my heart in my chest.
But I can’t stop myself from wanting more.