Chapter 1 #2
But there was a pattern, and she could see it replaying all over again.
Joel’s distance. His frequent weekend ‘conferences’ and training courses, the late nights in the office.
She’d been suspicious for ages and had actually gone so far as to ring his office one evening to check if he was there.
His secretary had answered, cool, professional and rather surprised.
‘Yes, Mrs Trent, he’s here. Shall I put you through?’
She’d felt foolish, paranoid. ‘No, it’s fine, thank you. Just tell him… tell him I’ll have dinner ready for him for seven thirty, so if he’s going to be any later could he let me know?’
She’d rung off, her heart hammering as she realised how pathetic that had sounded. Stupid. She’d dreaded what he would say when he got home.
It had been a relief when he hadn’t mentioned it. In fact, she’d been so relieved about it that she hadn’t even moaned that it was now eight thirty and dinner was dried up and ruined.
There were a lot of things Jenna hadn’t mentioned.
Like the new shirt he’d bought himself. Or the haircut he’d had recently at an expensive new salon, rather than the one he always went to.
Or the fancy aftershave he was suddenly splashing on, even though Joel never bought his own aftershave and she had no idea where he’d got that one from.
And the song.
She’d thought he’d developed an unexpected and belated passion for Taylor Swift’s music, but gradually it had dawned on her that he only really listened to one of her songs, almost on repeat. ‘August’. A song that he often sang along with, a smirk on his lips when he caught her watching him.
‘What? Don’t you like my singing?’
‘You seem to love this song,’ she’d told him hesitantly. ‘I didn’t even know you liked Taylor Swift.’
‘I never really noticed her music before, but this one’s so good, isn’t it? There’s something about it.’
It was a song full of regret and sadness, as a woman looked back on a relationship with a man who had never really belonged to her.
‘I honestly don’t know how I missed it when it first came out,’ he said.
Jenna couldn’t help wondering how it had suddenly come to his attention. Had someone played it for him? Was it ‘their’ song?
Coincidence, she told herself repeatedly. Fiercely. It’s just a good song.
And it was. But she hated it now.
As she finally turned the car into their street, Jenna wondered whether she was hoping for Joel to be home or if she’d prefer him to still be out.
The truth was, he wasn’t pleasant to be around these days.
He was snappy all the time, finding fault with her, picking on her for the most insignificant things.
He had no patience with the girls and seemed to resent every moment spent in their company.
It was as if he was looking for reasons to fight. Reasons to blame her. Reasons to leave…
She pulled into the driveway and pinched the bridge of her nose in a vain attempt to relieve her stress. There was no light on in the living room or bedroom, so either Joel was in the kitchen or he wasn’t back yet. A quick glance at her phone showed there’d been no message or missed call.
She turned to look at the children, smiling softly as she realised they were half asleep.
‘Come on, sleepyheads,’ she told them. ‘We’re home.’
Funny, but it didn’t feel like it. She’d felt happier, more relaxed, in Kelsea Sands. She didn’t want to get out of the car. There was a part of her that just wanted to turn around and drive straight back to Watersmeet.
She reached over and gently shook Ada’s leg. ‘Come on! Let’s get inside.’
The girls groaned and clambered out of the car, Jenna following.
She gave the garage a brief glance but knew without checking that her husband’s car wasn’t in there.
Well, he’d just have to park on the street, wouldn’t he?
She wasn’t moving her car in there now, especially as she’d probably be out before him the following morning.
She unlocked the front door and ushered the twins into the hallway. Flicking on the light, she led them into the living room where they immediately flopped onto the sofa as if all their energy was spent.
‘Right,’ she said, determined to sound cheerful, ‘bath time. Then supper before bed.’
She switched on the television so the house didn’t feel so shockingly empty and flicked the living flame effect on the electric fire into action to make the room feel cosier.
It was still light outside, and fairly warm, but she felt as if she needed the imaginary warmth from the flames somehow, even if they were artificial.
The girls behaved themselves, to her relief, and half an hour later they were bathed, dressed in clean pyjamas, and were sitting at the table in the kitchen tucking into peanut butter on wholemeal toast, and a glass each of warm milk.
Hair brushed, teeth cleaned, story read, by eight thirty they were in bed, and Jenna busied herself stacking the dishwasher, ironing their school uniforms and making their packed lunches to save her time the following morning.
By half past ten, she was feeling so sick she thought she might throw up, but there was anger, too. How dare he do this to her again?
She grabbed her phone, even though she’d promised herself she wouldn’t do it, and sent him a text message.
Where are you? I’m worried. You should have been back by four or thereabouts. Just let me know you’re okay.
She couldn’t even bring herself to add an ‘x’ even though she always did. She sat with the phone on her lap, trying to watch a film on television and doing her best to resist glancing repeatedly at the screen to check for a reply.
By eleven fifteen, she accepted defeat. She had to be up early for work the next day and even though she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to sleep until he got home, she’d have to try. She’d be no use to anyone if she was falling asleep during the day.
She picked up her phone, her stomach clenching as she saw that Joel had read the message over half an hour ago, but he hadn’t replied.
Shaking, she switched off the television. Then, turning off the lamp, she went resignedly up to bed.