Chapter 24
Sam had spent Saturday afternoon at Cartwheel Cottage with Luke, Katy, their two children and Pip the dog.
They’d planned to eat lunch outside, but it had turned pretty nippy, so they’d ended up indoors, eating Luke’s famous hot dogs with lots of fried onions and ketchup, followed by Katy’s far more elegant baked cheesecake.
He’d thought he’d done a pretty good job of acting normally, but Luke had known Sam long enough to tell when something was wrong, and when Katy – after giving them a knowing look – ushered the children and Pip into the living room leaving the men at the table, Sam knew he wouldn’t waste any time asking his friend what was on his mind.
Sure enough, Luke came straight out with it. ‘Is it work?’ he asked. ‘If you’ve changed your mind, it’s okay, but you need to let me know, Sam. I’ll have to sort out someone to take your place, and—’
‘It’s not work,’ Sam said quickly. ‘I can’t wait to get back to it. I’m so sick of serving behind that bar. It’s just not me. Well, you know how it feels.’
‘I do,’ Luke said, clearly relieved that his first guess had been incorrect.
He had, after all, been in the same situation himself once.
His parents had assumed he would take over running The Seagull Inn one day and had been astonished when he told them he wanted to build houses for a living instead.
But like Seb, they’d never stood in his way or made a fuss about it, which Luke had always been grateful for.
‘So if it’s not work… Is it the pub? I know it must be hard for you, seeing it go up for sale. I must admit, when we saw the details in the estate agent’s window in Millensea the other day, we were gutted for you. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if The Seagull was going to be sold.’
‘It’s something I’ve had to come to terms with,’ Sam said heavily. ‘If Dad doesn’t want to run it any more, that’s his decision. Just as me not running it is mine. I should have let him sell it after Mum died. I was wrong to step in when I did.’
‘You only did what you thought was right at the time,’ Luke said. ‘Has he found anywhere else to live? Have you?’
‘No. We’ve hardly looked, to be honest. Well, I haven’t.
I don’t know about Dad. He never mentions it, but I’m sure if he’d found somewhere he’d have told me.
I’m not too worried. We have a good friend who won’t see us on the streets, and he has plenty of room.
Then once Dad gets the money from the sale, he’ll be able to buy himself a bungalow by the sea.
Maybe he’ll give me a bed there until I find another flat to rent. ’ He gave a mirthless laugh.
‘What is it, Sam?’ Luke asked gently. ‘Something’s been getting you down recently and you’re worrying me. Is there anything I can do to help?’
‘Nothing,’ Sam said sadly. ‘It’s the oldest story in the book, I’m afraid.’
‘Ah!’ Luke sat back and folded his arms. ‘A woman.’
‘Yeah. Who’d have thought it?’
‘So, tell me all about her,’ Luke said, ‘and why she’s breaking your heart. Is it unrequited love? Is that the problem?’
‘I wish I knew,’ Sam told him. ‘At least then I’d know it was time to give up. Deep down, I think I do know, but all the time she says nothing there’s this tiny little bit of hope that keeps me hanging on… God, I sound so pathetic.’
‘I know all about sounding pathetic,’ Luke reminded him. ‘What about when Katy was with that moronic ex of hers, remember?’
They looked at each other and laughed. ‘Simon,’ they chorused, then glanced nervously at the door in case Katy had heard.
‘He really was a prat,’ Luke said. ‘Yet Katy was actually going to marry him, and I couldn’t say anything, could I? And there I was—’
‘Pining away like a lost puppy,’ Sam said, remembering all too well how lovesick and heartbroken Luke had been. ‘But at least your story had a happy ending. Look at you both now.’
‘You don’t know that yours won’t have a happy ending, too.’
‘No, but I’ve got a pretty good idea that I’m on a hiding to nothing,’ Sam said glumly.
Briefly, and with some embarrassment, he told his friend about his and Jenna’s recent visit to Weltringham. How he’d shown her Cartwheel Cottage and how they’d walked together down the lane, and how he’d confessed how he felt about her. And about that kiss…
‘And she just left you?’ Luke asked, baffled. ‘She didn’t tell you how she felt?’
‘Not a word.’
‘And you didn’t ask her? Make her talk about it?’
‘How could I? I was mortified. I’d been so sure, Luke. That kiss – it was mind-blowing! At least, from my point of view. I honestly thought she’d felt the same, but I must have been wrong, mustn’t I? She wouldn’t have run off like that if she did.’
‘This was, when exactly?’
‘Wednesday, before I came here.’ Sam sighed.
‘You never said a word!’
‘I was reeling from it all. If I’m honest, I was embarrassed, too. Humiliated. I couldn’t believe she’d sent me packing like that. She still hasn’t mentioned it and it’s Saturday now, so what does that tell you?’
‘It’s all a bit odd,’ Luke agreed. ‘But then, it all sounds really messy to me. She’s clearly still entangled with her ex, and then she has two children to consider.
Have you thought about that, Sam? If you and she did get together, you’d be taking on two young girls.
Some other man’s daughters. Could you handle that? ’
‘If Katy had had kids with Simon, would you have let that put you off?’
Luke grinned. ‘Not for a minute. But even so, you must be certain, because it’s a huge commitment.’
‘I’ve always wanted kids,’ Sam said with absolute certainty. ‘A family. A home. Like this place – full of love and happiness. Imagine coming home to a loving wife and kids every evening. Just imagine it.’
‘Well,’ Luke said thoughtfully, ‘obviously I don’t have to imagine it. But it worries me a bit. Are you sure you’re not just latching on to Jenna for the wrong reasons?’
‘What do you mean by that?’
Luke held up his hands. ‘Don’t sound so defensive.
I wasn’t having a go. I’m just thinking that, for a long time now, you’ve been broody for a family of your own, and you’ve talked about having a home, a wife and kids for ages.
Well, Jenna’s got a home, and she’s got kids and – no, don’t look at me like that, Sam. Hear me out.’
He sighed and shuffled back in his chair.
‘I don’t want to insult you or anything, but I’m just thinking that it would be super convenient, wouldn’t it?
A woman who comes with a house and ready-made children.
I’m not saying it’s a deliberate choice.
Just, are you absolutely sure that you’d still feel the same about Jenna, even if she was a single woman living with her mum? ’
Sam knew Luke well enough to know that he wasn’t being deliberately provocative.
He was genuinely worried, and his concerns deserved some consideration.
But even as he gave the matter some thought, he knew it wasn’t the case at all.
It was Jenna he loved, with or without everything that went with her.
‘If Jenna was single and childless, and she told me she could never have children,’ he said slowly, ‘I’d still want to be with her.
It’s her, Luke. The moment she sneaked into the pub that night, looking so…
so bloody fragile and beautiful, I knew it was her.
I’ve never felt that way before. Like a kick in the guts. She’s special. She’s the one.’
‘Blimey,’ Luke said wonderingly, ‘it seems like you’ve finally met her then. Miss Right.’
‘Trouble is,’ Sam said, ‘she’s Mrs Right. And that makes it all a lot more complicated, as you said. Honestly, I just don’t know if she’s over Joel yet, even though he’s an absolute git and makes Simon look like Britain’s most eligible bachelor.’
‘Bloody hell!’
‘I know!’ Sam laughed. ‘But seriously, if she’s still not over him, after everything he’s done to her… Maybe I just have to accept that she never will be. And if whatever it is she feels for me isn’t enough to make her see that Joel’s no good – well, I don’t know what else I can do.’
‘I’m sorry, Sam,’ Luke said kindly. ‘I can only hope that she sees sense in the end.’
Sam nodded. It was all he could hope, too. The question was, how long should he wait before admitting it was never going to happen, and giving up on Jenna for good?
Katy dropped Sam off outside The North Star at half past nine that evening, because Luke and Sam had gone into Millensea earlier for a few drinks and a curry, at her insistence.
‘Luke never gets to enjoy an evening with his mates,’ she’d told Sam. ‘The least he deserves is a bloody beer. I’ll take you home if you get a taxi back here and you can pick the car up tomorrow, or we’ll drop it off for you. It’s no problem.’
As she pulled up outside the pub she nodded at the bay windows, through which the lighted room, packed with happy revellers, was clearly visible. ‘Wow! Still busy in there, I see.’
‘Yes. Still summer season for a while longer. It starts to quieten down a bit from mid-September, although it always ticks over, thank God.’ Realising what he’d said, he sighed. ‘Not that it will matter to us much longer. Someone else’s problem soon.’
‘Do you think you’ll still come here to drink sometimes?’ she asked gently.
‘Honestly?’ Sam glanced at the pub that he’d loved, heart and soul, all his life.
The place he’d always thought of as home, even when he’d had his own flat in Millensea.
Would he still think of it as home when his dad no longer lived there?
‘I just don’t know,’ was the best answer he could give her.
‘See you soon, Sam,’ she told him as he climbed out of the car.
He waved to her as she reversed and drove back towards Weltringham. For a moment he stood, staring at the river, then as if compelled by some invisible force, he walked to the corner of the road and gazed across at Watersmeet.