Chapter 13
NOW: MAGGIE
This was Maggie’s final chance. She knew it. She felt it in her heart and throughout her bones. So, while she didn’t like the idea of talking to a complete stranger again, she also was at the end of her rope as to what to do.
Right there. Diana was right there. Damien was gone.
He sounded good the last time they chatted, when she let him know that she’d bought a house and moved out of Diana’s.
She let him know that she perhaps wasn’t ready for Thanksgiving together.
He suggested that she spend it at least with Maya then, and she was both grateful and guilty at the suggestion, because she took him up on it.
It was terrible loving someone so much and hating them too.
She wondered if that’s how Diana had felt about her in the past, but decided to dwell on the positives.
Damien was happy and taking a chance on love. And he wanted her to do the same.
The problem was, she truly didn’t know how. Which is why he’d suggested talking to someone again. He didn’t press her, not like before when the circumstances had been much more dire after her—accident.
Now she sat, looking at the virtual waiting room on Zoom, to meet with a Dr. Love.
That was literally their name. When she saw that Dr. Love was LGBTQ+ friendly, and specialized in working with patients who were later in life in realizing or acknowledging their queerness, she was intrigued, but mostly, it made her feel safe.
Her screen notified her that the meeting was about to begin, right at 10am sharp.
The screen took a second to connect and then she was met with a beautiful brown face that she could swear was heart-shaped.
Their brown eyes were rich and deep and complimented by the red undertones in their brown skin.
“Margaret, hi, I’m Dr. Love, but please call me Lauren.
It is so nice to meet you.” Maggie watched how their brown eyes crinkled slightly at the corners as they smiled around her.
Even though there were many miles between them—Dr. Love, or Lauren, was in New York City—Maggie thought she could feel her genuine warmth.
“Maggie, and it is nice to meet you too,” Maggie said sheepishly.
Lauren looked to be about a decade younger than her, but still older than her daughter, Maya, so she felt like that was a win.
Still the age difference gave her a slight pause, mainly because, like her daughter, Lauren probably didn’t think queerness was a big deal.
“So I like to treat these intro sessions a little differently, give us a chance to figure out if this is a good fit. I’d love to understand what brought you here—though I did read your intake form, I find it's helpful to talk it out, and I can share a bit about how I work and we can exchange questions and hopefully, answers. Sound good?”
Maggie let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding while nodding her agreement. Just like dating, except you definitely hold the cards here, she wants to take on patients. She wants to help. She wants billable hours.
“Great,” Lauren said, and then seemed to sit back a little in their chair, revealing a bit more of their space.
They were seated in front of a forest green wall and had what appeared to be a row of artwork behind them.
The green only enriched the cheetah pattern of the glasses Lauren slid onto her face, accentuating the deep berry lipstick they wore.
“So tell me, Maggie,” they said the nickname with an emphasis that seemed like they were committing it to memory, which Maggie appreciated, “why you’re here. ”
The question was so loaded, and Lauren seemed to smile in acknowledgement. Maggie thought, fuck it. She had more to lose, but they were all non-negotiable at this point: herself, Maya, Diana.
“I’m about to lose the love of my life forever,” Maggie said.
The intro session had gone surprisingly well.
Lauren had listened to her and explained that she likes to lead with both empathy, but also with challenging questions.
Maggie knew that she needed to be challenged, she had been stuck in her status quo for too long.
Besides, at the end of the call, Lauren had turned in her chair slightly revealing some of the artwork Maggie assumed was what was framed behind her.
She could now see they were framed movie posters, and the one that Lauren revealed was 1998’s Practical Magic.
Walking around her new house that was not yet a home, she surveyed the new boxes from storage that had arrived earlier.
She could unpack them, or she could…she didn’t really have an answer to that.
Then she remembered it had been some time since she’d heard her daughter’s voice, and for so long, it had been the one thing in her life that had actually made her feel complete.
Like she had been put on the planet and lived the life she’d lived just so she could hear it.
She knew it was her job as the parent to give to Maya, but she also knew that Maya would never understand the absolute gift she was to her.
She remembered when she had just been born, and she was sitting at home alone reading a story of a young woman who had been kicked out of her house for being a lesbian.
She’d just put Maya down for a nap, and sat there, for the first time realizing she was on the other side of things.
And she couldn’t understand how someone could look into the face of their baby and ever push them out.
It had cracked something wide open inside of her, and she’d found herself promising to love Maya unconditionally always at the same time that she wept for the little girl named Margaret McDonald who had such a mother.
“So, you’re asking me to come home to you for Thanksgiving and not Dad?
Are you so opposed to him coming?” Maggie closed her eyes at Maya’s insinuation.
But she had promised herself she’d be honest with her daughter moving forward.
“I am not ready, okay? And I thought it would be a nice chance for you to be able to see the new house and still get to know Maplewood a bit,” Maggie offered.
There was a pause on the other end where she knew her daughter was doing some kind of emotional math, math she hated making her do, but in the end Maya sighed and agreed.
“And who knows, maybe Diana’s daughter, Lily, you both were friendly right? Oh and Hanna, maybe the three of you can hang out again?”
Another pause, and then Maya sighed again and said, “Mom I am happy to come home and see your new house—”
“Our new house,” Maggie interjected.
“Your new house because we don’t know where I’ll land after school, depending on how grad school apps go.
And Lily is apparently headed up north to her aunt’s and Hanna, well, she isn’t looking forward to Thanksgiving.
Anyway, I would love to spend some time with you.
I am worried about you after all, Dad is too. ”
She wanted to scream at that a little. Had they been talking about her?
But, she took a deep breath instead. She had gotten Maya to agree to come home for Thanksgiving, she needed to sit with that win.
Of course Maya still had a relationship with Damien; she wanted her to.
She wanted one, too. She needed Damien and her to be okay, just like she needed Maya to always feel safe with her.
But most of all, she needed Diana to not hate her.
But first things first.
“Small victories,” Maggie said to the empty house.