Chapter 31
NOW: MAGGIE
Maggie was on her stomach, coming down from one of the most intense orgasms she’d ever had, the kind she’d only ever had with Diana, who was next to her on her back.
Maggie had an arm stretched out lazily over Diana’s stomach.
Maggie let the last tears fall from her eyes, completely relieved and blissed out.
Please let us have this. She would never deny Diana anything again.
Not only because she never wanted to hurt Diana again, she had hurt her enough for a lifetime, but because it was Diana’s words that finally allowed her to understand the truth: denying Diana was denying herself, and denying herself was denying Diana.
Because they belonged to each other, their pain and pleasure were completely inseparable. They were together.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Diana said finally, and Maggie realized her eyes had closed. When she opened them and turned her head slightly to be able to see Diana, she felt more tears slide down her cheeks. So perhaps there were more yet.
“Maggie, you were a kid, and she was your elder, role model, I don’t know what you call it.
She was the adult—Coach Matthews, I mean.
You were just a kid and all kids look for guidance, it’s how they learn about the world around them, how they make sense of things they are experiencing.
You were a kid seeking guidance, and you got it.
” Diana let out a long breath. “And I want to believe she thought, in the moment you found her, she thought she was giving you good advice. I mean look at what the Wrights had done to her. What she had to experience. What she’d seen as a gay woman back then.
Yeah, I choose to believe that in her own way she was trying to protect you from experiencing all the pain she’d experienced.
And then you kept punishing yourself, kept holding on to someone else’s pain and fear till they were your own.
It’s not her fault. It’s not your fault.
It’s the hate, the fear, the bigotry and I refuse to let it continue on.
I refuse to hate her for what she said to you, and I refuse to continue to hate you. ”
It was like Maggie had been waiting to inhale, the final piece of everything she’d been missing slid into place, and she sat up enough to fall back into Diana’s arms and wept.
They didn’t leave the bed for hours after that.
Not until the late afternoon. They made love the entire time, on and off.
Stopping to catch their breaths and nap intermittently, until one of them began dropping lazy kisses over the other’s skin.
It was like they were both trying to make up for lost time but also celebrate the fact that they now had time. They had an after.
And Maggie was glad for it. In Diana’s bed, she found herself enveloped in a safety she’d denied herself for so long.
A freedom she’d denied herself for so long.
She couldn’t stop smiling at the idea of finally being able to have it.
It would take her some time to forgive herself for everything, but she agreed that she had spent enough time punishing herself.
Punishing them. Here they were in their after, and she intended on making it a happily ever one.
There was just one more aspect they needed to discuss that had Maggie slightly nervous again. But she was going to push through it, that’s what you had to do in relationships, be brave. And besides, she trusted now, more than ever, that they could work on things together.
Before she could say anything though, her stomach did.
“Yeah, I am starving too,” Diana said from beside her, chuckling.
“All I’ve had today is coffee. Come on, I’ll make us something and then we can shower.
” Maggie was starving, yes, but she liked the idea of showering with Diana like they had all the time in the world.
She hadn’t showered with her since she couldn’t remember.
“Cool but I still have more to say, to talk—” Maggie took a breath as they climbed out of bed, “to work out with you, to work out together.” Maggie smiled at the erasure of the worry on Diana’s face.
“Together,” Diana said, smiling widely. “Let me get us some sweats.”
Twenty minutes later they were back in the kitchen, the smell of waffles and eggs still hanging in the air.
Apparently, Diana just kept waffle batter on hand and had been aching to use the waffle machine.
“Feels like a waste to whip it out just for me,” she’d said as Maggie went and secured them orange juice and water for their very late breakfast. They had eaten in a focused silence, given how hungry they’d been.
Now, Maggie was clearing the table and Diana was looking at her with a smile on her face. A smile Maggie would never get tired of.
“What?” Maggie said, smiling back as she turned from the sink.
“I don’t know, still just happy I guess,” Diana said, shrugging her shoulders slightly.
“Me too,” Maggie said.
They stared at each other, like two goofy teenagers. Perhaps how they had looked at each other once when they were teenagers. The same way that had given them away to the likes of Mary Wright, now Mary McAvoy.
“So,” Diana started, setting her hands on the island, “what did you want to talk about, what do you want to work on, together?”
“Can we talk in the shower? I can start, but now that I am full I’d really like a shower, and I'd really like to talk in the shower with you.”
Diana smiled even wider at that and stood to lead them to her bathroom.
Maggie took a second to relish in the bliss that was a steamy bathroom, warm spray, and a naked and flushed Diana.
They were standing in her generously-sized shower, which easily fit the both of them.
There was a bench at the end of the shower where Maggie supposed Diana sometimes sat, given the pain in her joints from time to time.
The size was lovely but the most amazing thing about the shower was that Diana had installed multiple shower heads at varying heights, so that no matter which way they turned, both were under the warm spray.
Once they were warm and flushed, Diana pulled out the soap and began to wash Maggie, a moment she didn’t want to ruin but she also knew she had promised a conversation. “So listen, I want us to be together, okay?” Maggie felt Diana’s hands pause on her back where they had been making circles.
“Okay? We are together,” Diana said definitively and Maggie laughed.
“Okay, just wanted to say it out loud, that you’re my girlfriend again.”
“It’s a start,” Diana said, which made Maggie’s insides do funny things. Diana began to wash her back again.
“There is just one thing I am not ready for yet, okay? I need to be able to tell Maya in my own time.”
This caused Diana to pause again, but Maggie felt a wave of relief as she started rubbing her hands down to her lower back again.
“Okay, how long do you think?”
“I don’t know? I just, I still have a lot of work to do with Lauren, and,” she turned so that she could look Diana in the eyes, “I want this, so badly, and I don’t want to ask you for more time, just—-” Maggie stopped because she was, in fact, asking for more time.
Diana took a few moments to stare back at her, her expression unreadable. And then, she leaned over and kissed Maggie deeply.
When they finally broke apart, Diana said, “Okay, Mags, haven’t you figured out by now I will give you anything and everything every time? This time though, it feels different, it doesn’t hurt.”
Maggie smiled sadly and kissed Diana once more, trying to put all her gratitude and promises into the kiss.
Pulling apart again, Diana then said, “Though while we are laying things out here, I want to ask you something.”
“Anything,” Maggie said, and she meant it.
“I need to be able to tell Lily, I don’t keep things from her.”
“Okay, fair—”
“And you should know, I suspect our daughters are a lot closer than you may think, considering you’ve never brought it up.”
Maggie hadn’t noticed this, and she realized with horror that she’d been so consumed by her own drama over the last year that she might have missed whatever Diana was suggesting.
“Close how? I know they went up to your winter place this past break,” Maggie said, offering the information she did have.
“Yeah well, my daughter, she’s a bit of a flirt. Takes after Julia in that way, if you remember.”
At that, Maggie smiled slightly. “Do I ever. I think I was the only girl she didn’t hit on in high school.”
“Because I would have destroyed her.” Diana’s navy eyes intensified as she looked back at Maggie, and Maggie felt her stomach swoop. “You were mine,” Diana whispered, but her tone was serious and almost deadly. It sent shivers down Maggie’s spine.
“So,” Maggie said, trying not to be distracted by a sexy as hell Diana. “You think Lily, and Maya?”
Diana’s crooked grin changed and she pursed her lips.
“You could say that, but I also think there is a bit of complication there, Mary’s girl definitely has a thing for my daughter.
Maybe it’s a love triangle. Whatever it is, I am sure they will work it out, or not, and our girls will tell us in their own time, like you’re suggesting. I just wanted to raise it as it could—”
“Complicate things,” Maggie finished. She nodded, the warm feeling in her belly turning cool. Complicating Maya’s life even more was the very last thing she wanted to do. No matter what, like she’d told Diana, she would always choose Maya over herself, without hesitation or question.
“Okay, more on that later,” Maggie said, not wanting to derail the moment even though a habitual fear was beginning to brew inside of her. “If you tell Lily then, will she tell Maya?”
“Yes, that girl cannot keep secrets.” Diana sighed, going back to washing Maggie’s body.
Maggie nodded slightly and then said, “Okay then, can I, can we tell them when they come home after graduation? Will Lily be here for the summer? I think Maya plans on spending some time in New York with Damien, but I think she’s coming home for the majority of the summer. I’d rather do it in person.”
Diana was silent for a moment but she didn’t stop what she was doing, so Maggie took that as a positive sign. Finally she said, “Yeah, I think once Lily is back here, it’ll be hard to hide, so I’d rather avoid that if possible.”
“Okay, yes, let’s do it this summer,” Maggie said as Diana slid her hands to Maggie’s hips and guided her to the spray.
“Cool, now turn around for me, I want to wash your hair.”