Chapter 15
15
T aking one last look around the trailer, I placed the key under the mat and shut the door. Stepping off the porch, I carried my bag. Sam rushed over and grabbed the handles, putting it in the trunk of Ray’s car. Looking across the street, I saw Peter load a box into the back of his truck. On his porch sat several other boxes, waiting to be loaded. And the ache dug deeper in my chest, reminding me of everything unsaid. Of all the words I hadn’t spoken to him. Though it had only been a few days, seconds had become minutes and minutes had become hours. Like yesterday morning, and the one before that, I woke up and my heart broke all over again. The pain crushed me from the inside out till I couldn’t breathe. Like the wildfire he spoke of. The flames sucking all the air and life out of me. I knew it would never leave me. No matter how far the years took me. But I felt happy, knowing that that pain would always carry the memory of him. Like the scorched earth. Even after the fire is gone, you can still see the burnt parts. Sam slammed the trunk, and I looked over to Peter’s truck, knowing if I waited any longer, I might change my mind and go with him.
“Hey, careful, Sam. She’s delicate,” Ray exclaimed.
“Cause this is in such great shape to begin with? You’ll be lucky to make it to the bus station with all three of ya.”
“You have any other bags, Grace?” Ray asked.
“No, that’s it,” I said.
“Alright, I’m gonna grab Arlene. What’s taking her so long? Probably doin’ her hair.” Ray stepped back into the trailer, yelling, “Arlene! Get your pretty butt out here, we’re gonna be late!”
“I’m comin’!” Arlene yelled.
“Another for the road?” Sam spread his arms and I smiled, locking mine around him as best as I could, given the two bellies between us. He pulled back. “I can’t believe you’re leaving. I’m gonna miss you around the station. Who’s gonna tell me all those Reader’s Digest stories now? My wife’s horrible at it. And you better tell me where you end up and what you name that baby. I want pictures. I need to see that little girl grow up. And you better tell her about Uncle Sam. The one who gave you all those Slim Jims.”
“I promise, don’t worry. I’ll tell her all the stories about you. I love ’em, so I know she will.”
“Good. I don’t want you forgettin’ about me. Oh, wait, wait, before I forget,” Sam gasped in realization, rummaging in his pockets until he found the right one. “Ah, hah! Here it is!” He held out the saguaro keychain in his palm. “You said you were gonna buy it when you got outta here.”
I grabbed the keychain from him. “Thank you, Sam.” I hugged him just as Ray and Arlene came out of the trailer.
“Alrighty, we need to head out. Your bus won’t wait forever, Grace,” Ray said, jingling the keys.
“Where are you goin’, anyway?” Sam asked.
“I don’t know yet. But I was thinkin’ some place with water. Maybe a lake or somethin’. I’ll tell you when I get there,” I promised him and gave him a kiss on the cheek before climbing into the back seat. Sam shut the door and waved. Arlene sat down in the front seat, waving at herself with a fan.
“Pete, you headin’ out?” Ray called to him. Arlene and I shared a look through the rearview mirror.
“Yeah, I wanna get a head start. It was nice meetin’ the two of you. I won’t forget you,” he said, shaking Ray’s hand.
Arlene rolled down the window and hollered, “We won’t either, hon!” she waved her hand.
Peter smiled, stepping back from the car. “Anyway, uh, I should let you guys get going. Drive safe.”
“ You, too.”
My throat tightened, the swell of tears becoming harder and harder to resist as I heard his departing footsteps. I looked up from my belly and saw Arlene’s knowing eyes watching me from the mirror. Turning away, I wiped both cheeks. Ray grunted as he climbed in and shut the door, shaking his head.
“I swear, Arlene, that poor man is leaving more depressed now than when he was comin’.”
“Ray!” Arlene smacked his arm.
“ What?”
“It’s her choice. He’s a big boy, Ray. He will get through it,” Arlene said and shook her head.
“Are you sure about that, honey? Cause, from looking at him, I don’t think he’s gonna.”
“It’s none of our business, Ray. This is between the two of ’em. It’s her choice. Her life.”
As Ray and Arlene continued to bicker at each other, the sound of Peter’s truck revved to life. Growing up, there was something that Arlene told me that stuck with me. That when I find my one exception, he’d be the first person I want to talk to in the morning and the last person I’d want to talk to at night before going to sleep. I hadn’t known what that meant at the time, but I understood it now. Love was the fluttering in my tummy whenever Peter was near. The twinkle in his eyes when he laughed. The heat that the nearness of his body brought to mine. The way his words stirred my heart and mind in the best way possible. It was knowing without a shadow of a doubt that he was the person I would always want to talk to, no matter what time of day or night. I knew he was the man who would take the words “till death do us part” to his very core. Love was him. And I knew it and didn’t want to ever let it go. The sound of tires hitting the dirt made me look over Arlene’s seat, seeing Peter’s truck move.
“Alrighty, I think we are ready to go everyone.” Ray turned the key and the car stalled. “God dang it. Why does it always do this? Every time. Paul said he fixed it. I knew it. I knew he didn’t know how—?”
“Ray, just try again.”
After the second attempt, the engine sprang to life and Ray began driving, following behind Peter’s truck that was more than halfway down the road now. So dangerously close to the exit that would take him to Golder Ranch Road and out to the highway. Then he’d be gone. Just like that. Though I’d convinced my mind, my heart would never accept it. I didn’t want to learn about life without him.
As the distance between us increased, my heart shrank as if he were taking what was left of it with him. That thin line of thread that connected us stretched further and further, and I was frightened that it would soon snap. It was then I noticed the brake lights of the truck had come on.
Ray stopped. “What’s he doin’, now?” he asked, looking over to Arlene.
Every part of me knew what he was doing. He was waiting. For me. Arlene turned around, looking at me. And I knew she knew I wanted nothing more than to get out of the car and run to him, but it was as if my mind and body hadn’t quite caught up with each other. In the time it took me to realize this, the brake lights disappeared, and the truck inched forward some more—and I felt and heard one of those fibers snap from that thin thread. All I wanted to do was entwine them again and never let it break.
“Oh, here we go. Guess he just dropped something.”
Before Ray could hit the gas, I opened the passenger door.
“Oh, good heavens, be careful of the baby!” Arlene exclaimed as I ran towards the truck, cradling my belly.
I tried to control the gasping and the tears, but I could not run any further with the baby slowing me down. My feet came to a stop just as the truck came to an abrupt halt. Peter jumped out and Harley stuck his head out the window. I let go of all the fear. I was tired of holding back. I allowed my cries of joy and relief to be heard, unworried that anyone might hear. As Peter ran over to me, the burnt parts of my soul began to heal. I ran the last several steps until our bodies collided. Our arms wrapped around each other in a tight embrace. Peter buried his head in my neck and bunched the fabric of my dress around his fingers, showing me he had no intention of letting me go again. His shoulders shook as his sobs could no longer be contained, and I felt the salty water run down my neck. He pulled back and held my face in his hands, exposing the tears in his eyes. Relief swept over his face, his loving gaze filling my heart. My lower lip quivered, and as desperation took over, I stepped up on my tip toes and kissed him.
And in this kiss, he knew that this was a love I wanted.
A love that I would never let go of.