Chapter 43
FORTY-THREE
SUTTON
T he trees are a blur, mocking me with their normalcy as we pass by.
Resting my head against the cool glass of the window, I stare unseeing at the dark landscape, the moon illuminating the faintest outlines of fir trees towering above us on either side.
I’m sure these trees have seen their fair share of humiliations over the years.
Reckless teenagers out for drunken revelries and debauchery.
They were here long before me, and they will be here long after I’m gone.
I know that thought should comfort me, put my insignificant problems into perspective, because really, in the grand scheme of things, my humiliation tonight is so meaningless when compared with all the problems that are out there in the world.
I mean, there are wars happening, people dying of famine and disease.
It’s selfish of me to be so consumed with my own problems. I know that.
Just like I know these trees that we’re passing stand as a testament to the fact that the world is so much bigger than me, and that thought should bring me comfort, but instead, I just feel more alone.
And stupid. What the hell had I been thinking?
Angrily, I swipe at my face, scrubbing at a rogue tear that escaped.
The silence that fills the truck is heavy, and I can feel the weight of Cal’s eyes as he glances in my direction.
I don’t say anything though. I wouldn’t even know what to say even if I could speak right now.
All I‘ve ever wanted was for this man to notice me, the real me . And not just as his little sister’s best friend, but as a woman.
I just keep screwing up though, finding new and humiliating ways to show him that I’ll never be good enough, never be the type of woman that he could desire.
The truck pulls to a stop, and I blink hard, pulling away from the window.
We can’t be home already. Frowning, I look more closely through the darkened glass.
This isn’t anywhere near my house. Where are we?
Turning slightly, I frown at Cal as he puts the truck into park before shoving his door open, his movements are jerky as he hops out.
Through the windshield, I watch as he rounds the front.
The clouds shift, hiding the moon, and suddenly the only illumination on this dark country road surrounded by trees is the headlights cutting a beam through the dark shadows.
My observation is cut off as Cal abruptly opens my door, reaching across my lap to unbuckle me, before I’m being unceremoniously pulled out.
“Hey!” I squeal in surprise. I’m well aware that I’m not the lightest person, and I’m not used to being manhandled like this. “Cal! Put me down.”
Instead, he carries me around to the back, lowering the tailgate and setting me down with a plop.
I wince as my scantily clad legs touch the cold metal, and shift uncomfortably in a sad attempt to try to relieve the sting from the shock of cold, grabbing onto the edge of the tailgate for balance.
Cal, for his part, has taken several steps back and is pacing, muttering under his breath as he runs an agitated hand through his hair.
I sit, silently watching, waiting. I’m sure a lecture is coming, but tonight of all nights, I really don’t want to hear it. Especially from him.
A loud sigh cuts through the silence, and suddenly he’s in my space, crowding me as he moves to stand between my legs, one hand gently brushing my hair behind my ear, caressing my face – a stark contrast from the frustration I see written all over his own.
His voice is raw as he speaks, cracking as if he hasn’t spoken in weeks.
“Are you – damn, Sutton. Did he hurt you?”
My heart is racing at his unexpected nearness, and I lick my lips nervously. His gaze shifts, and I see him glance down at my mouth, a hard swallow causing his prominent Adam’s apple to bob.
“Talk to me, Shorty. Are you alright?”
His hand is back in my hair, gently tugging to direct my gaze back up to his face.
No . I want to shout. I’m not okay. Not when you’re standing here, looking at me like this.
Not when I just made an absolute fool out of myself again, in front of you.
Not when I almost – when he almost – oh god .
The gravity of what almost happened suddenly crashes into me.
I’d been so fixated on once again making a fool out of myself in front of the man that I’ve loved since childhood, that I didn’t let myself truly process what had actually taken place in the moment.
A wave of nausea rolls through me, and I blanch as the gravity of tonight’s events hit me, my skin growing clammy despite the cool crisp air.
“Hey. You’re okay.”
Cal’s words are no more than a whisper as he pulls me into his arms. I can feel his heat seeping into me, lending me strength that my shocked system desperately wants to cling to.
He continues to whisper soft words into my hair, placing a kiss on the top of my head, but I can’t hear him through the racing of my heart, the beat pounding in my ears like a drum.
Instead, I close my eyes, leaning into his strength and imagining what it would be like if he would just tilt my face up, and see me , want to kiss me.
I know it’s wishful thinking on my part, but when he is holding me like this, his arms wrapped around me tightly and his scent making me dizzy with longing, it’s hard to remember that to him I will never be anything more than his younger sister’s silly best friend.
I’m not sure how long we sit here like this, me sitting in the back of his truck while he just holds me.
It could be minutes. It could be hours. All I know is that I’ve never felt more safe, or more seen, than I do right here and now, as we sit under the inky cloud-filled sky.
A soft vibration pulls me out of my happy place, a buzzing muffled by the sound of fabric.
“Shit, sorry.” Readjusting slightly, Cal reaches a hand into his pocket to silence his phone.
“You can get that, you know. It’s alright.”
“No, it’s fine. Probably just one of the guys.”
One of the guys meaning a teammate? I guess I did pull him away from one of his few nights off; what would otherwise be a great opportunity to party.
Guilt hits me like a brick. I took away his one night of freedom, his one chance to enjoy being a college kid.
Who knows when the next time will be where he actually has some time for himself?
God, Sutton. Way to go. Could you be more of an inconsiderate jerk?
I close my eyes, breathing deeply. It’s fine, Sutton.
It’s not your place to worry about the choices of others.
You are your own person, you can and should only focus on what you can control.
You chose to go out tonight and try to experience life for once.
It’s not your fault that Frankie tried to ruin that for you by demeaning and embarrassing you once again.
It’s not your fault that Callum decided to drive out of his way to rescue you again from said embarassme-.
Wait.
“How did you know what was going to happen?” My eyes pop open as the realization hits, and for once, Callum has the decency to look uncomfortable, shifting his feet and glancing away from me momentarily.
“Callum.” That gets his attention. My tone is sharp. It’s not often that I’m so abrupt with him. “How. Did. You. Know?”
“I -” He opens his mouth to speak, but hesitates before continuing. “You know what? The ‘how’ isn’t important. What matters is that I did know. Hell, you should have known. Frankie, Sutton? What were you thinking?”
Lena. It had to be Lena. Why the hell would she have gone running off to her brother about my big date? Ugh. I swear. I love her to pieces but she is seriously going to hear about this. She swore she wouldn’t say anything. She -
“You know what? It doesn’t matter. You’re safe. Let’s just get you home, alright? It’s been a long night, and I’m gonna have to get up at the ass crack of dawn to turn around and drive back to school before practice in the morning. Come here.”
His hands are gentle as they grab my waist, but the movement is unexpected and I startle.
Despite my size, he handles me as if I weigh no more than a feather.
At the abrupt change in position, I reach out for balance, and find solid reassurance as my hands slide across his chest when he lowers me down, slowly sliding against his front.
For a moment we’re frozen in time, his gaze searching my own, though, for what, I couldn’t say.
A small, reluctant smile pulls at the corner of his lips, and my brows furrow in confusion.
It takes a moment to register through the butterflies in my stomach and the fuzzy thoughts floating through my brain, but slowly, it dawns on me that there is faint music floating through the cracked window of his truck.
“You never did get to dance at that party.”
What?
“Come on.”
Before I have a chance to respond, I’m being spun around in a dizzying whirl.
The soft strains of music shift from some upbeat number to a slower track, and somehow, miraculously, I’m being pulled into Cal’s arms, my hands resting against his chest as he rocks us back and forth in some version of a slow dance.
Oh. My. God.
I can’t believe this is happening. This is really happening.