Chapter 53
FIFTY-THREE
JONAH
- Present Day -
I t’s always the same. The harsh chemical smell of antiseptic.
The migraine-inducing fluorescent lights.
The soft beeping of monitors that blend into the background as nurses and doctors go about their days with an underlying feeling of controlled chaos, speaking with families and completing their rounds; creating a white noise that does nothing to dull the anxiety that burrows more deeply under my skin like a thousand tiny splinters.
I shift uncomfortably in the worn-down chair of the family waiting room, scrubbing a hand over my face. It’s been hours . Hours of waiting anxiously without any updates. Robinsky’s watching me again, I can feel his gaze burning into me every time he thinks I’m not paying attention.
I know he must be a wreck too, though he tries to hide it. Every so often, I catch him alternating between restless fidgeting, and rounds of pacing back and forth; his hands pulling the short hairs at the nape of his neck as he wears a path in the faded linoleum. He looks out of place in this room.
His presence consumes the air around us, making it hard for me to think.
But then, I’m sure that for the few other people scattered sporadically about the space, they probably must think the same of me.
Two large, muscular hockey players in one small family waiting room is more than this space was designed to accommodate.
He shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be here. None of us should.
To his credit, Robinsky held it all together well though.
Surprisingly so. Much better than I have anyway.
I’m sure he knows there’s something more going on with me, if his repeated glances in my direction are any indication.
He doesn’t know what exactly is upsetting me, of course.
How could he? Despite the media presence in my life, I don’t go out of my way to publicize my family drama, and I’m meticulous about keeping the more personal details of my life private.
So aside from my immediate family and a few close friends from high school, Sutton is the only other person who knows about my family history; but then, she’s the closest family I’ve got.
And due to her own experiences, she knows more than I do in some regards.
Besides, it’s not like Robinsky and Sutton have made up and shared their most intimate secrets with one another.
He wouldn’t know about the fact that she and I met when she was in treatment for her eating disorder, or the fact that it was one of countless times I’d been in a setting like that to visit my brother; that I‘ve spent countless hours in hospital waiting rooms just like this one, praying to a god that I don’t believe in that this wouldn’t be the time when Luka died.
He wouldn’t know how disgusted I am with myself over the fact that a piece of me became more bitter each time we went through the same damn scenario; or the fact that I was becoming more and more jaded, mentally distancing myself from my brother and the possibility of losing him to an illness he couldn’t seem to overcome.
Like a ray of fucking sunshine, Sutton had broken through all the gray in my life and wormed her way into my heart, bringing a piece of me I thought’d died back to life along the way.
We’ve had our issues too, of course. Eating disorders don’t magically disappear overnight just because you successfully complete treatment; hers, or Luka’s.
But against all odds, this damn girl stole my heart, hook, line and sinker before I even knew what was happening.
Back when I was convinced that all I needed was a warm body to sink myself into to drown out the fear and the rage, and the.
. . the utter fucking uselessness I felt at not being able to do something , fucking anything , to save him.
All the while being expected to live up to the impossible standards our older brother had set, while still pretending there wasn’t a damn thing wrong when in the public eye.
Sutton saw through all that, saw a piece of me that the rest of the world couldn’t, and managed to love me anyway.
Was it the way I wanted her to love me? Probably not, but it was real, and it was her .
And when I didn’t have anything else, anyone else, that I could just be real with, she let me be . . . me.
“Are you the family of Ms. Farley?”
I bristle as the doctor stands in front of him .
Look at me, dammit. I’m her person. I’m her family.
We both stand, and I expect Robinsky to use this moment to throw it back in my face, the fact that he’s known her longer.
The fact that they look like they belong together.
The fact that he knew she was having a severe allergic reaction when it wasn’t even on my radar.
He’s hated me from day one, and this is the perfect time for him to shove me out of the picture – to come swooping in like the white knight and convince everyone that he’s the right person for her. But Sutton is mine , dammit .
“Yes.” I answer at the same time Robinsky responds, “We’re her family.” The doctor pauses, looking between the two of us, and it takes everything in me not to throw a look of surprise in his direction. We’re her family. He said ‘ we’ . Huh. Was not expecting that.
“I’m -” We speak at the same time, before stopping short. Shit. What the hell are we?
Clearing his throat, Cal continues. “This is her. . . fiancé , Jonah. I’m her, ah - brother.
” The hesitation is so brief that I doubt the doctor even noticed.
Hell, I wouldn’t have noticed if I didn’t know us .
Still, his words catch me off guard, and it takes everything in my willpower to lock down my surprise, barely restraining the quizzical look I want to throw in his direction.
To his credit, the doctor just nods along in agreement.
“How is she?”
“At the moment, she’s stable. It appears she had a pretty serious anaphylactic reaction.
We ended up needing to administer an additional dose of epinephrine upon her admission to the ED.
Her airway was restricted, so we intubated.
At the moment, she’s still on oxygen, as well as receiving additional antihistamines and IV antibiotics for her infection.
For the moment, her vitals are stable, and we anticipate she is likely to make a full recovery; however the next several hours will be critical as we continue to monitor her for further signs of complication.
And we won’t be able to complete our assessment until she wakes up and is able to breathe on her own once more.
Ms. Farley is fortunate you were close by at the time when the anaphylactic reaction occurred, though, and for your quick response in administering the Epipen.
She’s very lucky to have the both of you. ”
“Can I -” I swallow, once again unable to get the words out.
“Can we see her?” Cal once again steps in, and this time I can’t help the grateful glance I shoot in his direction before returning my attention back to the doctor .
“Typically we don’t allow more than one visitor at a time in the ICU, and it’s after our normal visiting hours.
” He pauses, glancing once more between us.
“However, I think we can make an exception just this once, but you need to keep it brief. She’s resting for the moment, and shouldn’t be disturbed. ”
We both nod eagerly in silent agreement, and relief floods through me, overwhelming to the point where I feel like my legs could give out from under me.
But a steady hand reaches over, grasping me by the shoulder and squeezing encouragingly.
Surprised by the contact, I glance over at Cal, to find his expression is a mix of raw anxiety and relief that mirrors my own.
I have to wonder if his gesture is simply meant to be one of kindness, or if like myself, it stems from a desperate need for support, an attempt to keep from falling over as exhaustion and relief intertwine with the fear of almost losing her.
“This way, I’ll take you back.”
The room is eerily still as we enter, with only the rhythmic sounds of medical equipment continuing to provide their life-saving care disturbing the hushed atmosphere in the dimly lit room.
My eyes blur, as the sterile smell hits me, and for a moment all I can see is Luka lying unconscious in his hospital bed, nothing but skin and bone, with dark circles bruising the sunken cavities of his hollow face.
Blinking away my tears, I force myself to take a steadying breath and focus on this room, on this moment, on my girl lying too-still in the uncomfortable hospital bed, and the suddenly larger-than-life man standing at my side.
“Right, I’ll give you a few minutes, but then you’ll have to leave. You can come back in the morning once visiting hours re-open.”
The voice behind me fades into the background as I take a hesitant step forward. Get it together, man. Luka is fine, and Sutton will be, too. She needs you to be the strong one right now. Just get your shit together.