Chapter 62
SIXTY-TWO
SUTTON
- Present Day -
“ O kay, I’ve got your new antibiotics here along with soup, the blue gatorade that you like, and of course the most important item on the list - ice cream.
” Lena blows into the room, a whirlwind of energy that drains me just from watching on my perch- a.k.a firmly planted between Cal and Jonah on the couch, where they both refuse to leave my side.
“Guys, I’m fine. Really.” My statement is only slightly undermined by the lingering cough and breathless wheeze as I speak.
Help me out here.
Lena, being the ever helpful friend that she is, willfully ignores the pleading expression that I cast in her direction as I address the overbearing protectors who’ve become attached to my (albeit slightly less generous – due to hospital/illness induced) hips.
Even without looking at either of them, I can feel their hard stares of skepticism coming at me from both directions.
Not gonna lie, it’s a little overwhelming.
That must be why I’m flustered, right? In the most unlikely of pairings, Cal and Jonah have (begrudgingly) become quite the duo over the last several days, mutually refusing to leave my side ever since my hospital admission, even at their own expense.
Literally. Like, they have missed so many days now there is absolutely no way their team hasn’t fined them for unattended practices and games.
Yet still, they persist. The two most stubborn men I have ever met in my entire life, I swear.
From what I’ve been told by my ICU nurse after I woke up, one or the other remained with me the entirety of my ICU stay, alternating turns at my bedside during visiting hours, and refusing to go home even after they were practically pushed out of my room at the end of visiting hours each day.
Even now, after being discharged and given the all-clear to continue my convalescence at home, they‘ve refused to give me a moment of peace; calling in the cavalry to run errands on their behalf so they didn’t have to leave.
In a moment of pure desperation for just one second of solitude, I even casually threw out the option of having just one of them run to the store while the other stayed behind to essentially babysit my frail ass. But no. Not even then. Sheesh!
“I mean, I know I had a bad reaction to the medication, but it’s not like that’s going to happen again.
You can leave me by myself, you know. I am a capable adult.
Usually. ” I grumble belligerently under my breath.
I don’t even know why I bother. I may not be as close to Cal as I once was, even so, I still know both men well enough to know that it’s a pointless argument that will result in nothing more than me wasting my very precious, currently very limited , s upply of oxygen.
“You were so sick you forgot to tell them which medications you’re allergic to. You still have pneumonia . You were in the ICU for chrissakes.” Cal’s voice comes out in a low growl at the same time Jonah practically shouts, “You almost died !”
“We’re not leaving.” In unison, their voices ring out with so much conviction I would swear they’d been practicing together ( off the ice, if you know what I mean).
Of course, that’s ridiculous. Despite their tentative truce, thanks in no small part to my lack of breathing, I’m pretty sure they still mostly hate each other.
Wedged between the two of them, I try shifting again to get a better look at Lena without having to turn my head as much.
“A little help here?” I practically beg my best friend, trying to catch my breath.
At my pathetic wheezing just from a slight readjustment, I’m met with a hard look that is practically a mirror image of her brother’s damn stubbornness.
“As much as I’m still pissed at them,” Lena drops her chin, indicating the aforementioned stubborn jerks, “for not calling me sooner to tell me you were in the hospital, I have to say I’m with them on this one.
You know I’ll always take your side, any way, any day.
‘Chicks before Dicks‘ and all that jazz, but Sutty, you almost d ied because you refused to ask for help.” Again . She doesn’t say it, but she doesn’t have to; the implication lies thick in the air between us. So does the hurt in her voice.
Ouch. Can’t say I don’t deserve it though. Lena is honest to a fault. It’s one of the things I‘ve always loved about her.
“You were out of the state for your competition, it’s not like I could just shoot you a text and say ‘hey Lena-bug, mind doing me a solid and driving me to urgent care? Can’t really breathe at the moment.
And I wasn’t going to have Jonah bail on his away game.
He would have been fined-” I try to argue, but I’m cut off mid-sentence.
“I would have been fine. You are my priority. You’re my family .
” Grabbing me by the chin, he redirects my gaze back to him.
Even wordless, the way he commands me with his body has me snapping to attention.
Eyes on me, Baby Girl. The message radiates off him with silent authority that sends chills down my spine.
No. Stupid hormones. You know better. Still, I can practically feel my temperature rising, and this time, I know it has nothing to do with my lingering illness .
“You know that , Baby Girl. I would have dropped everything to come home and look after you.”
Guilt washes over me as I see the hurt in his eyes.
I do know he would’ve dropped everything to take care of me.
Just like Cal would have dropped everything and risked his career before it ever had a chance to take off if he’d known about me being admitted to the ranch towards the end of my Senior year.
It’s why I refused to let anyone tell him what had happened, why I cut him out of my life altogether.
He’d risked so much for me already; he’d already risked his career more than once, and hockey was everything to him.
I couldn’t do that to him. Couldn’t let him give up everything just to stay with me because I was crashing out and couldn’t get my shit together.
That’s the thing though, he absolutely would have.
Despite our issues, despite how hurt I was, and how frustrated he was with me for getting myself into the situation with Frankie at the party.
He would have dropped everything to support me if he had known how sick I really was at the time (and not in the ‘I have pneumonia’ kind of way).
He’d have risked his entire future career before it ever had a chance to really take off, putting everything on hold just to make sure that I was okay.
We weren’t together, despite my childish hopes that someday it would happen, but our friendship had evolved into something deeper than simply being his little sister’s best friend; more so after all the time we shared together in our meadow after Lena’d moved out of state to live with their mom.
And as hurt as I was at the time, I would never allow something like that to happen. Not for my sake.
With Jonah, our circumstances may be different – I mean, he’d met me when I was at my lowest (physically and mentally) and loved me through it all.
Hell, he practically became my lifeline in college even if he pretended like he was the one who needed me around.
But we aren’t college kids anymore. And I may not be perfect, or fully recovered by any stretch of means, but we aren’t in college any more.
He put his whole life on hold while his brother was sick, and then delayed things further to keep an eye on me when he barely even knew me.
Now that we’ve moved across the country for him , so that he can finally put himself and his career first, there’s absolutely no way in hell I was going to have him drop everything, skip an important game, and risk hurting his career just to be right back where we started with him taking care of me; and all for a silly little doctor appointment.
Especially for something as simple as an infection that could be treated with antibiotics.
It wasn’t like I was having a relapse and had to be sent back to a treatment facility.
I had a damn infection. And this was his rookie season in the NHL.
I know how important it was for him to make a good impression with this team, the team that signed him on and then waited years for him to finish his degree before joining.
Besides, I’m a grown-ass, capable adult woman, dammit!
I should be able to take care of something as simple as an urgent care appointment on my own. Good grief .
“I thought I was fine. I would have been fine, had been – the night before, anyway . It’s not my fault that things got so bad overnight.
Waiting until morning to go to urgent care rather than running to the ER with a cough and minor fever is what any sane person would do.
But when I woke up I was just so sick, and I wasn’t thinking clearly.
” My old clinic had my previous medical records, but unfortunately, the new urgent care center a block from our apartment did not , and I hadn’t had time to request the records to be sent over prior to the appointment.
Aside from that, quite frankly, I haven’t been sick enough to need antibiotics in years, so the fact that I do have a serious medication allergy isn’t something that’s on my mind all that often.
It certainly wasn’t at the top of my thoughts when I woke up practically delirious with my suddenly much worse cough and fever.
And I haven’t worn a medical alert bracelet since childhood because I simply haven’t needed it, as I rarely ever get sick anymore.
They’re both right, though. Good intentions or otherwise, I screwed up - and it nearly cost me my life.
I’m fortunate they both happened to show up when they did.
Not that I’d ever admit it to either of them.
“It’s okay to lean on your friends for help, Baby Girl.” Jonah’s voice is quiet, and I close my eyes as I fight off the urge to cry.
“You’re not alone, remember. We’re ” Cal hesitates for the briefest of moments at his use of the word, but I still catch it. “We’re not going anywhere. You’ve got people who care about you. You don’t have to keep everyone at arms length.”
And here come the waterworks. Dammit.
The next several days pass by in a blur filled with restless naps and anxious faces always hovering in my periphery.
Callum has refused to leave, insisting on taking the couch so he could remain close by “in case I needed anything.” Jonah‘s alternated between wanting to coddle me, and for brief, delicious moments, fallen into the habit of his bossy ways (granted, usually when I am being petulant and bratty).
know he must be struggling, hospitals are a trigger for both of us, and it’s hard not to let the guilt overwhelm me for putting him in that position after everything he’s been through.
Still, it’s nice to see those moments starting to shine through again where he relaxes back into our typical dynamic. Even if they are too brief.
While they’ve adamantly insisted that they’ve had the full support of their teammates and coaching staff given the circumstances, both men took more time off than was strictly necessary to take care of me; only returning for practice later in the week after I threatened to move in with Lena since they refused to stop treating me like an infant.
Their reluctant agreement for returning to work was conditional on me having “proof of life checks” as they referred to it, which I suppose is better than the full-on “Sutty-sitting” I have had to deal with thus far.
As I was still not well enough, this left me in the uniquely boring position of lounging around the apartment everyday; monotony only broken up in brief intervals where one or the other had a chance for a brief video call, or when Lena would swing by with lunch and coffee.
Still, I guess it was nice to be able to catch up on some reading and shows I’d fallen woefully behind on.
. . And napping . Lots and lots of napping.
If nothing else, I guess the one good thing that came out of this whole ordeal was the fact that the two most important men in my life (and yes, I have finally admitted – at least to myself – that I still care a great deal about Cal even though the thought of admitting it terrifies me) had come to some sort of silent understanding, some begrudging respect built through the whole “trauma of almost losing me” or whatever.
As much as they were terrified of losing me, I apparently can’t let go of them either.