Chapter 5 I’m Over All The Heartache
I'M OVER ALL THE HEARTACHE
By Saturday, I was in a better place, so I accompanied the other bitches to a food festival in Tribeca.
It was just what I needed. With beer in one hand and grilled meat on a stick in the other, I was able to relax and enjoy my girlfriends, even if Luke had been the topic of conversation ALL morning.
It didn’t shake me because I had everything planned out.
"Olivia, be serious. You’re wasting money," Demetria said, as if she helped my family earn some of it, and it hurt her personally.
"Demetria, leave it. She’s hurting," Mei said, and it annoyed the heck out of me.
"I'm fine. It’s Luke you guys should give your sympathy to; he's the one acting strange."
Alex wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and we continued down the streets lined with food vendors on both sides.
"Girl, just invite Luke over today, answer the door butt naked, and fuck the idea of him marrying that bitch straight out of his head," Alex said, nudging me.
The four of us broke into laughter, our voices rising above the clatter of food stalls and the hum of the crowd. Demetria nearly dropped her skewer, Mei doubled over, and I had to grab her arm to keep from bumping into a man juggling plates of tacos.
"I can't sleep with Luke, that would ruin the friendship."
Now Alex looked at me in that same sympathetic way. Then she looked at the others. "Liv, cut the shit. If you aren't doing all of this to end up with Luke yourself, do you think he won't rebound with another woman?"
"You plan to book every wedding venue Luke ever books? Shit, you could solve homelessness in New York," Demetria said.
Mei just kept looking at me.
"Go ahead, it's your turn, pile it on," I spat.
She only looked behind me. "Solenne is coming."
Of-fucking-course she was. Silliene walked toward us like she owned the street in fashionable jeans, her tiny chest wrapped in a leather jacket.
Her dark hair swung as she walked and, like always, her smile made my stomach tighten.
On her hand was a rock that I’d somehow missed the last time I saw her.
"You say I'm wasting money, look at the size of that ring Luke put on the trash," I whispered.
My girls tried to stifle their laughter as the trash stood in front of us.
"Oh, Olivia, I didn't know you would enjoy this sort of activity."
Alex didn't even give me a chance. "If the Eye on Fashion editor can stuff her face with questionable meat on a stick, why can't she?"
Silliene looked confused by her harsh tone.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry. If I’d known you were going, I would’ve said we should come together. Luke wants us to get to know one another better, since we’ll all be connected now,” Silliene said.
Demetria smiled. "Does Luke often pick your friends for you? You might want to put a pin in that now?"
That one was unexpected. Silliene looked uncomfortable.
"Oh, you must be the other ... Bitches Luke told me about," Silliene said in a way that didn't sit right with me.
The woman obviously had a death wish.
Without even looking, I could guarantee my friends' expressions matched mine. Pure anger.
"Excuse me?" Alex said.
Mei stepped forward. "How dare—"
"Wait. No. I'm sorry. Luke told me everyone calls your group The Bitches. He even said you call yourself it," she blabbered.
Demetria spoke calmly. "We can call ourselves that in friendly company. However, you aren't one of us."
"Oh. I'm so sorry. I misunderstood."
Remembering the new position she wrangled, I defused the situation. "Girls, remember, Silliene wasn't born or raised here. Maybe it's a cultural misunderstanding."
She nodded and smiled, grateful for the help.
Mei stared at her for a long while, while Alex gave a look that said she wasn't buying it.
"That explains it then. No harm done," Demetria said.
"Sorry, I keep putting my foot in my mouth. This isn't like me, but I'm getting a vibe. Do you guys have an issue with me?" she asked, then answered her own question. "Wait, is this because I burdened Fox two heads are better than one," I said.
"Both of you are stupid. Liv can have the man today if she just told Luke how she felt," Demetria cut in.
"How can you be sure of that?" Mei asked, then looked at me. "I'm afraid if Luke finds out you tried to ruin his wedding, he'll get upset and you'll lose him anyway."
Damn it. These two knew how to kill a mood.
"Any more helpful words?" I asked.
Demetria nodded. "I’m still on your side, just wish you'd take an easier path. Trust me on one thing: All routes end up back to you and Luke."
Goosebumps covered every inch of my arm after she spoke.
"It's like she’s a fortune teller," Alex said jokingly.
Mei shrugged. "Demetria isn't often wrong. Maybe she is right.
"Just promise to think about it," Demetria said in a pleading tone.
"I will," I said and really meant it. Maybe with a dose of courage and confidence, I'd confess my heart to Luke. First, I'd have to admit that I didn't just love him, I was ready to be with him in every way. Or, like Alex said, I was only wasting time.
We walked side by side down the crowded street that the city had closed off for the festival.
The sound of sizzling food and laughter swirled all around us.
I tugged at my jacket as the scent of roasted chestnut and grilled meat overwhelmed me.
My girls and I walked through the festival, bumping shoulders and stealing bites from each other's plates.
For a brief moment, I forgot Luke and his wedding and just enjoyed the day.
After the festival, I returned to my townhouse to find an unwanted visitor.
Normally, Rick was someone I welcomed. In fact, last month I invited him to stop by when he was in town.
He was standing at my door, smiling like he belonged there, and my stomach churned.
I couldn't say for sure, but I was willing to bet none of the questionable meats I’d eaten earlier were to blame.
"Beautiful, I thought you forgot our plans."
"I sort of did. Can I have a rain check?" I confessed.
Rick pulled me into a hug I didn’t want. His arms were tight around me. When his lips brushed the side of my neck, my skin crawl.
"Why do we need to do that when you're here and I'm here? And you have plenty of beds in there?"
The man came all the way from Washington, DC.
He was in town for business, and I offered him a place to stay.
It seemed unfair to tell him to kick rocks now, and my townhouse had six bedrooms; he didn’t have to use mine.
I unlocked the door, and we walked in. "Listen, Rick, you can stay, but that’s it. I'm not fucking you."
"Are you on your period or something?" he asked, scrunching his features into an annoyed expression.
I almost lied, but why the hell should I have to? "No, just no longer interested."
"What? Just last week, you were promising to let my cock hit the back of your throat. What's changed?"
Walking farther into the house, I spoke plainly. "Rick, it's my throat and pussy. If I change my mind, you can either accept it or get out."
"Fucking tease. Why are you wasting my time?"
I regretted letting him in. He’d never acted like this before, but he was twice my size, and for the first time, I felt uneasy in my own house.
I wished it wasn't Dorothy and Hopeton's day off.
"Rick, calm down. I just have too much on my plate."
He frowned, clearly confused by my about-face.
"You're supposed to be on my plate. In fact, you promised–"
"Rick, why don't you make us a drink?" I cut in, not wanting to hear any more sexual things, and needing a moment to use my phone.
He grinned like I’d told him to get a condom instead of a drink and went to do as I asked. Rick was pretty familiar with my house and knew where everything was. When I could hear him in the other room, I sent a text message. It was one I'd sent many times over the past fifteen years.
I need a hero. At my townhouse. ASAP. Life his blond hair was left unruly.
As he approached, Rick looked from me to him. "Luke, what are you doing here?"
"I'm wondering the same thing, Rick," he said, then reached forward and yanked me up from my seat. "Mind if I talk to Olivia for a second?"
"Hey, wait a minute. Are you fucking her too? I don’t think I want a threesome with my old college roommate, no offense."
"None taken, Rick. I'm also not interested. I hate to share," Luke spat, then dragged me into the kitchen. Even though my feet moved, my mind was still back there processing his words.
"What the hell did that mean?"
Luke rolled his eyes. "Why am I here?"
"I need you to get rid of a man like you always do."
He shook his head. "After today, I'm retiring from the role of your emergency garbage removal man. Find someone else."
"Of course, I can fend for myself now that you've got your precious Silliene."
Luke shook his head. "Did you fuck him and text me to make sure he wouldn’t stay the night?"
I watched the muscles tense in his jaw.
"No. I just came back from the food festival with my girls and found him waiting."
"And you didn't invite him?"
I stared at him, searching for a familiar face. Right now, he felt like a stranger. Had we been growing apart and I didn’t realize it? "Are you slut shaming me right now?"
"Don't be ridiculous. It's just … texting me shows how little you care about me, and you've never seen me as a man."
I was floored by his words. "How? I've always called you when I needed help. That’s how this works. You have me, and I have you."
"I've never asked you to help me with women. Why? Because I respect you as a woman. But you? You've never once seen me as a man."
Earlier, Luke's voice was controlled, he was clearly annoyed but kept a even tone. Now it echoed off the walls of my kitchen as he jabbed a finger at me.
Staring at his face filled with rage, I spoke. "What else would you be if not a man? Why am I getting yelled at? I have no idea what’s going on."
"Hey. I'm out. I'm not sure what lovers' quarrel you two are having but it’s nothing to do with me," Rick said, interrupting our heated discussion.
Luke looked at me with visible anger. "There is nothing between us, Rick. You don’t need to leave."
"Nothing?!" I replied, matching his fierceness.
"Whatever. I'm leaving," Rick said, and seconds later, I heard the door slam shut.
To my surprise, Luke was planning to follow his lead. He stormed away from me, taking his tense and broad shoulders out of the kitchen. I planned to stand there composed and unbothered, but my pride lost to something deeper, the urge to learn what the hell just happened. I hurried after him.
"What was that?" I said, loud enough that I knew he heard me.
So when Luke kept going toward the door, I moved faster.
Reached out to grab his arm and pulled. Luke stopped and turned slowly, his entire body tense.
The anger in his eyes seemed to falter when we made eye contact.
Maybe he expected me to curse him out or slap the shit out of him, but I didn't. For a moment, it seemed neither of us could think of what to say.
I felt his warm and solid arm still under my hand.
"We aren't little kids anymore. Our relationship hasn't grown, but I have. No, we both have. There are certain things I shouldn't know about you. These things I’d never subject you to. I have too much respect for you to do that."
He spoke like I’d been torturing him.
"Luke, I don’t get why you’re so upset. I'm dressing your bride, being your best man, we do lots of things for each other. They aren't always things we love to do, but for you, there's nothing I wouldn't do. But you don’t feel that way anymore."
He sighed. "You aren’t listening. I admit I lost my temper, and maybe I'm not explaining it well because I just never know how to speak to you."
We just stood there, staring, like people who used to know each other.
When your best friend says he doesn't know how to speak to you, you start to understand certain things. Like why he would marry Silliene. Maybe she was somebody Luke could easily speak to.
"I don’t know what to say." I was ashamed by how brittle my voice was.
"And I don't know if I'm explaining it correctly. All I know is things must change," Luke said in a tone that scared me.
My eyes watered without my permission. Tears fell down my cheeks. "Why does this feel like some sort of goodbye?" The words slipped out before I could stop myself.
“Never!" he said quickly, wrapping an arm around me. "I'm just asking for boundaries in our relationship and some respect."
I wiped my eyes and nodded.
The edge in Luke’s voice was all gone. He whispered something I didn't know just how much I needed to hear. "I love you. There is never an end to us, just change."
"Change can be good," I said, trying to convince myself as I spoke.
"That's the spirit," he said, kissing my forehead before walking out the front door. This time, when it shut, the noise pained me. I was confused and unsure about many things, but one thing was for certain: I wouldn't let him go. I was ready, and now all I needed to do was convince him.