Chapter 8 Inside I’m Dying
INSIDE I'M DYING
Despite my life falling apart, there was no reason my girly bits should look like the Secret Garden, so I booked a wax session with Gennie. I declined the numbing cream; the pain of having hair ripped from my most delicate parts was nothing compared to the torture that was my life.
"How have you been, Olivia?"
God, I wished people would stop asking me that. Part of me wondered if they'd always been this caring and I just hadn't noticed. In all of five minutes, I had Gennie caught up on Luke and the devil who clung to him.
"So she stole your man?"
I clenched my teeth as the strip ripped away, leaving behind a trail of fire and freshly bare skin.
Whoa, wait a minute, I couldn't sleep with her thinking Soleil Moon Frye had the power to take Luke from me. "No way. She just snuck in when I wasn't looking, and now she's in too deep."
Gennie yanked another strip, and I regretted my earlier talk of not needing numbing cream. That was my problem, wasn't it? I never assessed the situation correctly. If I had, Soleil Moon Frye would still be a passing fling, not a fiancée.
"This man that you've known since nursery school is choosing her over you?"
Was she even listening? When did Gennie hear me say that? "No. Luke doesn’t know how I feel."
My wax girl of a whole year looked down at me and shook her head. "You're fighting for a man who doesn't even know you want him. You're desperate to take him away from a woman who isn't aware you two are even in competition?"
Her blunt words cut into me. I hated how true they were, and that made me unhappy.
"Two of my girlfriends say I should just tell Luke and see what he says."
"Those are the only two smart friends you've got, if you ask me." Unfortunately, I did, even if I didn't like the answer.
After waxing, I headed home for a nap. My girlfriends suggested we meet for lunch and a movie, but I needed my rest. Plus, I'd already promised my sister we'd go do retail therapy. That was the only kind they could strong-arm me into last night.
After an hour of shut-eye, I jumped up. Jacqueline must have been here already.
Yesterday, we were interrupted at work by Dad.
Then, last night, Mother was around. I knew my sister would demand the whole story, and I sighed.
There was no explaining my almost arson.
I wasn't thinking clearly anymore. Still, there was no point putting it off. I left the room and headed downstairs.
"There you are. Sleep well?" my sister asked as she handed me a cup. After retrieving the coffee, I took a sip. Yuck, it wasn’t from my favorite spot.
"Nope, I haven’t been sleeping well for a while," I admitted, then moved around the kitchen island. I could feel Jacqueline’s eyes on me, watching with a quiet, suspicious focus that made my shoulders tense.
"Can you cut it out? I had a slip in my judgment. Just couldn’t stand thinking of Soleil Moon Frye marrying Luke in one of our dresses. "
Jacqueline lowered her own cup and studied me. "Honestly, I thought you were over Luke. Once in college, you mentioned having a thing for him, but like always, you moved on really quickly."
"I had no choice," I mumbled.
Jacqueline came closer and squeezed my arm. "Tell me the truth. Do I have to worry about you? Yesterday was just a fluke?"
"Yes. Well. It’s just … Luke is mine. Everyone knows it. He’s always been mine, and I was only loaning him to that bitch."
My sister's face tightened, her eyes filled with quiet concern. "Olivia, be serious, Luke's not the only man in New York. He isn't the best looking or richest. Let this woman have him; you can do better."
"No! Luke is the man for me, and it’s time Soleil Moon Frye returns him."
I grabbed my keys and headed toward the door.
Jacqueline followed. "So what’s next? Will you shove Solenne in front of a train?"
"Only if I can manage to get her down in the subway," I joked, then sighed when I realized Jacqueline took my words seriously. "Calm down. I only ruined an ugly dress."
"Just do me one favor: Don’t forget you’re the fucking prize. If Luke Forrester wants to be with that woman, good riddance."
She didn’t understand.
At the door, I slipped into a light jacket and pulled my shoes over my heels, and then I heard the bell ring. Since I was already so close, I didn't pause before pulling it open.
"Hi."
I looked at Jacqueline, then Luke.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
He reached out and grabbed my arm to stop me from falling over. "I called your secretary and heard you took a personal day, and now I have two things to apologize for."
"Jacqueline and I are going shopping," I said, then pulled my hand from his. Luke looked at me, then back at my sister. He stuck out his bottom lip in an exaggerated wounded expression. I would've rolled my eyes if he wasn't so darn cute.
"Why's it so hard these days to spend some quality time with my best friend?"
Unable to help it much longer, my eyes rolled in their sockets. "Let's plan something for another time."
"This is the last fall it will just be me and you." Luke's words hit harder than he knew; it sounded like he was already writing us in past tense. "The next one, we will have to make room for Solenne to join our group. Let's go get some pumpkin cinnamon rolls at Sonny's for the good times."
The mention of Soleil Moon Frye made me give him a look.
However, I was never one to turn down a trip to Sonny's, and he knew that. The place was a hole-in-the-wall diner we’d found in high school.
The owner changed his menu each season. If you asked Luke and me, apple cider French toast, pumpkin cinnamon rolls, and waffles made fall the best menu they carried.
"You two go ahead. I'll take a rain check," my sister said.
I looked away from Luke to double check if she was sure, but Jacqueline was already heading out the door.
The next thing I knew, I was being shoved into Luke's car.
"Buckle up," Luke ordered, and I did.
As I reached for my phone, his hand came down on mine to stop me. "Liv, I'm sorry."
"For what?" I asked, thinking of all the ways Luke had hurt me. Getting engaged was the cruelest.
"I could tell I hurt you the other day, when I yelled at you, and I really want to apologize."
Not about to let him get off that easy, I asked, "Which time? Since getting engaged, you seem very angry."
Luke should have been watching the road, but instead he glanced at me. "I know. I’m sorry. Things have been crazy, and you’ve been so … off with me. I didn’t know how to handle it. You’re my best friend. I can tell you don’t approve of the wedding."
I swallowed hard as Luke spoke, because he wasn't wrong, but didn't know the half of it.
"What difference does it make? You're in love and going to marry the woman no matter what I say."
Silence.
"Your opinion matters to me,” he continued. “It's just … well … it's just I'm looking to make a lifelong commitment, and you’re not exactly an expert in the area."
"And you are?"
"I'm trying," Luke replied, then shook his head. "I think you’d like Solenne if you gave her a chance. Plus, I miss you. Once I get married, we’ll have to hang out more, the three of us, so I want you to get to know her."
I already know enough. What I want is for her to disappear.
I didn’t reply.
"No pressure. It's just you're the most important person in the world to me. I'd love if you two got along."
The way I saw it, if I told him flatly that Soleil Moon Frye and I would never be friends, he would harass me for an explanation, and I wasn't prepared for that, so through gritted teeth, I lied. "I'm game if she is."
Luke’s expression shifted, and then he smiled. I fumed inside. If he believed me, then he really didn’t know me at all.
"Solenne is a trooper; she'll work her magic on you. She might end up joining your group!"
I raised a brow, and Luke spoke quickly. "I'm joking. I know how exclusive your little United Nations group is."
He pulled into a parking spot.
Not wasting any time, I exited the car, and we walked to the entrance of Sonny's. When I began to push the glass door open, Luke rested his hand above mine and held the door for me.
As soon as we stepped into Sonny’s, Brenda, his wife and co-owner, rushed over to greet us. She had gray hair now, her once thick and black curls gone, but her smile and sparkling eyes were still the same.
"Luke, Olivia, it's been nearly a month! I thought you two went on diets."
"Never," Luke answered, kissing her on the cheek. "Liv has a high metabolism, and I'm looking for the sort of woman who will want me when the love handles take over."
Brenda laughed like Luke was the funniest person she'd met. I hugged her and went to a table.
"Smells good," Luke said, then reached for a menu. I don't know why he bothered looking; he'd have the same thing. Luke always did.
"No need, your waffles, ham on the bone, and scrambled eggs, with a side of bourbon maple syrup will be out soon," Brenda said, and Luke lowered his menu.
I giggled.
"Well, did you also put in Liv's pancakes, sausages, home fries, and eggs?" Luke asked.
I looked up, and Brenda really seemed hurt. She playfully snatched the menu from the table and slapped his head with it. "Of course I did. All I came to ask is what type of cinnamon rolls you two wanted?"
"Bring us two each. That way we can sample them all," he said.
When Brenda nodded and walked away, Luke stared at me. "So do you really forgive me?"
"I already said I did."
He shrugged. "I can't always read your mind, and I’ve known you too long to believe every word you say."
"It has been a long time, huh?"
Brenda returned with two mugs of coffee. We thanked her, and she headed back to the kitchen.
Luke sipped his drink and smiled. "It really has. From childhood to adulthood, we've been through it all together. You're what now, twenty-eight?"
I glared at him. "Twenty-four. The very same age as you."
Luke chuckled as I weighed Gennie the know-it-all wax girl's words. What was I doing? It was time I stopped acting like a coward.
"You're right. There is something important I've been keeping from you," I began, watching him closely. His face pulled tight with a worried expression he didn’t bother to hide.
"What is it?" Luke patted my hand gently. "Whatever's on your mind, I want to know."
"Well, look at you two. I told Sonny it was only a matter of time before you two became a couple."
Of course. Perfect timing. Brenda had to come over just as I was about to jump off the cliff.
I tried to read Luke's facial expression at her words and got the distinct impression he didn't like the idea.
There was a shift in his face, his mouth tight and eyes dropping to the table. He looked so uncomfortable.
"When did you two officially become a thing?
" she asked, but I never took my eyes off Luke. It was as if we were both playing a game of who would answer her first. Frustrated when seconds passed, I leaned back in my seat and faced the woman who’d just saved me from embarrassing myself.
"Brenda, nothing has changed. We’re just friends.
In fact, Luke is getting married, and I'm going to be his best man. "
Her smile faded, and her eyes narrowed just enough to show she didn’t like a single word coming out of my mouth. "Oh, I guess Sonny was right, and I was wrong. Sorry, you two."
"Don't sweat it, Brenda. You’re not the first person to mistake the relationship between Liv and I. Even our families do it," he said.
When she walked away, Luke looked unhappy. "Did you have to tell her about the wedding?"
Now it was my time to look confused.
He continued, "I hear you’ve been busy telling a lot of people about my engagement."
Defensively, I stared at him. "No. Wait, was it a big secret?"
Now that I thought about it, why wasn't there an announcement in the newspaper or the society website? Other than our small circle, nobody knew of Luke and Soleil Moon Frye’s pending nuptials.
"No, it's just we didn't want it to overshadow Solenne's promotion at work. After fashion season, I'll make a big announcement. "
Brenda brought over our food, apologized again for her misunderstanding, and left.
Neither of us wasted any time digging in.
While I chewed my food, Luke continued, "I've gotten a few calls and text messages from friends telling me they heard I was engaged.
All of them told me you mentioned it. Solenne and I might need to hire you to handle PR for the wedding too. "
"Maybe I spoke to two or three people about my best friend getting married, but I haven't told that many."
Luke changed the subject and started talking about other things I had zero interest in.
I became distracted by his chewing. I had seen him eat hundreds of times, and it wasn't anything special.
Yet now, as Luke spoke while taking bites, with his mouth full, licking the crumbs from his fingers, I sat across from him barely touching my food, completely drawn in by the way his lips moved.
The slow smile when he savored the food in his mouth.
My stomach fluttered because all of a sudden, everything about Luke was impossible to ignore.
Across from me, Luke drizzled syrup all over his waffles. "Liv, no matter how I try, I just can't figure you out."
"Same here."
Luke replied with words I'd laugh at if my mouth wasn't full. "I’m an open book."
"Whatever you say," I said, then took another bite, wondering if keeping our relationship as it was right now was so bad.
Why risk losing Luke when I could just keep him in my life in any way I could?
These heavy thoughts stripped the joy from food I usually loved, leaving it dry and tasteless, each bite weighed down by the knot of unhappiness in my chest. The fault was definitely not Sonny's cooking it was me.
No matter what I told myself, there was no way I could keep pretending this was enough.