25. A little Slap and Tickle
twenty-five
A little Slap and Tickle
Dylan
O ne week later…
9 weeks pregnant.
I walk through the front door of the house and straight in to get a bottle of water. I played football at the park all morning, and now, I want to shower and get dinner in the crock pot before Leah gets home. She only had one appointment today, so I don’t imagine she’ll be gone too long.
Once I’ve got the pot roast going, I’m about to hop in the shower when I hear a knock on the door.
“Leah, did you forget your key?” I ask as I swing the door open. But it’s not Leah standing there.
It’s Ronnie.
And not the version of my sister that I’m used to seeing. Veronica Lawson is the most put-together person I know. Even when she’s just hanging out at home, she still looks like she could be doing a photoshoot.
Today, her hair is pulled up in a messy ponytail, she has no makeup on, and she’s wearing ratty sweats.
“Ronnie, you okay?”
With a duffel bag in hand, she pushes past me to come in.
“Oh good, you are alive. I was beginning to wonder when you decided not to respond to my texts and answer my calls.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve been…busy.”
She drops her bag on the floor. “I kind of got that. Knocking someone up takes a lot of time, I hear.”
“Here we go,” I murmur. “Ronnie, that’s the reason I’ve been so distant.”
“Dylan, I can appreciate you wanting to take time with this woman to figure things out. And Mom told me she moved in. You guys need some time, and that’s fine. But what the fuck did I do to make you ice me out completely?”
“I didn’t want you to lecture me.”
She waves her arms in confusion. “You told Mom and Michelle! I think the two of them will have the lecturing covered!”
When I don’t say anything, she asks, “Why did you think I would be the one to lecture you?”
“Because you hate kids.” I say the answer as though it should be obvious.
“Why do you think that?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Ronnie. Maybe the fact that you avoid any and all children when they’re around. Or maybe that you basically wrote off Liz when she told you she was pregnant. Or maybe the fact that you have literally said, on multiple occasions, that you hate kids!”
She hauls off and punches me in the shoulder. “You giant boob!”
“Ouch!” I rub the spot where she hit me. “What the hell was that for?”
“Because you’re a giant boob!”
“I’m going to need more information than that,” I say. “Why am I a giant boob?”
“Because as much as I usually dislike kids, I’m not going to hate this kid because it’s your kid.”
“What?” I ask, caught off-guard.
“Dylan, do you know why I gave Liz a hard time? Because it’s fun. We all give each other shit. Of course, I’ll love her kid. I’ll love them just like I love Eve.”
“Well, you like Eve now that she’s a teenager. You didn’t really seem to care for her much when she was a baby.”
“To be fair, Dylan, neither did you. We were only like thirteen when she was born.”
She has a point.
Continuing, she says, “And if anyone in my life is going to have a kid that I’m going to absolutely love. It’s going to be yours.”
“Really?”
She rolls her eyes. “Duh, you giant boob. You’re my best friend in the entire world—as sad as that sounds. I’m going to love the shit out of your baby.”
Okay, I feel like an idiot.
“Shit, Ronnie. I’m sorry.”
“You should be!” She walks into the kitchen to raid the fridge for something to drink. She settles on a bottle of tea. “It bums me out that you didn’t tell me. I should have been your first fucking phone call.”
“I guess I just thought you wouldn’t care, or you’d call me an idiot for getting someone pregnant.”
“Well, you are an idiot. But I could think of a thousand other reasons why other than you just not wrapping your willy.” She hops up to take a seat on the counter.
“Funny story,” I say, joining her in the kitchen. “I did wrap it. And she had protection too. Didn’t matter. Leah still got pregnant.”
“Oh, lord. Now, you’ve got me scared.”
“Don’t worry, Ronnie. I’m sure all the alcohol in your system would kill the sperm on contact.”
“Oh, shut up,” she spits while grabbing an apple and chucking it at my head.
I manage to avoid it and say, “So, Ronnie, I hate to ask. Are you okay? You don’t look like yourself.”
She smiles and throws her hand over her heart. “Oh, my gosh! Thank you so much for noticing how great I look!” After a quick hair flip, she adds, “Since someone wouldn’t return my phone calls, I knew I had to come home. So, after I got done with my photo shoot, I took a fourteen hour flight from New Zealand to California and had a six hour layover before I could get back to Oregon. In other words, I’ve been traveling an entire day to come here and talk to you…even though you’ve been an ass.”
“Wow, I guess I should be flattered.”
“Yeah, yeah. I really just wanted to kick your ass.” She jumps down off the counter and walks into the living room. “So, how does it feel being an expectant father?”
“Awesome. Exciting. And terrifying all at the same time.”
“Understandable. How are you and the mom doing? Having lots of unprotected sex since the damage has already been done?”
“Uh, no, actually. We haven’t done anything like that since she moved in.”
She looks confused as hell. “Why not? Isn’t that the number one reason why people move in together? To have someone always around if you want to play a little slap and tickle?”
I decide to completely avoid the fact that she called it slap and tickle.
Instead, I give her a quick low down on how Leah and I came to be where we are now.
When I’m finished, she says, “Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re a good man. Although I’m glad I’m not in your shoes, you’re going to make one hell of a dad.”
“You think so?”
She nods. “Definitely. We had our dad growing up, and he’s a hell of a role model.”
“You got that right,” I agree.
“What did Dad have to say about all this?” She asks.
“He’s been out of town helping Grandma and Grandpa with some stuff in Portland, so I haven’t seen him, but he did text me to say Congratulations and he’s proud of me.”
She smiles. “Of course, he did.”
Hearing what Leah went through with her parents makes me even more grateful for mine.
Veronica asks, “And Mom? What did she have to say?”
“At first, she warned me about trying to skip ahead. But after that she helped me get the house ready for Leah.”
She gets comfortable on the couch, kicking off her shoes and tucking her feet under her. “So, tell me about Leah.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Well, she’s having my brother’s baby, so…everything.”
“She’s a tattoo artist and has a ton of tattoos herself. She’s gorgeous—has an ass that just won’t quit.” I tell myself I’m just going to stick to the basics, but before I know it, I’m rambling. “She’s witty and sarcastic which has me laughing constantly. I love spending time with her every night. It’s literally the highlight of my entire day. We just sit around and watch movies. She’s barely seen any of them, so it’s a lot of fun. She always draws while we watch. Oh, you should see the things that she draws. They are—”
Veronica stops me. “Oh, my God. You’re in love with her!”
“What?”
She scoots closer and pokes her finger into my chest. “You totally are!”
“You’re insane. We’re just two people still getting to know each other…and who are also having a baby together.”
“You can sing that song all you want to someone else, but I know you. I think it’s sweet—albeit a little fast.”
The thought that I may be falling in love with Leah isn’t lost on me. I’m crazy about her. She makes me incredibly happy. But as I learn more and more about her, I know that me saying that to her would send her fleeing in the opposite direction. For that reason, I’ll let her set the pace.
Ronnie asks, “So, when are you going to bring Leah around to meet the fam?”
“Not sure,” I reply. “I’d like to keep her around for a while. Being around our entire family at once is pretty overwhelming I imagine. Maybe I’ll try to introduce her in stages.”
“You better hurry up and get on it.”
“What’s the rush?”
“Have you met our mother? How long do you think it’ll be before she’s insisting that we do a big family dinner?”
She’s got a point.
I’m still considering what she’s saying when the front door opens and in walks Leah.
No time like the present to start meeting the family, I guess.
She looks around a little confused before I jump off the couch to meet her.
“Hey, Leah,” I greet. “One of my sisters stopped by.”
“Oh, hi.”
Ronnie gets up and walks over to us. Holding out her hand, she says, “I’m the best out of Dylan’s sisters. I’m clearly his favorite.”
Leah replies, “Oh, Michelle?”
The look Ronnie gives me shoots invisible daggers right through my soul, and Leah laughs.
“I’m totally kidding. You must be Veronica.”
“Please call me Ronnie.” She smiles. “Dylan, I like her. I bet she gives you a run for your money every chance she gets.”
“You have no idea,” I tell her.