44. Baby Whisperer
forty-four
Baby Whisperer
Leah
T wo weeks later…
32 weeks pregnant.
“What do you mean you have to go to work?” I whine. “What the hell am I supposed to do with a baby?”
Dylan and I volunteered to watch Beth so that Liz and Jack could have a date night. Well, Dylan is the one who volunteered us. I just went along with it, but now that he’s leaving, I’m freaking out.
“Baby, I’m going right down the street to change out a flat tire. I’m on call tonight. I shouldn’t be more than half an hour. And Beth is sleeping. Everything will be fine.”
“What if she wakes up?”
“Well, she’s a baby. Feed her, change her diaper, and put her back to sleep. The list of what they do is pretty short.” He walks over to me and takes my hands in his. “You’ll be great. And it’ll be good practice for both of us since ours will be here soon. ”
I take a couple deep breaths and try to calm myself down.
I can do this. I can do this.
He gives me a quick kiss. “I’ll be right back.”
When he’s out the door, I walk into the future nursery where we have Beth’s travel bed set up. Peeking into her crib, I see her sleeping so peacefully. I swear she’s gotten even cuter in her first two months of life. Her cute pudgy pink cheeks puff out as she lightly snores.
Not wanting to wake her, I slowly tiptoe out of the room. When I go to close the door, it lets out a loud creak. Moments later, Beth starts crying.
Fuck.
I wait outside the bedroom, hoping she will self-soothe back to sleep. Based on my life, I shouldn’t be surprised that I’m not that lucky. Instead of lulling herself back to sleep, she starts wailing even louder.
Heading back into the room, I walk over and pick her up. I figured the crying would stop when she was in my arms. But she continues to cry.
“What’s wrong, little Beth?” I say while gently bouncing her. “Are you hungry?”
With her in my arms, I head to the kitchen and grab one of the bottles that Liz packed.
I try putting the tip of it into her mouth, but she immediately spits it out. Every time I try, she pushes it right back out with her tongue. Her face turns red as she gets more and more frustrated with me.
Maybe she has a full diaper .
To have lots of space, I take her in and lay her on our bed. Awkwardly, I take off her footy pajamas and then her diaper. I can’t even really tell if it’s wet or not. Just to be on the safe side, I grab a new one out of the bag and try to figure out which way it goes. As I try to position it underneath her, she starts peeing.
“Whoa!” I cry while trying to shield myself. It doesn’t work. She gets to pee all over my shirt.
Well, Dylan’s shirt.
I have to grab another diaper, and as I’m wiping her, she pees again.
“What the hell? I thought only boy babies did this!”
After going through yet another diaper, I finally manage to wrangle her into it. And then, we have another battle as I have to get her pajamas back on. She fights me the whole time and screams her head off.
When she’s dressed, I pick her back up and start trying to soothe her. I try bouncing. I try singing.
Nothing seems to be working. She’s still upset and listening to her cry is making me go a little crazy. I can’t even hear myself think.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
By the time Dylan comes home, I’m about to go out of my mind. Both Beth and I are crying.
I hand the baby off to him. “She won’t stop screaming,” I tell him. “I’ve changed her and tried to feed her. I sang. I bounced. I’ve tried everything!”
He takes Beth and says, “Everybody calm down. It’s going to be okay. ”
Bouncing around a little, he talks and coos to the baby, and instantly, she calms down. It’s like he flips a switch, and the tears immediately stop.
“What the fuck?” I cry.
“Shh. You’ll wake her up,” he whispers.
“Again?”
“Hold on.” He walks into the other room to put her back down.
When he comes back, I’m sitting cross-legged on the couch with my head in my hands. He takes a seat next to me and rubs my back.
“What happened?”
“I went in to check on her after you left, and she was fine. But I made a noise, and she woke up screaming. I tried everything. She didn’t want to eat. She didn’t want to sleep. Oh, but she did pee all over me…twice. Who knew that little girls did that?”
He looks confused. “Did I know that little girls pee? Yes.”
“I know that! But who knew they could shoot it like that? By the way, it went all over one of your t-shirts.”
“That’s alright,” He says. “Shirts can be washed.”
“It’s not just the shirt,” I groan.
“You don’t say?” He jokes. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”
I stand up and start pacing. “I can’t do this!”
“Can’t do what?”
I point to my pregnant belly. “This. I can’t have this baby.”
“Leah, I think it’s a little late for that.”
“No, it’s not. Our daughter can just live inside me. It’ll be fine. It’s warm and cozy. She’ll be happy in there. ”
“Leah, it’s going to be okay.”
I point at him. “Listen up, Lassie. I’m not cut out to be a mom.”
He stands up and walks over to me. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe she sensed you were freaking out, which is why she couldn’t calm down?”
“No, because she started it!”
“Alright, gorgeous. Let’s just calm down a little.”
Tears prick my eyes again. “I’m just scared I’m going to fuck this up. I was a complete disaster, but you came in, and fixed it like that.” I snap my fingers.
“I think you’re forgetting something.”
“How to take care of a baby?”
“No. Our baby will be different. We’re going to learn how to take care of her. We’ll figure it all out together.”
“What if I freak out again?” I ask.
“Then, I’ll be here. I’ll help however I can.”
He wraps me in his arms, and somehow, I start to feel better.
Or at least, I tell myself I feel better. I can try to live in denial for a few more weeks.