47. You did Good
forty-seven
You did Good
Dylan
I ’m a dad.
Holy shit, that sounds weird to say even in my head. I didn’t know how long it would take me to bond with Luna, but now that she’s here, it was almost immediate. I can’t believe I can love something so much when I’ve barely spent any time with her.
Scratch that. I can believe it. Look how fast I fell for her mom.
After working with a nurse to try to breastfeed all night, Leah finally fell asleep a couple hours ago. The nurse offered to take Luna to the nursery so that I could rest too, but I opted to keep her in here with me. I can sleep later.
After Leah passed out, I grabbed the remote to find something to watch, but I haven’t touched it since. I’ve just been staring at Luna.
Leah says she looks just like me, but I see some of Leah in her too—especially when she gets mad. She gets the same stubborn, angry look on her face. I don’t dare say that, though. I don’t need Leah making the face at me.
Seeing Leah go through the c-section was terrifying. I tried to keep a brave face for her to try to keep her calm, but I’ve never been so scared in my life. She made me promise that if any decisions needed to be made, I would pick the baby over her. At the time, I didn’t know if I could follow through with that promise. Now, I’m glad it didn’t come down to that.
Luna starts to get a little fussy in my arms, so I grab her pacifier, and that seems to satisfy her for the moment.
Whispering, I say, “See your mom over there? She’s a real badass. I hope you grow up to be just like her.”
Unlike with Leah, though, we will make sure that this little girl never knows what it feels like to have her parents abandon her. Our daughter will never experience that trauma.
Time seems to stand still as I hold her while she drifts to sleep in my arms.
Leah wakes up and says, “You know, you don’t have to hold her the whole time. You can put her down if you want to get some sleep, too.”
“I’m fine,” I tell her. “She’s so cute and little.”
“Yeah, she is.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Sore, but I’ll live.”
There’s a soft knock on the door, and my mom pokes her head in. “Is now a good time?”
Leah answers before I can. “Come on in.”
She walks through the door followed by Liz.
“I thought Michelle was with you,” I say .
“Michelle came last night, but she had to work today. I’m sure she will make her way up here this evening.”
Liz adds, “You got the better sister. Congratulations.”
I stand up so that Mom can sit down, and I hand the baby to her. “This is Luna.”
Liz’s eyes go wide. “Luna Lawson? That’s so freaking cute!”
Mom looks down at the baby. “Hi, little one. I’m your grandma.”
Liz comes to stand next to me. “You doing okay?”
“I’m alright. It was scary there for a minute, but it all worked out.”
She gives me a hug. “You did good.”
Mom holds Luna for a few minutes before handing her off to Liz. She walks right over to Leah to hug her.
“What about me?” I ask.
“Did you just have a baby?” Mom looks at me.
“Well, not exactly.”
“Then, wait your turn.” She turns her attention back to Leah. “I am so proud of you.”
I look at Leah who is overcome with emotion. “Thank you,” she mouths.
Another hug from Mom. “I couldn’t love you any more if you were my own kid.”
When they let go, and Leah composes herself, Mom hands her a big gift bag that she brought with her. “We brought you guys some goodies.”
First, she pulls out three assorted packs of Oreos. “Dylan said that you didn’t get your cookies yesterday, so we wanted to make sure you got them today.”
Leah grins and looks back at me. “You remembered the cookies? You really are the best.”
“And we know that little Miss Luna came a little early, and she probably doesn’t have any Premie clothes, so we got her some clothes she can wear until she grows into the newborn size.”
“Suzanne, this is amazing. Thank you both,” Leah says while going through the clothes. “These are all adorable.”
“Well, we figured it would be one less thing you guys would have to worry about.”
They stay and visit for a little while before Mom announces, “We will get out of here and give you guys your space. We have a few things we need to get done.”
They say goodbye, but we don’t have much time before my phone starts ringing. I see that it’s Ronnie and answer.
“Hey, sis.”
“Hey, Daddy!” She pauses awkwardly. “That sounded way better in my head. Sounds weird saying that to my brother.”
“Let’s just move on.”
“Okay, great! You’re a father!”
“Crazy right?”
She laughs. “For sure. I wish I was home with you, but I’ll try to make it back as soon as I can.”
“It’s alright. Where are you working ?”
“Brazil.”
“Are you working more or enjoying the beach?” I ask.
“Well, my photoshoot yesterday was on a beach, so I guess both?”
“Have fun,” I tell her. “I’ll see you when I see you.”
“Okay, but you better send me tons of pictures of my new adorable niece!”
When we hang up, I turn my attention back to Leah who is now crying even harder.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” I ask, sitting down next to her. “Did my mom upset you?”
“Not at all. Your mom is wonderful. Your whole family is. I just wish that my mom had that same mindset. I always thought that if I had kids, she would be here.”
“I’m sorry, Leah. I know it makes you sad—”
She cuts me off. “I’m not sad. I’m pissed. She’s a bitch who doesn’t care about her daughter or granddaughter. Who acts like that? You want to treat me like trash, fine. But our daughter didn’t do anything to be treated like that.”
I listen to her continue to vent for a few minutes until her tears turn to white hot rage.
When she takes a breath, she says, “Sorry. I’m just—”
“A momma bear?”
“Something like that.” She smiles.
I pull her close and kiss her on the head. “Atta girl.”