50. No Boobs are Useless
fifty
No Boobs are Useless
Dylan
O ne week later…
“Hey, Dyl, how’s it going?” Jack asks.
I slide out from underneath the car I’ve been working on. “Well, I was just about asleep under there, so you tell me.”
“Been a rough first week, huh?”
“A little,” I say. “We are adjusting. It’s just taking some time.”
“You didn’t have to come back to work. You could have told me you needed more time.”
“I know. And I may take it. But I knew Jamie was supposed to be out for a few days, and I didn’t want to leave you high and dry. When he’s back, I may take some more time. The baby just came earlier than we thought she would.”
He reaches to the counter behind him and hands me an energy drink.
“You’re a godsend,” I joke while cracking open the can.
“Figured you could use some caffeine. When Beth was born, I lived on energy drinks and coffee. ”
“It was rough for you guys too, huh?” I ask.
“I think it’s rough for all parents with a new baby. They sort of suck the life out of you, but you can’t get mad at them because they are so cute.”
I take a break, and the two of us walk into Jack’s office to sit down and talk for a minute.
“How’s Leah doing?” He asks.
“I don’t know. I mean, I think she’s doing a great job, but she’s struggling with believing that about herself. Her milk hasn’t come in fully, so we have been having to do formula off and on. Leah is just so hard on herself, thinking that she’s not doing something right.”
“That’s always rough,” he says.
“Yeah. I don’t mind the formula feeding because I can do more of it while Leah sleeps. She doesn’t have to get up every single time the baby needs to eat. But at the same time, I know she wanted that experience. She keeps muttering to herself about how her boobs got so much bigger but are now completely useless.”
He laughs. “As a guy, I don’t think we would ever say any boobs are completely useless.”
“I think me saying that would land better when I’m actually able to show her how much I enjoy them. Right now, even if I tell her she looks pretty, she snaps at me calling me a liar.”
He smiles. “Ah, yes. I remember those times well.”
“How did you get through them?”
He runs his hand through his beard. “Dude, I am not an expert at any of this shit. Our baby is only a few months old, and we are still figuring shit out every day. All I did was try to be there for Liz as best as I could. I let her call the shots and just supported her decisions. It took a few weeks, but she came around and is about back to normal. We’ve gotten in a pretty good routine.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “That’s what I’m trying to do.”
“I heard Andre and Suzanne came over and helped you guys out with everything.”
“Thank God. With Luna coming five weeks early, we were so unprepared. They were lifesavers.”
“That’s what Liz was saying.”
“Was she pissed or something?” I ask.
He starts laughing. “Oh, not at all. You know your sister and how she butts heads with your mom. Liz would have hated anything Suzanne did merely on principle.”
“Good point.”
“I think that’s why your mom has kept her visits pretty short and sweet. Too much time together, and they’ll start arguing.”
I nod. “Neither one of them wants to admit it, but they are basically the same person.”
“Please don’t ever tell Liz that. I will never hear the end of it.” He pauses a second. “Why don’t you get out of here for the afternoon. I will finish up the car you were working on.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Go see your girls.”
On my way home, my head spins. Jack and I were having some fun catching up about everything, but I’m more worried about Leah than I let on—mainly because I don’t want to publicize anything that feels so personal between the two of us.
She’s had a really rough time since we have gotten home. Between the sleep deprivation, the crazy hormones, and the feeling that she’s doing something wrong, she’s struggling. I’ve been doing everything I can to try to help, but I’m not sure what exactly to do.
My main goal is to handle the baby as much as possible so that she can have time to relax and not constantly have to be on baby duty. But I also don’t want her to assume that I think she’s doing a bad job.
That’s not it.
I think she’s doing a great job.
But I also think she’s overwhelmed.
I’ve always known how to make a woman smile and how to make her feel special. That should be easier with the mother of my child. Why does it seem so much harder?
Okay, time to make a few pit stops on my way home.
**
I walk through the door to find Leah on the couch with Luna laying on her knees. She is completely different than the woman I left earlier today. She’s had a shower, and her hair is piled in a bun on top of her head. She’s now wearing different clothes too.
“Hey, you,” she greets with a smile.
“Hey, gorgeous. You two look like you’re having a good time.”
“I think little Luna and I have come to an understanding.”
“Oh?”
She nods. “We are giving up on breastfeeding and are going to exclusively do formula. I won’t be frustrated, and she won’t be hungry.”
“Wow. You must have had a big day.”
“Your mom came over to drop off some food, and I had a big ol’ breakdown in front of her. ”
I walk toward her. “Oh, shit. Are you okay?”
“I’m good. Your mom reminded me of just how much of a bad ass bitch I am. And she assured me that everything I’m feeling is normal.”
“Damn, I really need to send that woman a fruit basket or something.”
“Dylan, she has metaphorically picked me up off the floor multiple times now. I think you can spring for more than a fruit basket.”
I lean forward to kiss her. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. I brought you some presents in case you weren’t.”
“Ooooh, let me see!”
I jog over to grab the bag I left by the door. I pull things out as I speak. “I got you some wine because you can drink again now. I read that you can drink while breastfeeding, but you just have to pump and dump. Guess we don’t have to worry about that now.”
“Thank God.” She laughs.
“I got you some of your favorite snacks and some more of those pencils you like to draw with. I know you don’t have as much time now, but I’ll take Luna any time you want to let the creativity flow. And for the finale, I got you some sushi.”
I pull out a small tray of it. “You were so sad that you couldn’t try it while pregnant.”
“Okay, let’s give it a shot.” She grins at me while I open the container. She takes a piece and pops it in her mouth. It takes about ten seconds for her to give her verdict.
“Now, I feel like an idiot.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because that’s disgusting.”