14. Bay
FOURTEEN
bay
Nestled in the middle of the couch, I have Ellie on one side and Mae on another, both sleeping with limbs flayed and pinning me to my spot with no way out. The only thing I can move is my right hand and Dad keeps stealing glances our way as we watch the third Back to the Future movie.
Tonight was movie night. I made an effort to stock up on junk food, popcorn, and a good dinner with the money I made the other night on a random race. We haven’t had a really nice night without any bullshit going on or something else in a long time and this was way overdue.
“First movie was the best,” Levi quips, shoving another handful of popcorn in his mouth and staring at the TV. His long legs are extended outward as he comfortably lives his best life. “Not sure they should’ve done this one.”
“Um, no,” I retort. “Every single one of them are good.”
“Y-y-y…you jus…like the mmm-om p-p-p-ar-ts,” Dad adds in, attempting to scoop more rice pudding from his bowl.
“Ew,” I chuckle, wrinkling my nose. “Dad, stop .”
His blue eyes slice over to me, unashamed about saying that in front of his daughter. “It’s t-t-rue.”
“It is true,” Levi admits nonchalantly. “She was hot and, ya know”—he lifts his wide shoulders dismissively, eyes still glued on the movie—“guy had a hard-on for his mom.”
“In front of my dad?” I ground out, trying to keep the smile off my face, but failing horribly at it. “ Really ?”
Levi kicks his feet up on the coffee table. “Roger knows how I am.”
“Y-yeah,” Dad says off an exhale, and I immediately notice how he almost said one solid word without trouble. “A p-p-pa-in in t-t-he asssss.”
I laugh, feeling Mae cuddle closer to me as I cover my mouth to keep from waking her up.
“Careful, Roger,” Levi declares. “I’m the one that snuck you in a beer the other night.”
Dad immediately glares at him.
Clearly, that was a little secret, because Dad knows I’d bitch at him for going against not the doctor’s orders.
However, I’m so placid with hanging out with my fam that I don’t currently give a shit.
“You need to pick a better buddy, Dad,” I tell him. “He sucks.”
“You swallow,” Levi retorts, and I wish to God I had something to throw at him besides one of my sister’s bodies.
He begins laughing at his own joke, and Dad chucks his metal spoon at him, almost nailing him in the foot, which only makes him laugh harder.
Seriously, such an asshole.
“I’m thinking some sort of laxative in his food. What do you think, Dad?”
“Y-y-yes.”
I wink at him, and I see a ghost of a smile illuminate his lips as my cell phone buzzes in my lap.
Picking it up, I have a text message from Travis.
TRAVIS: Hey, Bay. Are you up?
My palms immediately begin to sweat post-haste with the anxiety I’ve felt for four days.
This is it.
This is where my life either stays the same or somersaults into oblivion.
Travis was able—don’t know how—to get into a lab ASAP and promised me results I really didn’t want. Despite that, it’s the way my fucking cookie is crumbling right now.
I glance over at Dad, watching Marty McFly drive his mother to the prom, a wave of ease placed on his face that I haven’t seen much of since his health declined.
Nothing is going to change how I feel about that man.
Nothing.
BAY: Hey, I’m here.
TRAVIS: How are you doing?
Oh my God, I love this dude, but I’ve never been into small talk.
BAY: Dying over here. Did you get the results back?
TRAVIS: Yeah.
TRAVIS: You’re his daughter, Bay.
No.
Nausea washes over me so quickly that I almost become dizzy. My fingers death drip the edges of my phone so hard that my knuckles turn white.
Dad lied to me.
He filled my head with a life that was never fully mine.
I’m not an Astor.
I’m the offspring of a piece of shit.
A traitor.
Someone who split a community in two over whatever the hell his reasoning was. The reason why I have to watch my sisters like a fucking hawk.
My heedfulness promptly jumps back to Dad and the weariness of energy that has been stripped from his body since the stroke.
Why, Dad?
Why didn’t you just tell me?
Maybe so I didn’t feel like this? And what am I going to do?
The idea of calling him out doesn’t sit well with me at all.
In fact, it’s going to inflict more stress that he doesn’t need.
It’s imperative that he gets well. That he’s around for Mae and Ellie. No world of mine doesn’t include him in it, and I can’t mentally survive without him.
Dad is my rock, he’s my everything. This man has loved me my whole life.
And I love him more than anything.
My first love, and he’s going to stay that way with me.
BAY: And you’re sure the lab was far enough that Emilio couldn’t reach it?
TRAVIS: Montana. I highly doubt he has connections there.
A primal urge to destroy said lab facility slams into my head as it begins to throb.
I’m not sure how I’m going to tell Levi. How I’m going to bring this up to Dad without causing alarm and fear?
The one I’m most concerned about is my best friend. I saw him lose his entire shit the night at the shipping yard and what he wanted to do with Torin.
BAY: Thanks, Trav. I appreciate you.
I have nothing else to say. He did exactly what I needed him to do, but I wish he hadn’t.
Even though I fucking told him.
I’m such a dumbass. Why did I do this to myself?
TRAVIS: Do you want me to come over?
BAY: No, it’s getting late. I’ll text you tomorrow.
TRAVIS: I’m done studying and I’m way ahead in my classes.
TRAVIS: You don’t have to do this alone.
BAY: There’s no other way. I can’t tell Dad. I just can’t.
TRAVIS: Then we’ll figure it out.
TRAVIS: Are you going to tell Levi?
BAY: Not tonight. Who knows what he’s going to say or do. I need to digest this for a minute.
TRAVIS: Okay, text me tomorrow, alright?
LEVI: Why do you look like you’re about to cry?
Prying my eyes from my screen, Levi is kicked back with one leg crossed over the other knee with a lift of his pierced brow.
Observant motherfucker.
BAY: You haven’t left yet.
LEVI: haha…you’re an asshole.
BAY: Get off my phone, loser, and watch the movie.
I flip text threads and open the one with Travis.
BAY: Levi is here. I’ll text you when he’s gone.
I glance over my phone to find my best friend still watching me. There’s no such thing as coming out unscathed in war and that’s what this is. I may not have been my mom’s biggest fan, but the consequences sure as hell hurt my family.
And it just destroyed me.