Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Trevor
I held my breath, watching the transformation on her face. I hadn’t imagined it. Teresa cared about me. Maybe she’d always cared. Whether she had any stronger feelings, or could one day develop them, I didn’t know. But I had to go forth in my blind faith. What else could I do?
It would have been so much easier to move on. Any sane person walked away when they weren’t wanted. Why did I hang around, hoping? I knew guilt had played a part, at least in the beginning, but after so many months, it was mostly stubbornness.
“Ye’d miss me.” I couldn’t help smiling. “If I died, you’d cry.”
She rolled her eyes affectionately, and I saw the film of tears on them. “Death is generally considered sad.”
She took a huge bite of her sandwich, focusing on chewing.
“That’s true. But you work more closely with me than anyone else. You comment on every word I produce. You suggest new headings and edits all the time.”
She swallowed, considering this for a moment. “Sometimes, there’s a font I want to use, and a certain letter has a beautiful glyph, so I want to make sure that letter is in the heading.”
I nodded. I’d figured that out a long time ago. “But it’s not just that. You comment on everything I do. You don’t comment on everything Charlie does because you’re indifferent to him. But me…”
I set down my coffee cup and leaned so close I could have reached across the table and touched her. She swallowed another piece of sandwich and leaned forward, too. “You’re special, Trevor. Happy now?”
“You have no idea.”
She leaned back, feigning disinterest, but her cheeks had an adorable color to them. “You make a pretty good sandwich, too.”
We polished our plates, watching the crackling fire. Outside, it was snowing again, heavier this time. I’d chosen the house for its view and its location right outside town. As much as I liked to imagine myself in the middle of nowhere, hunting and fishing, Teresa liked living around the corner from her favorite deli. Cozy Creek was small, but at least it was right there, outside the window. I knew I was unhinged to dream of her ever living here, with me, especially now that I knew she’d grown up here. But I only had my optimism.
When she finished eating, I collected our plates and loaded them into the dishwasher. Teresa followed me into the kitchen, observing me. She looked deep in thought, a little crease between her eyes.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“You load from back to front.”
He looked up, confused. “Never thought about it. Why?”
“Just something Richard always ranted about. How his ex used to load from front to back.”
“The ex he was snogging yesterday?”
She nodded.
“He complained to you about his ex?” I asked.
“Quite a lot, to be honest. I didn’t think too much of it.”
“Did you talk about your exes?” I asked.
She looked surprised. “No.”
“Not even me?”
She gave me a reproaching look. “You’re not my ex.”
“But I am a man you could have complained about if you’d wanted to match his stride.”
She blew a frustrated breath, grabbed a cloth, and began wiping the counter. “That’s the thing! I don’t talk about my exes because I don’t think about them. Even when he went on and on about Carolyn, I just remember thinking, ‘Oh, I’d better not do that thing he hated.’ Now I don’t know if he really hated it, or if he just wanted to keep talking about her.”
“He was probably trying to convince himself that he’d made a good choice, being there with you. Which tells me he’s a douche.”
The guy was a cheating piece of shit, but that was not why I wanted to punch him. I wanted to punch him for taking her for granted.
She froze, the cloth dangling from her fingers. “I did complain about you,” she said in a small voice. “I talked too much about you and all the reasons I hated you.”
“Really? That’s great!”
She frowned at me. “Why?”
“Well, Lil’ Dick complained about his ex and look where he ended up!”
“On her face?”
I flashed her a victorious grin. “Probably in her pants, too.”
“You’re a dick!” She huffed, throwing the wet cloth at me.
I caught it in midair. She was so cute with her cheeks burning, eyes like two flames swallowed by black coals. Was she turned on or furious? Probably just furious.
“I have a dick. There’s a slight difference,” I corrected.
“Is there, though? Whenever there’s a dick involved, I seem to end up betrayed.” She spat out the words, looking at me with a mix of hurt and something else.
I swallowed. The energy in the room shifted, like a cold breeze had snuck in through a crack. I’d been feeling so hopeful, reading into her every word, every expression… But if she couldn’t see any difference between me and her cheating ex, I was doomed.
Maybe I’d been depleting my hope, gradually using up the stores, until it was all gone. Like a car that ran out of gas, suddenly sputtering to a stop.
“Fair enough,” I said. “If you think I’m the same as him, you should definitely stay away from me.” I turned on the dishwasher, even though it was barely half full, grabbed my phone and headed for the bedroom. “I’ll see if I can organize you a ride out of here, so you don’t have to wait for those car keys with me.”
I didn’t mean to storm out, but I might have closed the door with more force than was necessary. My heart pounded as I browsed my phone, unable to focus on the screen or whatever I was supposed to do. I didn’t want to find her a ride and send her away, but I couldn’t be this delusional. She might have taken me out of the shit basket, but she’d just put me in the same basket as her ex.
Last night had been a fluke, brought on by wine and some sense of danger. Now, she’d seen what a nutcase I was, decorating my house to match her vision board. She was being nice about it, but that was probably a survival instinct. She was stuck here with me, relying on me, trying to keep me happy until she got back home.
She’d never give me another chance.
I leaned on the door, letting the pain dig its way through me. Allowing it. Because there was no other choice. I’d made a pact with myself that I’d risk the hurt. I had to be man enough to take it.