24 My wish came true
24
My wish came true
Bath, England
December 1817
Benjamin
Sitting behind the desk in my study, I stare at the photo in my hands with a tightness in my chest. Isabella’s smile is still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
My heart is broken. Broken. Who knew?
It’s been three days since I came back from the future. Perhaps it was the very specific wish, but I woke up in the same room, on 7 December 1817. That means I was away for six months.
In the meantime, a lot has happened. Abigail didn’t tell anyone that I was gone. Not immediately. Instead, she asked our coachman, with a false note in my name, to take her to London, with the intention of asking Jack Spencer for help. My friend was quick to help her and accompanied her to Bath to check on my disappearance. While they were looking for me, he took over the paper at the request of my secretary, Howard, who no longer knew what to do about the denunciation of the traitor to the Crown. Fearless and reckless as he is, Spencer gave the order for publication. The fact is that when I returned, I found Abigail desperate because the damned Cornell, who had spent months in hiding after the denunciation, had ordered my friend to be kidnapped in search of revenge.
We managed to rescue him, but the surprises didn’t end there. As soon as I got home and thought I could pour myself a shot of Scotch to relax, I discovered that, before the kidnapping, Jack Spencer and Abigail were leaving for Gretna Green. To get married in a hurry.
Two knocks on the door catch my attention. I hide the photo under the pile of papers, straightening my posture and rubbing my eyes. I need a break; I’m just an ordinary man.
“Come in.”
Jack Spencer opens the door and gives me a naughty smile, the kind that wins over the women he chooses to seduce.
“Benjamin Waldorf, His Grace, returning from his unexpected disappearance ready to assume his responsibilities.”
Jack’s tone is good-humoured. It always is. But I don’t feel like smiling right now. Not in the slightest.
“You can wipe that smile off your face, Spencer.”
He raises his hands in front of his body. “I come in peace. I know we have to talk, that things with Cornell have got a bit messy, but—”
“Messy? Peace…” I laugh humourlessly. “Peace would be to return and find things just as I left them.”
Jack closes his eyes a little. “You’re being ungrateful, Waldorf. I did my best to manage your affairs during the almost six months that you were away doing who knows what.”
I haven’t told anyone the reasons for my disappearance. I changed the subject, dodged questions, said I was tired, did what I could. I don’t think anyone would believe me.
“You’re forgetting my sister. You’ve done your best to get on with her too.”
I get up and walk over to him; he’s still standing by the door. Jack and I are the same height, but he’s slightly stronger because he’s a boxer. I’ve always beaten him at fencing, though. Jack is a bit too rough for the sport.
“Tell me, Spencer. Were you busy dealing with my business when you decided to seduce Abigail?”
He clenches his jaw. “I didn’t…”
“You didn’t seduce her? Don’t lie to me, Jack.” I take a step forward, sticking close to him. “I know you and the perversities that please you. Do you really think I don’t know what’s behind that marriage proposal? That unexpected escape to Gretna Green? Are you going to look me in the eye and lie that you didn’t take my sister’s virtue?”
Jack breathes heavily, without looking away. But there’s an answer in that silence. I’m right. He seduced her.
“Unbelievable…” I mutter, walking away.
“It’s not like that, Benjamin.”
“And what is it like, then?” I turn round. “Explain it to me.”
“Abigail came to me for help because you had disappeared, and she didn’t know where else to turn. She was desperate. She came to me at night, tired and cold. So first, before you give me these ready-made sermons, answer me: where the hell were you? Why did you abandon her?”
“I didn’t abandon her.” I face him closely again. “What happened was beyond my control. I would never abandon my sister. I would do anything to protect her.”
Even giving up the woman of my life. The woman I love. I won’t say those words. They hurt, and I don’t think Jack would understand.
“Well, you weren’t here for the last few months.” Jack doesn’t hold back. “I was.”
“And so you felt entitled to take advantage of her.”
Jack clenches his fists at his sides, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I didn’t take advantage of her, damn it! Yes, I seduced her, but she knew what she was doing. You don’t know the whole story.”
“And what’s the whole story, Jack? Tell me, what is it?”
Spencer runs a hand through his hair, clears his throat, and answers me: “I’m in love with Abigail, Benjamin.” He lifts his shoulders. “I love her.”
I wasn’t expecting that. Not at all. I don’t even believe what he’s saying. By God, he’s Jack Spencer.
“I don’t believe it.”
“But it’s true.”
“I know you, Jack. We’ve known each other for years. Do you really want me to fall for your love story? We’re talking about my sister, you prick. About her future, about her happiness.”
He looks angry now. “What should I do? Make up a dirty story so you’ll believe me? If I’m telling you that I love her, that Abigail is my—”
“Enough!”
Our attention shifts to the door, where Abigail stares at us, frowning.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
Abigail turns up her nose at me and crosses her arms. “You’re discussing my future without my presence, Benjamin. I believe I deserve to be part of that conversation.”
“Abigail, I am talking to this…” I look at Jack, and he rolls his eyes, “this man about his deplorable behaviour towards you.”
Abby lets out a frustrated sigh. “Oh, for God’s sake, I’m not a child.”
“I’m responsible for you!” I retort.
“Not in the last few months,” Jack mutters, and I glare at him.
“I don’t care about your responsibility,” Abby continues. “I just want you to listen to what Jack has to say.”
“Mel, calm down. Benjamin is angry, but—” Jack starts to say, but I interrupt him.
“What did you say?”
They both stop talking, looking at me with surprised eyes.
“What did you call her?” I ask again.
Jack looks confused and looks at my sister, who understands first.
“Ah. Mel.” Abigail lets out a giggle. “You know I never liked Abigail, so Jack started calling me Mel as a joke and we got used to it. You know, Abigail Melissa Waldorf.”
My heart races and I’m speechless. I’m transported back to that afternoon in Bath when Isabella and I sat on one of the benches.
The sign read: Mel and Jack: Two souls who met and lived a long life full of love.
Could it have been your friend? Isabella had asked me.
I can’t believe it. Yes, it was my friend. With my sister. Jack and Abby loved each other for a lifetime. They were happy for a lifetime. Jack is the happiness that Abigail wanted to find.
“Waldorf? Are you alright?” Jack asks, snapping me out of my trance.
“You look pale.” Abigail approaches. “What’s wrong?”
Everything. Simply everything. I just found out that my sister was safe. That she’s going to be happy. That she doesn’t need me. That… I’m free if I want to live my happiness too.
My head is in an unbridled whirl. Today is 10 December, which means that in less than two weeks, there will be another solstice. If my sister is safe, there’s nothing to keep me here. Just as there’s no reason to believe that I won’t be able to use the solstice to travel through time a third time.
Hopefully, the last time.
I don’t know how much time has passed in the future. I don’t know if Bella will be free, but I have to try.
“Abby, let me talk to Jack,” I ask her, my throat feeling dry. “I’ll talk to you in a minute, I promise.”
Abigail exchanges a look with my friend and nods, leaving the room.
Without saying anything, I walk over to the sideboard and pour us two shots of Scotch. I hand Jack a glass and turn mine round.
“So, you love my sister,” I say.
Jack runs a hand through his hair. “That’s what I’m trying to say.”
I laugh at his manner. Bollocks. Of all the men in the world who could marry Abigail, the last one I would have thought would fill that role would be Jack Spencer. Now, however, looking at him… I think I was wrong.
“Forgive me, I beg you. What you’ve done for me over the last few months has been a lot. But it’s you, Spencer, so…”
“Hey, I understand.” He turns his glass round too. “Well, I don’t understand this sudden change of mood, but your reluctance is understandable. If I had to trust myself… I don’t know if I would. I’m also grateful that you saved my skin. But I’m being honest. Dealing with the newspaper, looking after Mel during these months… they’ve changed me, Waldorf. Abigail makes me want to be better. To be the man she deserves to have by her side.”
I understand the feeling.
“I suppose… I have your blessing to marry her?” Jack asks me, leaving his glass on my desk.
“That’s what she wants, isn’t it?”
Jack nods his head. “Yes, it is.”
I take a deep breath, ready for the second part of this conversation. “Jack, I… I have to go.”
Spencer doesn’t understand me. “Go where?”
“Away. Far away. Indefinitely.”
He continues to stare at me in amazement, not understanding.
I try to explain. “My last few months have been… peculiar. I ask you not to ask me any questions, but just believe that I didn’t disappear of my own free will. However, the only reason I came back, once I could, was my sister. Now she has you and…” the memory of Isabella makes my chest overflow with hope, “I need to get back there.”
Jack takes a deep breath. He walks over to the sideboard, pours himself another, thinking. “A woman.” It’s not a question.
“Yes.”
“Why not bring her here?”
“I can’t.”
Spencer turns the glass round, running a hand through his long hair. “You’re really not going to tell me where you’ve been, are you?”
I shake my head.
My friend nods and continues. “What do you need, Benjamin?”
I sigh, staring into the leaden eyes. “Just look after her. I’ll talk to my sister. I won’t act without talking to Abigail, but… look after her, Spencer.”
There are still other matters that I have to take care of before I leave. The newspaper, which I’m also leaving in Jack’s care, a will, other paperwork. However, I can think about that later. Abigail is the priority. If she’s well, I know I can leave with my heart and conscience at peace.
Spencer agrees with me, taking two steps forward and holding out his hand to me. “Don’t worry, Your Grace.” It’s still strange for me not to hear Duke’s bark when people call me that. “I’ll take care of her. Better still, I’ll love her and make her happy.”
I smile, accepting the gesture. “I know you will, Spencer. I know you will.”
* * *
A few minutes later, I leave Jack behind and walk out of the study towards the music room, where I know Abigail is waiting for me. My sister is sitting by the piano, her delicate hands fingering the white keys.
“You finally finished your conversation with Jack,” she tells me.
I cross my arms behind my back. “With Mr Spencer, you mean. You’re not married yet.”
She widens her eyes, attentive. “But we will be, won’t we?”
I nod and approach her, and she moves to give me space on the piano bench. I sit next to her, without touching the instrument.
“Remember when I tried to teach you and you ran away?” she asks me, making me laugh.
“I wasn’t a keen music student. Barney filled that role.”
She laughs too. My God, my sister is laughing again.
“He was. Barney was good at everything he did. I miss him every day.”
“Me too…” I mutter. “Do you really want to marry that arsehole?”
She laughs again. “Ah, Benjamin. If you only knew… when you disappeared, I almost went back to the same dark hole I was in before. Almost. I got too close. And then I refused. I raised my head, got into the carriage, and set off for London, determined to find you. Jack was the only one I could think of to ask for help. And as the weeks went by, as we looked for you, well… we…”
“You fell in love,” I finished for her.
My sister nods, smiling.
I look at her, and I can see how different she is from the girl she was when we lost Barney and my father. Abigail is flushed; she looks healthy, poised. She no longer has dark circles under her eyes. Her eyes shine now; they sparkle… joy. Love. I saw the same sparkle in Isabella’s eyes when she looked at me.
It’s such a relief to know that she’s OK. That she’s happy and will be happy. A relief that frees me. Not because Abby was a prison. I would never resent her for making me stay here, for needing my protection. But now I can choose Isabella. And I can allow myself to be chosen by her too.
“Darling, I have a request to make of you,” I begin, taking her hand.
“Tell me.”
It’s hard. As much as going back to Isabella is all I want, that my happiness lies in the future, saying goodbye to Abigail forever is painful. She’s my little sister, my family.
“Over the last few months, I’ve been away against my will.”
“What happened, Benjamin?”
“I don’t think telling you will make any difference.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t think you’ll believe me. I wouldn’t believe it myself.”
She pouts, unconvinced.
“Would you believe me if I said I’d travelled forward in time?” I shoot.
She frowns, tapping my forearm with her hand. “Come on! I’m talking about something serious, Benjamin.”
As I thought, telling the truth won’t make any difference to us.
“Please trust me. If I don’t want to tell you everything, I have my reasons. I’ve never lied to you, and you know me well.”
Abigail sighs, eventually nodding. “Right. Keep going.”
“During my time away, I met someone.”
“A woman?”
“The woman of my life.”
Abigail grins from ear to ear. “Who is she? Why isn’t she here?”
“Because she can’t be. The only way for me to be with her is to leave. But I’m not just talking about living far away, Abby. If I leave, if I manage to leave, I won’t come back. Not ever.”
She takes a few seconds to stare at me in confusion.
“I don’t understand, Benjamin. Why forever? What’s stopping you from bringing her here, from coming back?”
I realise that the information I’m giving Abigail is insufficient.
“It’s not possible, Abby. If it were, we’d find a way, but our situation really doesn’t allow it. For me to be with her, to be able to love her, I have to give up my life.”
“And that’s what you want,” Abigail says, “because you love her.”
I nod my head in agreement. “Yes, I love her.”
My sister runs her delicate hands over her face. “Is it the only way?” she asks me again, a little emotional.
“The only one. I wouldn’t go if I didn’t know you were safe. That you’re fine, that you’re happy, Abby. And you are – you will be for the rest of your days. You’ll be happy; you’ll live for many years, and…”
“You seem to know my future.” She laughs nervously.
I shrug. If she only knew…
“Maybe I know.”
Abigail takes a deep breath, then another. Overcome with emotion, she asks me: “Will you be happy?”
My throat feels tight, and I swallow my saliva with difficulty. “I believe that’s the only way I’ll be happy.”
A tear runs down Abigail’s cheek. “And you’re asking my permission to be happy?” Another tear. “Benjamin, do you know how much I’ve wanted this? After everything we’ve been through, everything we’ve lost, we’re finally happy.”
We really are, aren’t we? Not yet, but I will be. I can almost feel the happiness in my own hands.
“Forgive me for not being able to explain more.” I bring her hands to my lips. “I love you. I’ll miss you every day.”
Abigail wipes my damp face. Only then do I realise that I’ve been crying too. She smiles. Her face has never been brighter. So at peace.
“No more suffering,” she whispers and hugs me, wrapping her thin arms around my neck. “Let’s just be happy. That’s what they wanted for us.”
Mom, my grandmother, my father, my brother. Yes, she’s right. That’s what they wanted.
“When are you leaving?” Abby asks me as soon as we part.
I pull myself together, straightening my posture. “On the 21 st day of the month.”
“Which means I only have ten days to get married.”
I’m confronted by her mischievous expression.
“We can get a special license, no problem.”
Abby claps her hands and stands up. “Good. I’ll let Jack know.” She takes my hand once more. “I want you to give me away at the altar,” she declares. “Will you do that?”
“Of course, future Mrs Spencer.” I kiss her hand affectionately. “It would be an honour.”