Chapter Twelve Lucky
Chapter Twelve
Lucky
Don’t be? What did that mean? That he was okay with his bunkmate manhandling him? Or that he didn’t care about what I had done because it was no big deal to him?
I found myself hoping that there was even a tiny chance he shared the overwhelming attraction I felt—the one that made me feel like I was drowning.
He gave me another sexy smile and then his gaze dipped down to my lips before meeting my eyes again.
“The boat’s not rocking as hard anymore.” He said the words softly and it made my insides even meltier.
The boat had been rocking?
My fuzzy mind determined that his words seemed correct and a good explanation as to why I was currently in this situation but all I could think about was how warm Hunter’s lips looked and I wanted to kiss him more than I’d ever wanted anything in my entire life.
“You needed some medicine?” he prompted, that amused look not leaving his bright blue eyes.
Like he knew something I didn’t.
And I needed medicine? For what?
I forced my brain to turn over and start up. Every moment I passed in silence was more humiliating than the last. “Seasickness,” I finally managed to say. “I get seasick.”
“Seasick?” he repeated. “You work on a yacht and you get seasick?”
Was there a way to permanently meld myself to him so that we never had to be apart again? “I do. That’s why I wear these.”
Somehow I managed to lift my wrists, which was harder than it sounded. I was just so off-kilter that it was like I’d lost complete control over myself. It was difficult to get my body to respond the way I wanted it to.
“Elastic acupressure bands,” I added unnecessarily. “I also have over-the-counter meds for it in the bathroom. For if the seas get rough.”
“You should go get that,” he said but he didn’t release me.
“I should,” I agreed. But no part of me was in any hurry to move away from him. Including my brain, who had been convinced by my body that it was a good idea to stay put.
“Or I could get it for you,” he offered and I felt his hand flatten against my back, as if he would somehow pull me closer.
“No, that’s okay. I can do it.” The fact that I was still upright and able to speak felt like a modern miracle.
“Lucky ...” His voice trailed off and I held my entire body still, waiting to see what he would say next.
What he would do.
He didn’t make a move, though. He just kept holding me and I saw his Adam’s apple bob, how he tightened his jaw, and his mouth opened slightly. As if he intended to say something.
Or do something.
But if I stayed here, caught between him and the wall, I was going to make the biggest of mistakes.
I put my hands up on his chest. This time it was deliberate and I pushed gently against his very firm, very warm pectoral muscles. He immediately released me and backed up. I did my best newborn-fawn impersonation with my unsteady legs as I tried to make my way into the bathroom. I didn’t have very far to walk but it felt like I was crossing an entire football field, his eyes on me the entire time.
When I entered the bathroom, I shut the door behind me and leaned against it, trying to breathe deeply and unable to. My skin was prickly and flushed, my stomach turning and twisting.
It wasn’t anxiety that had me falling apart, though—it was unbridled lust. Hunter was too attractive.
I had probably been sweating again, and with my luck, he’d seen it.
Groaning softly, I pushed away from the door and opened the medicine cabinet. As I rummaged around for my pills, I wondered if there was an anti-Hunter medicine that I could take to clear him from my system.
I located my medication and popped a couple of pills in my mouth, leaning down to drink from the faucet. I had a water bottle in the cabin but I wasn’t ready to go back out there yet.
In large part because I needed to give him the chance to get dressed. I was worried I might turn into some kind of feral vixen if I returned to our room and he was still in a towel.
When I straightened up water dripped from my mouth into the sink and it immediately made me think of how Hunter had looked when he’d walked out of the bathroom. I stared at my reflection in the mirror.
Enough, I said. This is over-the-top ridiculous. You can control yourself. He is a nice man and doesn’t deserve to have you throwing yourself at him and putting both of your jobs in jeopardy.
I waited until I had sufficiently calmed down before I put my hand on the doorknob. It occurred to me at the last moment he might not be dressed. “Are you decent?” I asked through the door.
Because I can wait until you’re not.
For a second I was afraid I’d said the last part out loud, but given that he hadn’t run from the room screaming, I figured I had managed to keep it inside.
“Not usually,” he responded.
My grip tightened. “That wasn’t what I meant.”
“If you’re asking if I’m dressed, then yes, I am.”
That should not have been such a disappointing prospect. I opened the door and he was standing by the closet putting a T-shirt on. I got one last glimpse of the perfectly sculpted muscles in his abdomen before he slid the material down.
“How was your first day?” I asked, my voice sounding strange to my own ears. Like I’d forgotten how to have a normal conversation.
“It involved more clothing than I’d anticipated.”
My stomach fell to the floor and my head was instantly woozy again. “Oh?”
Masterful response, Lucky, I chided myself.
He grinned at me. “I find most activities infinitely more fun the less clothing that’s involved.”
I wholeheartedly agreed with him. I closed my eyes and summoned up a mental image of Captain Carl to remind myself why nothing could happen here. There was a rule. I liked rules. I followed rules. Rules were important.
But when I opened my eyes and looked at Hunter, I couldn’t remember why rules mattered.
When I didn’t respond to his teasing, he added, “My first day was easier than I’d expected.”
“You should come work in the interior,” I said, grabbing some pajamas to change into.
He nodded. “I definitely think you all have it worse.”
I pointed at the bathroom. “I’m just going to—um, did you need to ...”
“It’s all yours,” he said and climbed up into his bunk and settled in. I hurried back into the bathroom and locked the door. I got ready for bed and tried to figure out what I was going to do when I returned to the cabin.
There was no way I would be able to fall asleep, despite how tired I was. It had taken me so long last night to finally drift off. I usually checked emails, scrolled through social media, and read texts from my sisters asking me for money. I didn’t think I’d be able to process what I was reading. My brain was being uncooperative.
I decided to watch one of my favorite musicals. Nonna had absolutely adored old Hollywood musicals and we had spent so many Sundays viewing them together.
They always made me think of her and tonight I could use some of her strength.
I reentered the cabin and put my dirty uniform into the hamper, then grabbed my laptop and headphones. I didn’t offer to turn off the lights because I thought the darkness might prove too tempting. I got into my bunk and pulled my covers up, then opened my laptop. I searched for the movie I wanted.
It wasn’t until the opening score blared into the cabin that I realized I had forgotten to plug my headphones in. I hurriedly tried to get the jack in but my fingers were not cooperating. It took a few attempts but I finally managed it.
Hunter’s head dropped down to my right and I gasped, startled. He said something, but I had the movie up too loud. I paused it. “What?”
“Are you watching The Court Jester ?”
My mouth hung open. “How could you possibly know that?”
“I’ve seen it many times. It’s one of my favorites. Would you like some company?”
“I—” At this point somebody was going to have to take me to a hospital, considering the kind of heart palpitations he gave me. It probably wasn’t a good thing for it to be beating so hard so often.
I knew I should tell him no. But too many things had happened in rapid succession—dancing with him at the party, our earlier interlude where I was introduced to the marvel that was his chest, being held close against him while the ship rocked back and forth, finding out that he liked musicals and him asking to join me.
Honestly, I felt powerless to resist. And I didn’t want to. “Sure.”
His head disappeared and a second later he jumped down to the floor and looked at me expectantly.
“Oh. Right,” I said, scooting over.
We probably should have gone out to the crew mess and watched it there. Then we would be in a public place where absolutely nothing could happen.
I didn’t offer to do that, though.
It felt like my skin was literally pulsating as Hunter climbed into my bed next to me. That feeling only increased the closer he got, accompanied by zinging tingles. The mattress shifted with his weight and I held my breath.
My bunk was a bit wider than his. I probably should have offered it to him when he arrived, given how much bigger he was than me, but I had seniority.
It meant that there was enough room for both of us. Barely. He was stretched out alongside me, close but not touching. I could still feel his warmth and wanted nothing more than to turn and nestle into his side, letting him hold me while we watched Danny Kaye pretend to be a jester and the Black Fox.
“What’s this?” he asked, reaching under his lower back. He pulled out my stuffed penguin that I took with me everywhere.
“That’s Randy. My dad bought him for me at the aquarium.” I put out my hand and he handed it over. If he thought it was childish of me to have a stuffed animal, he didn’t say so.
The other men I’d gone out with had.
“Why are you looking at me that way?” Hunter asked.
Oh no, what way was I looking at him? I was afraid that it was in the “please ravish me” way. “I was just thinking that you don’t seem like the kind of guy who likes musicals.”
Would he believe that? Please let him believe that.
“Then how else would I know the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true?”
I smiled. “Okay, you passed the test. But that’s not an explanation.”
His expression dropped. “My sister adored musicals. She wanted to be an actress on Broadway. She would make me watch them with her.”
A lump formed in my throat. “That’s the sister that passed away?”
He nodded. “I used to hate these movies. But I would give anything to be able to watch one more with her.”
“I know exactly how that feels.” I wanted to put my hand on his, to comfort him, but I didn’t trust myself. His pain made my heart ache.
“Should we start the movie?” he asked, folding his arms over his broad chest.
“Yes.” We should. We definitely should start the movie and not sit here and think about climbing on top of him and kissing away his sorrows.
I pushed play and he tapped me on my arm. When I looked at him, he pointed at my headphones.
He must have thought I was such a disaster. Why couldn’t I be less of a mess around him? I unplugged them so he could hear the movie, then had to immediately adjust the volume so that we wouldn’t bother our fellow crewmembers.
Hunter shifted, causing my mattress to sink in slightly, and I had to be careful to keep that tiny sliver of space between us.
“What we need now is some popcorn,” he said.
No, what I needed now was a defibrillator.
“I’m too tired to make any,” he added, and I didn’t offer because I couldn’t climb over him and retain my last shred of willpower.
We watched the movie and I wasn’t able to pay attention to it. Instead I was keenly aware of Hunter and everything he was doing. When he would laugh and smile, how much he seemed to be enjoying himself.
When it was over I closed my laptop and he said, “Thanks for that. Good night.”
“Good night,” I echoed, keenly disappointed that he was leaving my bunk to climb back into his own. He turned off the light and I heard the bed above me creaking as he settled in.
A few minutes later he was fast asleep, already gently snoring.
Meanwhile, I hadn’t moved. I realized that watching the movie with him was the best night I’d had in a very, very long time and I didn’t know if that was a good thing or an extremely sad remark on what I had let my life become.