Chapter Thirty-Three Lucky
Chapter Thirty-Three
Lucky
Hunter and I broke apart immediately, our chests heaving, our breathing loud and thick with mutual desire and disappointment from how the captain had just single-handedly brought things to a halt.
Did the captain know? This was exactly the kind of thing that always happened to me. I had broken the rules and now I was going to have to pay with my job.
Totally worth it, my hormones said, and I couldn’t completely disagree.
Hunter grabbed some clothes and jerked his head toward the shower. I nodded and got a shirt, throwing it on over my swimsuit, running my fingers through my hair.
When he closed the bathroom door, I opened the main one. “Yes, Captain?”
He was talking but it was like being underwater while someone from above the waterline spoke—muted and distorted. My head was still spinning from kissing Hunter and it was all I could think about.
Which was obviously a problem because the captain had never come to my cabin before. My fuzzy brain did note that he didn’t seem angry, so he didn’t possess some secret power that alerted him that I had just broken his rule.
As my senses started to return to my control, I worried about how I looked. Was my hair a mess? My lips swollen? My cheeks flushed a bright pink?
Did I look like a woman who had just been kissed so thoroughly and so expertly that I was now worried I’d never be able to kiss another man ever again, for fear that they’d always fail to measure up to the unbelievable ecstasy that I’d just experienced?
“The chocolate sauce? For the ice cream?” the captain repeated slowly, which was fair, given my total lack of response to his apparent question. “Do you know where it is?”
“Yes!” I hurried into the galley. It was odd to go from something so transcendent, so completely life-altering, to the pantry to search for chocolate sauce.
He couldn’t have radioed me like a regular person? Why had he interrupted the greatest thing that had ever happened to me for an ice cream topping?
I came out of the pantry and handed it to him, and the entire time I behaved as if the man had X-ray vision and bore personal witness to what had been going on between me and Hunter. I needed to calm down, to get a hold of myself, or I would raise his suspicion.
“The new owners are our next charter guests,” the captain said.
It was probably the one thing Captain Carl could have announced that would have brought me completely out of that fuzzy half world I was currently living in.
“The owners?” I repeated. Why hadn’t he told us sooner? There was so much to do.
Not that I’d been lax at my job, but if the new owners were coming, this ship had to be beyond perfection.
“I kept it from the crew because I didn’t want them to panic.” Understandable, given that that was exactly what I was doing now. Not to mention that the last time we’d had a VIP, the well-known crown prince and princess of a specific nation, Kai had spent the entire morning throwing up and Thomas had been so anxious he’d run a Jet Ski into the ship. The crew had nearly fallen apart on that trip.
I didn’t want that to happen again.
“I’ll let Thomas, Francois, and Andre know tomorrow morning,” Captain Carl added. “But I’m counting on you to get everyone prepared and make sure everything is perfect.”
No pressure. “I will.”
As I walked back to my cabin, I thought over not only what the captain had said but how close Hunter and I had come to being caught.
The owners arriving felt like some kind of sign. A reminder that I needed to be on my game and that wouldn’t happen if I was focusing all my attention on Hunter.
That kiss had been a mistake. The best one I’d ever made, but still a mistake.
When I got to the cabin, Hunter was already done with his shower. He had pants on, but no shirt, and was towel drying his hair.
I flashed back to that kiss and it made me feel weightless, like I was being shoved from the top deck into the ocean. Even the memory of it was better than almost anything else I’d ever experienced.
“Is everything okay?” he asked, sounding concerned.
His tone helped to strengthen me. We both needed our jobs. We couldn’t mess that up. “It’s fine. He wanted me to help him find something in the galley.”
“Good.” He studied me and I wondered what he saw. He inclined his head toward the shower. “Your turn.”
I had to avert my gaze from him while I gathered up my things because if I didn’t, I was absolutely going to launch myself at him and hang on tightly, like a baby koala.
After I’d locked the bathroom door, I undressed and stepped into the shower. When I turned the water on, I saw that it was already set to freezing.
Looked like I wasn’t the only one in need of a cold shower.
I finished up with everything I had to do in the bathroom, practicing the words I would say to him when I went back into the cabin.
When I came out he was standing next to the closet, waiting.
“I wasn’t sure if it was okay for me to be on your bed,” he said. The note of uncertainty in his voice was beyond endearing.
Was he regretting things now, too?
“We should talk,” I said. I made sure to lock the door and then I sat on my bunk. I patted the spot next to me so that he knew it was okay to join me.
His movements were hesitant, so unlike the confidence and surety he’d shown me just a few minutes ago.
Like he also knew we had crossed a line we shouldn’t have.
“I thought you might run away from me,” he said as he settled against the hull, one of us on either side of the porthole.
I blinked in surprise. Normally that was exactly what I would have done. I would have slept in a guest cabin or convinced Georgia to let me share her bunk. Relationships terrified me so much that I tried to avoid them at all costs.
But this time? It hadn’t even occurred to me. I knew I had to come and talk to him.
Maybe I was growing as a person.
I hated that this was the reason, though.
“I’m not running,” I said. “But we can’t kiss again. We might not have cared in the moment about the potential consequences, but we have to care now.”
He was silent.
And I rushed to fill in the quiet, to explain so that he would understand where I was coming from. “Don’t get me wrong, I ... enjoyed seems like such a weak word for what it was, but I really enjoyed it.”
“So it’s just over before it even gets started? You can just turn it off like that?”
I hadn’t been able to turn it off since I’d first laid eyes on him. “We have to, don’t we? What if Captain Carl had walked into our cabin? He would have caught us.”
More silence.
“You said to me that Georgia was putting me in a dangerous position by not following the rules when she came up with that list. And that if she was a good friend to me, she wouldn’t do it. This is worse.” And if we were each other’s friends, which we were, we wouldn’t do it to each other.
“Message received. I’ll stay away from you.”
He started scooting forward and I darted out my hand, stopping him. “I don’t want you to stay away from me. But we can’t kiss. I’m sorry, I know I probably sound selfish, like I want to have my cake and eat it too, but I’m not trying to be unfair. I’m trying to do what’s best for both of us.”
“Us being kept apart is not what’s best for me,” he said, putting his hand on top of mine. “I don’t want to stay away from you, either. So the line is no kissing?”
I nodded.
He laced his fingers through mine. “Now that I’ve touched you ...”
My breath caught.
“I don’t want to go back to not being able to touch you. It was torture before, and it would be hell now.”
My heart flew up and permanently lodged itself in my throat. It was the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to me. I couldn’t imagine any of the men I’d dated before saying that not touching me would be hell.
“Touching is okay,” I said in a strangled voice.
“Good.” His hand tightened around mine. “And now that I know you won’t get scared, I want you to know that I care about you.”
His velvety tone made my skin heat while my pulse beat wildly out of control.
“I care about you, too,” I admitted, even if it wasn’t the smart choice. Even if I was laying my soul bare in front of him, practically begging for him to ruin my life like every other man before him had.
He grinned, the first one I’d seen since we’d been interrupted by the captain.
“What about holding?” he asked.
Like a hug? That seemed innocent enough. “Sure.”
“And sharing a bunk?”
I definitely did not want to give that up. “I think it’ll be fine as long as we remember to lock the door.”
“Good. Let’s go to bed,” he suggested, and my thighs almost burst into flames at the invitation.
We moved and situated ourselves, and as I was getting comfortable, his arms went around me, pulling me to him. I was a bit surprised at first until I realized that he had asked if this would be okay for him to do.
I nestled into the spot at the base of his shoulder and wrapped my arm across his chest. He had his left arm around my shoulders and put his right hand on mine. He rested his face against the top of my head.
And my body was just one giant tingle as so many were happening all at once, over and over again.
It was the best feeling in the entire world. I ignored that warning sound inside me, the one that tried to prevent me from getting hurt.
“This is special,” he said softly. “What we have. I don’t want to lose it.”
“Neither do I.”
He squeezed me softly and told me good night.
I closed my eyes and my brain suddenly filled with memories and feelings of what it had been like to kiss him. I tried very hard to think about anything else but it wasn’t working. Especially not when I was cuddled up next to him like this.
Despite how sublime kissing him had been, I knew we couldn’t do it again.
But I was worried I wouldn’t be able to give it up completely. It was like swearing off chocolate. If someone had never tasted it, it would be very easy to not have it.
Hunter was like the most delicious, luxurious, refined, expensive chocolate that I’d ever had, and so now I knew exactly what I would be missing out on.
There had to be a way forward for us. I just had to find it.
When I woke up the next morning, Hunter was spooning me. I was lying on his left arm and he had his right draped across my waist. He was a warm, firm wall behind my back and I felt like a very foolish woman for not doing this the entire time.
I rolled over to face him and his right arm subconsciously tightened around me. I could tell that he was still sleeping, given his light snoring. I fought off the urge to kiss him good morning. I wondered if that impulse would ever go away.
It was more difficult to get out of the bunk, as we were so completely entangled with one another, but I finally managed it. I got up and used the bathroom, got dressed for the day, and then went out into the galley, where I grabbed a couple of cups of espresso for both of us.
I returned to the cabin and sat next to him on the bed. I nudged him awake. “Hunter, time to get up.”
His eyes drifted open and he smiled lazily at me and then put his arm around my waist. “There you are. I missed you.”
He hadn’t even known I was gone. He was too romantic for his own good. I shook my head as I handed him the mug. “Double espresso.”
He sat up and took the mug from me. “Thank you. I lo—” There was a strange pause, and then he hurried to finish his sentence. “I love coffee.”
I told my rampaging heart to chill out. Hunter had not been about to say that he loved me. We had only known each other for a few weeks. We weren’t dating. We’d only kissed once. That was ridiculous.
Giving him a tight smile, I said, “I’m off to clean. I’ll see you later!”
I hurried out of the cabin and went to find Georgia. I needed her insight. I couldn’t figure this out on my own. She was still in her cabin, which wasn’t surprising.
She was also alone, and that did surprise me. Either Emilie had gotten up early like she was supposed to and had started on her chores or she had hooked up with one of the deckhands and was currently in their cabin.
I would have wagered good money on the second.
“Georgia?” She was on the bottom bunk, sprawled out completely.
“Mmph?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Lucky?” She groaned. “What time is it?”
“It’s seven o’clock.”
Another groan. “Can’t this wait until a more humane hour?”
“It’s about Hunter and how I kissed him.”
That got her attention. She sat straight up and reached for my espresso, drinking almost the entire thing in one gulp. “I’m going to use the toilet and then I’m coming straight back here and you’re going to tell me everything. Don’t go anywhere.”
She went into her bathroom and I turned the cabin lights on. I knew she was the person I needed to talk to for a couple of reasons—(1) so far she had been right about everything between me and Hunter and so I was hoping she would have helpful wisdom that would assist me in moving forward with him, and (2) there was no one else for me to talk to.
I wanted to confide in her, for us to be closer. I suspected that I had kept Georgia a bit at arm’s length deliberately—that I was always so worried about losing people I cared about that I sometimes closed myself off so that I wouldn’t care.
If things were going to change in my life, if I was going to let people in, it seemed easier to start with Georgia. I knew she would help me figure out if he’d been about to say that he loved me. Because despite all my fears, all my concerns, all my doubts, I thought I might love him.
And if we loved each other—then why stay on this ship? We could apply as a couple to a new vessel and start over somewhere together. There could be a future for us where we didn’t have to sneak around and worry about getting busted or angering our captains.
A future where I was brave enough to take a chance.
Georgia returned, looking way too happy. “I feel like I should buy life insurance because you kissing him is like the third sign of the apocalypse. And I am shocked ... that it took this long. Okay, tell me everything.”
“I can trust you, right? You’ll keep this a secret?”
“Did you know that Thomas and Kai both hooked up with the same woman within an hour of each other a few months ago?”
“What? No!”
She looked smug. “That’s because I didn’t tell anyone. I can keep a secret.”
“You’re telling me now.”
“Statute of limitations has passed,” she said with a wave of her hand. “So for at least the next three months, I can guarantee that my lips will be sealed.”
Three months from now I might be on an entirely different yacht with Hunter. We might be able to take a chance on actually being together. I was again struck with that mixture of dread and longing. I told her everything, from the first day I’d met him. I didn’t leave anything out, including all the ways I’d embarrassed myself. Every thought and feeling I had, all the things we’d said to each other. I wanted her to have the full picture.
I even told her about the deaths in my family and the boyfriends who had obliterated my self-esteem and belief that a relationship could ever last.
When I finally finished she sat there blinking at me. “Let me see if I have this correct. The man who looks like he was the first one assembled at the handsome factory is your best friend and you love being with him. You spend all your free time with him. You sleep together, and I mean that in the most boring sense possible, on the regular. He got up at the crack of dawn to go hiking with you. He watches musicals with you almost every night. And you’re asking me if I think the two of you are in love with each other? And whether or not you could have a successful relationship?”
When I nodded she started laughing. And it lasted so long that it was kind of starting to hurt my feelings.
“I’m sorry,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes. “That bloke of yours is bloody brilliant.”
“What do you mean?”
“Did I ever tell you that my grandfather had a ranch in the outback?”
What did that have to do with anything? “No.”
“He did. And he used to tell us this story about how to catch wild horses. That they were skittish and afraid of new things, so the ranchers would put up one length of fence at a time. When the horses were used to it, they’d put up another and another until one day the horse was trapped inside the fence.”
“You think Hunter trapped me?”
“No, I think he got you accustomed to him in small doses so that when you did kiss, when he told you he cared about you, you didn’t freak out and try to swim back to America.”
“You think he did this on purpose?” Like as a manipulation? That didn’t seem like something he would do.
She shrugged. “I’d guess no. He probably just instinctually understood who you are, fabulous but neurotic, and so he gave you what you needed.”
I nodded and then asked the question I had most wanted to ask her. “Do you think I’m in love with him?”
“Is my grandmother Catholic? The answer to that is yes, by the way. And before you ask, yes, I think he loves you, too.”
That filled me with giddy, effervescent bubbles, like somebody was mainlining champagne into my bloodstream. “Should I say something to him about it?”
“Probably not. My advice would be to shag the beautiful man and go from there.”
“I can’t!”
“Oh, you can.”
“This is your great wisdom?” I had been hoping for more.
She let out a small sigh. “You’re a grown woman. You can figure out what you want and what you are or are not willing to do just fine without my input. The person you should be talking to is Hunter. Feel out where he’s at, and then I think you’ll know what to do next.”
“Okay, that was actually good advice,” I said.
“I’m the best,” she agreed. “Now get out of my room so that I can get up and start cleaning for rich people who don’t appreciate it.”
I hugged her and then went off to do the same. There was a lot to fill my time but it did not occupy my mind. I couldn’t think about anything else but him. The only future I wanted to imagine was one where we left the boat together, where I could put down my cargo ship–size baggage and let myself be vulnerable and happy with him. It would be terrible to stay put and have to keep things as they were now.
Because I was pretty sure Georgia was right and I was in love with him. I’d had past relationships, but the feelings I’d had for those men paled in comparison to how I felt about Hunter. Like holding up a light bulb next to the sun and asking which one was brighter.
I came across him tying up some lines. “Look at you with that bowline!”
He grinned at me and I knew he wanted to hug me or take my hand. He folded his arms across his chest instead. There were cameras everywhere—it wouldn’t have taken much for the captain to catch us in the act.
“Despite what you might think, I am good at things.”
I had a very personal and intimate experience of just how good he was at stuff. I hoped I wasn’t blushing. “I know you are.”
He took a step closer. “Do you also know the reason why I couldn’t do the knots when you showed them to me?”
“Why?”
“It was because you made it impossible for me to concentrate on what you were doing because you kept brushing your fingers against mine. I can’t think when you touch me or kiss me.”
He left me with that emotional drive-by and went up the stairs to the sundeck.
Hunter made it so that I couldn’t think, either.
And if neither one of us were thinking ... that would only lead us to some very rule-breaking places.