Chapter Thirty-Six Hunter
Chapter Thirty-Six
Hunter
My family just showing up now was not how things were supposed to go down. They weren’t scheduled to visit until the very end of the season. I had planned on telling Lucky about them after I told her that I loved her. When we were in a more secure and stable place and knew what we meant to each other and what kind of future we wanted to have together.
I had tried to tell her a couple of times, but we had gotten interrupted or I had been busy kissing her.
My heart beat like a drum in my chest and there was a sick feeling at the back of my throat. She had every right to be furious with me. This was now the second time I had kept something serious from her.
The first was telling the two other stews that Lucky and I were dating. That had been a harmless lie to keep them away from me. And then I’d completely forgotten that I’d even done it until she had confronted me about it.
She had quickly forgiven me.
Luck might not be on my side this time. I had to swallow down the dread I was feeling.
“Can you put on a shirt?” she asked angrily.
“Yeah.” I grabbed one from the closet and slid it over my head. I had an impulse to tease her but I knew now wasn’t the time.
Once I was dressed she said, “You know, when you told me you had a hard time with names, I didn’t realize you meant your own.”
“I can explain!”
“I hope so.”
She sat on her bunk and I crawled in after her, making sure to keep my distance. I didn’t deserve to touch her right now. This had been a stupid plan from the beginning and she would be well within her rights to tell me to get out of her bed and out of her life.
“Are you even qualified to be on this boat?” she asked.
“I have my STCW and ENG1 certifications.”
That seemed to mollify her slightly. “You kissed me under false pretenses.”
“What?”
“You’re not who you said you were.”
“Lucky, just because I used a different last name doesn’t change who I am. I kissed you under real pretenses. Because I wanted to.”
She closed her eyes against my confession and then whispered, “Were you ever going to tell me?”
The pain in her voice broke my heart. “Yes! I tried a couple of times but we kept getting interrupted or I got distracted. You know how easily I get distracted. Especially by you.” I pulled in a deep breath. “And honestly, it was a little harder after your ‘I hate rich people’ speech.”
That had really thrown a wrench in the works.
Again, I felt her soften slightly. “You still lied to me.”
“Can we say ‘playfully omitted’?” I asked and then let the smile drop off my face when I saw her expression. “I’m sorry. When things are tough I joke.”
“I noticed.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. I kept messing this up. What was wrong with me? I needed to tell her everything, why this had happened. “I told you before that I’m a constant disappointment to my parents. Dropping out of law school, partying way too hard, and generally not dealing well with losing Harper.”
She nodded.
“My dad in particular took it as some kind of personal affront. He’s a lawyer. There is a law firm that my family owns. My father, grandfather, great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather, et cetera, all worked at it. There was a tremendous amount of pressure on me to join the family business. And I probably would have.”
“But then you left school.”
“And my dad’s never let me forget it. I got better, went into therapy, but he still expected me to go back, even when I told him I wouldn’t. Then, when I decided I wanted to open up a residential treatment center, I went to him and my mom and asked them to invest. My dad said no, that I never finish what I start.”
A sharp wave of pain at how much I felt like a failure, like I was never good enough and never would be, smacked into me.
“They both think I’m lazy and that I’m not willing to work hard. So this was their deal. I come and work on the ship, where no special favors would be given to me because of who I am, and prove that I could do it. Day in and day out, that I won’t give up. If after six months I’m still here and doing well, then they said they would invest.”
“You don’t need your parents’ money. You could go to a bank or find someone else to invest in you. You don’t need their permission. You’re an adult.”
“An adult who lives off the money his mom and dad give him,” I said, embarrassed. I was in love with a woman who had been helping to take care of her family since she was a teenager, and my parents paid for everything for me. It made me feel immature and useless. I’d never really cared about my parents financing my life until I met Lucky.
“Again, you don’t have to,” she said.
“It’s not like I’d be able to walk into a bank and get a loan. I don’t have an income. I’m not exactly a good risk. I don’t really have a choice. I have to stay.”
The saddest part was that I would give it all up for her, if she asked me to.
But I knew that she wouldn’t. She had a dream, too, one she was determined to bring to life. It was one of the things I loved most about her.
I was scared that if I told her how willing I would be to let it all go for her sake, she might respect me less. See me differently.
And I was still trying to be the man she deserved.
Harper would have told me that I was holding on too tight.
She would have been right. I had found something special and I didn’t want to lose it.
“I am sorry about lying to you,” I said. “It was part of the agreement. My parents didn’t want me to be treated differently or to get out of work because they owned the ship. I agreed not to tell anyone who I really was. Only the captain knew.”
“Then why is your family here? Coming to the boat and acknowledging you as their son isn’t exactly keeping things under wraps.”
“The entire season had already been scheduled when they bought the yacht. They didn’t intend to come out until that two-week cancellation happened.” I didn’t have a right to be aggravated by their sudden change of plans, but I was. They hadn’t even bothered to text and let me know first.
“And they gave half of that time to Rodney, who I’m guessing they know. It explains why he looked startled when you introduced yourself. Because he knew who you were.”
I nodded. “He’s a friend of the family. My parents understood how hard this time was for him. They offered to let him come here so that he wouldn’t sit home, alone.”
She seemed to be considering my words. I wished I knew what she was thinking.
“I’m sorry,” I said again. After a couple of minutes had passed, I asked, “What are you thinking?”
“You don’t know the whole story about my last relationship. When I found out about my ex and my best friend, he denied it for three hours straight. Said it never happened. That I was mentally unstable. I actually had to show him the picture she’d sent me of the two of them together. Without their clothing. Even then he stormed out, yelling at me for invading his privacy and trying to gaslight him and saying I didn’t respect his boundaries.”
That infuriated me. “That sounds like someone trying to manipulate you by using therapeutic concepts. I hope you didn’t listen.”
She waved her hand. “I know I didn’t do anything wrong and I’m past all of that. But I really hate being lied to.”
And what had I done? I felt like I’d been kicked in the gut. “And then I went and did just that. Another man who lied to you. I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry and I won’t do it again. I promise you.”
Another quiet, sad nod. I wanted to take her in my arms and hold her until she felt better. I hated myself for being the reason she was upset. “Do you feel like I betrayed you?”
“You didn’t actually do anything to me. And like you said, this doesn’t change who you are at your core. The man I know. If I’m being honest, I think part of me expected something like this to happen. Like I’ve been waiting for it.”
Another direct hit to the face. “I should have told you. It was a bad decision. The moment that I knew—” I couldn’t tell her that I loved her right now. It might make her wonder whether I’d said it because it was how I really felt or because I was trying to sway her. This was another situation where she needed to make up her own mind.
So I said, “I never want to be the reason that you’re hurting or upset.”
She twisted her mouth into a line, as if she were trying not to cry. I was going to have to sit on my hands so that I wouldn’t reach for her.
“You hiding your last name seems like a silly thing to get upset about,” she said, filling my heart with hope. “It’s hard to believe that all of this belongs to you.”
“Not to me, to my parents. I hope it doesn’t matter to you that I come from money.”
“I would say the whole thing is mind boggling, but I think my boggle ceiling was hit a while ago.” Her voice was a bit lighter. Would she be able to get past this? “But when it comes to your background, if anything, it makes me more insecure.”
“Why?” I was genuinely dumbfounded.
“You’re basically Prince Charming. The looks, the personality, the goodness, and now the castle and the wealth.”
“It’s a yacht, not a castle,” I said, wanting to tease her so that things would be okay between us again.
“How many houses do you have?”
Ugh. “Do apartments and condos count?”
She made a sound of disbelief, and I hurried to add, “I have zero houses. My parents have ... more. And if you think I’m the prince, then that makes you my perfect Cinderella.”
“This isn’t a fairy tale.”
I wanted it to be. I wanted the happily ever after. “If I had known what would happen between us, how I would feel about you, I would have told you the truth the first night. I know I can trust you.”
She sighed shakily then, as if my words had touched her. I knew how she could catastrophize things, and I again wanted to kick myself for doing something that could make her anxiety worse. I didn’t want her to think she couldn’t trust me. She had told me how other men had let her down in the past—why hadn’t I immediately told her the truth then?
The only thing I could hope for was that she would see me in a different light. That she would realize I hadn’t been trying to hurt her but had wanted to protect something that was important to me. That she’d recall the times I had tried to tell her.
I should have tried harder. I’d done my best to make it up to her in some way, asking my parents after they’d come on board to change their plans so that we could visit Italy and give us some time off. I had spent the last couple of hours organizing a surprise for her in Naples. A selfish part of me wanted to tell her, hoping that it would soften her anger, but I knew that I couldn’t.
I hadn’t done those things to make it all better. I’d done them because I loved her.
She might run. I understood that. I would accept it if she did. I didn’t ever want to be the reason that she ran.
Maybe she didn’t know how terrible I used to be, but she should know that I was pretty sure I was the reason for the rule.
“My dad is the one who made the no-hookup rule because of potential liability. He always thinks like a lawyer. He wanted to protect himself if something happened with the crew. That, and he wanted me to focus on what I had come here to do. He doesn’t trust me. He assumed that I would ... mess things up. Because of my past. I’ve ... dated a lot of women.”
“I doubt that. You’re wildly unappealing,” she said sarcastically.
Another glimmer of hope. “Is there a way for me to make this up to you? I can buy you a pony. Or a bakery.” As soon as I’d said it, I wanted to take it back. “Not that I would. I know it’s important to you to do it on your own.”
“You’re right.”
Lucky was so fiercely independent and it made me want to accomplish things on my own, too. I couldn’t fight off the desire to help her, though. Take care of her. Give her everything she wanted.
“Maybe sometimes it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to let someone help you. A rich boyfriend has to be good for something.” I hadn’t meant to say that. It had slipped out. I had been thinking of her as my girlfriend for so long that it had just happened.
She raised her eyebrows at me.
My brain was screaming at me that this was the worst possible time to be doing this but it was already out there. “I would like to be your boyfriend.”
“I ... I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
Disappointment punched me in the face. I knew I deserved that. And I could wait. I could be patient. Time would pass and we would get off this boat and I could show her what she meant to me.
Maybe I could do some of that now. “I know you’re scared. You have a right to be. But I’m not going anywhere. And I have something for you.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the box my sister had passed off to me. “I had Hadley bring this.”
She was supposed to have brought it several months from now, and while I wanted to be pissed at her for not giving me a heads-up, the fact that she had brought the gift early had allowed me to get over it quickly.
Lucky’s hands were shaking when I gave it to her. She opened it and let out a soft sigh. “Oh. Thank you.”
I took the necklace out of the box and showed it to her. It was a penguin pendant with a star on its stomach. “It has a star. Because you’re my lucky star.”
She turned her back toward me and lifted her hair so I could put it on. Now I was the one with trembling hands. My fingers brushed against her skin as I struggled with the clasp and I had to swallow down what I was feeling.
Lucky turned back and took the pendant in her hand, studying it.
“No one’s ever given me a gift like this before.”
It was just a simple necklace. Diamonds would have been my first choice but I knew she would prefer something simple. Again, I was left wanting to punch every dirtbag who had treated her so poorly before. She deserved the entire world. “I’m glad you like it.”
“I love it,” she whispered.
I wanted her to love me. To forgive me.
To give me a chance.
“Would it be too much for me to ask you to forgive me for this, too?”
I held my breath.
After a moment she reached over to put her hand on top of mine and I felt so much gratitude and relief that I wanted to burst.
I didn’t know what I would have done if she’d told me to stay away from her. I was so thankful for her capacity to love and forgive, for her kind and sweet heart. I hated that I’d hurt it.
“Is there anything else you need to confess first? Is this it? Or do you have a wife and child somewhere like Francois? Do you secretly kidnap puppies and hold them for ransom?” She said it lightly, but I heard the serious part behind it.
“This is everything. I swear it. There isn’t anything else I’m lying about.”
“Stop doing stuff you have to ask to be forgiven for,” she said sternly.
“I promise,” I said, raising her hand to my lips and kissing it softly. I would earn her trust back.
“Then we’re okay. I forgive you.”
I finally did what I’d been dying to do since we’d started talking. I pulled her into my arms and she immediately sank against me.
I promised myself that I would stop screwing up. I would do better. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I didn’t want to ruin it before we ever really started.