Chapter Forty-Seven Lucky
Chapter Forty-Seven
Lucky
“Hunter!”
Turning my head I saw that he was still standing there, watching me go. Thomas was calling for him, telling him to join them. I stared at him for a beat before resolutely spinning around and walking away.
My heart ached so badly that I had to put my hand over my chest. I found a quiet café and ordered tea. I had to figure out what to do next. I could do what he asked. I could stay in Portofino. It would be easy to change the times on my ticket and leave a few days later.
But all I could think about was all the men who had tricked me before. Who had lied to me and used me and cheated on me.
Maybe that was unfair to Hunter, that I was making him bear the brunt of my past heartache and broken trust.
I had lost so much, so many people I loved, and I recognized that I was overly cautious about being hurt again. Was I looking for a way out? An escape hatch to make sure that Hunter couldn’t destroy me completely?
There was no way for me to reconcile the man I thought I knew and loved with him kissing Emilie. It was so unlike him.
The problem was that I needed to get away. To see if my feelings were real, to figure out how much of a part proximity and sea goggles had played.
I see you clearly. Land or sea.
His words filled my memory, along with images of all the time we had spent together, laughing, kissing, holding, sleeping.
Loving.
My dull, aching heart lurched sideways, like it wanted to disconnect itself from the rest of my body.
If I waited for him in Portofino, I knew what would happen. He would leave the ship.
I didn’t want to be responsible for him losing what he’d been working so hard for. It was bad enough that I already had.
I wished that someone else could make this decision for me. I didn’t know what to do. The pain of seeing him kiss another woman still burned in my chest. How was I supposed to sort all of this out?
I needed to talk to someone about this. I couldn’t call Georgia. She was going to have to do everything single-handedly on the ship.
Who else did I have besides Hunter?
I texted my sisters.
I need to talk. I think I just broke up with my boyfriend and I lost my job.
They might still be angry with me. But it was Hunter’s words that I remembered. That they were my sisters and they would love me no matter what.
I wanted that to be true.
My phone rang and I saw that it was them. Tears filled my eyes and I answered. “Hello?”
“You have a boyfriend?” Rose said. “What happened? How did you lose your job? Are you okay?”
“No.” My voice caught and I couldn’t speak.
“You should come home,” Lily said.
That was what I wanted. To go home. That was where I could figure this out.
“Although you might have to help with Lily. She was in a car accident a few days ago. She broke her foot,” Rose said.
“And you didn’t call me?” I asked, upset.
“I’m fine,” Lily insisted. “Rose is just being dramatic.”
“I am not,” Rose shot back. “But seriously, Lucky, come home. It’s time that you let us take care of you.”
This was so unlike how things had been with us in the past that I wanted to sob. “I’m going to the airport now. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
Then I hung up and cried at the café table. My heart had been broken so many times in so many ways that I didn’t know if it could ever be whole again. Part of me still wanted to wait for Hunter. But I couldn’t think. So many bad things had happened in a row that I had to separate them and decide what I would do next.
It was a choice I would have to make on my own.
Then I could decide how to move forward with him.
Whether I even wanted to.
I ordered a car to Genoa from my rideshare app, and balked a little at the cost. I was about to blow through a big part of my savings by going back home. It meant that I would have to start over in trying to save up.
After everything was arranged I texted Hunter.
I’m going home. I need some time to think. About us. And where we go from here.
It was several minutes before he responded.
How long?
I was a little surprised. I had half expected him to beg for me to wait. To offer to come with me.
He had to stay on the ship.
I don’t know. A month?
This time he responded immediately.
Okay. Take all the time you need. I love you. I’ll be here when you’re ready.
It was like someone was performing open heart surgery on me with a rusty, dull knife. Every cut was excruciating, the worst pain I’d ever felt. It made me wonder whether I had made a mistake.
My car arrived a few minutes after his last text, and it was a relief to climb inside because it meant I wouldn’t try to find a way to sabotage my recently made plans and stay put, waiting for Hunter.
And as the car pulled away from the curb, the desire to stay increased. Hunter had told me once that it was normal to feel sick when I did the right thing and he was correct.
I had to be strong. Distance and separation would be best for both of us.
But deep down I was afraid that I was wrong.