Epilogue #2
My maternal aspirations ramp up at dizzying speed when Stephen, Miles’ youngest brother, drapes a muslin over Josh’s shoulder and hands him one of his baby girls to hold.
She’s awake but sleepy, in the prettiest little dress embroidered with rosebuds.
The twins were premature, and, at seven months, are still tiny and delicate.
They’re identical, but I think Josh is holding Charlotte, and the look of awe on his face as he stares down at her tiny features is something I won’t forget easily.
I sidle up to them, like a moth to a bloody flame. ‘She’s pretty cute, isn’t she?’
He drags his eyes away from where she’s clutching his finger with her tiny hand. ‘Yeah. She’s perfect. Seriously, I can’t believe how tiny she is.’
‘Want one of those, one day?’
His eyes darken. ‘Only if she looks exactly like her mommy.’
Oh my sweet Jesus.
I want to take him home right now and make babies.
Over. And over. And over again.
Acting career be damned. I lean forward, careful not to crush Charlotte (or Emily, who knows?) and brush my lips against his. ‘Be careful what you wish for.’
Could this be my future? Kissing Josh while a sweet, sleepy baby lies in his arms? I fucking well hope so.
This morning, in bed, he asked me if I thought my dad would ever agree to my marrying an addict. It made my jaw drop with shock that that was how he saw himself: An Addict.
In my head, Josh’s addiction is a cross he has to bear, but it’s not who he is.
And it doesn’t make him broken.
Or unworthy of being loved.
Of being happy.
Forever.
‘I dunno,’ he said this morning. ‘If it were my daughter, I wouldn’t want to hand her over to someone who was an unexploded bomb like that. I mean, I could fall off the wagon and wreck our lives any time.’
‘Josh.’ I raised myself up on one elbow and looked down at him, scraping my fingernails lightly over his stubble.
‘Everyone is an unexploded bomb. I could get cancer tomorrow. More probably, I could lose my bowel tomorrow and have to shit in a bag for the rest of my life. You are not a liability, honey. You’re an amazing guy who is brave enough to make the right choices for himself every single day, and that’s the kind of guy I want to hitch my wagon to. Okay?’
‘Hitch.’ He ran a finger down my nose, over my lips. ‘Like, hitched? You wanna get hitched to me?’
‘Yeah.’ I faked nonchalance, really badly. ‘I mean, look at what you’ve put me through. I definitely deserve a fucking diamond out of this shit-show.’
He reached his huge arm around my back and tugged me down to the bed, and you don’t need to know the rest.
Now he stands there, holding my cousin’s baby in his big arms like he was born to be a father, and kisses me back. ‘I’m a pretty simple guy, baby. I need a lot less than you’d think. You, a couple o’ these’—he rocks Charlotte-or-Emily in his arms—‘and a nice car. Sunshine. That’s about it.’
When we sit down for lunch in Charles and Laura’s stunning garden, it’s that reference to sunshine that’s at the forefront of my mind, just like it has been since Josh brought it up last week.
‘When do you guys wrap up filming?’ Miles helps himself to some rice salad with one hand, his other arm resting on the back of Saoirse’s chair.
‘August.’ I look at Josh, who has his hand on my thigh under the table.
I love how he always wants to have one of his body parts touching one of mine.
Obviously, I have some favourite touching-body-part combinations, but I’ll take anything.
‘It’ll be sad, but it means Josh and I get a couple of weeks in the South of France. ’
‘Nice.’ Miles passes the bowl to Saoirse. ‘Whereabouts?’
‘Cap d’Antibes first, where we met.’ Josh squeezes my thigh. ‘Well, we met in Cannes, obviously, but it’s a little crazy around there. Then we’ll head down the coast. Right, baby?’
‘And do you both have projects lined up for when you finish?’ Mum asks.
Despite Josh’s fears, she and Dad have both been thrilled to see me and Josh so happy together, and because they’re lovely, gracious people who watched us on Gordon Kay, they can put his past wrongs to their daughter behind them.
I catch Josh’s eye again, and he gives me a smile I recognise as hopeful. Encouraging.
‘Actually, we’re both going to be working on the same movie,’ I tell the table. ‘We can’t tell you exactly what it is just yet, but we’ll be doing the main characters’ voices for a new Disney/Pixar movie.’
The D-word has little Bea piping up. ‘Disney? Like Encanto?’
Josh leans forward to grin across the table at her. ‘Yeah, like Encanto, but better. And guess what?’
She beams at him. ‘What?’
‘I get to play the baddy! Grrr!’
She shrieks in delight, and I roll my eyes.
‘It’s true. Excellent casting.’
‘Congratulations, guys. Will you need to be in California for that?’ Dad asks.
I squeeze Josh’s hand under the table. ‘Yep. But I thought it might be time to check out Josh’s new pad in Santa Monica.
And it’s about time I did a movie in Hollywood, anyway.
I’ve been avoiding it for the past five years.
’ I mock-glare at the person I’ve been avoiding, who has the good grace to look ashamed.
‘It makes sense for me to give it a whirl. Josh thinks the sunshine will be good for me.’
‘I don’t want to take her away from you,’ he says, ‘but it’s a really great, healthy lifestyle out there. Lots of fresh air, runs on the beach, outdoor living.’
‘Sounds just like London,’ Dad quips, and we all laugh.
‘Will you put the house up for rent?’ Mum asks. ‘Or sell it?’
‘No. We’ll hold on to it. It makes sense to have a London base. And I have an excellent house sitter.’
I smile at Nora, who’s sandwiched between Bea and Theo.
I can admit without being creepy that my cousin is ridiculously attractive.
He has the same dark hair and eyes as Miles, but unlike Miles, who never has a hair out of place, Theo has that sexy, bed-head thing going on and a permanent naughty grin.
As he lounges in his chair, his hand caresses Nora’s bare shoulder, and the contrast between his relaxed posture and hers is hilarious.
She looks like someone’s stuck a rod up her arse.
I can’t tell if it’s because she’s trapped deep in a lie, or repulsed by Theo’s touch, or turned on by it. I’d put good money on the latter.
‘Thanks for letting me house-sit your obscenely gorgeous house,’ she says, ‘even if you’re stealing Olive away from me.’
‘By the time they go, darling, we might be ready to move in together.’ Theo fingers Nora’s strap and drops a lazy, open-mouthed kiss on her shoulder. I’m pretty sure he just used tongue. ‘You know, take the next step in our relationship.’
Theo is a piece of work. I focus very hard on not pissing myself with laughter as Nora looks like she’s simultaneously holding back both an orgasm and a desire to punch Theo in the face.
Her jaw tenses, but her eyelashes flutter involuntarily.
Josh is shaking silently beside me, and I nudge him with my elbow to behave.
‘I wouldn’t hold my breath, darling,’ Nora hisses.
‘I’m so jealous you’ll be spending the winter in California,’ Saoirse says. ‘I hate the cold!’
Miles gazes at her with the mix of amusement and adoration I’ve quickly worked out is his standard reaction to everything she says. ‘One, you’re Irish, baby. I would have thought the cold would be in your blood. Second, have you forgotten we spent most of this winter in St Barths?’
She giggles. She’s adorable. ‘I know, and I’m so lucky. I’d love to see California, though.’
‘Come visit us this winter.’ Josh addresses Bea. ‘We can go to Disneyland.’
She gasps theatrically and puts a hand to her heart. ‘Daddy, can we?’
‘Sure,’ Miles drawls. ‘Whatever my girls want.’ He winks at Saoirse, and my heart contracts. They’re such a sweet little trio. I’m so happy for him.
‘We would all love that,’ Saoirse says. ‘Thanks a million! So you’ll still be in the UK when we get married in July?’
‘Definitely,’ I tell her. ‘As long as it’s on a weekend, it should be fine. Where are you thinking of having it? The Montague?’ The Montague is their family’s flagship hotel in Knightsbridge.
She and Nora exchange a look, and Nora gives her a little nod.
‘We just decided last week. It’s going to be at Sorrel Farm in Kent—I can’t wait. Miles took us there for a weekend and we all fell in love with it.’
‘Oh, wow.’ Sorrel Farm is utterly idyllic. ‘How glorious! I assumed it would be at The Montague.’
‘Much as I’d like to funnel the vast wedding budget back into my own pockets,’ Miles says drily, ‘I think we need a break from that place. Sorrel Farm will be perfect. It’s more relaxed—it has a destination vibe we really like. We’re taking over the whole place for the wedding weekend.’
‘Nora has so many exciting plans,’ Saoirse gushes. ‘It’s going to be amazing.’
‘It will be perfect, I promise.’ Nora shivers slightly as Theo’s long fingers trail lightly up and down her arm. I really feel for her, but I’m enjoying every minute of her torture.
‘I’m just looking forward to all the family events,’ Theo tells us while looking adoringly at Nora. ‘This wedding will be the dog’s bollocks.’
‘The dog’s bollocks.’ Bea nods her head emphatically and we all burst into slightly shocked laughter.
‘Theo. Language,’ Laura says.
A rush of supreme well-being floods me. I’m sitting here with the man I love, secure in the knowledge that we’re planning a future together, and that future definitely involves new adventures, off-screen-and-on.
Our family is in great shape, and everyone seems happy for us.
Tomorrow, we’ll go back on set and give ourselves over to Dominic and Georgiana and their epic love story, but right now, our own love story feels pretty fucking epic.
THE END