Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
“ O h, that’s interesting.” Amy’s hand lingered over the mouse as she peered at the laptop screen in front of her. A wide array of shapes and colors played out on the screen, and Amy couldn’t look away until the music went up, and she hastily reached for the mouse. After turning the volume down, she hovered over the “register” option and paused.
Was she being too picky?
Having tried several other hobbies and courses, Amy was no longer sure how she was meant to fill her time. A part of her debated finding a job, if only to fill the hours and get herself used to working again, but the other part of her was reluctant to be tied down. It had been too long since she thought about money and even longer since she held down a job she actually needed.
Volunteering at charities didn’t count.
Out of all of the scenarios she’d played out in her mind as she’d stayed away from Eric, having him threaten to take everything, even the clothes on her back, wasn’t something she’d pictured. It wasn’t even a level she thought Eric would stoop to, yet here they were. It had been days since the disastrous meeting with the lawyers that had gone sideways. Days since she was forced to sit across from Eric while he tore into her, coming up with new and creative ways to make her feel small and insignificant.
Thankfully, Kate hadn’t withered under his intense stare.
If anything, her lawyer had fought back, doing her best to ensure Eric’s lawyer kept him in check.
It had been the longest hour of Amy’s life, and she was still reeling days later.
Had she completely ruined her chances at an amicable divorce by leaving the way she did?
Or was Eric looking for yet another reason to blame her?
She couldn’t tell for certain.
All she knew was that over the past few days, she’d been walking around with knots in her stomach and a headache in the back of her skull that wouldn’t leave her alone. No amount of planning or wishful thinking was going to change her current circumstances. Even reaching out to Lucas and Sylvie hadn’t helped.
The two of them remained as confused as ever, and for the life of her, she couldn’t understand why.
Why couldn’t they understand how much she needed them?
They were still playing catch-up, and Amy didn’t want to lose her patience.
When the phone rang, startling Amy back to the present with a jolt, her hand flew to her chest. Her heart was thumping erratically until she saw Lily’s name flash across the screen. With a sigh, she set the phone down on the dining room table and set it on speaker. Since no one else was in the house, it felt good to have Lily there to disturb the silence.
“Hi, is this a bad time?”
“No, I’m just looking up courses online and trying to figure out how to finish my art project.”
“How’s that going?”
Amy wrenched her gaze away from the laptop and stared at her phone. “It could be better. How about you?”
“Same old,” Lily replied, her voice trailing off toward the end. “You know how it goes. Renovations are taking longer than we’d like, but we’re getting there.”
“I hope you get there sooner,” Amy offered, her eyes darting back over to the laptop. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Lily cleared her throat. “Actually, Lucas and Sylvie just called me. They asked me to arrange a sit-down.”
“A sit-down? With whom?”
“You and Dad,” Lily replied reluctantly. “They both can’t seem to wrap their heads around the fact you’re done and you want to leave.”
Amy frowned. “I was afraid you were going to say that. I’ve tried to explain things to them, but I don’t think they’re ready to hear it.”
“Or they just don’t want to.” A door opened and closed. There was a low cacophony of voices in the background, then another door closing. “And it doesn’t matter how well you explain things to someone if they aren’t ready to accept what you’re saying.”
Amy nodded to herself. “Yeah, true.”
Lily’s voice was pitched low when she spoke again. “I think Dad’s been talking to them about the divorce and trying to pit them against you.”
Amy’s stomach clenched, and fear snaked its way through her body, tightening its grip around her heart. “I was afraid of the exact same thing, but I didn’t think anyone else would come to the same conclusion.”
Lily shook her head. “I can’t believe I didn’t realize it sooner…all of the claims they were making about how you left Dad, and how you didn’t even try to fix things, and how you’re trying to take half of his money.”
Amy was on her feet before she knew what she was doing. “I can’t believe he’d stoop that low.”
“Me either, but you have to do something.”
Amy shoved both hands into her pockets and began to pace. “What am I supposed to do? Bad-mouth him back? That’s not the kind of person I am.”
And she wanted to emerge from all of this with a shred of dignity intact.
Going toe to toe with Eric wasn’t going to be easy, and she knew she was going to give something up, but she wasn’t willing to compromise her soul for him.
“You don’t have to bad-mouth him,” Lily reasoned. “But at least defend yourself and tell them the truth. How much have you told them, anyway?”
“I haven’t told them anything,” Amy responded after a long silence. “Regardless of what Eric says or does, I think there are some things that are better left between me and him. We did share a life together, after all, and he is the father of my children.”
No matter how angry or hurt she was, she couldn’t forget who she was dealing with.
Even if Eric himself was all too happy to pretend otherwise.
Her soon-to-be ex-husband was poisoning the well, and she couldn’t do anything to stop him.
“I understand all of that, but you need to tell them the truth. Otherwise, who knows what else he’s going to tell them? You might not have a relationship with them after all of this.”
“I have to believe our relationship is stronger than that.” Amy ran a hand over her face and shuddered. “It has to be.”
Otherwise, she had no idea what she was going to do.
“I’ll talk to them again and try to make them see reason.” Lily exhaled, and Amy could hear the exhaustion in her voice. “I’m sorry he’s doing this. Each time I think I’ve come to understand the depth of his cruelty, I’m proven wrong.”
Amy gripped the phone tighter. “It’s not your fault.”
“Yeah, well. Anyway, I should get going. I think the construction crew is calling out for me, so I’d better check in. I’ll talk to you later.”
As soon as Lily hung up, Amy sat back down at the dining room table, the headache in the back of her skull having spread to the rest of her body, making her feel disconnected and lethargic. The low pounding remained as her hand hovered over the keyboard, allowing her to scroll through a few more options. When she was done, she maximized the tab with the Photoshop picture she was working on.
She no longer had any desire to work on it or anything else.
Without meaning to, Lily had soured her mood for the rest of the day.
Hours later, Amy was still thinking about their conversation and wondering if her approach to the whole thing was wrong when she walked into the church and stopped. There were a few people in the pews on either side of her, and moonlight shone through the stained-glass windows over the wooden altar. The smell of incense and lemon followed her as she walked past the pews and pushed a small door open. She took the winding staircase two at a time till she found herself in the cold, airy basement with the same flickering yellow lights overhead.
A single handwoven carpet sat in the middle of the room, an attempt to tie it together.
A few other people were already there, but Emily was nowhere to be found.
Amy wandered over to the refreshment and dessert table and poured herself some iced tea. She was a few sips in when William and Jack Johnson walked in, dressed similarly in their jeans and T-shirts. After a shared smile, Jack wandered over to a group of people who formed a cluster near the windows. William, on the other hand, made a beeline for her. Her stomach did an odd little somersault when he stopped in front of her and reached around her for a drink.
“It’s good to see you again, Amy.”
Amy hid her half smile behind her Styrofoam cup. “You too, William.”
He eyed her over the rim of his cup. “Call me Will. William makes me feel so old.”
Amy lowered her cup. “I know what you mean. It feels like I blinked and turned seventy-one, and I find myself wondering where all the time went.”
William’s lips lifted into a half smile, giving him a boyish and more youthful appearance. “My wife used to say that’s how you know you’ve lived a good life. When you’re so busy living and enjoying it that it all flies by.”
Amy gave a small smile. “Your wife sounds like she was a smart woman.”
William nodded and gestured to the row of foldable chairs in the back. “She was really perceptive sometimes. It was one of the first things I noticed about her.”
“What’s the second thing you noticed?” Amy sat down, crossed one ankle over the other, and placed her purse in the center of her lap. “If you don’t mind my asking.”
“Her smile,” William replied, his caramel-colored eyes adopting that far-off, glazed look. “Laura could put the sun to shame with that smile of hers. I never understood how she did it, but I didn’t care.”
Amy’s stomach tightened as she took another sip of her drink. “It sounds like you really loved her.”
It warmed her heart to hear that some people out there still had normal marriages—full of love and laughter and respect.
Had she and Eric ever really had that?
Or had she deluded herself into thinking he truly loved her?
Looking back, Amy was horrified to realize she didn’t know for sure. All of the fights, all of the late nights spent curled up into a ball, and all of the times she’d stood across from him, wondering what became of the man she loved, flashed through her mind.
She was left with more uncertainty than before.
A part of her knew all of the regret and sadness she felt wasn’t going to change the truth.
Her relationship with Eric had been built on her complacency, her willingness to devote herself entirely to him, and her desire to constantly turn the other cheek. Without any of it, their marriage never would’ve survived.
The realization left a heavy feeling in the center of her stomach.
William’s expression cleared, and he twisted his head to look at her. “I did. What about you?”
Amy glanced away and pretended to be interested in the floor beneath her feet while she gathered her thoughts. “Things weren’t always bad with Eric. I do remember thinking how handsome and magnetic he was when I first met him. No one in the world could make me laugh like he did.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw William’s eyes tighten and his lips turn down. “I think it’s sad what we let die while we’re still alive.”
Amy straightened her back and looked over at him. “What do you mean?”
“Sometimes, people get so hung up on details and things they think matter that they let the people in their lives slip through the cracks. I think that’s one of the saddest things in the world.”
Amy paused, turning his words over and over in her head. She was surprised to realize they made something stir within her, an unfamiliar mixture of yearning and sadness for what never was.
“I agree. I also think, one of the hardest parts of losing someone you love is realizing you’ve lost a little of yourself too. It’s something you can’t ever get back, and I’ve never seen anyone talk about it, either.”
Almost as if losing who you were was second to the grief.
William nodded, his expression turning thoughtful again. “I understand. Grief is tricky. It’s like a living, breathing thing that’s constantly changing and growing.”
“I—”
“Hey.” Emily emerged in front of them, hair plastered to her forehead and a stain on the front of her shirt peeking out from underneath her sweater. “I’m sorry I’m late. I fell asleep at the office while I was looking at paperwork.”
Amy blinked and offered William an apologetic smile. “Don’t worry about it. Em, you remember William, right?”
Amy held her hand out and gave William a firm handshake. “Jack’s dad. How are you?”
William shrugged and took a sip of his drink. “Can’t complain, you?”
“Same.” Emily dropped his hand and swung her gaze over to Amy, still looking sheepish and apologetic. “You want to get a drink afterward? I’ve had such a long day.”
Amy offered her a small smile. “I’d love to.”