Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
S he stopped typing and glanced over her shoulders at the door. Ashley, who was in the middle of the kitchen, chopping up vegetables, gave a similar pause. The two women shared a confused look, then Ashley set down her knife and wiped her hands on a rug. Amy returned her attention back to the screen and tried to resume her train of thought when she heard Lily’s voice.
It was joined by Lucas’s and Sylvie’s agitated voices, making Amy jump to her feet.
Hastily, she staggered to the door, heart twisting uneasily inside of her chest as Ashley ushered the three of them inside. Lily was the first to hold her gaze and offer her an apologetic smile. When Amy looked over at Lucas and Sylvie, the two of them wore identical expressions of confusion and shock—their eyebrows drawn together and faces devoid of color—and their clothing was wrinkled.
They looked like they’d come here straight from the city.
“We’re so sorry to intrude, Aunt Ashley,” Lily began with a quick smile in her aunt’s direction. “Lucas and Sylvie were in town, and we all thought we’d check in. As a surprise.”
Ashley beamed at the three of them. “I don’t mind at all. You’re all welcome here anytime. I was just making a salad and some grilled chicken for lunch. Can I make you anything to eat?”
Lily shook her head. “No, we’re fine.”
Ashley stepped back into the kitchen and began to hum to herself. “The weather is nice out. Why don’t you all go and sit outside, and I’ll bring you all some freshly squeezed lemonade?”
Lucas and Sylvie were mumbling under their breath as Lily took each of their arms and steered them in the direction of the sliding glass doors. After a brief pause, Amy hurried after them, pausing to give Ashley an apologetic look over her shoulder. Outside, the sun was high in the sky, set against a backdrop of clear blue skies, and a warm breeze drifted past. In silence, Lily helped Amy retrieve a few foldable chairs, which they set in the middle of the backyard.
Lucas and Sylvie pushed their chairs closer to the wall, with a few overgrown trees leaning over from the neighbors’ house. Lily waited until Amy sat down and pushed her chair closer. Amy’s heart was still doing odd little somersaults, and her mind was still racing to come up with an explanation.
But all she could think about was the document she’d left open on her laptop for her art project. A document she wasn’t ready to share with anyone just yet.
“We’re sorry we just showed up,” Lily began with a quick look at her siblings. “Lucas and Sylvie thought this was a conversation they’d better have in person.”
Lucas glanced up and cleared his throat. “We want to know why you left.”
Amy blinked. “Oh, well, I already told you both why I left. I wasn’t happy anymore—”
“How come you never said anything?” Sylvie interrupted, her eyes boring into Amy’s. “You and Dad have been together for a very long time. How could you just…leave?”
“Sweetheart, there’s a lot you don’t know about your father and me, and there are things I am not going to discuss. Private things, but it has nothing to do with either of you.”
Lucas and Sylvie looked at each other and said nothing.
Lucas looked away first, a myriad of emotions dancing across his face, starting with anger, hurt, and confusion before settling on frustration. “If it had nothing to do with us, then why didn’t you tell us in person? Or even over the phone? Why did you send us an email?”
“I shouldn’t have done that,” Amy admitted with a wince. “But I was afraid I wouldn’t have the courage to leave otherwise, and I had to. I couldn’t spend one more second in that house.”
Sylvie leaned forward, and her breath quickened. “But don’t you see how much it’s hurting Dad? Can’t you see how much he misses you?”
“You’re all he talks about. He barely even goes to work anymore,” Lucas added with a frown. “And the other day, he got into a fight, and I had to interfere to stop him.”
Amy froze. “I—I had no idea, obviously, and I’m sorry, but it doesn’t change anything—”
“He’s spiraling because of you,” Sylvie snapped in a thick voice. “He’s a complete mess, and it’s not fair that we’re being asked to choose sides.”
“Sweetheart, I would never ask you to choose sides. He’s your father too.”
Sylvie stiffened. “That’s not what Dad said. He said you’re trying to drive a wedge between us, so we’d choose you.”
Amy’s stomach dropped. “That’s not true. I love you both, and I don’t think either of you deserves to be in the middle.”
She shouldn’t have been surprised Eric was using them like this.
She’d expected it, but it still felt like being punched in the gut repeatedly.
Of all the roads he could’ve chosen, of all the ways to retaliate, Eric had chosen the one method he knew would get her to listen.
All of the money and the property didn’t matter to her.
But her kids?
She’d go to the ends of the Earth for them.
“Lucas, Sylvie, I understand the two of you are upset, and I’m sorry to have to bring this up, but Er—Dad is trying to manipulate both of you right now,” Lily responded, her eyes darting back and forth between the two of them. “He knows he won’t be able to get Amy to go back any other way.”
Lucas folded his arms over his chest, and his expression hardened. “Why shouldn’t she go back? Why shouldn’t she find it in her heart to forgive him?”
Amy swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Because some things, you just can’t forgive, and again, this has nothing to do with either of you.”
Sylvie’s eyes were filled with tears when she peered at her. “Then why didn’t you come to us with this? How come you didn’t even think about staying with either of us?”
“Instead of coming all the way out here.” Lucas made a vague hand gesture, his gaze dropping and his lips pursing together. “We’re your family too.”
Amy glanced over at Lily and then back at her children.
How was she meant to explain this to them in a way they’d understand?
Amy stood and knelt down, her knees touching the ground. “I didn’t go to either of you because I didn’t want to make things worse. Your father is not the kind of man who forgives easily, and I didn’t want to jeopardize your relationship with him.”
No matter how much he didn’t deserve it.
Amy wasn’t doing it for him.
Lucas and Sylvie exchanged another look. Abruptly, Sylvie stood up and began to pace, pausing several times to glance over at them. Lucas, on the other hand, was staring at the hands folded in his lap, a grim expression on his face. Lily helped Amy back onto her seat, and she sank into the chair, feeling exhausted.
How much longer was she expected to fight Eric?
And why did he have to attack her on all fronts?
Wasn’t there a single shred of decency left in him?
When Sylvie sat back down, she tucked her hands underneath her and lifted her chin. “I don’t think you thought any of this through, Mom.”
Amy exhaled, and her stomach dipped. “You’re right. I should’ve given it more thought, but I would’ve still arrived at the same conclusion. I had to leave.”
She was beginning to realize that no amount of explaining was going to make her children see her point of view. As far as they were concerned, Amy was confused and delusional and had allowed that to cloud her judgment and force her into making an irrational decision. Neither of them was ready to understand how difficult it was or how much Amy wished things were different.
She still hoped the four of them were going to make it through this mess as a family.
A part of her clung to the belief that Eric was going to call off his lawyer before things got even worse.
But she wasn’t going to leave any of it to chance, not anymore.
It was time for her to take charge of her own destiny, regardless of the outcome.
And if it meant having to justify and rationalize her decisions for a bit longer, so be it.
Lucas rose to his feet and glanced at an unmarked spot on the horizon. “So, that’s it, then. You’re just telling us that we’re wasting our time here, and we should just go back to Dad and tell him you wouldn’t listen to reason?”
Amy stood, and the knots in her stomach twisted further. “Hold on, now. That’s not fair. Your father isn’t being reasonable. He’s being defensive, and I understand that none of us want to be in this situation, but it doesn’t mean we can’t make the most of it.”
Sylvie wrung her hands together and stood. “So, you’re just going to live here, and we’ll be forced to move back and forth between the two of you? And what about the kids? They’re going to be subjected to this too.”
Lily stepped in front of them and held her hands out. “Okay, I think emotions are running a little too high right now. Why don’t we all take a beat and discuss this later? Before someone says something they’re going to regret.”
Because it did sound an awful lot like her children were looking to blame her.
As if she’d been the one to dismantle their family, like Eric hadn’t been doing it brick by brick for years.
Why was she so reluctant to out him for the vile man he was?
Why couldn’t she just tell Lucas and Sylvie the truth?
Before she could say anything else, Lily draped an arm around each of their shoulders and led her siblings inside. She paused in front of the sliding glass door and spared Amy an apologetic look over her shoulder. Then, the three of them disappeared inside, and Amy sank back into her chair. She buried her face in her hands and tried to ignore the low thrumming in the back of her skull.
Amy had two fingers pressed to her temples and was rubbing in slow, circular motions when Ashley came out with a tray of food and drinks and a bright smile plastered on her face. Her smile fell when she realized Amy was sitting there alone. In silence, she climbed down the steps and walked across the lawn to get to Amy. As soon as she set the tray down on the table, she sat down in the closest chair and fixed her gaze on Amy.
“That looks like it didn’t go well.”
Amy’s mouth was clogged up with emotion. She wanted to lock herself in her room, curl up into a ball, and cry. Another part of her wanted to run after her kids, get down on her knees, and beg them to forgive her.
A smaller part imagined bringing them back just to tell them the truth. She already knew it would feel like a weight would be lifted off her shoulders, but she didn’t want to break the news about their father for the wrong reasons.
No matter how much it hurt to realize they didn’t understand where she was coming from.
No matter how much she craved the normalcy and warmth of knowing her children had her back.
With a slight shake of her head, she reached for a glass and poured herself some iced tea. When Lily came back out, she shoved both hands into the pockets of her jeans and crossed over to them. With a sigh, she sank into another chair and threw her head back, allowing the sun to warm her entire face.
The cool liquid trickled down Amy’s throat, but it didn’t ease the dryness or the ache in her stomach.
Nor did she expect it to, but it gave her something to do with her hands, and it gave her an excuse to avoid Ashley’s earnest and open gaze.
For too long, the three women sat there, each lost to their own thoughts. Finally, Ashley stood, placed a hand on Amy’s shoulder, and squeezed. Startled, Amy nearly spilled the rest of her drink and gave Ashley a weak smile.
“Conversations like this aren’t easy,” Ashley began, “but I think you’ll all be okay. Lily, will you help me set up the other guest bedroom? I’m sure Lucas and Sylvie will want to lie down for a bit. It’s been a long journey.”
Lily uncrossed her ankles and stood up. “Of course.”
“The pullout couch is yours too, if you want to spend the night,” Ashley added, pausing to give Amy another encouraging smile. “As long as you and Ben don’t mind squeezing on it together.”
Lily gave a half-hearted chuckle. “I’ll talk to Ben and see what we’re going to do because we have to be at the house in the morning for the plumber.”
Together, the two of them walked away, leaving Amy alone with a stomach full of knots and a chest tight with emotion. As she continued to sit there, turning the conversation over and over in her head, she couldn’t help but feel like she hadn’t handled the conversation well at all.
She hadn’t told them enough to help them understand.
Amy hadn’t actually told them much at all, and as much as it pained her to admit it, she knew her kids had the right to be upset and hurt. She regretted making the decision to protect their image of their father, just like she regretted the fact she couldn’t, in good faith, behave like he did.
It wasn’t the kind of person she was, even if she desperately wanted to be.
What would’ve happened if she had been honest about the years of verbal abuse? The constant undermining and demeaning she’d experienced at their father’s hands? Would her own children have turned away from her in favor of their father?
Amy desperately wanted a do-over, but she wasn’t sure it was in the cards for her.