Chapter 4
“No, I’m telling you he’s still watering the front lawn,” Sophia whispered, pausing to let the curtain slide back into place. “He’s been like that all morning.”
“Have you tried talking to him?”
“No, I’m waiting for the grass to die and for him to have trimmed all of the bushes before I decide to approach him,” Sophia replied with a roll of her eyes. “Of course, I’ve tried talking to him, little E.”
“You haven’t called me that since middle school,” Ian grumbled, his voice sounding far away before it came back on, clearer than before. “Okay, I don’t know what you’re supposed to do. What did he say when you talked to him?”
“Nothing. He’s not even acknowledging what day it is, and I’m afraid to bring it up in case he doesn’t remember.”
Ian exhaled. “In all the years that we’ve known him, Dad’s never forgotten his and Mom’s anniversary. I doubt this year is any different, especially with Lily being in our lives.”
Sophia cradled the phone between her neck and shoulder blades and snuck another peek through the curtain. Still, her dad stood there in his usual shorts and plain T-shirt with a relaxed grip on the hose. A few of the neighbors had given him concerned looks, but no one stopped to say anything.
Sophia was feeling guilty because she wasn’t any better than them. What was she supposed to tell him that wouldn’t make things worse? Even after years of practice, each year during their wedding anniversary, Sophia found herself tongue-tied, anxious, and grappling for the right words.
During her marriage to Darren, she’d leaned on her husband, allowing him to keep them all distracted. For the past two years, it had been up to her to lead the charge, and she was just as unprepared now as she was when she first moved in.
And she still had no idea how to make things better.
“Why don’t you go outside and keep him company till I get there?”
“You should’ve been here already,” Sophia whispered. “You know I’m really bad at comforting him during moments like this.”
“I’m sorry that I can’t ask crime to take the day off,” Ian replied dryly. “Why don’t I just send out a department memo or something?”
Sophia stepped back and ran a hand over her face. “We don’t have time for your sarcasm. Just get here already.”
With that, she hung up and straightened her back. After downing a large glass of cold water, she stepped out and lifted a hand up to her face, shielding her eyes from the sun. Once her vision adjusted, she saw that her dad was crouched in front of the bushes, a pair of sharp shears in his hands.
You can do this. Just keep him distracted. You’ve done it before, Soph.
“Need any help?”
“I thought you were going to relax this weekend, maybe go out with some friends,” Stu replied without looking at her. “Why don’t you go back inside and get some more sleep? You’ve been working hard.”
Sophia climbed down the stairs and drifted closer to her dad. “Oh, that’s okay. I can sleep in tomorrow or something. I just wanted to see if you wanted to bake a cake or watch a movie or something.”
“I need to trim these bushes. They’re looking a little haggard.”
Sophia frowned. “What if we go out? I can treat you to breakfast.”
Stu grunted and didn’t respond.
When Ian pulled up next to the curb a short while later, Sophia was still trying to coax him inside. Ian slammed the car door shut and covered the distance between them in a pair of old jeans, a button-down shirt, and a pair of sunglasses perched on his head. His green eyes flickered over to his sister’s before he cleared his throat.
“Heya, Pop.” Ian shoved both hands into the pockets of his jeans and flicked his hair out of his eyes. “I got us a few steaks. Thought we could grill them together.”
“It’s ten in the morning.”
“Yeah, they’re for later,” Ian said, the words tumbling out of him in a rush. “Or we could go to O’Malley’s pub, have a few beers.”
Finally, Stu stood up and spun around to face them, his tanned face wrinkled in confusion. “I know what the two of you are trying to do, and I appreciate it, but it’s not necessary.”
Ian still had a smile plastered to his face. “I’m sure it helps to talk about it.”
Their father glanced between them, a myriad of emotions dancing across his face. Then he dropped the shears and took a few steps back. “I’m going to go take a shower unless you two want to follow me upstairs, too.”
Abruptly, he strode into the house and slammed the door shut behind him. Sophia winced and looked over at Ian, who avoided her gaze. He bent down to pick up the shears and beckoned her inside. Once they stepped through the door, Sophia listened for the sound of running water and breathed a sigh of relief when she heard it.
“We need to be a bit more tactful,” Ian admitted before setting the shears down on the kitchen counter. “Maybe we should call in reinforcements.”
Sophia pulled a face. “No, you remember how badly that went last time.”
Their aunts and uncle had been there late into the night, talking and laughing, and her dad had been wedged between them, looking like he’d been praying to be anywhere else. While Sophia knew they needed help, she didn’t think their father wanted to air out his grief. He never had, and she doubted he was about to start now.
Instead, she stepped into the living room and rummaged through the cupboards till she found their old photo albums. With a smile, she took out a few of their old tapes and wiped off the thin layer of dust. In silence, Sophia and Ian settled onto the couch and turned their attention to the screen, where their mom cradled the two of them and was singing a lullaby.
When their father came back downstairs, Sophia heard his sharp intake of breath and turned around. “We’re just trying to help.”
Her father’s face fell, and he swallowed. “I know. I know it’s not fair of me to shut you guys out.”
Slowly, he made his way over to them, and they made room for him in the center. Once he sat down, Sophia draped an arm over his shoulders and squeezed. Her father leaned into her touch, smelling like old spice and lemon-scented soap. She inhaled the familiar smell of him and swung her gaze back to the TV.
On the screen, her mother and father were slow dancing in the living room, the camera placed on top of the mantle and aimed directly at them. “She used to love it when I’d start dancing with her for no reason.”
Sophia withdrew her arm and tucked her legs underneath her. “You don’t have to talk about her, Dad. We know how hard it is.”
Her father’s eyes filled with tears. “I miss her every day. She would’ve loved that Lily found her way back to us. She would’ve loved seeing all of you grow up, and man, would she have spoiled the grandkids rotten.”
Ian’s lips lifted into a half smile. “I think they get enough of that from you.”
Stu settled back against the couch, his eyes never leaving the screen. “I thought I was going be the one to spoil you guys rotten. But when the two of you came, she couldn’t get enough of either of you. She used to stay up at night just to watch you two breathe. I used to have to beg her to come to bed.”
A lump rose in the back of Sophia’s throat.
“Did you know that she’s the one who painted the bedroom? While I was at work, she used to do all sorts of things around the house just to prepare for you guys. I think that was my favorite thing about her—how caring and considerate she was.”
Little by little, then all at once, their mother came to life through their father’s stories—the way she usually did. Sophia hung onto her father’s every word, imagining a young and vibrant woman with her entire life ahead of her and a family that adored her. By mid-afternoon, their father was still talking about Kelly, describing in great detail what it felt like to meet and fall in love with her.
Sophia had heard most of those stories before. But each time, she had the same visceral reaction, as if hearing about her brought her back, even for a little while. When the sun dipped below the horizon, bathing the world in hues of pink and purple, Ian took their father out for a drink, and Sophia opted to stay behind. She wandered around the house, picking up and setting down several things as she did.
Once she was done tidying up, she crept into her own apartment and lingered in the doorway. Everything was clean and tidy, the way she’d left it in the morning, but it still felt strange to be there. Empty and soulless.
What would her mother think of where she’d ended up? Would Kelly have been proud of Sophia for recognizing her own misery and choosing a different path? Or would she have encouraged Sophia to stay and fight for her marriage?
Sophia and Darren’s marriage was, after all, nothing like Kelly and Eric’s. The two of them had been happy, and he’d been good to her and the kids. For years, Sophia hadn’t been able to picture any other kind of life than the one she had. Then Darren’s hours started getting longer, and budget restraints started taking a toll on his decisions.
Sophia used to spend hours tossing and turning, breaking out into a cold sweat whenever the phone rang at odds hours. Being married to a firefighter hadn’t been easy, but she’d known what she signed up for. It wasn’t until Zac moved out and started leading his own life that she began to notice the cracks in their marriage. How they no longer lingered over dinner to talk. Or they went days without exchanging more than a few words about the kids.
By the time Zoe moved out to go to college, the two of them had drifted too far apart, and the chasm between them had grown too wide and too great to fix. Sophia had spent months agonizing over her decision and wondering whether or not they would be able to come back from any of it.
With a slight shake of her head, she stepped into her apartment and kicked the door shut. As she changed out of her clothes and brushed her teeth, Sophia began to replay their fateful conversation, her heart twisting painfully as she recalled how easily Darren had given in.
He hadn’t even fought for her or their marriage.
Ultimately, it had strengthened her resolve further.
She really had tried, though. If he wanted to try, she would’ve given him a chance. She would’ve given them a chance.
When Sophia crawled into bed, set her phone down on the table, and switched off the lights, she stared at the ceiling. She imagined her mother there, offering sage words of advice when it came to her ex. Then she thought of what kind of advice Kelly would give her about Nora’s Delights.
Knowing what she knew about her mother, she was sure Kelly would’ve encouraged Sophia to quit and start her own bakery, like her cousin, Emily. But Emily was fearless, ambitious, and driven, and Sophia knew she couldn’t compare. She doubted she had what it took to start her own business.
Sophia couldn’t even keep her own family together, so how was she supposed to be in charge of an entire business?
As she drifted off to sleep, she wondered about the future and what it held for her. Her last thought before she succumbed to oblivion was of her family and whether or not they were proud of her.