Chapter 20
20
T he last time I was in the A you think I can’t handle this antique?”
“It’s vintage , and I didn’t get to see you drive. I was racing too, remember?”
Lili shifts, and it’s not very smooth thanks to her injured hand.
But she glares when I try to help her, then smiles when we pick up speed.
And I care about catastrophic possibilities a hell of a lot less than I should, watching her drive my car.
Pembroke is a small coastal town. We bypass most of it since the hospital is on the outskirts, the road quickly becoming empty of other cars.
I move around in the passenger seat, trying to get comfortable on the unfamiliar side.
Despite the strangeness, there’s a sudden lightness expanding in my chest, pushing away the worried weight that often rests there. Maybe because I survived some demons today, sitting in that waiting room again. Maybe it’s the woman beside me.
I blame the ease for the next words out of my mouth. “You in a rush to get back?”
She glances over at me, the car swerving a little, and I swear.
Her lips purse as she deliberates. “No,” Lili decides. “They probably already served the cake.”
I roll my eyes but keep them aimed on the road in hopes that it’ll encourage Lili to do the same. “Take a left up ahead then.”
She listens, the convertible rolling down a road that turns to dirt. I can hear the ocean. Smell the brine in the air.
Lili parks, then asks, “Where are we?”
From this vantage point, it looks like the middle of nowhere.
I pop the door open. “Come look.”
The moonlight is eerie. Romantic as we follow the path that’s been worn in the grass to the edge of the cliff.
“Wow.” Lili is staring straight ahead. Salty wind blows the loose strands of her hair straight back. Her dress swishes around in ripples of plum, revealing flashes of her legs.
I stuff my hands in my pockets. “You don’t get this in New York.”
“I never said I hated England, you know.”
“You never said you liked it either.”
“Maybe I haven’t decided how I feel about it yet.”
“Let me know when you do.”
I’m not sure we’re still talking about England. Not sure why I brought her here, to what looks like the end of the world. I always come to the cliffs alone.
Waves crash against the rocky shore a hundred feet below, white spray flying, the whipping wind carrying it even farther. The tall grass around us is mowed flat from its force. A full moon bathes everything in silvery light.
“Is Newcastle near the coast?” Lili asks.
“Not too far,” I reply.
“With cliffs like this?”
“Yes.”
“Do you go there a lot?”
“No,” I lie.
I’m not sure why. Probably because this feels like a lot.
I’m suddenly worried every time I come to the cliffs, this is what I’ll picture. Lili in her purple dress with wild hair, her skin glowing in the moonlight. She wasn’t supposed to realize this was a special place to me rather than a random stop.
“You should.”
I hum in response, but I doubt she hears it over the wind.
“We had a dance planned to perform for Chloe at the reception. Shirts printed and everything.” She sighs. “Today was supposed to be perfect, and I ruined it.”
“She’ll understand, Lili.”
“I know. I just wish she didn’t have to.”
“Do the dance in Saint-Tropez,” I suggest.
“You heard about the trip, huh?”
“Tripp mentioned it.”
She nods. “Who was the woman you were sitting with at the wedding? An ex?” Her tone is absent, her eyes still on the ocean.
I can’t tell if she cares about what the answer is or if she’s simply curious. Can’t decide if I care if she cares.
“I don’t have any exes.”
“Right. Prat .”
I chuckle. “You were worried Cal saw your money first, you second? I know women look at me and see my title. Beatrice included.”
Lili sighs. “I know you’re going to make me regret saying this, but you have other redeeming qualities than some stuffy title.”
A gust of wind blows my snort away. “Thanks.”
“I don’t get it. The whole title thing … what’s the big deal?”
“Aristocracy is history. Tradition. Power. Prestige. Hierarchy. And you can’t buy it or create it. You have to be born into it … or marry it. The harder it is to have something, the more people want it.”
“I guess.” Lili’s still looking straight ahead, so I can’t read her expression. “And you’re okay with that? Some woman marrying you because of your title?”
“Wasn’t your parents’ marriage arranged?”
I know it was actually. Her brother Kit made a comment about it while I was hanging out with him and his friends at the Hamptons party I attended.
“My parents are in love,” she informs me.
“I know.”
That was obvious at that same party.
Twin lines appear between Lili’s blue eyes as she studies me. “You’re right; their relationship started as a … business merger, I guess. It changed.”
“If I don’t have a son, I’ll be the last Marlborough to hold this title. It can be … simpler to both have clear expectations in a marriage.”
“So, you’d be fine with it?”
I blow out a breath. “I don’t know. I just always assumed that’s what that part of my life would look like.”
“I couldn’t do it.” Lili’s voice is fierce. “Get married for any reason besides love.”
Ironic, our different stances. Her parents married for business but stayed together for love. Mine married for love—allegedly—and that marriage imploded so catastrophically that my sister hasn’t seen our mother since she was five. Different starts and different outcomes.
“I hope you find it, Lili.”
I can feel her eyes on me. Mine stay straight ahead.
“Why don’t you drink?” she asks abruptly.
“I do sometimes. Just not often.”
“Why not?”
I rub the back of my neck. “You don’t want to ask my favorite color first?”
Her laugh gets lost in the wind, and I wish I could have listened to it for longer. “You don’t have to answer.”
I pull in a deep breath of briny air. “My dad was pissed when he died. Drunk, I mean. Before then too. I’m like him in a lot of ways. I guess I was looking for one way to be different. And I like staying in control. Alcohol makes people unpredictable.”
Lili nods, saying nothing.
And I need to say something. Because this moment isn’t just uncomfortable. It’s unbearable. The salt in the air is burning open wounds.
“What song were you going to dance to?”
She side-eyes me. “You won’t know it.”
“How do you know?”
Lili lifts an eyebrow. Pulls her mobile out of her pocket and tells it to play “Accidentally in Love” by Counting Crows.
I don’t recognize the title or the band. When the song starts playing, the melody is unfamiliar too. But it does make me wish I’d gotten to see her dance to this.
“Show me your dance.”
Lili laughs again. This one lingers for a few seconds. “Absolutely not.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s meant to be a group dance, and it was not choreographed by a professional. It’s embarrassing at best, mortifying at worst. No way am I doing it now, alone.”
“Fine.” I grab her uninjured hand, then tug her toward me gently. I’m just looking for an excuse to hold her one last time, if I’m being honest. I like the way her body fits with mine, like she was always meant to be there.
The ground is uneven, the wind unforgiving. Light limited.
But we sway on the edge of a cliff, me in a suit and her in a dress and my jacket, to a silly song about falling in love accidentally. Much slower than the up-tempo beat suggests.
And I know it’s a moment that will stay with me a lot longer than she will.