25. Josh
Rolling the paint roller through the special grey floor paint, I continued to cover the large area getting it ready for the new multi equipped ambulance Jury somehow managed to wrangle for Blessings. The new paramedic was due in just a few days, coming earlier than first arranged. I for one was happy for the new acquisition now that Claudia was pregnant. It took so much stress out of becoming a dad. At least it did for me, the memory of that long ride to Gracefield with my wife laying in the back seat of the car with her mother, me driving and Jock in the passenger seat. Every scream cut through me, every sharp pain, and every whimper from my wife, I felt every single one.
With all my bravado over getting Claudia to take the pregnancy test, inside I was freaking the fuck out. Add to that the bloody hostage situation the other day, knowing Claudia was in danger and not able to get to her right-away. My nerves defiantly needed a break.
Wrapping her in bubble wrap was not an option, nor was demanding she give up working at the grocery to stay at home until the baby is born. Not that I had not given that some thought, then I remembered who my wife was and quickly vetoed that idea. But I wasn’t giving up, I didn’t want her working so much at the grocery or at our business. I thought about getting my mother-in-law involved in some way, maybe whisper in her ear that Claudia needs convincing to slow down, at least until she is in the safe zone. As it was, she wasn’t far from the same stage when the miscarriage happened, I was trying to keep my shit and worry from my wife, but soon she was going to demand I tell her what was wrong with me.
Every time I make her sit down, she rolls her eyes at me, then does this weird chant about loving me, but to me it sounded like she would rather kill me than love me.
Dipping the roller again, I made quick work finishing the painting, the paint needed more than twenty-four hours to cure before a vehicle could be parked on it. The quicker I finished the quicker the ambulance could be delivered then maybe I will be able to breathe a little easier.
My job was to protect my family, and not too long ago, that was taken away from me, the pain and guilt I put myself through then watching my Claudia mourn the loss so heavily, I vowed never to allow that to happen again. If it is in my power to make sure Claudia goes full term and delivers our baby, then God help anyone who stands in my way.
“Yo Josh!” I heard from the back entrance of the station, finally Jock decided to make an appearance.
“Stay off the floor!” I yelled in warning, not in the mood to fix any mishaps this late in the day. So far, I had painted the entire floor on my own, including doing all the prep work.
So much for all the help Jock promised.
Yesterday I barely got to see my wife, she spent most of the day locked up in Elle’s house with Gisele, doing who knew what but Claudia was not talking when she arrived home later in the day. She bloody refused to stay put, even though she was given time off working at the grocery she still found things to keep her busy when all I wanted her to do was sit the fuck down and rest.
I swear if Jock’s constant renovations around the town don’t do me in then the next eight months then Claudia’s pregnancy certainly will.
“I’ve brought reinforcements mate,” Jock announced this time from the front entrance, obviously taking my warning seriously he walked around to the front of the building.
Looking up I noticed that not only did Jock bring Jury he also roped in Ryan, his old man and for some strange reason Albert Hanson.
Seriously? What good was he going to be?
Ignoring Bert, I instead glared at Jury and Ryan. “About time you came to help, I already have the entire floor painted in the service area only the office and break room is left. And the bathroom needs some serious plumbing work done,” I said, looking pointedly at Ryan’s father Eddy for that.
He was a certified plumber and electrical fitter. Certifications were needed for this job with the government strict guidelines we needed to follow to get the renos passed before officially declaring the station ready for use.
Eddy gave me a knowing smirk, “Got the work ute Josh, I’ll have the electrics and the pipes in tip top shape in no time.” He assured me confidently, already moving back to his vehicle.
“Ain’t nothing wrong with the pipes,” Bert argued hotly, giving Jock a look that looked to me like some kind of code. They continued their silent conversation while Jury, Ryan I and looked on in complete confusion.
What the hell!
Looking decidedly uncomfortable, Jock quickly ushered Bert away both of them speaking back and forth at each other in low angry tones.
“What the hell was that all about?” Ryan asked looking at Jury and I for an answer, but he will be waiting a long freaking time. I gave up a long time ago trying to figure out the older residents of our small town. The majority of them were eccentric and the ones left were crazier than a chook with its head cut off. It made for interesting living that was for sure.
Shaking his head, Ryan grabbed the roller off me, “Don’t know and don’t want to. I’ll get a start on the office so dad can work on the bathroom, getting that up to scratch is more important than the dodgy light switch in the office.” Without waiting for a reply, Ryan took off leaving me alone with Jury.
“Claudia and Gisele over at Elle’s again today?” I asked although I already knew because I walked my wife over at six o’clock this morning before the sun even rose. I had been pissed off that Claudia refused to sleep in again this morning. She had a late night due to my insatiable need for her, I had hoped that I wore her out enough to leave her warm and sleeping when I woke up. I should have known better. Claudia didn’t live to make other people’s life easy, especially not mine.
Lucky for her I loved her more than my own life.
“Yep, Miracle too,” Jury nodded, his expression no better than mine. “Gisele won’t tell me what is going on, but I have a feeling it isn’t good.”
The ominous way Jury was looking ramped up my worry level higher.
Was something wrong with Claudia and the baby? Was she hiding her morning sickness from me because so far, she was yet to empty her stomach first thing in the mornings, something she was really looking forward to as was I.
The first pregnancy did not yield that particular symptom and it seemed that this time wasn’t either. I couldn’t help but draw parallels between the two, thinking that the lack of morning sickness meant we might lose this baby too. Which is why I wanted Claudia close to me as much as possible.
“Josh, you okay mate?” Jury asked, bringing me back from my hideous suspicions.
Pinching the bridge of my nose I dropped to my arse on the cold concrete driveway, “Mate this pregnancy is going to kill me,” I whined like a sap, “she won’t do as she is told, she won’t slow down and rest. Instead of being worried she is full of beans and glowing and all I do is worry we are going to suffer the same fate as last time. I can’t allow myself to enjoy Claudia’s carefree joy, because all I can see in my head is her in pain, crying in my arms, sobbing about our lost baby.”
By the time I finished I was embarrassed realising that I had given Jury the whole truth, not holding back because I was a bloke and society demanded I stay strong.
Joining me down on the drive, Jury gave me a pat on the shoulder.
“Josh, I don’t know anything about losing a child, as I have yet to knock Gisele up, but I have suffered loss. What I do know is what you are feeling is all normal considering your circumstances and anyone who tells you to suck it up and be a man needs Jesus,” Jury said with conviction, but he was not done. “Mate the biggest mistake you are making is holding onto the past, letting it affect you to the point where you can’t allow yourself to believe you deserve this. Claudia is doing what you should be. Thinking positive.”
Listening to my soon-to-be-brother-in-law speaking sense, I was suddenly overcome with a wave of shame. Jury was right, the bastard. I was waiting for the worst to happen, and by doing that I was missing out on seeing my wife glow with the new life growing inside her. If anyone had the right to be pessimistic it was Claudia, but she found a strength that I did not possess. At least that was what I allowed myself to believe.
“Fuck!” I muttered hating my negativity caused by fear. Hating that it had to be pointed out to me by Jury.
Jesus, did Claudia think the same? Was my behaviour dampening her joy?
“I need to go find my wife,” I said suddenly, jumping to my feet, my denim clad arse cold from the concrete.
“Go on, Ryan and I will get the last of the jobs finished.” Jury told me, his smile knowing and a little cocky, but I decided to give him a pass. Without his words of wisdom God only knew how long it would’ve taken me to pull my head out of my arse.
Holding out my hand, I waited for Jury to take it, which he did straightaway shaking my hand with a firm grip. “Thank you, Jury, that was exactly what I needed.” I told him simply, knowing that I didn’t have to elaborate any further without losing any more of my manhood than I already had.