25. Real Life Takes More Work
REAL LIFE TAKES MORE WORK
“ I ’m so glad you stopped over, Emma,” her mother said the next morning at her parents’ Boston home.
“I was on this side of the water anyway,” she said, grinning. “Why not?”
Since she was off the island and had Lucky with her, she figured there was no time like the present for a visit. Maybe she’d stay for the day and they could do some shopping. She could load up on some foods she liked she couldn’t get online or on the island.
“Glad to know that this is how you think of me when you want to visit,” her mother said.
Lucky was making enough noise to get out, so she opened the door. “You know I don’t think that,” she said. “But I was here and maybe I needed to talk to someone.”
“Come here,” Melissa said. “Do you need a hug?”
“I always need my mother’s hugs. You don’t tell anyone about this, do you?”
Emma liked that fact hidden that she still enjoyed a hug from her mother, even at thirty-three.
“You know I can keep a secret,” her mother said, wrapping her arms around her.
She held on tight for a minute, then stepped back and shook her arms out. “There, I feel better.”
“I’m glad,” her mother said. “I’m going to assume Warren is on your mind?”
“He is,” she said. “A lot.”
“There isn’t anything wrong with that,” her mother said.
“I need to stay focused on my writing.”
Melissa smiled. “Does he pop into your head when you’re writing?”
“He does,” she said.
“In a bad way?” her mother asked. “Like do you want to push him out? Help me understand.”
“It’s not bad,” she said. “I just don’t want it to be a distraction.”
“If it’s not bad, then it can’t be a distraction. You’re not making sense.”
“That’s the thing,” she said. “I’m so confused.”
“Help me here,” Melissa said. “You say you’re confused a lot.” Her mother was laughing.
“I play that up.”
“I know you do,” her mother said, squinting her eyes. “Do you want something to eat?”
“Please tell me you’ve got cookies. Warren didn’t. Or what he had in terms of junk food was minimal and I didn’t want to eat it all. It’s the cabinet for his sisters. I tried to be good while I was there and ate a nice balanced meal plan.”
Her mother laughed. “I’ve got Oreos. You know your father needs them in the house.”
“I’ve got to get more,” she said. “I went through every package I had. I was going to stock up before Warren came over, but if he saw them in the pantry, he might break up with me.”
It was bad enough that he gave her a hard time about her protein bars and she thought those were healthy. Guess not the ones she bought, or not in his eyes.
“And you’d be upset if he did that, wouldn’t you?”
“Of course, I would,” she said. “Why would you ask that?”
“I’m trying to understand where all your confusion is coming from,” Melissa said, bringing the cookies to the counter.
She opened the bag and pulled three out, one going in her mouth whole.
It’d give her a minute to chew it while she thought of her next words.
Once she swallowed, she said, “I talked to his mother yesterday. We met on a video call.”
“That’s nice,” her mother said.
“Warren talks about her as if she walks on water. I was terrified Casey might not like me.”
“You’re a very likable person,” her mother said.
“I am,” she agreed. “But I haven’t worried about if someone liked me since elementary school.”
By the time middle school rolled around, she had more of the fuck you mentality on what people thought of her.
At least she gave off that vibe.
It was better than worrying what their reasons were for wanting to get close to her.
“I’m going to ask you again,” her mother said. “Do you love Warren?”
“I think I might,” she said. “But he hasn’t said anything. I don’t want to be the only one to feel this way.”
Her mother rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe how clueless you are half the time.”
“I know, right?! I’ve never felt like this and I can’t figure out exactly what it is.”
“Tell me how you feel,” her mother said.
“I’m bothered when I know something is wrong with him,” she said.
“Can you tell me what or is it private?”
That’s what she loved about her mother.
If she told her that it was private and she didn’t want to share, her mother wouldn’t push her.
“It’s his relationship with his father. I heard him talking to his mother. I’d gone to another room to write some after dinner.”
“I thought you weren’t going to write while you were there,” Melissa said.
“I didn’t on Sunday. But Monday after we returned from the stadium, he had to go back for a few hours and I was alone, so I did. Then at dinner on Tuesday, he gave me such a good idea.”
“And you didn’t want to lose it,” her mother said.
“Right,” she said. “It was only two hours. I finished and heard him talking. I knew it was his mother. I only heard one side of it, but it was personal.”
“You shouldn’t have been eavesdropping,” her mother chastised.
“I didn’t mean to,” she said. Her mother lifted an eyebrow. “Okay, I kind of did, but then felt bad after. It was his mother telling him to open up with me about his father.”
“Did he?” her mother asked.
She shoved another whole cookie in her mouth and chewed. “Yes,” she said around a mouthful.
“You do have horrible eating habits.”
Emma walked over to get a bottle of water. “I know. I’m hungry. I can’t help it. But I was good the past few days with Warren. It’s just the two of us anyway.”
“And you don’t do this in front of other people. Most times. I know,” her mother said.
“That’s right,” she said. “Warren told me some more about his father.” She shared it knowing her mother wouldn’t say a word. “I can’t imagine feeling as if my parent hated me and then to have him come back and kiss up.”
“Not everyone has or had a great life, Emma.”
“I know,” she said. “I understand. It’s just I look at him now.”
“And you don’t see the hurtful things in his past,” her mother said. “All you see is him now.”
“I see the hard work he puts into it,” she said. “Anyone can see that. What they can’t see are the demons. He stepped up to be the man of the house at such a young age.”
“That happens to a lot of people,” Melissa said. “Your life sheltered you somewhat.”
She didn’t need that reminder. “I felt sympathy for teenager Warren,” she said. “I couldn’t tell him that though. That would offend him.”
“He would be,” her mother said. “Instead, feel pride for who he is now.”
“I do,” she said. “I told him that. Just like he was so proud of me when he found out about my Netflix deal. I thought it was odd that he felt that after knowing me for a short time.”
“But now you don’t think it’s so odd?” her mother asked, grinning.
“No,” she said. “It feels different.” She took a bite of the third cookie this time.
“Because you care about him.”
“I do,” she said. “Which brings me back to something else. He says he tries not to think of his father at all anymore, but when he looks at me, he worries about what people will think about our backgrounds and knowing his.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Melissa said firmly.
“Very much so,” she said, nodding her head. “I told him to fuck everyone. He shouldn’t care what anyone thought of him, only what he thought of himself.”
“What did he say to that?” her mother asked.
“He asked if he should care about what I think,” she said.
She finished her cookie.
“Did you tell him how you feel?”
“I told him I felt favorable toward him and then we had sex.”
Her mother’s shoulders dropped. “I don’t need those details.”
“Good,” she said. “Because I won’t give them. You’d think I was dirty.”
Her mother laughed. “You’re a piece of work, Emma. Do you think your father and I don’t have sex?”
She put her hands on her ears. “La, la, la, I can’t hear you.”
“I think you know how you feel,” Melissa said. “But you’re afraid to say it. Why?”
There was no getting anything past her mother. “What if it goes away?”
“And what if it doesn’t?”
“That’s almost as scary,” she said. “But it wouldn’t be as painful.”
At least she didn’t think so.
How could they make this work?
“Why is it scary?” her mother asked.
“Because he’s there and I’m here. Yes, I know, I can write anywhere and I proved that yesterday. But it’s not as comfortable as my house. This house isn’t as comfortable and I grew up here.”
“I can understand that,” her mother said. “I think anyone with creativity pulsing through them can. You need to be where it fuels you.”
“That’s right,” she said. “Pretty soon I won’t see much of him at all. Not unless I stay with him. But I’m afraid to if it changes the fuel I need in my body and brain to do my job.” She shook her arms out and wiggled her body. “Oh my God, it felt so good to say that. I know you get it.”
“I do,” her mother said, giving her another brief hug and stepping back. “And you won’t know until you try. Until you put the effort in. I know you’re not a planning type of person, but you might have to be that way if you want to see Warren during the season.”
“And it’s coming fast. Training camp starts in less than two weeks,” she said. “But he’s already there working out most days and in meetings. He says he’s not alone.”
Emma knew he was dedicated and she admired that.
“Then it’s preseason,” her mother said. “But he won’t play.”
“How do you know that?” she asked. She just found that out yesterday.
“You don’t watch that many sports,” Melissa said, smirking. “But your father does. Most starters don’t play the preseason games.”
“But they go to them,” she said. “Then the season starts in early September and the regular season ends in early January. They are hoping for the Super Bowl, so that could be into February.”
“Lots of time to get things worked out,” her mother said. “But it’s not like other sports. He plays one day a week and is probably traveling another day. Then he’s home and at the stadium. You could be around.”
“I could,” she said. “I want to be. He has other obligations.”
“So do you,” her mother said. “Emma, I know you’re scared.”
“Of course you do,” she said, crossing her eyes. All this serious talk was working her up. She needed to lighten it. “I just admitted it.”
“And now you’re joking about it. But it’s serious.”
“It is,” she said. “What if Warren doesn’t feel the same way I do?”
“Emma, he went back to find you. I think that says it all.”
She laughed. “Because a wonderful hero does those things.”
“Don’t mix this up with your books.”
“I’m not,” she said. “I think that is why I’m struggling so much. I can dictate that world to do and be what I want. I can’t do that in real life.”
“Real life takes more work, but my daughter isn’t afraid of working hard, is she?”
“Never,” she said.
“Then there is your answer.”