1. Bea
Iwoke from a dead sleep with a scream on my lips. My skin was covered in sweat and I swear I could feel the searing pain of my skin burning all over again.
Even though I’d moved far away, told no one, left everything behind, I couldn’t seem to escape the nightmares and phantom pains that followed me into sleep.
How long had it been since I’d had a full night of rest?
Knowing there was no way I’d get sleep now, I forced myself out of bed.
The small apartment I found in Willow Lake had a balcony.
It was only big enough for a single chair and side table and a tiny rug.
I put up a few string lights so it was cozy enough to help my omega settle after nights like this.
I made a quick cup of coffee and wrapped a blanket around myself before padding outside. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon, the warm light reflecting off of the lake and filling the area with that early morning glow I loved.
Funny, I’d hated mornings before. Now, they were my ‘calm after the storm.’ A new beginning to the day and a way to shed the darkness night brought out.
I propped my socked feet up on the railing and let my eyes drift closed, working on my breathing.
The lingering anxiety was the worst part. It tried to hover over me for hours after, reminding me I had escaped, but not mentally.
With my friends I was just Bea, the snarky friend and hard worker. But in these moments I was far too vulnerable and felt so damn small.
Cameron was in jail for two years. The judges and the jury went far too easy on him. He had charmed them in the way that psychopaths often could. ‘The fire wasn’t intentional or used to hurt me, He was just frustrated and needed a release.’
So he got two years then mandated twice-monthly psych visits.
While I got a fucking lifetime of trauma.
He convinced them that I was the problem. The stupid omega who pushed him when I knew better.
Forget that I was the victim. Drugged and nearly killed.
Silly omega, I never should have caused him to lash out.
What a fucking joke.
It didn’t help that the only thing in my system was alcohol when they ran the blood tests. Whatever he’d used had faded and they wouldn’t run more tests thanks to my insurance saying it ‘wasn’t necessary.’
All in all, the systems failed me and he got off easy. He was still there for another year and I was left with enough trauma to break an omega.
That wasn’t even considering all the shit he’d done up to that fire. Isolating me from everyone I loved. Making sure he knew where I was at all times. Keeping money from me and sabotaging my life in subtle, then obvious, ways as he grew more bold.
He wanted my life to revolve around him. Tried to make me submit in ways he didn’t earn.
I’d barely had heats with him. I swear my omega knew we weren’t safe there.
Thank fuck there wasn’t a kid involved. Hell, if I could even have them. Thanks to the long-term birth control shots and the messed-up heats, I’d dodged that bullet.
“No, stop,” I growled to myself, downing the last dregs of my coffee and forcing myself back inside.
The shower, thankfully, chased away the last of my mood and by the time I was dressed in a cute outfit, had makeup on my face, I felt like me again.
Just like that I was confident and ready to face the day. Maybe it was a mask to protect myself, but I wore it well.
It was a Friday, so it was just me in the shop until lunchtime. Between all the babies and both my besties being packed up, we’d hired some help. Andrea and Steph were amazing. They traded off weekdays and rotated weekends covering the front.
The extra hands on deck gave us all time to ourselves, though I was probably the only one who hated it.
What I needed was to go out and get a drink tonight. Maybe find a beta to lose myself in.
Nothing with strings. I wasn’t ready for that… if I ever was.
Honestly, as much as my besties wanted me to find a pack, I was terrified. There was no way I could ever trust an alpha again.
Cameron and I weren’t scent-matches, but we were scent-compatible, and it backfired in the end.
Clearly, my taste in men was dismal. Look where it landed me last time.
I’d just finished stocking when Dani and Taryn both came in. The way they glowed now was amazing. I was so happy for them.
They deserved the packs they found, ones who treated them like royalty.
Taryn held up a container with treats. “Holt made cinnamon rolls. He put one with extra icing in there for you, Bea.”
“Aw, he knows me well,” I sang out as I snagged it and pulled off the lid, groaning as the amazing scents hit me. He was a wizard in the kitchen.
“You need a pack who owns a bakery,” Dani snorted. “Constant supplies of sweets and treats.”
“I’m good,” I deflected, before pointing to the boxes behind the counter. “But I do need help carting all those to the back. The delivery guy barely put them inside the door and books are heavy as hell.”
Taryn gave me a look that said she knew exactly what I was doing but they both grabbed a box.
“So, are we going out for drinks tonight?” I asked as I followed them to the huge workspace in the back, stacking it near the table so Taryn could sort them.
She sighed. “Not for me. The babies are getting their molars in and we’re all suffering. I don’t have it in me. Maybe in a week or two?”
“Sure,” I said, hiding my disappointment as I turned to Dani. “I know you could probably use a night out?”
She had their son, Wrigley, six months ago. We’d barely been out since, which I understood. But, sometimes it felt like my friends were moving on in life and I was left alone.
“Sorry,” Dani sighed. “The guys have a huge night in planned. They’ve been working on it for days, apparently. Tomorrow?”
“I might just go tonight anyway,” I shrugged like it was no big deal. “Maybe I can find me a beta to keep me busy for the night.”
“Oh?” Taryn asked, perking up. “Does this mean you’re finally looking?”
I snorted. “No, this means I’m going to find a little stress relief… no strings attached.”
Now it was their turn to hide the disappointment. Guilt hit me hard. Again. At some point, I should save us all and just tell them the truth.
But I couldn’t. I felt so fucking stupid and the court made a mockery out of me. The last thing I wanted was for them to know the truth.
That I was damaged goods.
It wasn't just that I was terrified of commitment, it was the fear that an alpha would take one look at my scars and see how ugly they are. That he’d try to control me just like Cameron did.
My leg had healed, but my abdomen down to my pelvis was mottled with burn scars. My upper arm, too.
I had to shove the thoughts away before they could turn dark again, forcing a smile on my face.
“Don’t worry, one day I’m sure some knights in shining armor will sweep me off my feet.”
Taryn grinned and nodded. “You’re right. That’s how fate works. Even you can’t hide from it when it comes knocking.”
With that they flounced away, happy to move on.
I just needed to fake it through today and then I could let loose tonight. For a few hours, I could pretend that whoever warmed my bed wasn’t put off by my scars, and that I was just an omega who prefers to be single.
Work dragged by slowly. It was like the clock was plotting against me and my plans. I even checked the battery to make sure that it was ticking properly.
"Why the long face?" Dani asked with little Wrigley in her arms.
"I just needed baby cuddles," I told her, holding out my hands for the little guy. Another deflection. I was honestly a terrible friend. I was loyal and I loved them, but letting them in was hard.
"I'll call you for the next three in the morning feeding," she laughed as she handed him over.
"Nope, that’s why you have three mates. Make them get their asses up and help," I reminded her.
"Oh I do, they don't get out of it. If I get up, so do they. Is he good with you for a few? I really need to pee and he hasn't let me put him down," Dani asked, dancing from foot to foot.
"Of course. I'm his favorite Auntie. Do what you need to and grab a coffee or something. The two of us can hold down the fort," I said as I bounced him until he started babbling.
"Thank you," she said before running out of the room.
I stood up from my desk and carried the sweet boy to the front desk. There were a few people milling around in the shop and a couple stopped to talk to Wrigley. He and the twins were crowd favorites and the twins would ham it up for more attention.
The clock on the computer finally hit five and Dani came back in with a look of relief and a latte.
"You're the best, Bea. Thank you, I needed this pick me up," she said, taking Wrigley back from me.
"Always. Now Auntie Bea is going to change and get to drinking," I laughed as I gave her a little wave.
She let out a little chuckle, but I was serious. Alcohol was the one thing that kept the nightmares at bay. I’d slowed down once the nightmares eased, but for some reason they were back. I wasn't sure why they decided to start up again but I had to shut them down.
There was no time for me to go into depression mode right now, the business was booming and I had family that cared about me. That was something that Cameron never would have allowed. He wanted to be the center of my world, no matter the cost.
Just the thought of him sent a shiver down my spine. Fuck, I kept letting him in. I had to stop.
He wasn't going to stop me from having a good time tonight. I was done living my life for a man and the scent blockers that I took regularly ensured that I wouldn't find my mate or mates.
Did I tell the girls about them? No. That would dash their hopes of my happily ever after. They, clearly, knew I didn’t have a strong scent, but not why.
It was just another thing that Cameron stole from me.
The moment I got home, I quickly changed my clothes into something more suitable, pulling on a red tank and some skin-tight jeans. The combo showed off my figure without too much skin showing. My makeup needed a little touching up along with red lipstick.