11. Bea
A MONTH LATER
I’d barely opened my eyes, alarm still blaring, when a churning in my stomach had me bolting out of bed. I made a beeline for the toilet and just barely made it before I emptied the contents of last night’s dinner into it.
"I'm never eating Chinese again," I muttered once the gagging and heaving had passed. My skin felt clammy and the nausea was threatening to come back.
A knock on my bedroom door told me I wasn’t as quiet as I’d hoped for.
"Aunt Bea, are you okay?" Phoenix asked, not opening the door.
"Yeah, are you ready for school?" I countered, biting back another wave.
"I just need to put on my shoes," she promised. "Are you walking me today?"
"If you want to be seen with me, who am I to say no? Just give me five minutes to get ready," I called back, a smile tipping my lips.
Since the move, Phoenix had slowly opened up and was even excited to get up and go to school.
My coward of a sister didn’t say a word, but she signed everything I sent, giving me temporary guardianship.
I noticed she left the end date blank, something the lawyer I found said would help us if she came back in a year or two and tried to disrupt our lives.
Phoenix took the news well. She seemed hurt, but hid it quickly. I’d offered therapy to help work through, but she said she wasn’t quite ready yet and I was going to respect that, while also keeping an eye on her.
Over the last month, we’d gotten into a groove and it was starting to feel normal. Something she told me was refreshing. Knowing my sister, it wasn’t that shocking to me. She hated anything to do with normalcy or routine.
On shaking knees, I pulled myself up with the help of the toilet. The first thing I did was brush my teeth to try to get the gross taste from my mouth, using my mouthwash twice to be safe. The minty flavor helped calm things down a bit.
A shower was a must, but time wasn’t on my side. Thanks to my wake-up, all I could do was throw on a t-shirt and jeans. I'd come back and shower before work.
"Phoenix, I'm throwing on shoes and I'll be ready," I called as I opened my bedroom door so she could hear me better.
I didn’t exactly look put together, but I wasn't feeling a hundred percent myself. I just hoped that I didn't embarrass Phoenix.
Was this what motherhood was like?
"That's what you're wearing?" she asked, eyeing my Nirvana shirt, jeans, and scandals.
"Yeah?" I questioned.
"Cool, you don't look as uptight as you usually do," she told me with a nod of approval.
"Ouch, kid," I said, holding a hand over my heart.
"Could you please dress down more?" Phoenix asked as she held out a hand to help me up.
"I can do that. More on weekends, because you know, work," I shrugged before I took her hand and got to my feet.
It was gorgeous out, both of us taking a big inhale when we stepped outside. We were greeted by birds chirping and a light breeze.
"Can you believe how warm it is for March?" Phoenix asked. “I expected it to be cold here.”
"No, but I’m glad," I answered as we hit the sidewalk. "Maybe dinner out by the lake tonight?"
"Yes, can we have pizza?" Phoenix asked, hope lighting up her eyes.
"We could use our new grill and do burgers and hot dogs?" I countered.
"Pizza and we can read a book?" she volleyed back as we crossed the first street. I kind of loved that she wasn’t as afraid to add her own input.
"You know my soft spot already?" I questioned her as we passed a few people that we nodded to as they said hello. "Is there a book that you have your eye on? I can bring it home with me tonight."
"Maybe," she smirked, "I've been eyeing Percy Jackson."
"A girl after my own heart," I squealed. "Once you finish the book, we can check out the movie or show, deal?"
"That would be amazing. Popcorn and sweets, too?" she asked.
"Is there any other way?"
“According to my mom, TV would rot your brain and sweets are bad for your aura,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Well, your mom isn’t here,” I said as gently as possible. She nodded, thinking it over. My poor girl was far too wise for her age now.
"Aunt Bea, I want to thank you for everything. I know my mom dumped me on you, but I never thought that I'd find a home here," she told me. “I really love it here.”
"Are you trying to make me cry?" I joked, pulling her into a side hug as I blinked back the tears that were very much real.
"No, but I never want you to forget that I'm grateful for you," she said as she wiggled out of my arm.
"Well, you were just what I needed in my life and I'm glad that we can make up for lost time," I said as we stopped in front of the school.
"It's not your fault. We can't pick our parents," she said with a rueful smile.
"We can't. But let's make the best of it from here on out," I told her with one more little hug. "I'm not embarrassing you right now, am I?"
"What? No, I've waited for fourteen years to have a mom that would do things like this… or give hugs," she answered in a whisper.
That broke my heart. How could my sister be so cruel?
“I’m here for all the hugs and spoiling,” I promised.
She grinned. “Bye, Aunt Bea.”
"Have a good day," I called after her as another round of nausea hit.
I waited until she was out of sight before I sprinted back to our cabin. I wasn’t one of those people that ran for fun, but there was no way that I was going to throw up in front of Phoenix's school.
I’d barely made it to the front door, my hand brushing the knob, but I couldn’t hold it back any longer.
The poor flower bed.
Once I was finally done heaving, I grabbed the hose and sprayed off the flowers and grass, trying to figure out what the hell I’d eaten to cause this.
Phoenix was obviously fine, so it, clearly, wasn’t dinner.
After I wrapped up the hose, I went directly to the bathroom and brushed my teeth again, making a mental note to buy a new one. I don't know what grossed me out more, brushing my teeth after I threw up or using the same toothbrush that I did this morning.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror and winced at the black circles under my eyes. I slept well, maybe it was just from this virus.
There was no time to dwell on it, though. There was work to get done and I promised Phoenix a book and pizza night. At least I knew my besties would come through for me.
I picked up my phone and sent a message to Dani,
Me
Hey, can you pull a set of Percy Jackson books for me?
Dani
Yep, once I get to the office.
Me
Thank you! I need some Wrigley snuggles today, are you bringing him?
Dani
Yes, I wanted Phoenix to meet him today. Too soon?
Me
Not at all. She'd love that, but I get to hold that sweet boy first.
Dani
You got it.
Then it hit me. I couldn’t go in feeling like this. Phoenix I couldn’t avoid, but the last thing I wanted to risk were the little ones. I’d message the group in a bit to see what they thought.
Thankfully, the nausea seemed to pass again as quickly as it came. I snagged a sleeve of crackers and plopped down to read my latest book.
My mind was a mess, and I gave up a few pages in, opting for that shower instead.
Warm water and steam surrounded me, washing away the last bits of fatigue clinging to me. The mental roller coaster of the last month had definitely taken its toll.
I hated that she’d been dumped like that, but I loved having Phoenix here. We were kindred spirits in a lot of ways, and watching her go from that quiet kid when she arrived, to the one teasing me now, was incredible.
The guardianship was temporary, and my lawyer was ready to fight if need be, but I wasn’t sure what Phoenix would want.
At some point, I’d have to sit her down and talk it all out. I just wanted time for things to settle first.
Snagging my body wash, I flipped open the cap. The scent of strawberries flooded the shower and my body reacted as if I’d stuck my face in a dumpster. My stomach rolled and I had to scramble out of the shower. My wet body slid across the tiles before I stumbled to my knees.
My stomach was already empty, but the dry heaving was pure hell.
What was going on? That was my favorite body wash.
Then it hit me.
Holy shit… it had been over a month since that crazy one-night stand turned heat. Could my birth control have failed?
Because this sounded a whole lot like morning sickness.
Guilt twisted my stomach more than the nausea now. They’d given me so much space and I’d all but avoided talking to them.
Fuck. I needed my besties.
Me
SOS I need you guys. I have to stop by the pharmacy on the way there but I’m FREAKING OUT
Dani
Uh oh.
Taryn
We’ll be here.
I threw my phone on the bed and went to the closet to find something a bit more work appropriate. If my suspicions were correct, then I wasn’t sick at all… just pregnant.
Fuck. I had a teenager now. This was a mess.
Not to mention, I’d all but ignored my pack. Who was to say they wouldn’t do the same back to me. Something told me they wouldn’t do that, but the fear still lingered.
One step at a time, Bea.
The girls were always on my ass for dressing up but I wasn’t about to show up in faded tees. I grabbed a cute little black dress that had crochet sleeves, it was one of my favorites and felt right for today.
To show off the cute sleeves, I pulled my black hair into a slick, high ponytail. All this nausea had me snagging flats instead of heels. I’d be walking and if I needed to move quickly, they’d work much better.
I topped the look off with diamond studs and a matching necklace. Looking myself over, I couldn’t help but feel a bit better. Sometimes being put together on the outside helped calm the storm raging inside.
Knowing I couldn’t avoid it any longer, I snagged my things and hurried outside. On the way to the store, I stopped in the pharmacy. The self checkout was open and I opted for that, otherwise Willow Lake would be spreading rumors by lunch.
I even went as far as tucking the small bag into my purse the moment I stepped outside.
Keep it cool, Bea, I warned myself as I walked toward the shop, trying to keep the calm facade on the outside so I didn’t freak anyone out.
In true Willow Lake fashion, several people were out and about. They nodded politely as I passed. It was familiar enough that I relaxed little by little.
A shadow fell over me as a small, but mighty, person stepped into my path, nearly making me stumble.
"Where are those hot firemen?" Dolly asked as she stepped in front of me. I was only a few stores from the bookshop… almost safe.
"Huh?" I asked stupidly, lost in my own world.
"Those firemen I set you up with, that’s who. Why aren't they following you around?" she demanded.
"Well, they do have a serious job, Dolly," I reminded her. We both knew I was playing it dumb now and she was not amused.
"Yeah, but I thought that they'd be worshipping the ground you walk on. What is wrong with them?" she asked in a huff. I couldn’t let them take the fall for me.
"I love you for that, Dolly, but I've asked for some space. It's me, Dolly, not them," I reassured her.
"I'm going to see them and whack them with my purse a couple times until they kiss your feet," Dolly said, completely ignoring me.
"What? No need, how about we head to the bookstore and we find you something smutty to read with firemen in it?" I countered.
"Oh, I think I'd like that," she smiled at me and hooked her arm in mine. "Are there many of those types of books?"
"Smutty or firemen?" I questioned, slowing my pace to match hers.
"Both," she answered.
"I have a whole new world for you," I told her as I stopped to open the door for her. "Dani, where's my baby? And Dolly needs some firemen smut."
"At the counter," she called back.
Dolly and I made our way back to where she was standing with Wrigley in a cute, little Knuckleball Knockouts onesie.
"Here is the one of the only two men I need," I said, holding my hands out for the chubby little angel. Dani passed him over with a smile.
"Two?" Dolly asked, looking at me, then Dani, for clarification.
"Oh, yeah. Liam would be jealous if I left him out," I reminded her.
"Did someone say Liam?" Matthias asked as he rounded the corner with my other nephew.
"There's my other man," I cooed as they got closer. Matthias handed him to me as well.
"Taryn is running a few minutes late. Gem decided to blow out her diaper after she was loaded in the car seat," he explained. "Can you two keep an eye on him? I have a full day of painting ahead of me."
"Oh no, all this cuteness and they are all mine for the morning?" I questioned with fake sarcasm. "What am I to ever do?"
"Thank you," he said, giving Liam a kiss on his forehead before he disappeared from where he came.
"Bea, if they get to be too much, just let me know and I'll come and get Wrigley, or take both," Dani said. She had a million questions in her expression but shut it down for my sake. Dolly was the lady you wanted in your corner, but not with your secrets.
"I will, now get this sweet lady her firemen smut, stat," I said before I walked back to my office with my favorite boys.
Once we got there, I set Liam down for a minute to gather up my laptop and a few files and loaded them into my backpack. I slung it over my back and picked up Liam. I navigated the halls to the kids room and got us all settled in.
This was the smartest upgrade we did here at work.
It was an adorable playroom with a smart TV mounted to the wall so we could stream music or movies, had soft mats on the floor and plenty of toys.
Mathias had painted it in an adorable fantasy theme so the walls were covered in a gorgeous fantasy forest with a twisting tree and dragons in the air.
Liam was excited to see the toys and was squirming to get down, but Wrigley, on the other hand, was yawning. I placed the toddler in front of the toys and settled onto the couch with Wrigley. A lot of my work could be done on my phone, but it was easier to answer the email with a real keyboard.
Work would have to wait, I’d soak in this moment before I faced my new reality. I’m just glad that my stomach had settled for now, Liam was not old enough to babysit Wrigley yet.