36. No Take Backs #2
Taking him in properly, I see he’s dressed nicely.
Not in a suit as he was last night, but not his usual attire of jeans and a t-shirt.
He’s wearing a light blue shirt loose over dark pants.
Despite that, he looks tired. His skin is a few shades paler than usual, his hazel eyes dull, and his golden-brown hair is a mess, as if he’s been running his hands through it.
‘Yes.’ I finally manage to get the word out past the rock lodged in my throat. I’m suddenly feeling my lack of sleep, as well as suddenly unsure and nervous.
Following me inside, Jake doesn’t sit, and neither do I. We face each other in my living room, and for the first time since we met, it feels as if the distance between us is a chasm I can’t see the bottom of, yawning too wide and deep to cross.
‘I’m sorry, Eve. For last night. I overreacted.’ He doesn’t make any move to touch me, but I can see that he wants to in the way his hands are tightly clenched at his sides.
‘It’s fine.’ It is in no way fine, but I have no idea what else to say, so the platitude falls from my mouth without my permission.
‘It’s not,’ he says vehemently, eyes bright. ‘It’s not fine at all. And I won’t make excuses for it. You deserve far better than that.’
My mouth is glued together, my tongue stuck to the roof. My body feels heavy, awkward, as if it’s not mine, or it doesn’t fit me anymore.
Jake takes a deep breath in. ‘Eve, I love you. I’ve been stupid and jealous, and I didn’t trust you when you’ve given me no reason not to.’
Heat washes through me as I think about what Micah and I did last night, and this morning, but Jake keeps talking before I can formulate my thoughts into coherence.
‘I had a plan last night, and I got upset. That’s not your fault. It’s all on me.’
My ex-boyfriend is not making any sense; the words tripping over each other in his haste to get them out. Before I can stop him, he’s standing in front of me with his hands on my arms.
‘I will always love you, Eve.’
‘Jake, please, stop.’ I can’t handle this.
His pain, my pain. Just because he broke up with me doesn’t mean I stopped loving him, or being in love with him.
It doesn’t work like that, and everything with Micah last night was like a band-aid slapped hastily on an open wound. It hid it, but it was still there.
Confusion hits me like the hyper-rail, sending my world spinning on its axis.
‘I can’t.’ He shakes his head, looking down at me with determination and a spark of hope. ‘I came around this morning, but you weren’t here. I saw the new car outside just now. Your birthday present from him, I assume. And I don’t care, Eve. I don’t want to know what happened with him last night.’
Then he drops to one knee, pulls out a dark blue, small square box, and opens it.
Whatever I was expecting, it wasn’t this.
Jake’s suit, his dinner plans, anger and jealousy, it all makes terrible sense.
I wonder briefly if Ruby was in on it. If that was why she hadn’t asked to spend my birthday with me.
With everything else that’s happened in the past day, I haven’t stopped to wonder why she didn’t say anything to me about it, even though she told Jake I had no plans.
I never told her about dinner with Micah.
I hadn’t even remembered it was my birthday.
I feel disembodied, as if it’s someone else staring at the beautiful diamond ring and the gorgeous man about to ask something he can’t take back.
‘Eve, I want a future with you. I want children with you. I’m giving up being Alpha. It’s not worth losing you over.’
Panic sweeps over me as I fall to my knees in front of him. ‘Jake, no. You can’t do that. Janus will take over.’
‘Then marry me, Eve. I’ll do whatever you want if you say yes. You can stay human, or I can Turn you. I don’t care, as long as we’re together.’
There is no one else who can lead the Sin City Pack. No one who can stand against the Devil’s Edge leader. Janus will see his chance and take it by force.
Jake is looking at me with so much hope, so much love, that I can’t move.
Taking my left hand, he slides the ring onto my finger. It’s a perfect fit, but all I can do is stare as it sparkles in the recessed holo-lights.
Jake pulls me to my feet and kisses me, curling me against him with arms I know as well as my own.
‘Don’t give me your answer now. I know you have a lot to think about.’
I don’t see him leave as I sink onto the carpet of my living room.
I’m unsure how long I sit there for, unable to move, my thoughts like an uncontrollable river.
I can’t be with Micah and keep my job. Eventually, I will have to let him Turn me for us to be together. If Jake gives up being Alpha, he will lose the Pack, who are his family. Janus will waste no time in making his play.
Vincent Rodriguez doesn’t want a Pack war, and I’ve suspected for weeks that he and Janus have been having secret meetings.
If they form an alliance, it will not be good for the city.
Vincent and his Cartel would back Janus in his bid for both Packs, putting too much power in the hands of the corrupt.
I love Micah. I have for all of my adult life.
Last night was beyond how I’d imagined, what I’d dreamed all those years it would be like with him.
He explained why he never came after me.
And I understand. It makes sense. And in a way, he was right not to.
But…Jake waited less than a day before trying to make things right between us.
And I love Jake. I can’t believe my stupidity in thinking I could get over him, move past three years and a life together, in one evening.
With him, I can have children. I haven’t really thought about it before, but what if I give that up too soon and regret it for eternity?
He will still live far longer than I will, but not forever.
Or I can become a Werewolf. There’s a small chance that as a Were I could keep my position with the PPS- or at least become a consultant, implementing it in other places, which is part of my long-term plan.
If Jake had proposed last night, what would I have done?
I would have said yes without hesitation.
‘Eve,’ my best friend calls as she walks in. I didn’t hear the alarm, so she must have used her access.
She stares at me, the hand with the ring I’m holding out in front of me, and the devastation on my face.
I take one look at Ruby Blue and burst into tears.