Chapter One #3
They both watched the people around them.
Alpin and Merrick had finally stopped fussing over each other, and Merrick was talking to Tyrian, who was nodding at whatever Merrick was saying.
Alpin wasn’t far. He might be done fussing over Merrick, but only because his focus was on someone else now.
Magda looked like she would be running away screaming if she weren’t bleeding from her left thigh.
“So Tyrian turned all of you,” Harmon eventually said.
Rex blinked. He knew that the man he considered his father had a reputation amongst vampires.
Hell, they all did. Vampires usually lived in covens with their maker and the other people their maker had turned.
Rex and the rest of his family hadn’t lived together in a long time before they’d moved in with the pack, though.
They saw each other as often as they could, but they were fine spending years away from each other.
Not anymore. All of them, except for Rex, had found love within the pack. Rex doubted they would disband anytime soon. He was the only one who didn’t have someone keeping him there.
He’d thought about leaving before, but he’d known he wouldn’t go anywhere until he was sure that his family was safe. That meant he still couldn’t go. They had to find out what the clan would do before he could.
He hadn’t told anyone he was thinking about it. Their family had changed. They’d want him to stick around, but he wasn’t sure there was anything for him within the pack.
It wasn’t like he hated the wolves or anything like that.
He’d always found the rivalry between wolf shifters and vampires ridiculous.
They were people, all of them, and while some might not get along, others did.
No, he just felt like he didn’t have a place within the pack.
All of his siblings had settled down with a pack member, but not him.
Not that Kieran would kick him out. He was a good alpha and a good person, and he considered Rex a pack member as much as every other member of Rex’s family.
Rex just wasn’t sure this was the right place for him.
“Merrick likes you,” Harmon said.
Rex blinked. They’d been talking about Tyrian, so he wasn’t sure where this was coming from. “I don’t think Merrick likes anyone beyond you and Alpin.”
“That’s not true. He likes your family, even though he’ll never admit it. Getting him to talk about his feelings is like pulling teeth when he’s in his dragon form—almost impossible to do and extremely dangerous.”
Rex laughed. “That’s an apt description.”
“But he’s still a softie inside, especially for the people he loves. Just look at him with Alpin. The way they care about each other is obvious.”
“It doesn’t mean Merrick cares about any of us beyond Alpin, though.”
Harmon patted Rex’s thigh, startling him. “Yeah, it does. You don’t know him like I do, but I’m telling you, you matter to him.”
“So do you.” Rex really should do something. He didn’t mind sitting here with Harmon, but Harmon needed more blood and someone to look at his wound. Rex didn’t think Merrick would appreciate it if Rex didn’t try to do more. Sitting here and keeping Harmon company didn’t count.
Rex moved to get to his feet, but Harmon’s hand shot out, grabbing his arm. “What are you doing?” Harmon asked.
“I’m going to see if I can find you a healer or more blood.”
“Don’t go.”
Rex hesitated. “I’m just going to get help.”
“There are people who need that help more than me. I’m fine. I can wait for a little while longer, especially if you stay with me.”
That went without saying. Rex wasn’t going anywhere, and not only because of Merrick. He didn’t want to leave Harmon on his own.
He dropped back down. Harmon instantly latched onto his arm as if afraid that Rex would leave if he didn’t.
It was cute, even with all the blood. They fell silent again, but Rex kept an eye on Harmon, just in case.
The man was stubborn, and Rex wouldn’t put it past him to try to hide that he was in pain or not feeling well.
“So, you’re a coven leader,” he said after a while.
He didn’t mind silence, but if he and Harmon were stuck together until Harmon felt it was time for him to be taken care of, they might as well get to know each other.
In a way, they were family. Merrick considered Harmon his brother, and Rex’s brother was dating Merrick.
Harmon sighed. “I am,” he confirmed.
“You don’t sound happy about that.”
“That’s because I’m not.”
Rex frowned. He was pretty sure that Harmon wouldn’t be admitting that to anyone in normal circumstances. Rex didn’t want to take advantage of how weak Harmon was or of his blood loss. Maybe it would be better if he stopped asking questions.
But Harmon didn’t seem to have gotten the memo. Even without Rex asking, he seemed to want to talk about the coven.
“In fact, I hate it,” he added. “I hate that I have to do it on my own.”
* * * *
HARMON PROBABLY SHOULDN’T be saying that to a man who was little more than a stranger, but even though he and Rex didn’t know each other, they were family—kind of.
Merrick would probably act offended if Harmon said it to him, but it was true.
At the same time, Harmon wasn’t sure how he felt about being family to Rex.
The thoughts he had about him weren’t exactly familial.
“It’s just a lot,” he continued. “The responsibilities, the taking care of so many people, all of that. I thought I was ready for it, and maybe I was, but it’s been years since I took the job, and I can’t anymore. Every time I think about going home and walking into my office, I want to scream.”
“That’s a lot,” Rex murmured.
Harmon snorted. “You could say that. Everyone comes to me when they have a problem. It’s always Harmon, please help me. I don’t think any of my coven members ever think that I might need help, too.”
“Don’t you have a second-in-command?”
“He’s the only reason I’m here. If he hadn’t been willing to step into my shoes for a little while, I wouldn’t be. He’ll be happy to go back to having fewer responsibilities once I get home, though.” And Harmon would go back to shouldering almost everything.
It wasn’t like he hated the job. He wanted to keep his people safe, which was one of the reasons he was here.
He’d known that the dragon clan would become a problem if no one stepped in.
He’d been relieved that he wouldn’t have to be in charge of the operation, but he’d known it was important.
People like Martin needed to be stopped before they could do too much damage.
Martin had been.
Harmon glanced around. Seeing so many people hurt made him feel guilty.
What did he have to complain about? He had a home and people who cared about him.
He had a purpose in his life, even though these days, that purpose felt like a rock dragging him down.
He had friends and family. He’d made it out of this fight almost unscathed.
He needed to stop complaining and start working.
It was what his maker would tell him, and he’d be right.
He’d chosen Harmon to succeed him for a reason.
Harmon couldn’t afford to disappoint anyone, but especially not himself.
He might be having a hard time, but the thought of stepping down from being coven leader made him want to scream, too.
No, there had to be a way to deal with his problems. He just had to find it.
“Well, I’m not sure if I’m going to stick around now that this is over,” Rex said.
It took Harmon a moment to understand what Rex was saying. “You mean you don’t want to stay with the pack?” Harmon was under the impression that Rex’s entire family had become pack members, but maybe he’d been wrong.
“It’s not that I don’t want to stay with them. It’s that I don’t know if I have a place here.”
“You’re a pack member.”
Rex smiled, but it was a little sad. “Am I actually? Kieran welcomed all of us, but I’m the only one who hasn’t found an anchor here. My family is putting down roots, moving in with people they love, and building a future. I was here for the fight, and that’s over.”
“You can find new reasons to stay.”
“Or maybe it really isn’t where I belong.”
“I think you belong wherever you want to.”
“I think it’s easy for you to say because you know where you belong. You’ve been staying here, but you have a home. I don’t.”
As much as Harmon bitched about his coven, it was true. They were his family, and he knew he’d always have a home to go back to. He couldn’t imagine what it was like for someone to feel like they didn’t have a place where they truly belonged.
He snorted. “Listen to us. We just survived a fight with dragon shifters. I’m wounded and was bleeding out until half an hour ago, yet we’re complaining about our lives.”
Rex laughed. “I guess something about the situation has made us more willing to open up. I’ve never talked about this before. I wasn’t planning on telling anyone how I felt about the pack.”
“What were you planning on doing, then? Sticking around even though you’re not sure it’s what you want?”
“Initially. It would’ve given my family time to heal from all of this, at the very least.”
“That and you don’t know how to tell them you want to leave.”
“That, too. It’s weird because we’ve never lived together for a long period of time. We tend to find each other every few years, spend time together, and go our own way. We’re a family, but we’re not a coven, which I know doesn’t make a lot of sense.”
It did, but Harmon couldn’t imagine not seeing the people he cared about every day. It had been hard when they’d lost their maker, but they’d had each other to rely on.
“But now everyone’s settling down, and I’m not. They’re not going to want me to leave, but what am I supposed to do here?” Rex continued.
“Whatever you want.”
Rex arched a brow. “Like you can do whatever you want?”
“That’s not fair. I’m a coven leader. We don’t get to do whatever we want because we have responsibilities.”
“So you’re not going to quit?”
“I’ve thought about it.” Some days, it was all Harmon could think about.
He wasn’t actually planning on quitting, though.
Not only did he want to continue keeping his coven safe, but what would he do if he wasn’t a coven leader?
Where would he go? Unlike Rex, he had a home, and he didn’t want to leave it.
He just needed help to shoulder all the responsibilities that came with being a coven leader.
“But no,” he continued. “I’m not looking to quit.
It’s complicated and hard, but I’m not going anywhere. ”
Rex nodded, clearly not surprised. “I’m sure you can find help. You just have to ask.”
Harmon shook his head. “It doesn’t actually work like that.”
“It does. Look at Kieran. He needed help and asked for it, and he won the fight.”
“It was a one-time thing. People aren’t exactly lining the streets to help coven leaders lead their people. The only people who are, are people who shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a leading position.”
“I’m sure you can find someone.”
“Are you volunteering?”
Rex’s eyes widened. “God, can you imagine? I’d be a terrible leader.”
“I don’t know that.”
“Well, I do. Trust me, no one wants me to lead anything.”
Harmon’s pocket vibrated, startling him. He and Rex stared at each other for a moment before Rex laughed and gently bumped his shoulder against Harmon’s. “Someone wants to talk to you.”
“Probably my second. I texted him when I first got word that the dragons were attacking so he’d know that something was happening.”
“Have you texted him back to tell him you were okay?”
“I haven’t had the opportunity yet.” Mostly because Harmon had been distracted by Rex. Even though they’d been talking about Harmon’s coven, Harmon had almost forgotten that he was responsible for so many people. It had been easy to ignore it while he was talking to Rex.
He wiggled until he could get his phone out of his pocket. Sure enough, his second’s name was on the screen. “Looks like my break is over.”
“Do you ever have a real break?”
“Not really.” Harmon raised the phone to his ear and answered. “I’m still alive and in one piece.”
There was a pause before Brad answered. “That’s good because I wasn’t looking forward to becoming coven leader.”
“Too complicated for your pretty head?”
Brad barked out a laugh. “You could say that. Seriously, though. How did things go? I’m guessing we won since you’re talking to me.”
Rex moved, getting Harmon’s attention. He sucked in a breath when Rex leaned closer.
“I’m going to find you more blood,” Rex murmured.
Harmon could feel his breath against his ear. He nodded because what else was he supposed to do? Pull Rex closer and kiss him like he wanted to?
“Thank you,” he murmured back.
Rex’s smile would have made Harmon drag him to the closest flat surface that wasn’t the ground if he hadn’t still been weak from his wound and the blood loss. He watched Rex get to his feet and walk away, remembering he was on the phone only when he heard Brad clear his throat.
“Sorry about that,” he quickly said. “I was wounded. I’m all right, but I need blood.”
“I heard that. Who was it?”
“None of your business.”
“Oh, touchy. That tells me there’s something there.”
“I’m leaving the coven to you if you don’t stop teasing me.”
“You wouldn’t do that to me.”
“Try me.”
Harmon wouldn’t. As heavy as the responsibility of being a coven leader was, he wouldn’t shirk it. He’d been chosen by his maker. That meant something to him, no matter how much he hated all of it sometimes.
“Well, if you don’t want to talk about the guy, tell me about the fight,” Brad suggested.
It wasn’t like Harmon had anything better to do, so he settled more comfortably against the tree and obeyed.