25. Berlin #2
“ Wir schliessen bald ,” the waitress said.
“Sorry?”
“They’re closing,” said Alice.
He looked down the sidewalk and saw a flash of Monika’s blue hair before she turned the corner and disappeared.
In spite of getting stiffed with the bill, Jack went the next morning to the meeting spot: a crowded landmark—the Siegess?ule—in the middle of the Tiergarten.
He stood at the base of a column, topped by a winged goddess, when he spotted a group of people gathering with a sign that said Alle Tage .
He noticed that, much like his dad on so-called Mars, he was the only boy there.
Monika’s friend Nathalie, who was petite and had blond hair with a spiky crew cut, arrived and as soon as she spotted Jack, she introduced him to the group and then spoke German at length.
They were all looking at him. Jack, never one to think anything was about him, had the paranoid feeling that he was being discussed.
Nathalie even pointed at him. One girl shook her head at him, her lips pressed together in disgust. Nathalie then pulled a T-shirt from her satchel, holding it up so everyone could see: it had emblazoned, on the front and on the back, a crudely drawn but anatomically detailed vulva. They all laughed.
Jack felt a pang of humiliation. He looked around the circle of girls, who were smirking openly now, and felt the knot in his stomach tighten. This was an ambush. Emmi must have heard all about the scandal from someone in Dallas—it could have been anyone really—and wanted to teach him a lesson.
Nathalie held the shirt out to him. “If you want to help us, we need to know you are an ally. You agree that there should be no shame in female anatomy?— Keine Scham ,” she said, “so you’ll wear this.” Her accent was strong but she spoke quickly.
The other girls stood by and waited. Jack felt he had no choice in the matter and pulled the shirt over the one he was wearing.
“Do you know what our organization does?” she said.
Jack shook his head.
“Alle Tage donates menstrual products to help people who are experiencing period poverty.” She paused, watching him.
“It’s a very important issue and has everything to do with society’s lack of respect for people identifying as women.
If men got periods, there would be free tampons in every bathroom. ”
“Right,” Jack said, although he’d never given the issue much thought.
“Without tampons and pads, girls miss school, women miss work. So,” she said, “you are handing out menstrual products with us, yes?”
“Sure,” Jack said under her watchful glare. “I mean, yes.”
“Because we know all about you,” she said, “and how you are treating the girls at your school. Hor zu , if you’re actually here to help, good. It may help make up for the harm you caused. But if you’re only an Arschloch who disrespects women, you should fuck off now and leave.”
Jack looked down at the T-shirt. This was like some version of The Scarlet Letter , a public reckoning of his mistake. He accepted her challenge. He would show up, he would pass out tampons all summer to make amends.
“No, I’ll help,” he said.
“And don’t think you’re going to find a girlfriend here. No one is interested in you.”
Her bluntness was almost a relief; the rules were clear. And he was surprised to find the knot in his stomach ease slightly.
Late that afternoon, he pulled the T-shirt off and took the subway back to Savignyplatz.
His mom and sisters weren’t home. Jack went into the office, collapsed on the couch, and held a pillow over his face.
Then he sat up and went to Emmi’s Instagram profile.
Her most recent post was strange to see: Emmi, sitting on his couch in his family room with his dogs.
Bunny in her lap, Tank licking her face.
This stranger was living his life. She was pretty.
From her posts, he could see she was well liked and involved, not that Instagram was the best source of information for learning the truth about people, but that was Jack’s impression nevertheless.
There were pictures of her with friends, Monika among them, and a throwback post of her and Monika from many years earlier: preteens on a beach posing with their arms outstretched.
And then he got to a group picture that made him pause.
Right next to Emmi was that short guy who’d shown up at the café, Monika’s boyfriend.
He was tagged, so Jack clicked his profile and found out his name was Karl and he also lived in Freiburg.
He decided—with no expectation of a reply—to send Emmi a message.
Hey Emmi, Just want to say thanks. I met Monika and her boyfriend, and she put me in touch with an organization here—it feels very good to contribute to a cause that helps women, especially since I screwed up so bad in Dallas.
There was a knock on the apartment door. Jack sent the message and got up to find Adam on the landing.
“Got plans tonight?” he said.
“Babysitting,” he said.
“You know the Telescreens?”
“Yeah.”
Adam held up two tickets. “I’d love the company.”
“Really?” Jack said. This invitation was a reward he did not deserve. But he also felt a rekindling of something he’d lost, the feeling of something to look forward to.
“Yes, really. Tell your mom to give you the night off,” Adam said. He squinted at Jack, a look of concern in his eyes. “Everything okay?”
“Not exactly,” said Jack, “but I’m trying to fix it.”
“Come down at like ten or so, and we’ll Uber to the venue. You can tell me what’s bugging you if you want. Or not. Whatever.”
“Thanks,” Jack said.
He thought it might be good to have a guy to talk to; his dad certainly wasn’t around.
His mom agreed to work upstairs after the girls went to bed, so later that night, Jack brushed his teeth, combed his hair, and put on his Telescreens T-shirt.
He looked down and immediately took it off again; wearing a Telescreens T-shirt to a Telescreens concert was almost as dumb as wearing a vagina T-shirt to pass out tampons.
Just before he was leaving, he got a reply from Emmi:
What boyfriend?
That was all, and her question felt like a test he was sure he was going to fail.
Sorry, I meant Karl.
Dots came up immediately.
What makes you think Karl is Monika’s boyfriend?
Jack was stumped. How could he not think the guy was her boyfriend? He bit his lip, trying to figure out what to say. He tried to sound as neutral as possible.
Did not mean to label them. It just seemed like they were together?
Together… how?
He didn’t want to seem creepy, like by mentioning the way Monika had put her hand in the guy’s back pocket and kissed him after they walked away. He decided to stick to facts.
Like she said they were going to some beach town together. And they seemed kinda close.
He tried to remember the name of the town, but he couldn’t.
Emmi never responded anyway. And Jack now had something new to worry about; had he actually managed to offend even further a girl he had never met ?