31. Berlin
BERLIN
Jack still couldn’t believe his mom had left him in charge of his little sisters.
His parents had taken trips before, but his grandparents would always come stay with them, and they always took care of everything.
This time he was on his own. It felt good.
In spite of his massive screwup, his mom still trusted him.
Jack threw a towel over Zoe’s head after she got out of the pool. She stuck her arms out straight in front of her and walked toward him without bending her knees.
“What are you supposed to be,” Alice said, “a ghost, a robot, or a zombie?”
Zoe didn’t answer. She tried to make scary sounds, which just came out funny. Jack kept a straight face because it was important to take Zoe seriously.
“Maybe she’s all three,” he said. “A zombie-robot-ghost.”
He sent them into the girls’ locker room to change and met them on the other side. They came out with their hair combed and their backpacks over their shoulders, looking up at him expectantly. They were both in pretty good moods as they stepped out into the late-afternoon drizzle.
So Jack could not say what made Alice grab Fred away from Zoe, wave him over her head, then drop him in a muddy puddle. It happened so fast, he couldn’t stop her.
Zoe screamed, picking Fred up and shaking the filth off him.
“It was an accident,” Alice said, burying her face in his leg.
“Was not,” Zoe cried.
“Was too.”
And then Zoe smacked Alice on the arm and all hell broke loose. Jack stood between the girls, trying to calm them down, begging them to cool it, at least until they got home. People up and down the sidewalk were staring.
“I’ll wash him,” he said, and “He’ll be fine.
” He made Alice apologize, even if it wasn’t on purpose , and she did, but he could tell Zoe’s mood was going to be pretty much fucked for the rest of the day.
They walked down the street in silence, the twins sulking and mad, and Jack decided—between the shit weather and their bad moods—this was enough of an emergency that they would stop for ice cream and candy, even if it ruined their dinner.
Ten minutes later, he was doling out junk food: potato chips, gummy bears, chocolate, and sodas. Jack only hoped the sugar high wouldn’t backfire on him at bedtime.
He bit into a handful of M he was absolutely sure he had.
“Maybe Mom’s home early,” he said, “but stay here, in case.” The girls nodded and held hands, their fear of a burglar trumping any lingering anger with each other. He pushed the door open and went inside.
Jack was tall, but he was not in any way equipped to fight anybody. He did not know how to throw a punch. And he realized he didn’t even know how to call the police in an emergency; did 911 work in Germany?
He took a step forward and saw a pair of shoes by the door. They were small. White Stan Smiths with a flash of green at the heel. A suitcase was parked beside them. Not his mother’s.
Leaving his own shoes on, in case he had to run, he took one more step and heard a sound coming from the kitchen. He quietly pushed the door open and saw a girl leaning over a kitchen drawer.
“Hi?” he said.
The girl spun around and screamed at the top of her lungs.
Jack yelled then too and then put his hands up. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he said. He recognized her face but could not imagine what she was doing here, even if the apartment was more hers than his. The last picture she’d posted was from Washington Square Park, an ocean away.
“Emmi, right?”
He felt his sisters knock into his legs, clinging to him. Zoe was crying.
“Jack,” Emmi said, a hand on her chest, her hair falling across her face. “I’m so sorry. My God, you scared the shit out of me.”
“Same,” he said. He took a deep breath and then laughed. Emmi laughed too. Zoe was not finding any of this funny.
“Who are you?” Zoe said.
“I’m Emmi. I live here. Or I sort of live here.”
“Why did you scream?” Alice said, her hands still clapped over her ears.
“I was really startled,” Emmi said. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was hoping to… I came to get something, and I thought I’d be in and out before anyone got back. I’m really sorry.”
Zoe was still sniffling, and Jack leaned over to hug her. “It’s okay,” he said. “It’s pretty funny actually. We all scared each other.”
Zoe took a deep breath. “Do you want ice cream?” she said.
Jack got the girls in bed later than usual and read them a quick story, and when he came out afterward, it seemed Emmi had left, and he could not deny his acute disappointment that he hadn’t had a chance to talk to her without his sisters around.
But then he spotted the open balcony door and found her sitting outside with a bottle of wine and two glasses. He brushed the rain off the empty chair and sat down, looking out at the street. “It’s so nice here,” he said. “It’s too hot to sit outside in Dallas.”
“But I really liked it there,” she said. She was braiding her hair, watching him closely. “Your house! I had the whole upstairs to myself. And you have such nice grandparents and so many pets. I really envy you.”
Jack choked back a laugh. He was not a person to be envied. “But this apartment and this city. There’s history here.”
“Your house has five bathrooms and a pool. You definitely win.”
He shrugged. “Maybe I like Berlin because it’s a refuge.”
Emmi picked up the wine bottle. “I don’t know if this is my mom’s or yours,” she said, pouring them each a glass and then handing him one.
Jack took a sip, appreciating the warmth as he swallowed, liking how grown-up this felt.
“When I was in Dallas,” Emmi said, “I met some of your friends.”
Jack’s stomach twisted. Predator. Loser. Incel . “I’m generally hated,” he said quickly. “I guess you heard all about it.”
“I heard,” she said. “And I believed the story at first, until I found out that it was more complicated than people said.” She leaned forward. “Look, I’m really sorry about Monika and the whole tampon thing.”
“No, it’s okay,” he said, and he meant it. “I’m glad to have something to do while I’m here. And Nathalie’s been really decent.”
“But that was terrible of me,” Emmi said. “I don’t even know you, and I just took Cynthia’s word for everything.”
He felt something akin to panic at the sound of that name. “I don’t know how to explain what happened,” he said. “Cynthia despises me now. They all do.” It hurt so much to say it out loud, and yet it was a relief.
“Not all,” Emmi said. “Nell doesn’t despise you.”
Jack looked up in surprise. “Of course she does.”
“She doesn’t,” Emmi said. “She considers you a friend. Did you know she went to the teachers at your school to defend you?”
Jack felt a lump form in his throat. To hear that someone, anyone, had stood up for him was almost impossible to believe. He looked away to hide his face from her. “Nell’s really cool.”
“She is,” said Emmi. “But I also met Sam. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but that guy is an asshole.”
Jack sat back, a sick feeling taking over, a thought he’d been pushing away. “Sam’s not— He’s socially weird sometimes, but he’s a good guy.”
“He’s not,” she said, shaking her head angrily. “He’s not a friend to you. Maybe it’s not my place to say this, but he said some terrible things.”
“Like… about me?”
“Yes,” she said flatly.
Sam . Jack shook his head, letting the betrayal sink in. “Why would Sam—”
“He’s the one who showed the list to Becca,” Emmi said, “to get her to like him. He’s the kind of guy who puts other people down to make himself look better.”
That was so spot-on that Jack just stared at her. Sam had been completely preoccupied with his role in Our Town , desperately hoping that Becca might go out with him. He’d started wearing a fedora. And he’d developed a mean streak, teasing Drew for being so quiet, ribbing Jack about his acne.
“I’m glad you told me,” Jack said, but he wasn’t feeling glad at all. He felt sick. He took a big sip of wine and exhaled slowly.
“I figure I owe you some honesty,” she said, “since you told me the truth.”
“I did?” he said.
“By accident. You said you saw Monika and Karl together?”
Jack thought back to the day at the café, remembering the way Monika had slid her hand in Karl’s back pocket when they walked away. “Yeah,” he said.
“Karl is my boyfriend. And Monika is my best friend and my roommate.”
“Fuuuck,” Jack said, feeling his face turn red. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” He tried to remember what he’d texted Emmi. “I wasn’t even gentle about it—”
“It’s okay,” she said. “But can you tell me what you saw? Like exactly?”
Jack shook his head. “Like when they were walking away, she kind of kissed him. Sorry,” he said, seeing the pain on her face. “Maybe it was just, like, a friendly gesture?”
“Sure,” she said sarcastically, “I always make out with guys as a friendly gesture. And what did they say about going to the beach?”
“Just that they had jobs there.”
“Where?”
“I don’t remember exactly,” he said. “Holly-something?”
“Heiligenhafen?”
“Yeah, that sounds right.”