Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
GRIFFIN
Ispent the next two months adjusting to my new job with the Honeyville Fire Department. Honestly, it wasn’t hard. Twenty-four on, forty-eight off was a far easier shift than the sixteen-hour shifts I’d worked for up to three weeks straight as a hotshot.
It was the forty-eight off that were unbearable.
With my family all gone, off working their own jobs, those two days moved at a mind-numbing pace. I’d even volunteered to watch Willow while James was teaching—but my niece could not be wrangled out of Heidi’s hands during the day. So I asked my dad to give me farm work.
The jobs I used to dread—weed-eating and cutting fallen trees off fence lines, bush-hogging fields, and feeding hay—were something I looked forward to now.
Otherwise, I sat around conjuring images of Jules with other men.
Or Jules going into labor without me. Or a little red-haired boy laughing, running, and playing, while I never got the chance to help raise him.
So I started meeting with my online therapist again. It didn’t take long for Dr. Florence to convince me that, aside from the fire department and the farm, I needed a hobby.
And that’s how I ended up with James, Bowen, Cash, and Theo one night in April, in Gramps’s barn.
Bowen gripped the handle with both hands raised, the butt of the axe nearly behind his head. “This might come in handy when the zombie apocalypse happens.” He took a step forward.
“Hold up. Wrong foot,” I said. I’d taken one two-hour class, but it was more than the rest of them knew. “You’re right-handed, so you want to step forward with the opposite foot.”
I was beginning to spot a silver lining in Jules absolutely obliterating my heart.
In the past month, I hadn’t snapped at Bowen, Theo, or anyone else.
Not once. Probably because grief had wrung everything else out of me.
Or maybe I was finally learning my lesson: I couldn’t take my family for granted anymore.
They were all I had left.
And Boone—who texted daily to check on me.
“Got it,” Bowen said, switching feet. He took aim again, stepped forward, and hurled the axe toward the slab of soft pine we’d mounted against the wall.
Instead of the blade landing, the butt hit.
The axe fell onto the concrete floor with a dead clank.
“Well.” Bowen laughed. “I clearly have some work to do.”
“We all do,” I said with a smile. “It’s harder than it looks.”
“No cap,” Cash said. He’d missed all five of his attempts.
“Not for me.” Theo shooed Bowen aside. “I’m the weapon whisperer.” He pulled the axe back, took a step, and confidently chucked it at the target. But his throw was worse than Bowen’s. The handle bounced against the wood and dropped like it had no interest in cooperating.
“Gosh darn it, I’ll be dipped,” Theo said, like someone who’d never once left the county he was born in.
James chuckled. “Maybe it’s hard of hearing, and you should speak up.”
Theo tried twice more with the same result. He scratched his forehead and squinted at the target. “Well, slap me sideways and butter my biscuits.” He shrugged. “It’s not a real weapon anyway. Anything used to chop is basically a kitchen utensil.”
James barked out a laugh. “You’re a moron.” He grabbed another axe from the box and stepped up. He aimed, reared back, and… hit the bullseye dead center.
Theo gaped.
Bowen gasped.
Cash and I whooped.
“How’d you do that?” I asked.
His eyes turned cool. “Just pretend it’s someone’s face you’re really, really mad at.” Lately, James reserved all his anger for the one person who wasn’t here to defend herself.
I didn’t even have words for that.
Bowen pulled in a sharp breath.
Cash stared at him like he must’ve heard him wrong.
“James,” Theo said with a disapproving shake of the head.
The barn door slid open, and Liam walked in.
“Hey.” I forced a smile, pretending to be happy to see him. I wasn’t. Okay, I’d come a long way with the others. But as irrational as it was, knowing Jules might have a thing for him—past or present—was simply too much to let go of. It felt like Bowen all over again.
“What up?” Liam asked, making eye contact with everyone but me. He walked toward us, slightly hunched, as if there were an invisible yoke across his shoulders. Huh. He was usually annoyingly happy to be home.
“What’re you doing here?” Cash hugged him. “You didn’t tell me you were coming.”
They pounded it out. Liam stepped back, folding his arms, looking extremely uncomfortable. “Uh. I came to see Griff.” He finally glanced at me, his eyes already full of apology. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” He tipped his head back toward the door.
My stomach hardened. I planted my feet. “Is it about Jules?”
“Let’s talk about it outside,” was all he said.
“No.” I released a shaky breath. “I have a feeling whatever you’re about to tell me is going to break me all over again, and I’d rather have these guys here to catch me if I pass out a second time.”
“Fine.” His chest seemed to collapse. “She’s been calling me all week.”
The words hit me somewhere behind the sternum, like a rib had just snapped loose. “Whoo,” I exhaled, shaking my head hard and fast.
“Figures.” James scoffed. “Freaking women will—”
“James,” I warned, not in the mood for one of his rants. I looked back at Liam. “You talked to her?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t answer numbers I don’t know. And after the first message she left, I knew better than to pick up. I let the rest go to voicemail.”
“Did you listen to them?” I asked.
“Yes.” He tipped his head toward the door again, giving me another chance not to do this in front of everyone.
I took a deep breath. “Just play them.”
“All right,” he said, like don’t say I didn’t warn you. As he swiped through his messages, we circled around him. He flipped the phone so the speaker was facing out and pressed play.
“Hey, Liam,” Jules sang, and the last bit of hope I had evaporated.
She sounded happy, perfectly fine without me, and thrilled to be communicating with my cousin.
“I know I’m probably the last person you expected to hear from.
I guess there’s no point pretending anymore after everything that came out.
The list, I mean. I was a kid when I wrote it, but…
I wasn’t lying. I really did have a crush on you.
I just…” she paused. “I thought you might like to talk about it sometime. Give me a call.”
The message ended, and no one said a word.
“Play the next one,” I said.
“Griff,” Cash said. “Are you sure—”
My gaze flashed to him. “I have to hear them.” Surely he understood that.
Liam scowled. But he started the next one.
“Okay.” She laughed again, though it sounded less light than before. “Obviously, you’re hesitant about this. But here’s the truth: I think it was divine providence meeting you—”
“Divine providence?” Bowen scoffed. “Is she serious?”
We all shushed him, and Liam rewound the message a few seconds.
“Even as unorthodox as it is,” she went on. “I think after getting to know you, it’s become clear I married the wrong Dupree. Call me, please.”
Back in third grade, I got bronchitis. I remember how hard it had been to take a deep breath. This felt a lot like that.
“Are you okay?” Liam asked.
“No, he’s not okay,” James snapped. “His wife is hitting on his cousin and best friend. Would you be okay?”
Liam frowned. “You know what I meant.” He turned to me. “Do you want me to stop?”
“Yes,” Cash, Theo, and Bowen said at the same time.
“No,” I barked. “If y’all can’t handle it, you can go. But I have to listen. To all of them.” I glanced back at Liam. “Please stop asking me.”
So he did.
Each message was a dull blade, tearing—not cutting—my heart a little more. But some of the things she said hurt worse than others. Like,
I keep wondering what it would’ve been like if I’d found my way to you instead.
And,
If you ever wanted to talk in person, I could make that happen.
But the worst was,
We could take a trip. Just us. Two people, one place, no interruptions. I think we both know what that would turn into.
“That’s it,” he finally said.
“James,” I said. “Are you okay?”
He looked more shook than anyone other than me. Skin ashen, eyes glazed over, he stumbled to an old rocking chair against the wall.
“Maybe it’s not actually her,” Theo said, but I could tell he knew how stupid that sounded.
I looked at him. “It’s her. You know it is.”
His chest lifted and lowered once. “Yeah.” His eyebrow arched. “What’re you gonna do?” I knew exactly what he was asking.
“I think you already know the answer to that.” I looked back at Liam. “Thanks for being upfront with me. I appreciate it.” I jammed my hands into my pockets and took a step back. “Just clean up when you’re done,” I said to the rest of them. Then I turned and walked toward the door.
“Griff!” Liam called. “I think we should talk about it.”
I yanked the door open.
“C’mon, Griff!” Liam tried again. “You can’t hold it against—”
The slamming door cut off his words.
In a fury, I drove James’s truck back to Theo’s—the window once again intact—grabbed the divorce papers, then turned around and drove right back to Dupree Ranch.
I handed the papers to Holden without a word.