Chapter 42
Chapter Forty-Two
JULIETTE
Weston really did try to kill me.
But after fourteen hours of excruciating labor, he finally arrived. He was only six days late—but who’s counting? At nine pounds and three ounces and twenty-two inches long, he was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen.
I pressed a kiss to the top of his bushy hair, breathing him in. He already had the dreaded cowlick Griffin told me he’d hated so much as a kid. I loved it. Loved that he had his daddy’s nose and jawline. But the eyes were all mine. I could already tell they were going to be blue.
Nurse Amy stood next to my hospital bed, gazing down at us. “You’re a rock star. Can’t believe you delivered him without an epidural.”
I forced a smile. The extra-strength painkillers I’d brought with me were doing their job.
An epidural had never been in the cards for me.
Redheads need about twenty percent more anesthesia than the average person.
And I didn’t have insurance. Turned out going off the grid had its downsides.
Like not having an ID. Which meant I was self-pay, and I’d scraped together enough to cover the basics.
An epidural would’ve tipped it into impossible.
Amy shook her head, eyes drifting to my wig. “Where’d he get all that red hair?”
“His daddy.” I couldn’t keep the smile out of my voice. But I was ready to rip this sweat-trapping torture cap off my head. I’d almost done it a dozen times during the worst parts of labor. Protecting Weston was the only reason I’d kept it on.
Amy frowned. “You’re sure you want to do this?”
“No. It’s what’s best for him, though.”
“You’re positive you don’t want to stay and hand him off yourself? From everything you’ve said, it seems like you and this Griffin have a good relationship.”
“I’m sure.” I stared at the door. No way could I look Griffin in the eye as I handed over his son. “You’re going to call him as soon as I leave, right?”
“Yes. The minute you walk out the door—and I’ll stay with Weston until he arrives.” She held my gaze. “You don’t need to worry. I’ll make sure he’s safe. But I have to tell you, I’ve never seen a mother place a baby who seemed so capable of keeping him.”
That compliment was… too much.
I wondered how many times she’d had to be a part of something like this. And how many other moms had placed their babies because they couldn’t give them the life they deserved. I had a newfound respect for any woman strong enough to do this.
I swiped at my eyes. “Thank you. I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t have to.”
Her head tilted. “Is Griffin violent? Is he making you sign the baby over?”
“No—” It came out sharper than I meant. “Do you think I would’ve given the baby his middle name if he were?”
Amy sat on the edge of the bed. “So Griffin is good, but you don’t want to raise the baby with him?”
“He’s… He’s the best man I’ve ever known.” I looked down at my little boy, sleeping soundly. “Weston is so incredibly lucky. But I… I just… I can’t.”
“All right.” She handed me a clipboard. “This is the form to sign over parental rights. And the sticky note is for you to write Griffin’s full name and phone number so I can make that call.” She handed me a pen.
The moment she saw Griffin’s full name—or mine—all heck would break loose. It was going to break loose anyway. But I needed to be gone when it did.
“Okay.” I clicked the pen—it felt like pressing a blade to my own throat. “Can I have, like three more minutes alone with him?”
“Of course.” Amy squeezed my arm. “Take all the time you need.”
But I couldn’t stay. Another ten minutes and they’d never pry Weston from my arms. My eyes burned before she even reached the door. I held the tears in until the door clicked shut.
Then I kissed both of Weston’s cheeks. His nose. His forehead. “Mommy loves you so much,” I whispered, my tears falling onto his blanket. “Please never forget me.” My voice broke. “If it’s ever safe for me to come back, I will.” I kissed him again, inhaling his sweet scent.
I never should have breastfed him—he’d have to get used to a bottle now. But I couldn’t resist, and I wouldn’t regret it. It was the only thing I had to give him. The last twenty-four hours, just the two of us, had been the best of my life. I was meant to be a mom, just like I always knew I was.
“I’m s-sorry I have to g-give you up.” I sobbed.
“But DayGlow doesn’t stop. Not for anything or anyone.
They’ll destroy anyone I love, and I can’t let that happen to you.
” I tucked his blanket tighter, just to have something to do with my hands.
“You come first. You always will. And you’re going to have the very best family.
Your d-daddy is the best, and your grandparents too.
And you’re going to have so m-many cousins and aunts and uncles who will l-love…
on y-you.” He would get the life I’d always wanted.
Without me.
I sobbed so hard it hurt my stomach—still tender from labor. “Be a good b-boy for me, okay?”
Setting him in his bassinet was the second hardest thing I’d ever done. Signing away my rights to him was the first. I dotted the i in Juliette, carefully printed Griffin’s full name and cell number, and Lemon and Silas’s names and numbers, in case Amy couldn’t reach Griffin.
Then I leaned down, tears dropping onto Weston, and pressed one last lingering kiss to his forehead before padding across the room and slipping through the door. Out of his life.
For good.