16. CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
KINSLEY
A s Tessa excuses herself to answer a call, I turn to Ethan, who’s gone silent. His posture is rigid and solid, and there’s an emptiness in his eyes. Disengaged from the rest of us, he stares at the booth straight ahead, but he’s not really looking at it.
I drop my hand to his, which is sitting stiffly on his thigh, and he doesn’t even flinch. Gently, I squeeze my fingers between his and then curl them under his palm.
Finally, he sighs heavily and blinks, as if coming back to reality.
“You okay?” I whisper.
His only response is a frown, so I tighten my fingers around his. He curls his in response and squeezes.
What’s going on in his mind? Is he bored? Is he anxious to end the charade we’ve found ourselves in? Did I say something wrong?
Maybe it’s all the talk about Maggie and the house. Maybe Ethan doesn’t want me to find the papers. That’s got to be it. He’s been living here for the past two years, and not once had we seen each other until the day at the golf course. He hasn’t had to worry about me walking back into his life. And now here I am, dragging him into my own little shitstorm.
I nod, an indicator that I’m ready. As soon as Tessa gets back, we can end this. We can move on and forget it ever happened.
As Tessa returns, I pull in a deep breath, readying for the show, but when I get a look at the glum expression on her face, the air escapes my lungs, and I sag.
“Babe,” Tessa mutters. “The director of operations is bumping my flight to Friday. There’s been a development, and she needs me at headquarters in Barcelona by next week.”
Derrick’s eyes go wide, and he drops his fork. “That’s in five days.”
“I know,” she says. There’s a hint of alarm in her tone, but she’s covering it up for some reason. Masking her voice like we used to for Mom when we didn’t want her to worry.
“She can get us on the same flight, but I told her I’d have to check with you. I wasn’t sure whether you could arrange that with work. I said I’d call her back after I spoke to you.”
Derrick places his hand to his temple. “I can move around the rest of my appointments. But what about the house?”
“I can hire somebody to take care of it while we’re gone.”
My stomach sinks. What the hell is going on? Clearly, my sister hasn’t given me all the details.
“I can help,” I blurt out. Maybe if I offer some support, they’ll tell me what the real problem is.
Tessa shifts her attention to me. “Oh, God no.”
My breath catches, and my heart falls. “What is that supposed to mean?”
For a moment, she assesses me, her expression guarded, but then she forces a sheepish look and backtracks. “Oh, nothing. All I meant was that we’d love your help, but you’ll be busy. Between Maggie’s place and your own.” She gives Ethan the smallest of smiles before bringing her attention back to me. “I need somebody I can count on. It’ll be easier to call a property manager, that’s all.”
Irritation bubbles up from within. “Are you implying that I’m not trustworthy?”
Derrick places his hands on Tessa’s arm in a protective manner and straightens. “No. No, that’s not what she’s saying. We just need somebody who will be around to take care of the place. You know, cut the grass, grab the mail. That sort of stuff. And if you go back to Charleston…”
“I’m not going back,” I say, the words shrill. “My lease is up. Tessa, you know that. You were literally just telling me that I should stay at your place while you’re gone.”
Now it’s her turn to scowl at me. “You’re not going back? For real? What happens if you can’t find the paperwork for Maggie’s house? Then what? Because no, I can’t imagine a world in which you stay here. You’re too, I don’t know, too…”
“Too what?” I angle forward, daring her to continue. She’s tiptoed around this for years. But because I’m good at avoiding and she’s good at people pleasing, neither of us has broached the subject.
She purses her lips and raises her chin. “Seriously. You want to do this now? You want the truth?”
Do I want the truth? No. But it’s dancing around us already. We might as well get it out in the open.
“Tess,” Derrick says, his brows furrowed in concern. The man is clearly trying to steer his wife away from the onslaught of a nuclear meltdown.
She ignores him, keeping her focus fixed on me.
“Yes,” I say. “I want the truth.”
“Okay,” she huffs, dropping her elbows to the table. “The truth is that you’re a self-absorbed bitch. You don’t care about anyone but yourself. For years, I’ve listened to you rant and rave about all these stupid wedding cancellations, but when was the last time you actually asked me about my job?” Her eyes are wide and full of hurt. “Have you ever asked yourself why a tax accountant would be transferred to another country? And what about Mom and Maggie?”
My stomach bottoms out at that question.
“Heaven forbid you ever forgive Mom or visit Maggie. You live alone and avoid your feelings. You don’t let anyone get close to you because you’re afraid of rejection. You’re literally letting your entire life slip away.”
My heart beats thunderously in my chest as her words slam into me. A bitch? Sure. I’ve been called far worse by my readers in reference to me breaking hearts with my work. And of course there are comments about my inability to seek out meaningful relationships. So her saying I have a fear of rejection? That’s old news. My therapist told me that years ago.
It’s the self-absorbed part that cuts deep.
Face hot with anger, I grit my teeth. “How dare you bring up Mom and Maggie. I’m sorry I don’t smell roses when I roll out of bed, but I do my best to put a smile on my face under the circumstances.”
I want to say more, but that’s exactly what Tessa’s hoping for. She wants me to fight back. To scream and yell and cry. To prove I’m human and not heartless. But I don’t. I detach like I always do. And then I leave.
I’m barely a block down the road when Ethan catches up to me. He doesn’t try to stop me. He doesn’t even ask where I’m going. He simply falls into step and follows me to Main Street, where the trolley picks us up and takes us to Hope Island Beach.
“You didn’t have to follow me out here,” I finally say when my feet hit the sand. “I’m not the kind of girl who wants to be chased.”
Ethan doesn’t reply right away. Instead, he bends down and removes his shoes. “I wasn’t chasing. It just so happens I was heading to the beach too. Figured you could keep me company.” Holding his shoes in one hand, he holds the other out and nods to mine.
I roll my eyes, but I don’t have the energy to argue, so I hand over my shoes, and together, we make our way down to the shoreline. The beach is relatively quiet. Tourists have gone home for the summer, and any left-over weekend goers are probably packing up, getting ready to leave themselves.
The few people still here are likely locals who aren’t afraid of a cool breeze or the rain that looks to be headed in our direction.
“Do you think it’ll bypass us?” I ask.
From a distance, the heavy clouds look like they’re moving north, but along the coastline, anything is possible.
“Moving at such a slow rate like that? I think there’s a solid 1 percent chance it misses us,” he says, his tone light.
I smile inwardly as I continue walking. When I make contact with the frothy bubbles at the water’s edge, I stop and let my feet sink into the sand. Ethan, however, continues moving and doesn’t stop until the water is up to mid-shin.
He keeps his back to me and tilts his head, taking in the clouds. I can’t help but survey him and track the way he shifts his weight every time the tide rolls in.
I came out here to get away from my sister. To avoid my feelings in the exact way she accused me of. She’s right. It’s what I’ve done for as long as I can remember. When I get overwhelmed, whether with the desire to cry or yell, I walk away and tamp down my feelings until the emotions pass.
I take a deep breath, relishing the way the salty air infiltrates my senses. This is my favorite place to be when I’m upset. I love the vastness of the sea. The open space. Knowing my problems are mere drops in the ocean. It centers me. Provides a sense of calm and peace.
Just as my shoulders loosen, a gust of wind whips through, tangling my hair in front of me. I blink a few times, letting it flutter against my face. When I open my eyes again, Ethan is staring straight at me.
“Want to walk?” he says, nodding down the shoreline.
With a small smile, I turn and meander down the beach. As I go, I mull over how best to apologize to Ethan for dragging him into all of this. The least I can do is say I’m sorry.
“Listen,” I begin, testing out my voice. It cracks a little, so I clear my throat before continuing. “Helping me out like this has to be weird for you, but I appreciate it. And I’m sorry about what happened back there with Tessa.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he says in a low, gravelly voice. “You offered to help your sister, and she blindsided you. I get it.”
“But we were supposed to break up , and now…”
“Kinz.” He stops and grabs my arm. “I said you have nothing to be sorry for. Shit happens. So what? We pretend for a few more days, and then they leave. I think we can manage. I’ll be at work most of the time anyway. But when my shift ends, I’ll pop over, take you out, and show them how happy we are. It’s not a big deal.”
My chest tightens, and my eyes suddenly burn.
No. I will not start crying. I will absolutely not let my traitorous eyes betray me.
Why does he have to be so nice to me? Why couldn’t he have come back from the Marines fat and bald and mean? It would have been easier to be angry at a hairless asshole.
Oh my God. A hairless asshole.
My brain fixates on the image, and I bark out a laugh. And then the tears spill out.
Frowning, Ethan studies me, probably thinking I’ve lost my mind. And maybe I have.
I laugh louder, and just as I’m about to say I’m sorry again, he drops our shoes and pulls me into his arms, holding me tightly against his chest.
I immediately melt into him and do what I haven’t done in years. I close my eyes and sob.