5. Connor
Chapter 5
Connor
A low, persistent buzz emanates from the server room adjacent to me. It’s the only thing being able to soothe me, despite...
Her.
I sit motionless, eyes locked on the screen, where Chris and Mary’s chat lies open. The only source of light in my room.
This had gone on for far too long, and I was reckless. I should have interjected sooner, but she was happy, and that made me happy. Even if he wasn’t me. Connor.
My fingers hover above the keyboard, tempted to type out a message, but stop short. What would I even say? How could I reveal myself to her now, after what I did?
You can’t do that. Not now, not ever.
I hadn’t planned to take his place, to pretend to be the man she thought she loved. But when she showed up, I only had one thought. One night. I had to know what it would be like to be the one she wanted. To be close to her. To have her squirm beneath me with need.
And God, it’s everything I ever wanted. Being with her, even for a moment, made me feel whole in a way I never had before.
The sight of Mary in that dress, her wavy brown hair, and those blue eyes that see right through me. It’s been a month, but I remember it all like it was seconds ago. The taste of her lips, the softness of her skin, the way she responded to my touch, and the way she let go. How she wrapped her perfect lips eagerly around my cock. The soft gasps that escaped her as I licked her. The way she trembled beneath me and how wet she was.
For me. Not for Chris. For me.
She gave herself to me.
Yet, she screamed his name…
And it’s my own fault. I allowed her to believe she had been with Chris, only to disappear like a coward.
I slam my fist down on the table.
It’s better this way. She should hate him. Me.
What’s worse, I took something precious she had saved for him. I hesitated, but one look at her made me snap. Once, in a chat with her best friends, she wrote she wanted her first time to be quick, like ripping off a bandage.
She was so tight, there was no mistaken, and after we were done, I cleaned the smear of blood from her thighs. Proof that she, indeed, still was a virgin.
I’m sorry, Blue. I had to take his place. Make him disappear .
My hands curl into fists. She’s too good for this world. Too good for that bastard, Chris. And too good for me.
Elijah’s name flashes on the screen and I tap the ‘Accept’-Button.
“What’s up?” I rub my temples.
“Always so pleasant, cuz, aren’t you?”
“Didn’t know I was talking to Bran.”
“Saying hi is common courtesy. Anyway, we need to talk.” Elijah’s tone gets serious.
“What is it?”
“As if you don’t know.”
“I don’t.”
“Richard Wempton contacted me.”
It worked.
“What about him?” I ask.
“He asked for a favor, and he wants you to help him.”
“Me? Why?”
“Apparently, your reputation precedes you. Wempton had an incident. He wants to increase the security of his company, and he asked me to get you on the job.”
“I’m not interested.”
Elijah laughs. “Don’t play dumb, cuz. I know it was you who hacked into the system. How’s your little obsession?”
Fuck. Of course, he knows. I shouldn’t have taken him with me.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say.
“This is an opportunity. ”
“For what?”
“To get what you want.” There’s a pause, and I can practically hear the grin in his voice. “Unless you’d rather stay holed up in that sad excuse for a living space, pining over a girl who doesn’t even know you exist.”
The words hit me like a punch to the gut. He’s right, of course. As usual.
“Fuck you, Eli.” The insult lacks any real venom.
“I know you care about her. But do you really think avoiding her will make things better? Take this job. Show her family what you’re capable of.”
“Yeah.” I scoff. “They wouldn’t want someone like me anywhere near their precious daughter.”
“You should let them decide that. Besides, you won’t get another favor from me unless you give me more about Gemma.”
“Like you said, she doesn’t even know I exist.”
“This is your chance. In a normal way, this time.”
Getting close to Mary is all I’ve wanted since the moment I first saw her.
“You’re asking me to fix the very thing I broke in the first place. You know how risky that is?”
“I’m not asking. I’m telling you.” Elijah’s voice takes on that commanding tone he uses when he’s done playing games. “You’re gonna do this job for Wempton, and you’re gonna do it well. And in return, I’ll keep my mouth shut about your extracurricular activities. Wouldn’t want word getting out about your little obsession. ”
“Fine.” The words come out through gritted teeth. “But I’m doing this my way.”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way, cuz.” He ends the call.
I miss her. She’s the only thing that matters.
But Mary can never know the truth. About Chris, about that night... about me. It would break her.
I open the camera feed to the Wempton building.
It’s the only way to temper my need for her, a twisted way to feel close to her when I can’t be there in person. Watching her through the cameras allows me to admire her beauty, cataloging every gesture and expression. How her brow furrows slightly when she’s deep in thought, tapping her chin with a pen. The way she tosses her hair over one shoulder when frustrated or her radiant smile whenever she lifts her eyes from her work as if remembering something beautiful.
No one else sees these moments. They belong only to me. I soak them in like a man dying of thirst. But it will never be enough to quench my longing. I could watch her forever and still need more. Crave more.
It only takes a moment to find her. She’s in her office, hunched over her desk, hair in a bun with two loose strands.
My throat tightens as I zoom in, taking in her delicate features, the furrow between her brows. She’s working too hard, as always. Never cutting herself some slack.
Mary stands up from her desk, grabbing her cup, and heading to the break room, her hips swaying with each step. I force my eyes away from the screen. But my gaze keeps drifting back to her as if by its own will.
Elijah’s message arrives, containing all the contact information I need, along with a report. I review the details of Wempton’s business and cross-reference it with everything I’ve gathered over the years. It’s a strange feeling, being this close to her life without her knowing.
The first time we met was in college. Mary, with her infectious laughter and heartwarming smile, drew people to her like moths to a flame. I was no exception. But even then, I knew I had to keep my distance. She has no idea how closely I watch her or the lengths I go to protect her, even hacking her phone to ensure her safety.
She’s back at her desk. What would she do if she knew?
But more than that, what if she doesn’t want someone like me? Looking back at who Mary dated up until this point, it becomes painfully clear that she prefers polished, charming men. She always complains about it, yet she still entertains them. The complete opposite of a brooding hacker like me.
Is she thinking of me? I want to believe she does, believe that I’m not alone in this, but I know it’s foolish. She has no idea who I am. If she knew the truth, she would run as fast as she could in the other direction.
Why did I have to take his place? Why did I have to ruin everything?
I was perfectly fine, just watching her. Ever since that party, I crave more of her. All of her. Watching isn’t enough anymore .
And yes, Elijah was right. I left that clue. I never do. But my mind doesn’t work right when it comes to her.
What would have happened if I hadn’t gone to get that coffee that day? Tell me, Blue, would I still be so obsessed with you?
A ping startles me. Glancing at my other screen, I see a new message from Mary, her words standing out against the dark screen.
Every message she wrote Chris after the party is unanswered.
Mary: Why did you leave without saying goodbye?
Mary: I thought we had something.
Mary: Is that number even active anymore?
Mary: Was it all just a joke?
Mary: What’s wrong?
Mary: Are you okay?
And the latest.
Mary: Why aren’t you answering?
Mary: At least let me know you’re okay.
The desperation in her messages tugs at my heartstrings, and I hate that she’s so hung up on this fantasy of Chris.
I’m sorry.
‘Chris’ hasn’t answered her since the party, but it’s not because he doesn’t want to. It’s because I don’t want him to. It’s time she forgets him.
I watch as she leans back in her chair, stretching her arms above her head with a tired sigh. As if sensing my presence, Mary scans around the room, her eyes searching for something or someone.
I know it was wrong, know I should have stayed away. The thing is, I’m willing to burn for a single taste of the light she brings to my dark world.
And that makes me as much of a monster as the men I want her to forget.
I’ll check the rest later.
I need her. Time to give Mary a reminder of who really made her tremble with need that night.