5. Leap of Faith
“You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.” – Paulo Coelho
After meetingthe legendary Ben and going through the required training, as well as signing a holographic legal form (almost signing my surname as Crawford instead of McSnelly), Ryan completed his bungy jump first. I didn’t know whether watching him would make me feel better or worse, so I half watched through fingers covering my face. He came up to me afterwards all hyper and bouncy, like he’d had ten cups of coffee in one hit and reassured me I’d be fine.
By the time they’d attached me to the rope via the padded ankle harness, I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Well, the second. The first would have been letting my body get to this visibly aged state. I looked longingly at the direction from which I’d come, wanting desperately to go back down and huddle under a blanket in the car. But Ryan was there, urging me on.
“You can do it, Mum! Just think how great you’ll feel afterwards.”
Right. Yes. Afterwards. It’ll all be over soon. Breathe, Kelli.
“Now, just do a little bunny-hop over to the edge, like we practised, Kelli,” Ben said, his hand on the small of my back.
Easier said than done. I couldn’t find the strength to hop, the bones and muscles in my legs seemed to have disappeared. Using all the effort I could muster, I bunny-shuffled instead, the long distance between me and the water below becoming frighteningly more apparent.
Twenty-five. Twenty-five. Won’t be long now and I’ll be back home. Yes, back home.I fixed my mind on the desired outcome, rather than the heavy metal concert going off in my chest cavity. My toes met the edge and it was time.
“Take a deep breath, Kelli,” Ben instructed. “And then allow yourself to simply fall forward.”
I didn’t know whether to cry or vomit, or both. I imagined my half-digested yolkless eggs going on a bungy jump of their own, only without the cord, landing in the water below with a big splosh. That made me want to vomit even more. I looked back at Ryan one last time, and his enthusiastic expression combined with his ridiculous hairstyle only reinforced the fact that I didn’t belong here. Didn’t belong in the McSnelly family. I needed to get back to my young, carefree, childless life. With Grant. I couldn’t wait for him to wrap his arms around me again and get down on one knee to…
“Arghh!”
I lost my balance before I was ready, my arms circling frantically around in an attempt to stay on the ledge. But to no avail. My scream followed me down before, all of a sudden, the air inside my lungs whooshed out like someone had stuck a vacuum cleaner nozzle in my mouth.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t scream anymore. I was surely about to die. Something yanked at my ankles and my body flung upwards. Oh thank God, it must be over…
“Arghh!”
Here we go again. Whatever breath was left was sucked out again, along with what felt like all my insides. Yank. My ankles jerked again and my body went upwards. And back down again. I could feel my eardrums vibrating! Up… and back down again. Oh my God, it’s never going to end! Up, down, up, down. Bounce, bounce, bounce. The eggs in my stomach were surely scrambled by now.
The dark water below swam into focus as the bouncing subsided and I hung there, desperate for something to hold on to. Now what? Were they just going to let me hang? Help! And then the best thing I’d seen all day caught my eye. A boat, yippee! I thought I’d died and was in heaven, but the putrid stench of body odour assured me it wasn’t.
“There you go, sweetie. Wasn’t so bad, was it?” Smelly man said as he pulled me into the boat.
I couldn’t speak. I just lay there, limbs shaking. Wait. He called me sweetie. That’s a name reserved for young women, isn’t it? I must have changed back to… I jerked upright and looked down at my body.
“Arghh!”
My scream lasted longer than my bungy jump. Nothing had changed. I was still fifty-year-old Kelli Jelly Belly McSnelly. Or McSmelly, thanks to my deodorant-phobic rescuer, whose primal scent had rubbed off on my clothes.
All that for nothing? Talk about ripped off! When I got out of the boat and stepped onto the delicious stability of land, Ben and Ryan waved at me. Ryan gave me a thumbs up and climbed down the steps.
“You did it, Mum, you did it! That was freaking awesome!” Ryan ran over to me and threw his arms around my quivering body. I suddenly forgot my disappointment at remaining fifty and realised what I’d just done.
“I bungy jumped, can you believe it? I went bungy jumping! I jumped off the ledge and fell for miles… and hung upside down and bounced and bounced and bounced… and all the air went out of me… and I felt like I almost died but at the same time I felt so alive and… oh my God I can’t believe I did it!”
“Whoa, slow down! There’s a lot of adrenalin coursing through your body right now, take a breath.” Ryan laughed. “But yes, you did it!”
My teeth chattered inside my dry mouth and I kept looking up at the huge structure and over to the water, back and forth, taking in the length I’d travelled. “I bungy jumped, I just bungy jumped,” was all I could say, while my body vibrated like a jitterbug. No wonder Ryan had seemed like he’d had ten cups of coffee. I felt like I’d had fifteen, combined with a can of Red Bull, ten teaspoons of sugar and a truckload of red food colouring.
Not knowing what to do, say, or think, Ryan gave me my coral-coloured outfit to change back into and afterwards, led me back to the car. “So did you like it, do you reckon you’ll do it again one day?”
“Me, um… don’t know. Sort of, maybe, I don’t know if I liked it. I mean at first it was horrific and then it was a relief… and now I feel all weird and jumpy and have heaps of energy.” The words were bungy jumping themselves out of my mouth before I could process what I was saying.
“How about next year we go skydiving?” Ryan asked with a glint of anticipation in his eye.
“Next year? Let’s just get through this day first!” I told him.
The passenger door of the car rolled up and over the roof and I slid inside, my skin still buzzing from the experience. Oh wow. I hadn’t really noticed the details of the car before, as I’d been so anxious to get to the doctor and then Ryan had blindfolded me on the way to Ben’s Bungy Jumping so as to not spoil the surprise. Not only did the doors roll upwards, like an eyelid opening, but the seatbelt embraced me from behind, sleeve-like arms stretched out in front that I had to feed my arms through, while two clasps locked together in front of my chest and hips. Ryan used his e-pad to start the engine and the car spoke in a strong feminine voice.
“Where would you like to go, Ryan?”
Holy crap. How did I not notice that before? My mind must have been so overflowing with fear and confusion that I blocked out everything else around me.
“City Point Shopping Centre,” Ryan told the car.
“Route established. Estimated travel time: twenty-four minutes,” the car spoke again. “Calculating optimal parking spot… stay tuned for directions when your destination approaches…”
My eyes darted all around the car. Holographic GPS map just under the windscreen, a small steering wheel that resembled an Xbox controller and a – what was that? I tugged on what looked like a straw and a smaller straw shot through the middle.
“Oh yeah, good idea. I’d love some coffee,” Ryan said, sipping on the straw on the driver’s side. “Not that I need any more stimulation, but who cares!”
The car had an inbuilt coffee machine? Pure brilliance! I sipped profusely, savouring the caffeine hit. Even though I felt like I’d already had fifteen of them, I was thirsty. And hungry. What was with my appetite? You’d think after the large breakfast I’d eaten I’d be set for the day. Or maybe I did throw up during the bungy jump and didn’t even realise it.
“Go easy on the coffee, Mum. Save some room for your morning tea with Diora.”
“Turn right,” Miss Car said, and Ryan obliged.
“Morning tea? With who?”
“Yeah, I’m dropping you off so you can meet up with Diora.” He glanced at me briefly. “You do remember your firstborn daughter, don’t you?”
I stifled the scream that threatened to escape my lungs, figuring I’d acted like enough of a loony for one day. I had a daughter too? Just how many offspring did I bring into this world? No wonder my stomach was flabby as hell. Two kids. That’ll do it. But still, you’d think I would have had some liposuction somewhere along the way, or a tummy tuck at least.
Wait. Diora. That was the name of my favourite doll I’d had as a young girl. I’d imagined calling my own daughter Diora one day, until I came to my senses and decided I probably wouldn’t want children after all.
“Of course, I just forgot I was meeting her, that’s all,” I said to Ryan. Hopefully he bought it. Didn’t want to freak him out too much in one day by saying: actually, I don’t remember her at all, or you for that matter. You, my son, are a complete stranger as far as I’m concerned.
“I think she has a more passive activity planned for you, it’ll give you a chance to calm your nerves after the bungy jump.”
“Oh, good.” Although, it would take something pretty powerful to calm my nerves right now. “Um, where am I meeting her again?”
“Dunno, she just told me to drop you off at the shopping centre. It’ll be in your birthday itinerary though, just check.”
Um… how?
My confused silence had him glancing towards me with that look. That not again look. “In the calendar, on your e-pad,” he explained with a sigh.
I did the pinching thing and summoned the screen. Calendar, calendar… Aha! Here it was. Happy Birthday, the screen read, followed by a list of activities and their respective time slots. Eleven a.m. – Meet Diora at the south food court of City Point Shopping Centre.
A food court? What kind of daughter takes me to a dodgy food court for my birthday? She mustn’t know me very well at all. And City Point Shopping Centre? That must be new, I’d never heard of it.
Whoa!“What are you doing?” I yelled, grabbing onto the side of the car.
Ryan had leaned back in the driver’s seat, his hands behind his head. “We’re on the freeway, so I’ve switched to auto-drive.”
My eyes darted frantically around the car, my white knuckles bursting through my clenched hands. I expected to crash and burn at any moment, but the car remained on course and other cars remained in their respective lanes.
“So, it just drives itself?”
“Haven’t you ever used the auto… oh of course, right.” He cleared his throat, as though stifling his annoyance at my continual naivety. “Music please,” he said.
A little twinkle sounded. “Album: Primal Prophecy.”
And with that a strange sound emerged, which gradually got louder. Sounding very tinny and metallic, it irritated my ears. And then a sudden explosion of repetitive drums and a screaming singing voice made me jump up and bump my head on the roof of the car. So much for the seatbelt sleeve thingies.
“Ugh! What is that horrible noise? Turn it down. Or off, would be better.” I covered my ears.
“Volume down by five points,” Ryan instructed. The noise reduced. “Sorry, Mum. It was a bit loud. But what did you mean by horrible noise? Is that any way to respond to your own son’s music?”
I tried to swallow a large lump of foot in my mouth, but it wedged in my throat. “That’s your music?” I asked feebly.
He nodded. “It’s my demo album.”
Oops. “Of course, sorry. It was just so loud at first I didn’t recognise it.”
“Music off,” Ryan said. “We don’t have to have it on, you probably need a little peace and quiet before Diora talks your ears off.”
A talkative daughter, huh? I bet she’d be more like me than Ryan was. “So, your demo album… any luck getting signed up yet?” I already knew the answer, but I had to start some sort of normal conversation that didn’t involve me screaming or whining.
“Nope, but it’s only a matter of time. And people are totally loving our gigs, so the word’s getting out.”
“Oh, that’s good then.” I looked more closely at Ryan, this young man who was apparently my son, with his black and pink hair, body jewellery and… oh, there’s a tattoo of a cute little alien face on his arm. Was that what girls liked these days? Ben the bungy guru looked similar, although his hair was a yellow-blond crew-cut with a long wispy fringe.
“So, is there anyone special in your life… son?” Ugh. Too weird.
“Aren’t you the nosy one today?” Ryan smiled and he switched back to normal driving mode as we exited the freeway and drove back into the city. “Possibly, I’m just not sure yet if the feeling’s mutual.”
“Well, have you told this special person how you feel?”
“Not exactly.”
“Then maybe you should. Get it out in the open. Who knows, maybe she’ll feel the same way.”
Ryan took his eyes away from the road briefly to glare at me. “She?”
“You know, this girl you like.”
He gave a high-pitched laugh. “It’s not a she, it’s a he.”
“Huh?”
“I’m still as gay as I’ve always been, Mum.” He laughed again.
My son’s gay? Oh, okay. I just didn’t expect it, that’s all. “Right, um… yes. Well, maybe you should, you know… talk to him. See if he feels the same way?”
“I think he does, but I don’t want to risk breaking up Primal Prophecy if it doesn’t work out.”
“He’s in your band?”
Ryan nodded. “And before you ask, no it’s not Davo, the guitarist. He’s one hundred per cent straight.”
No idea who that was, but anyway. “So who is it? You can tell me, I’m your mum.” Ugh again. Did I just say that? Was I taking advantage of my motherly authority to get the upper hand on all the gossip? Yep.
Ryan hesitated, chewing his lip. “It’s Ben.”
“Do you mean… Bungy Ben?”
“The one and only. Bungy expert, kick-ass drummer and hot as chilli.”
That was a little too much information, but I guess Ben was kind of good-looking, with an impressive physique. What was a mother supposed to say in this situation: ‘Go for it, son. He’s a catch!’?
“I guess if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.” There, that should do it for my daily motherly wisdom.
“True, Mum. True.” He drove in silence for a while and when Miss Car directed us to the best available parking spot (a four-hour spot right near the entrance), Ryan angled the car sideways alongside the other cars and said, “Park left.”
A squishy sound emerged from underneath and the car moved directly sideways into the parking spot. Ryan didn’t have to manoeuvre the car, it literally moved sideways, like the wheels had swivelled around. Cool!
“Only five minutes late,” Ryan said, sliding out of the car and shrugging his shoulders. “Well, I’ll leave you here and that way you can drive yourself to the meeting this afternoon.”
I’d forgotten about the meeting. No idea what that would be all about, but with any luck, by then I may have figured out a way to get back to the past.
“Where are you going then?” I asked Ryan.
“Back home. Someone needs to be there to set up for your big party.” He kissed me on the cheek. “Your jump was awesome, Mum. I can’t wait to tell Dad about the look on your face! See ya!” He pressed something on his shoe and rolled off and out of the car park on his wheelie shoes.
I was suddenly alone. A gasp shot out of my mouth when I realised something. I was supposed to meet Diora, my daughter, right now in the food court of this shopping centre, but how would I find her when I had absolutely no idea what she looked like?