7. Facials, Friendships and Fairy Tales
”Youth is a disease from which we all recover.”– Dorothy Fulheim
After changinginto black and gold gowns, the three of us took residence on our respective tables in the group treatment room. Apparently Diora had asked a few weeks ago if I wanted a private room, but I’d suggested we have a group session, so we could chat and catch up. Or more likely, so Diora could chat and Elaine and I could lie there quietly. Although, I got the feeling Elaine could probably give Diora a run for her money.
As I was the birthday girl, I was being treated by The Queen herself, who I found out had the rather unroyal name of Barb and had apparently been doing my waxing for the last ten years.
Elaine’s therapist was Barb’s daughter, Jilly, and Diora was to be given the Pregnant Princess treatment by Karina, a beautiful Asian woman with hair that appeared glued in place and who assured Elaine and I that we too would feel like Princesses after our YouthMagic facials. Hopefully, because the only princess I felt like was Princess Fiona from Shrek. The ogre version.
Elaine released a sigh as Jilly lathered cleanser onto her face and Barb did the same to mine. “That feels so good,” Elaine moaned.
“Our YouthMagic cleanser has a proprietary skin-relaxing ingredient, which opens up the pores for deep penetration of the cleansing nano-particles,” Jilly explained.
The creamy yet textured sloshing around my face sure felt great, but I hoped they would ensure my pores were closed on leaving the salon. Enlarged pores were unforgiving in certain light conditions, although they kept photographic airbrush artists in business.
Jilly continued her well-rehearsed script about the powers of Egyptian crushed micro-sand and then her tone lightened. “You know, one of my regular clients calls this the Better Than Sex facial.”
“Jilly!” Barb scolded and I held back a laugh for fear of drowning in microscopic Egyptian sand if I opened my mouth.
Elaine had no such fear. “Honey, I’d be happy with a facial even half as good. I’ve practically been living like a nun since my divorce three years ago,” she said. “Well, minus all the praying. Unless you count holy crap, bloody hell and dear God, why me?”
Okay, now I couldn’t hold back the laugh. It burst out of me, splatters of cleanser spraying across the room. And then I snorted, inhaling a clump of cleanser and having to sit up quickly to cough it out.
“Sorry, Barb, maybe we should have booked private rooms after all,” Diora said.
“Not to worry, love,” she replied, wiping cleanser from the table, opposite wall and my gown.
“Must not laugh during facial,” Karina intruded. “Skin must relax. Laughter not good.”
“Sorry,” Elaine and I mumbled in unison, and I sunk back into position, feeling like a naughty schoolgirl.
As Barb exfoliated the inner walls of my pores, I wondered who this woman – this apparent best friend of mine lying on the bed next to me – was. What happened to Selena? I mean, I know what happened to her, but who was Elaine? How did we become friends? She couldn’t have been a model. No offence, but she didn’t have the bone structure for it. And divorced too… the poor woman.
Elaine moaned some more and Jilly said, “See, my client was right, wasn’t she?” Barb shushed her daughter again.
“I can’t remember the last time I felt this good,” Elaine slurred. “Actually, I think it was when my youngest finally began sleeping through the night. After three kids I knew I was done with babies and that blessed morning I woke after eight hours straight, I thought I’d died and gone to Heaven.”
“So in your case it could be called the Better Than Sleep facial,” Jilly suggested.
“Now that, my friend, would get you a truckload of business from all the sleep-deprived mothers out there.”
“Speaking of sleep-deprived,” Barb said. “Looks like someone hasn’t been getting their forty winks lately.”
An earthy snore sounded from one of the beds. Diora was fast asleep! So much for being the life of the facial party.
“And the baby’s not even born yet,” Elaine commented. “She won’t know what’s hit her, ain’t that right, Kel? Remember what it was like when the kids were young?”
I’d only ever been sleep deprived through choice. Late night parties and early morning photo shoots – it wasn’t that bad. You’d just make up for it later. No big deal.
“It was so long ago, I don’t really remember,” I said.
“The sleep deprivation must have fried your memory! You had a terrible time with Ryan. You said it was the reason you never had any more children after him. Turned you off for good.”
Hmm, his overactive adrenalin must have started young then. Probably bungy jumped down the birth canal. “I guess I just shut out the trauma of it all.” I faked a sniff. “Anyway, I’m sure Diora will cope fine, she’s a strong woman.”
I barely knew Diora but somehow I knew that to be true and not only because I’d overheard her giving attitude to the baby store representative, but because I could sense it. She exuded confidence, commanded respect and most likely got her way quite a lot. I smiled to myself as an unfamiliar sense of pride appeared.
More snores sounded from Diora’s gaping mouth, despite Karina continuing her treatment. It must have been catching, because I yawned a big stretchy yawn and my mouth didn’t seem to go back where it was supposed to. My skin elasticity, or lack thereof, really sucked.
Beep!
“Oh, Kelli, you really should mute your e-pad while you’re in here,” Elaine scolded.
“Yes, yes, sorry. In a sec.” Not that I knew how to do that. I lifted my wrist to look at my e-pad. It was a message from William:
Ryan said the bungy jump went well. I’m so proud of you!
I replied with a quick thanks, then pretended to mute the e-pad.
Beep!
Crap.
Speaking of bungy jumping, it’s given me some creative ideas for the bedroom *wink-wink* Looking fwd to trying them out tonight ;) ~ W
Double crap. Stunned, horrified and trapped in several other awkward states of emotion, I flung my arm back down, ignoring the message.
Beep!
“Kelli!”
“Sorry!” I squinted at the e-pad:
Did you get my message just now? I said I’m looking fwd to trying out my bungy-inspired-bedroom-ideas tonight, after the guests have gone. xx
Arghh! He didn’t have to say it again! My finger shook as I typed a reply:
Yes, got your message loud clear. Sorry, can’t chat, having facial right now. ~ K
Beep!
Of course, sorry sweets. Talk later. Mwah! ~ W
Geez, he even tried to kiss me through text message.
I placed my arm back down, hoping no one else would send a message. Then I wondered why my dad hadn’t sent a happy birthday message yet. Oh well, it was still early.
Warmth spread across my face. “Time for the special YouthMagic regenerating mask,” Barb said. “This will penetrate deep to target wrinkles at their core and work with the skin’s own healing system to encourage collagen formation. In other words; reducing fine lines and adding firmness and radiance.”
“Do you think you could put that on my whole body?” I asked.
Barb laughed. “We do have a YouthMagic body wrap, but that will have to be for another day,” she said.
It didn’t matter, I swore I could feel myself getting younger with each stroke of her hands, like she wiped away the old and revealed the young me. Warm blood circulated through my skin, as though I was lying on a Caribbean island, soaking up the sun. Whatever was in this mask must be doing the trick. In fact, it seemed to be spreading throughout my whole body. My gown suddenly seemed too hot, like I’d been lying in the sun a bit too long. Maybe that was how this mask worked, giving the skin a rush of heat to eliminate the evidence of age. Only now I felt like I was lying in the sun and someone had rubbed chilli on my face and then put me into an oven.
My heart raced and I squirmed on the bed. “What’s in this stuff? I’m on fire!”
“Kelli, are you all right?” Barb removed her hands from my face and I sat upright, fanning my face with my hands, but they too were hot.
“What’s happening to me?” My breathing quickened and Elaine sat up too. Diora stirred slightly then released another snore. “Arghh! I need water, or a fan, or ice – something cold, quick!” I stood and turned this way and that while Barb urged me to sit down and take a deep breath.
I didn’t listen, but went to the sink and splashed water on my face, undoing Barb’s handiwork. I continued until all the mask was off, my face a dripping mess, but still burning.
“Kel, calm down. You’re probably just having a hot flush,” Elaine said stiffly through a masked face, trying not to move her mouth.
“A what?” I kept fanning my face and Barb handed me a glass of water which I sculled instantly.
“Hot flush. You’ve been having them for a while now, since you started going through menopause.”
Oh no, it couldn’t be true. I was fifty, a mother, a grandmother-to-be and menopausal. I must have been a criminal in a past life to deserve this. Why, oh why was this happening?
“Breathe slowly, Kelli, in and out,” Barb instructed, as she massaged something cool onto my temples and then onto my wrists.
“Don’t worry,” Elaine said. “They’ll gradually reduce in frequency and severity. Mine only lasted a couple of years and then went away, about the same time as Peter left me. Funny that.”
That’s it. If I could wish for anything right now, I’d wish to be a man. They have it so easy, they don’t even realise how good they’ve got it. Bastards.I slowed my breathing and drank another glass of water, and gradually the heat dissipated, relief flooding my body.
“Feeling better?” Barb asked.
“Much,” I replied. “Are you sure it wasn’t one of the ingredients in that mask?”
Barb shook her head. “If anything, the mask should have a slight cooling effect. I’d say it was definitely a hot flush, I’ve had them too, I’d recognise one anywhere. Why don’t you lie down and we’ll start again?”
“Well, if you’re sure the product won’t cause it to happen again, then all right.” I wasn’t about to lose my chance of becoming the real me again.
I shifted position to lie down again and Diora woke up. “Did I fall asleep?”
Everyone nodded.
“What’d I miss?”
“Oh, nothing much. Just another day at the office,” Jilly said with a grin.
Diora settled back down and closed her eyes again, all of us silent as the facials continued. Drowsiness followed and for a moment I thought I’d even fallen asleep, but couldn’t be sure. My mind drifted, thoughts and memories floated around, and I relaxed for the first time today. When Barb announced softly that it was time to get up and she would meet me in the next room for hair and make-up, I felt like telling her to get stuffed. I could lay here forever. And then I remembered.
Take Ten Years Off. Proven to work. I opened my eyes and stood. Elaine, Diora and the therapists were nowhere in sight. With haste I walked to the mirror above the sink and prepared to see my youthful glow again. My smile sunk into a frown as the same old Kelli McSnelly stared back. I was somewhat softer around the eyes, my skin moistened with a dewy glow, but there was no denying my age. It hadn’t worked.
My frown lifted for a moment when I realised I still had my hair and make-up session to go and maybe that would be the final trigger that would shoot me backwards in time. Yes, I just had to stay positive. The facial was the primer and the make-up would do the rest. It had to. It bloody had to or I would consider jumping off that bungy tower without the rope this time.
I removed my gown, revealing my coral-coloured outfit, then, raising my chin I pushed open the door into the adjoining room to find Elaine showing Jilly photos of hairstyles on her e-pad and Diora sinking her feet into a footbath.
“We thought you’d never emerge,” Barb said. “C’mon, it’s time for your hair to get some attention.”
I sat in a chair and Barb fluffed my hair about with her fingers. “I take it you’ve already washed it today, so I’ll just style it. I hear you’ve got a business meeting soon. I’ll make it professional yet feminine, classy yet sexy.”
“What are you wearing tonight, Kel?” asked Elaine.
I almost said, ‘the red shimmery dress I bought last week’, but then realised that would have been twenty-five years ago and I’d bought that dress to wear to my twenty-fifth birthday party. Tonight was my fiftieth and with any luck I wouldn’t be around to have to decide what to wear. “It’s a surprise,” I said. “What about you?” Might as well humour her.
“Oh, you won’t believe what I picked up, I can’t wait for you to see it,” she replied.
The poor woman would have to wait because I wasn’t going to see it.
“How many guests are you having?” Jilly asked.
Oh, she was looking at me. “Um…” Diora, help me out here.
“I think around forty people are coming,” Diora revealed.
Thanks, Diora. Talk about mother-daughter mind reading. And forty people, huh? So that’s how many friends I had in this life. Not bad. I wondered who they could be and if I would recognise them. But I wouldn’t have to wonder, because tonight I’d be seeing my closest friends for a classy dinner, followed by Grant’s proposal. I had to keep that in the forefront of my mind. The image of him on one knee (he was used to that, being a photographer and having to get into weird positions to get the right shot), popping open a velvet case and dazzling me with a shiny ring that could be seen from the moon.
“What are you thinking about?” Elaine asked. “You’re smiling like you’ve just, you know…”
‘Huh?” I snapped myself out of my visualisation. “Oh, I was just thinking about the man I love.”
“Aww, how sweet. Will is so lucky to have such a caring wife.”
“What makes you think I’m talking about William?” I snapped.
“Mum!” Diora shot me a fierce questioning look.
Oops. William was her father and I couldn’t upset a pregnant woman. “Just kidding!” Not. “Of course I’m thinking of your father. He’s so… nice,” was all I could think of to say.
“He’s better than nice. That man’s been an absolute winner of a husband in my opinion,” Elaine said. “I wish I’d married him instead of Peter. Sorry, Diora.” She laughed.
She could have him as far as I was concerned. The only man I wanted was Grant. Barb combed some gooey product into my hair.
“Oh well, there’s no turning back time,” Elaine mused. “Peter gave me three beautiful children and we did have a good marriage mostly. We just… grew resentful, I guess.” Jilly slid a straightening iron over Elaine’s hair, forcing her curls into submission. “If I hadn’t given up my dreams for him so he could have his career, maybe things would have been different, who knows?”
“It’s not too late to follow your dreams now, Elaine,” said Barb.
“I’m fifty-three, love. My boat sailed out years ago.”
“I’m fifty-six. And I think you can always catch another boat,” Barb said, tipping my head forward and attaching a clip to the top portion of my grey-black head of hair.
“Hear, hear,” Diora agreed. “Most women live to one hundred these days and men to about ninety-two, so there’s plenty of years left in you yet,” she reassured Elaine, while Karina rubbed something into Diora’s feet. She’d opted for a pedicure instead of a hairstyle, since she apparently hadn’t been able to reach her feet for the last two months and they’d been unacceptably devoid of coloured polish for far too long.
I almost told them about my plans for an international modelling career, but bit my tongue. That boat sailed out twenty-five years ago, but as soon as I could get back, I’d be on it, steering that boat to the future I wanted and no way in hell would I let any icebergs get in my way.
“There, what do you think?” Barb asked when she’d finished my hair.
My lifeless strands had been converted into a voluminous mass of windswept hair, brushed back from my face like I had a permanent high speed fan in front of me. It was an improvement and obviously the latest trend as I’d seen other women with a similar hairdo, but not what I’d choose for myself. Anyway, bring on the make-up.
I asked Barb to turn my chair around from the mirror so I could be surprised when she finished. If this worked, I’d be looking back at the real me in the mirror and Diora and Elaine would either not be there or would simply be strangers who’d come into the salon for a makeover like me.
I closed my eyes as Barb brushed the soft eye-shadow coated bristles of a make-up brush across my lids and then expertly slid an eye pencil across the junction between my eyelids and eyelashes. She applied some sort of gel to my cheeks and they tingled. I couldn’t see what she was doing, but I swear I could feel my cheeks lifting and the crow’s feet around my eyes walking away.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Barb stated.
“Sure am,” I replied. I was in my element. I was no stranger to having strangers create art with my face and I breathed a sigh of contentment.
After cooling my lips with a coat of moist lipstick, Barb had me close my eyes and she sprayed my face with a cool, refreshing mist. This had to be it. It was happening. I could feel it. The droplets of mist tingled like snowflakes on my face and I imagined them to be tiny fairies casting a spell of youth on my skin.
Finally, Barb spun my chair around to face the mirror. My youthful reflection smiled back, but then I realised my eyes were still closed, so I opened them. Oh my God. I couldn’t believe it. A swirl of helplessness spiralled from within and a splutter escaped my throat. Then another… and another, until I was sobbing uncontrollably.
“Kelli, Kelli, what’s wrong? Aren’t you happy with the result?” Barb gripped my shoulders. Elaine came over and placed an arm around my back. Even Diora manoeuvred herself up from the chair and waddled urgently towards me.
“I’m… it’s… why?” Words jammed in my throat and I longed to tell them, to scream from the top of my lungs that I was really twenty-five and didn’t belong here. But I couldn’t. They would send me to a facility for sure. That would be worse, because they’d make me wear an awful hospital gown with an exposed back, or a pair of orange overalls or something else hideous and if I kept insisting I was Kelli Crawford and had travelled a quarter of a century into the future, they might even call in an exorcist.
No. No matter what I did, I was stuck in this warped fairy tale and no Prince Charming would be coming to rescue me. I had to pretend. I had to come up with something, some reason for my outburst. Besides, Diora had given me this as a birthday present and I couldn’t bear to upset her. If I did she might start having more of those Braxton thingies and she might have the baby in the footbath!
I forced air into my lungs and steadied my stomach muscles, resisting the involuntary pulsing that had overtaken me a moment ago.
“Mum?”
“Kel?”
“Kelli?”
They all looked at me with genuine worry on their faces.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that, lately I’ve been feeling like my life has been passing me by. It’s all happened too fast and I can’t believe I’m actually fifty.” Well, that was no lie.
“But I thought you’d feel great after having your hair and make-up done,” Elaine questioned.
I glanced at myself in the mirror, my expertly coiffed hair exposing my painted face, with coral-coloured cheeks to match my outfit and coral-coloured eyeliner under… my eyebrows? Since when do make-up artists draw a bright coloured line under your eyebrows? Not only that, my lips were coral too – with a sharp gold outline. What the hell? I shook my head and almost laughed at the result.
The women around me still looked concerned and I had to reassure them. “When I turned around just now and saw my face, I cried because… well, because you did such a great job, Barb and… I wish I could look like this all the time.” Ouch. That was hard to say.
Barb visibly softened and a hand flew to her chest in apparent relief. Elaine stepped back and smiled. Diora rubbed my back.
“Oh, Mum. You always look great and today you’ll just look extra special.”
Extra special indeed. If Selena could see me now, she’d laugh till she ran out of air and as for Grant, he’d… well, hopefully he’d stand by me and say it didn’t matter what I looked like. Although, something inside told me it did matter to him.
“You’re going to knock everyone’s socks off at the party tonight, Mum. You don’t even look fifty! I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the guests bought fortieth birthday cards by mistake.”
I must have taught my daughter the art of lying well.
“It’s going to be a great night and just you wait till you see the birthday cake Dad’s organised for you. It’s gorgeous! You can look forward to that and to blowing out the candles, and making a wish,” she said.
A wish, birthday cake… that’s it! How silly was I to think that bungy jumping or a facial could turn back the clock. The idea seemed ludicrous now. But making a wish on one’s birthday cake? That’s what happens in the movies – they make a wish and something magical happens. And in my case, well, I knew exactly what I’d be wishing for.
All the helplessness spiralled back down into oblivion and I knew the cake had to be it. I just had to get through this day as best I could and await the inevitable singing of Happy Birthday, dancing flames from the candles holding the key to my dreams.
I stood. “You’re right. It’s going to be a great night. And a great day. And I cannot wait to see my birthday cake!”
“That’s the spirit!” Diora cried out. “Well, don’t waste this day of yours, Mum. When are you meeting Kasey for lunch?”
I’d forgotten about my sister! Selena may be far away and Grant nowhere in sight, but Kasey must be here somewhere… and she would be forty-seven years old!
“Um, I can’t remember.”
“That’s the damn menopause again,” Elaine said. “Not only do you get to experience four seasons in one day and the surprise of finding random hairs growing from odd places, it kills your memory too.”
Hmmm… this couldn’t be just a severe case of menopausal memory loss, could it? I shook my head. Of course it couldn’t and Dr Vischek would have said something if that was even remotely possible, wouldn’t he?
“Permanently,” Elaine continued. “The hot flushes may be gone from my life but the shoddy memory remains. The only thing I seem to remember these days is my credit card number.”
A knowing laugh emerged from Barb’s mouth. “Well, use it or lose it – so they say.”
Elaine laughed too. “And boy, do I use it!” She held up her e-pad. “Speaking of which, here you go.” She positioned the e-pad near Barb’s payment scanner and Diora approached with hers too. “Put half on my VISA. Diora and I are sharing the cost for today.”
“Thanks, girls,” I said.
“Our pleasure.” Elaine then gestured to my e-pad. “Look in your calendar, Kel, to remind you when to meet Kasey.”
Of course. It seemed one couldn’t live without these e-pads. They stored everything and did everything. I pinched the screen and pressed Calendar on the menu. “In twenty minutes, at City Junction Cafe.”
“Oh, I love that place,” Elaine said. “Peter and I used to go there quite a lot, until… until we didn’t anymore.” She looked sad and then shook herself out of it. “Anyway, enjoy! And order the most expensive meal, no doubt Kasey will be paying.”
I hoped she wasn’t still angry with me. I turned towards the door. And then I realised our fight would have been twenty-five years ago and with any luck we hadn’t had another one recently. As in, recently in the future. The past of the future. The – oh, I’m confused! Anyway, if she hated me she wouldn’t be meeting me for lunch. Ooh, I couldn’t wait to see her!
Beep! A new message from William:
Hope facial was nice. Hey do you know if the hardware store sells some sort of heavy duty rope that’s stretchy? ~ W
Heavy duty stretchy rope? Why would I know anything about that, or hardware stores? He was the man of the house, shouldn’t he know that kind of stuff? Oh wait… he’s not really the practical, outdoorsy, whip-up-a-masterpiece-with-a-hammer-and-nails-and-wood kind of guy.
I typed no idea, sorry then gulped. He couldn’t be serious about the bungy bedroom activities, could he?
Beep!
Don’t worry, I’ll have a look. Just about to go on my lunch break. If not, one of those stretchy exercise bands you have at home might do the trick.
My God, he was serious. I gulped down my gulp and turned to Diora. “Will you be okay getting back to your car?”
She flicked a hand at me. “Of course, Mum, the baby may be slowing me down but it’s not stopping me from getting where I need to go. I just need double the time. Or maybe triple. Go and enjoy your day and I’ll see you tonight.” She gave me a quick hug, followed by Elaine’s.
I walked out the door and turned left.
Elaine poked her head out the door of the salon. “Kel, where are you going? It’s that way.” She pointed right.
“Oh, whoops!” I waved to her and walked in the other direction. I had to find a map or something.
At the top of what seemed to be a cross between an escalator and a lift was a large floating screen with a layout of the shopping centre. I typed in a search for City Junction Cafe and a red flag appeared, followed by a green flag showing me where I currently was, and the route I’d need to take to get to my destination. I imprinted the route into my mind and began walking.
Just before turning a corner that would lead me to the cafe, a store drew my attention. It was one of those new-age shops, with the smell of incense in the air and brightly coloured tie-dyed outfits displayed on a rack at the front, next to a sign that read: Psychic Expo Here Today: Fri-Sun Only! I could see four psychics sitting in makeshift cardboard booths, each with their name written above and a sign saying 15 Minute Psychic Readings - $300.
Three hundred bucks? They had to be kidding! It looked like I wasn’t the only thing inflated in the future. Three hundred dollars was probably equivalent to about fifty dollars back in my time. Back in my time? I was starting to sound like a grandmother.
I glanced at the time on my e-pad. Fifteen minutes exactly till I was to meet Kasey and two of the four psychics were currently available. I wouldn’t normally have considered seeing a psychic – they were probably quacks – but what I was going through right now wasn’t exactly normal, so maybe there was something in this stuff. Maybe they could tell me what was happening to me and why I’d skipped ahead to the future.
Could be a waste of time, or it could help me make sense of everything. It was worth a shot.