Chapter Thirty
Gonzo stopped for flowers on the way home.
He asked the florist for something exceptional, and she’d come through with a huge bouquet that was so fragrant, he’d had to open the car windows so he could breathe.
By the time he reached the landing outside their apartment, the grand gesture felt silly rather than romantic.
As if a bunch of smelly flowers would make up for the shit he’d put her through.
He was on the verge of taking them downstairs to trash them on the street when the door flew open.
“I thought I heard you out here.”
Keeping the flowers behind his back, he said, “How’d you know it was me?”
“I’ve listened for you for more than a year now. I recognize what you sound like coming up the stairs.”
“And I’m supposedly the detective.”
“I’ve got mad skills,” she said with the flirty smile that reminded him of life before disaster struck. “What’re you hiding?”
“Oh. Right.” He unveiled the flowers and held them out to her, feeling like an idiot until he saw her face light up with pleasure.
“Tommy… They’re beautiful! Thank you.”
He followed her to the kitchen where she found a vase and arranged the flowers to her liking.
When she was finished, she turned to find him watching her. “What?”
“Nothing. Just enjoying the view. It’s nice to see you smiling.”
“You make me happy when you bring me flowers for no reason.”
“They’re not for no reason. They’re for a million reasons.
” He went to her, put his hands on her shoulders and gazed down at her gorgeous face.
“They’re because you stayed when it would’ve been easier not to.
They’re because you love my son like he’s your own.
They’re because you love me even when I don’t deserve it. ”
She started to shake her head, but he stopped her with his fingers on her chin.
“Yes, Christina, sometimes I don’t deserve your love, but I’m always so damned thankful to have it.”
Curling her arms around his neck, she went up on tiptoes and kissed him. “Remember the night we met?”
“Of course I do. What about it?”
“I was such a mess that night. John had been killed and my heart was broken into a million pieces. I’d been so crazy about a man who’d never thought of me the way I thought of him.”
“He was the crazy one. Look at what he missed.”
She gazed up at him, a smile curling her lips. “One hour after I met you, I knew everything would be all right. That’s all it took, Tommy. One hour to fix everything that was broken inside me.”
“You give me way too much credit,” he said, humbled by her unwavering love for him.
“And you don’t give yourself enough. When you look back at the last year, all you see is the hard stuff.
You don’t see the wonder, the joy, the magic.
You don’t see everything you’ve given me.
I have a son because of you. I have a life that I never could’ve dreamed of when I was working sixteen hours a day and thinking I had a great life when it was empty and meaningless. ”
Gonzo ran his fingers through her hair and kept his gaze fixed on hers as he kissed her. “The night I met you was the luckiest night of my life.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
“How long has Alex been asleep?”
“About thirty minutes.”
“Mmm,” he said, nuzzling her neck, “that gives us about ninety minutes before he wakes up.”
“We could watch a movie.”
“We could. Or… We could finish what we started yesterday.”
“You’ll have to refresh my memory—”
He picked her up, making her squeal with surprise.
“Sshhh, don’t wake him up. We’ve got stuff to do.
” Gonzo carried her into their bedroom and shut the door.
He put her down next to the bed and tugged her sweater up and over her head, leaving her in a sexy, lacy pink bra that did wondrous things for her breasts.
Bending his head, he nuzzled the plump tops, earning a moan from her.
He reached behind her to unhook the bra and pushed the straps off her shoulders.
She unbuttoned his shirt and flattened her hands on his chest before sliding them down to unbutton his jeans.
Her touch resulted in a predictable and welcome reaction, and he made a conscious effort to stay focused on the here and now, to give her a fraction of what she’d given him by not letting his demons derail him again.
She unzipped him carefully, working around the bulge that got bigger by the second.
And when she dropped to her knees to work his pants and boxers down over his hips, the weeks without her, without this, nearly resulted in a premature finish.
Thankfully, he was able to control himself long enough to experience the sublime pleasure of her tongue on his cock, of the heat of her mouth and the tight grip of her hand.
She effectively cleared his mind of every thought that wasn’t about her and the way she made him feel when she touched him this way.
“God, Chris…” His head fell back and his knees buckled.
“Baby, wait. Let’s do this together.” He reached for her, helped her up and brought his lips down on hers.
He’d missed this so much. He’d missed her.
He’d had no idea how much until right now.
They came down on the bed in a tangle of limbs, desire pounding through him like an extra heartbeat.
“Tommy, I want you. Right now.” She helped him get rid of her yoga pants, and he yanked on the tiny panties that barely covered her. The fragile fabric ripped in his hand, baring her to him.
She took him in hand and guided him to where she wanted him most, to where he wanted to be more than he’d wanted anything in weeks. The sweet relief flooded his system, the powerful punch of emotion nearly reducing him to tears. He’d come so close to losing her, too.
Gonzo gathered her in close to him, holding her tight while he throbbed inside her.
She ran her feet up the back of his thighs and wrapped her legs around his hips.
“Love you, baby. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Tommy. More than anything.”
“It’s going to be better. I promise.”
She buried her fingers in his hair and kissed him again, her mouth opening to the deep thrusts of his tongue.
They moved together in a familiar rhythm, seeking reunion as much as release.
He broke the kiss to take her nipple into his mouth, sucking and biting.
Her internal muscles contracted tightly around his cock and she cried out when she came, fisting his hair and digging her nails into his ass, which triggered his release.
Afterward, he came down on top of her, aware as always of how much bigger than her he was, but unable to move. Not yet. Not when it felt so damned good to be with her this way. He wasn’t ready to let go of the small taste of heaven, to return to the nightmare in progress.
In the gray afternoon light, lying in the arms of the woman he loved, his son asleep across the hall, Gonzo found a small measure of acceptance.
His partner was gone. No amount of wishing or hoping or begging would ever change that simple fact, and nothing he could do would ever bring him back.
For whatever reason he’d been spared, and it would be up to him to live for both of them.
He would never forget the young, earnest, smart, eager, often-annoying, but incredibly sweet man who’d taken a shot that technically should’ve killed Gonzo.
Intellectually, he knew it wasn’t his fault.
He hadn’t pulled the trigger to fire the bullet that killed his partner.
But emotionally… He would always blame himself for putting Arnold in the position that had led to his death, and somehow he had to find a way to live with that.
“What’re you thinking about, Tommy?”
“I’m thinking about acceptance and finding a way to go on that honors my partner rather than disappoints him.”
“You could never disappoint him. He worshiped you.”
“It would disappoint him if I let his death ruin my life, if I quit a job I used to love because he was killed, if I became a drunk or worse. Any of that would disappoint him.”
“You could never be or do any of those things.”
“I don’t know… I was well on my way to all of them before the coffee table shattered and woke me up to what matters.”
“And what’s that?”
He turned them over so she was on top of him and ran his hand down her back. “You, Alex, our family, my squad. The people I love, the people who love me. That’s what matters.”
She lifted her head off his chest to look him in the eye.
“You matter, Tommy. You matter so much to all of us.” Leaning forward, she kissed him softly.
“It’s nice to have you back.” Hands propped on his chest, she sat up and began to move her hips, which was all it took to restart his motor.
“The first time only took fifteen of our ninety minutes. How about we see how much we can get done in our remaining seventy-five minutes?”
The sexy gleam in her eye made him smile even as he realized how close he’d come to losing her. “I’m down for that.”
Sam woke to a dark bedroom and soft lips on her back.
“Shhh,” Nick whispered. “I told Scotty I was coming up to wake you for dinner.” He cupped her ass and squeezed. “Are you recovered enough for a quickie?”
“Mmm, yes please.” Languid and relaxed after a great nap, she floated on a cloud of contentment as he shed his clothes and resumed the sensual massage, his hands and lips coasting over her back and bottom.
“Your skin is like silk, Samantha.”
She squirmed, trying to get closer to him, to find some release from the throbbing pressure between her legs. “You said we had to be quick.”
“We do.”
“Come on then.”